Fantasy Baseball Advice

Dioner Navarro’s batting in the .370s. Crapoli’s got ten home runs. Olivo’s not missing Miguel Cabrera’s hugs as much I thought he would. JR Towles seems at least a year away. AJ Pierzynski’s doing well — for him. Benjie Molina’s doing well — for Victor Martinez. Victor Martinez is doing well for Nick Punto.  I’ve split my teams between Navarro, Crapoli, Olivo and McCann. So far the team that has struggled most offensively is McCann. “Well, ain’t that the weirderiest of things, Grey?” Not really. And weirderiest isn’t a word. I overspent on McCann costing the rest of my team. Moral of the story. Punt catcher aka trade away any catcher that can fetch you something. So your homework assignment is to trade away Victor Martinez. If someone believes he’s going to turn it around, then turn them around, bend them over and… Well, get a piece for your team that you need. Anyway, here’s some more fantasy baseball players to buy and sell:

BUY

Rickie Weeks -His current 40 runs, 7 HR, and 9 SB are comparable with Upton and Phillips. His 19 RBI are a casualty of hitting 1st on an NL team. While he hit .235 last year, he’s improved all his fundamentals, his K rate is down from 28% to 21%, but his BABIP is .229, really low for a guy his speed. He should be able to hit at least .260 the rest of the way. Assuming, of course, he stays healthy. His .201 average lets you buy low. (BTW, if those numbers above spun your head a little, just take our word for it. He’s due.)

Jeremy Guthrie - 12 starts, 10 are Quality Starts. “Well, jeez, Grey, that’s a fluke, right?” Last year, he had an ERA of 3.70 in 175 IP. Don’t make me try and guess your password and pickup Guthrie for you.

Prince Fielder - Sure, the only thing up this year is his BBs. (That’s Boca Burgers, not walks.) So what are you worried about? He’s not fat enough to hit home runs? As Richard Simmons might say, “He’s got saddlebags like I have handbags, girlfriend!”

Alex Gordon - I was really counting on him coming out the gate hitting to his ability. Well, that didn’t happen, so if you don’t have him, I’d go out and get him because he had a solid 2nd half last year.

James Shields - They took the “Devil” out of their name. You don’t have to be scared of them anymore.

Chone Figgins - I don’t like all speed guys personally, but I also ask for three plates because I don’t like my condiments mixing. You gonna do everything I do? I know Figgins’s DL’d for his legs. I also know his owners are considering dropping him and would take just about anything for him. If you have an open DL spot, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t make a run at him. Just know you may have to sit on him for three weeks to a month, but it’s a long season. That burst of speed in July may be exactly what you need.

Kevin Kouzmanoff - Another sophomore (the “o” is silent, like when you make love to your woman — oofa!) that is struggling more than I would’ve liked. But he came on (your woman while you were playing fantasy baseball– ouch!) last year, and can do it again.

Justin Huber - Psyche! Just making sure you’re paying attention.

Jorge Campillo - Left his last start with a finger boo-boo, so I was going to leave him off The List, but I’m mentioning him so you keep an eye on him for his next start.

Dan Wheeler - I’ll reenact a comment from late March, “The Nats say Cordero will be back next week, should I bother with Rauch?”

SELL

Joba Chamberlain - Expectations are unrealistically high. When everyone’s zigging, what do you do? Zag, man, zag. Don’t, obviously, trade him for Tony Pena Jr. and a walk-on part on Gossip Girl.

Jay Bruce - If you got him off waivers and your offense is already stacked, you could move him for a very valuable pitcher. Bruce probably won’t bat .500 for the rest of the year. Cust kayin’.

Conor Jackson - Mark Grace, who I think is the best color man currently working, watches Conor and says, “He looks a lot like me.” Gracie’s got a point.

James Loney - Gracie looks at Loney and he says, “Loney wishes he were me.”

Ryan Ludwick - The Queen’s Assassin aka Vincent can hit 25 home runs. He’s at 13. You do the math.

Carlos Gonzalez - I popped a zit into my bathroom mirror and it spelled out, “Good prospect, but little light on the seasoning. Has value in AL-only.”  What other fantasy baseball ‘pert oozes this kind of knowledge?

Adrian Gonzalez - He trends to be a 1st half player, but he doesn’t have enough trends that support me selling him for fifty pence on the pound. Get value, or hold onto him.

Ben Sheets - “Maybe I didn’t say this aloud to all of youse, but the guy can easily” search that phrase on Google and you’ll see why I’m saying to sell. BTW, in that post you find, I’m remarkably brilliant. Prescient to a tee. Mustachioed to a fault. Only the David Murphy and Justino German blurbs seem slightly off and let’s be real, neither of those things really hurt you much. *pats self on back*  Self replies, “Don’t touch me.”

