Matt Joyce a sell? Now I will bite my lip and try not to sob. Quiet, gentle sobs that Joyce used to assuage. Joyce and I had something together that no one else can understand. Well, maybe some of you that also own him can understand it, but the rest of you never will. We shared moments that can only be explained by watching an Ecuadorian couple that has been married for 60 years sharing a mango on a park bench. That’s what we had! Picture, if you will, a giant mustache wrapped like a shawl around Matt Joyce’s shoulders. We were that inseparable for about six weeks. I own Joyce all over the place and he’s about the only hitter I have playing over his head. Alas, playing over his head is the problem with Joyce, to DeWitt. His BABIP is absurd; he’s a .270 hitter currently hitting .360. He’s sandwiched between Votto and Miguel Cabrera on ESPN’s Player Rater. That’s crazy. I know I told everyone to grab him back in April, but he’s not this good. Humble brag! He’s never had more than 5 hits vs. lefties in an entire season, he hit .080 last year vs. lefties, i.e., he’s a platoon player. He’s making good contact and swinging at good pitches, but at some point his luck is gonna turn vs. righties and opposing managers are going to throw LOOGY’s at him in later innings. So I wouldn’t sell him for $24 in trinkets, but I would explore options. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Laynce Nix – He’s another platoon (doesn’t face lefties often) player, but he’s also only owned in 22% of ESPN leagues and he’s hit 3 homers in the last week. If someone grabs Nix off waivers before you, call yourself a wambulaynce.
Jon Jay – After hitting .397 in May with 3 homers and 3 steals, he had the best month of his career since he wrote The Federalist Papers.
Nyjer Morgan - SAGNOF!
Jason Bourgeois – I heard through the grapevine that he’s coming back this weekend, and by ‘grapevine,’ I mean I read it on the internet. Thank you, Al Gore!
Tony Campana – While Marlon Byrd plays piano in the cellar for the next 6 weeks, Campana should see time. He can get on base at a decent rate and he has crazy speed. In fact, he just ran into your room, messed your hair and ran back out and you didn’t even know it.
Andres Torres – A fantasy baseball Rorschach test would have an ink blot of Angel Pagan and Andres Torres.
Allen Craig – Hit .350 in May and is the starting 2nd baseman, assuming Pujols doesn’t try and get that eligibility too. Craig’s a 15/8 guy if he plays all year, which is great for a middle infidel not named Asdrubal.
Danny Espinosa – I’m not sure why he’s only owned in 37% of ESPN leagues other than 10,000 ESPN leagues might be owned by one guy who goes by the initial X who just likes to mess with me by picking up and dropping random players. X, “What? I have some free time.”
Josh Willingham – The other white meat is smoking with a side order of hot schmotato.
Brian Matusz – For full disclosure purposes, I wouldn’t pick up Matusz outside of an AL-Only league, and he’d be owned there anyway. I just have a mental block about Orioles pitchers. Don’t worry, I’m in therapy.
Daniel Murphy - It’s absolutely bonkers to me that no other fantasy sites are touting Daniel Murphy. Granted, I don’t read other fantasy sites and Murphy is pretty yawnstipating, but, I mean, c’mon!
Ty Wigginton - Wiggy, Wiggy, Wiggy, can’t you see, sometimes your streaks just hypnotize me. His picture should be next to the definition of hot schmotato (and it would say, “See also Luke Scott”).
Anthony Rizzo – It’s interesting that there’s times that I’ll talk about a player a lot and make myself even more excited for him, and other times when I dull my excitement the more I mention someone. And I should have modified interesting with “to only me.” Rizzo’s starting to bore me and he’s not even in the majors yet. A few badonkadonks though and that can all change.
Ryan Theriot - Know what I really like about Theriot? Yeah, um, well, he does have a pretty cool last name. He also has, um, hmm…Uh… Well, he’s currently hitting and has some speed.
Eric Young Jr. – I kinda want to start another league just so I can redraft and take Young with my first pick. The unabashedly crazy bro-love comes from the fact that Young has 60 steal speed.
Brett Lawrie – Just went over my Lawrie fantasy. I wrote it while doing vodka shots with Karen Allen.
Brent Lillibridge – In the Razzball Glossary section of the forums, someone suggested peg boy replace hot schmotato. I’m not ready to make the change, though, if you wanted your son to grow up to be a peg boy, you’d name him Brent Lillibridge.
Brandon Crawford – I think Crawford is one of those adds that by the time they get on your team they’ve overstayed their welcome.
Aaron Crow – Everyone in the preseason who said Soria’s the best closer in baseball is eating Crow. Wah-wah-wahhhhh…Sad trombone.
Vicente Padilla – Mattingly said Padilla will take the closer job back. Very surprising since he juggled seven different guys to varying degrees of failure in his absence.
Juan Nicasio – High risk, high reward type flyer. Could get you a couple of high-K starts, might give you an ulcer, will probably be bumped from the rotation for Aaron Cook.
Jordan Lyles – Just went over my Jordan Lyles fantasy. I wrote it in 1996, stuck it into a bottle and found it fifteen years later off the coast of Brazil.
Michael Pineda – Out of 11 starts, Pineda’s only had 4 starts vs. teams with a better than .500 record (as of yesterday. (I didn’t feel like figuring out who was over .500 when he faced them. (If you’d like a refund of your no money paid, let me know))). In the 4 starts vs. the .500+ teams, he gave up 12 runs in 24 innings, giving him a 4.50 ERA. In 2009, he missed a lot of the season with an elbow injury so the Mariners would have to be run by Ed Wade’s Toupee to push Pineda deep into September, eliminating his usefulness in H2H playoffs. Now to completely hedge, I’m a fan of Pineda and don’t think he’s going to become side-of-the-barn hittable, but I would look at options.
Carlos Lee – He slashed .325/.341/.470 in May. Wait, why isn’t El Caballo in the Buy section? Oh, I know. Cause he also hit only 2 homers last month. Blech. Who is he, Mike Aviles? In most mixed leagues, I’d turn Caballo into glue.
Darwin Barney – Dropping Darwin would be intelligent design.