Razzball is hosting this week’s Fantasy Roundtable. Aw yeah. Scroll to the end for my post. Feel free to add your story in the comments.

THE TOPIC: Who do you consider your biggest fantasy baseball rival and describe your most gratifying victory and most painful defeat involving them?

Tim Dierkes - RotoAuthority
A former coworker of mine, Matt Richards. He talked a ton of shit in our office H2H league last year, and I just had to win. Many of the other teams quit on the league toward the end but Richards and I were going toe to toe. There were no innings or transaction limits, so it became a stream-a-thon. We’d both pick up any warm body who was starting the next day. It got to the point where I would set my alarm for 4am just to pick up the following day’s starters before he woke up. I did beat him. That was the only time I played him in a league.

Patrick Dicaprio - Fantasy Baseball Generals
Without naming names, I was in a high stakes league a few years ago where the commissioner was not only a colluder, he threatened to sue one of the owners in the league for emailing around a portion of the league’s constitution, which he had allegedly copyrighted even though it was written by the league itself (!)

Easily my most gratifying victory was being a new owner in that league and winning three years later. We developed a three year plan that included a complete rebuild in year one, cashing in year two and winning in year three. Over his cavil on this strategy, this plan worked like a charm, and it was my first victory in a high stakes league. Sadly though my worst defeat was two years later, my last in that league. We made the mistake of trading Johan Santana after a slow start for Mike Mussina. Santana promptly went on a ten game winning streak, and we fell from first to third. Ugh.

Pete Abbate - MLB Front Office/RotoNomics
My biggest fantasy baseball rival has to be my co-blogger at RotoNomics, Zach Piso. I got him into fantasy sports (football first, I had played with family and started talking to him about it), but he really has surpassed me in knowledge in many regards. We played in a head-to-head league with friends last season, and I started off the year with a nice victory over him. His team was definitely better coming out of the draft (I was playing with Ryan Shealy in my utility spot, that basically sums it up), but I still managed to beat him thanks largely to a Roy Oswalt complete game. He got the last laugh, however, because only the top three teams got into the playoffs, and he ended up beating me for the last spot by one victory. If there hadn’t been collusion amongst my friends, we would’ve both been in, but as it was, I was forced to watch the playoffs from home. This year, in a Roto league, I’m holding down second place with an underwhelming roster that includes David Wright, David Ortiz, and CC Sabathia. I’m hoping I’ll be able to catch him for a true victory by season’s end.

Mike Muschiano - Poughkeepsie Journal
Although I have it out for several friends in my longtime keeper league, only one person can be considered a true rival. That person happens to be in the family- my brother, Nick. Every match-up has a little bit more meaning than the rest. Granted, he used to live in the same house as me- there has to be a little more pride involved. Fortunately, last year was a special year for my team (league champ) and wins came a little bit easier. However, the year before was not the same story. That year was the first official season of our keeper league. It also happened to be the first season my brother became a
part of our league, as the new tenth member. After being blown out during week 1, I had a chance to bounce back with a win against my brother. However, I suffered an agonizing defeat by a good margin, 9-4. Besides facing his verbal abuse and smack talk about his win, my team would then hit rock bottom and find itself in dead last almost until the All-Star break. But Week 11 was a turning point. Week 11 marked the second match-up between my brother and my squad. Prior to the match-up, my brother spent that Sunday at dinner at my grandmother’s house running his mouth. However, I remained confident in my team and did not consider having any kind of fire sale. My team answered the call - thrashing my brother, 9-2, and evening the score. Since my team didn’t give me much to talk during the first half of the season, the win was very gratifying on more than one level. I became confident that my team was playoff-bound and more importantly, my brother would shut his mouth for the time being. That “time being” became almost a two year period, as my team would beat his all three times during the 2007 season. It is a new year and as brothers, this rivalry will certainly only continue to get better over the years.

Mike Sessa - Fantasy Phenoms
By far, the most painful experience I’ve had in my fantasy career (if it can be called a career) came at the end of the 2006 season. In my NL only, head to head points auction league, it came down to the last week of the season. Not only the last week, but the last game of the last week. And to take it one step further…it came down to the last inning of the last game of the last week of the season. Here’s the backdrop: going into the week, it was down to just me & the defending champ. He was 1 game ahead of me & we happened to be facing off against each other in the final week. The first tiebreaker was record in head to head matchups, followed by overall points. We had played 3 times before and he was up 2-1 on me. So if I won, it would have evened the season series at 2, meaning the tiebreaker would be points. I had a comfortable 500 point lead heading in, so it was win the week & I win the league. We were neck and neck and after all of the early games were finished, there was just one game left on the schedule - St. Louis at Milwaukee. Huge, because I had Carlos Villanueva throwing (it’s a weekly league and Villanueva was a nice 2 start option at the end of the season). A win from him would have put me up by a few points and sealed the deal on the title, and Villanueva came out pitching great. He had a shutout after 8 innings and even if he didn’t throw a complete game or a shutout, I would have won the week by a few points. Then…in the bottom of the 9th, Chris Duncan & Albert Pujols hit back to back HRs. Allowing the runs alone would have been fine because Villanueva was still in line for the win, but my opponent had Pujols. The positive points for Pujols combined with the negative points for Villanueva caused me to lose the week and the league, all with one swing of the bat in the last regular season game of 2006. It hurts me just to write about this even to this day. I had the best team but just couldn’t pull ahead. And in case you don’t believe me about how that game went down, here is the boxscore.

So how did I avenge this painful loss? It wasn’t an immediate strike, but it was effective. The next year I came out on a mission, won the league by a comfortable margin and prevented my nemesis form pulling off a three-peat. It’s a painful game sometimes, but the high from winning far outweighs the misery of losing…I think. Maybe not.

Jason Collette - RotoJunkie
My biggest rival is one Andrew Smith. Use his name, he’ll enjoy it. The guy has been the bane of my fantasy existence from the get-go as he is the first guy I made a trade with as I took over an abandoned team midway through the 1994 season. The pitching staff on this team was in shambles, and so when he offered Steve Trachsel for an injured Larry Walker, I took it. After all, I had just seen Trachsel throw a gem on WGN and Walker appeared to be out for the year. I follow that up in 1996 by trading him Ken Caminiti for Jeff King about two days before Caminiti went on the tear that earned him the NL MVP that season and I lost the league title that season by three points.

Rudy Gamble – Razzball
My longtime fantasy baseball nemesis is my blogmate Grey Albright. It’s like the equivalent of Yanks-Sawx + Cubs-Cardinals + Giants-Dodgers + some crazy European soccer rivalry.

It started maybe 10 years ago with a public 4×4 ESPN league. I won the league the first three seasons. Was it skill or luck? Both. Did I rub it in? Of course. So much like Yanks-Sawx fans, our rivalry began out of a storm front of success and resentment . The most gratifying victory was the 3rd one where, after a 2-year hiatus, I can back and whooped his ass on a team fueled by breakout seasons from Gagne and Soriano.

Bored by all the success, we changed things up. We added two other people we knew and moved to 5×5. All of a sudden, Grey started kicking my ass and won two seasons in a row – one that I faintly recall being a rout. Was it skill or luck? Both. Over the years, we’ve added friends who’ve served to add more drama to the proceedings. One season I trounced Grey only to have the season marred because another friend has a miracle stretch of streaming pitchers to beat me.

This all built up to last year where my team took an early lead. Grey’s team lurked in the distance making shrewd trade after trade where he was paying 80 cents on the dollar for players. As the season wore on, my team went to shit based on frustrating underperformers like D-Lee, J-Bay, Furcal, and Bonderman and he rode the wave of trade pickups + Peavy + Holliday to contention only to beat another friend on the luckiest single-day ever seen. Streamed 7 pitchers – none of them good – and ended up with like 5 wins and a sub 3.00 ERA.

If all this wasn’t bad enough, reviewing his friend DW’s role in last year’s victory drove me off the deep end. This guy 1) drafts Carpenter and Webb, leaving a gift-wrapped Peavy for Grey, 2) ‘Accidentally’ picks up Brandon Phillips the pick before me even though he’s got 2B/SS/MI and fucks me out of a monster season, and 3) Goes MIA for 2 months, won’t return any trade offers, and then suddenly agrees to trade Reyes to Grey for Vlad. WTF? You take this guy out of the equation and I win in a rout.

Ah, rivalries. The more bitter the better…

Down goes moobs! Down goes moobs! Ah, to be a fantasy baseball newsie… Or a Howard Cosell porncaster… Well, I can’t say it was completely surprising that the Royals sent Billy Butler down to their other Triple-A team. I suppose they could’ve sent down the whole team. Because of the long leash Gordon received last year, I imagine Butler is wondering if this is some sort of moob discrimination. Perhaps it’s a moob point. Butler will be back in a few months and will continue his quest to be the oddest built man with no home run power. Keep your head up, Billy, there’s always modeling manssieres. Anyway, this is what I saw yesterday:

Phil Dumatrait - The Pirates announcers said Dumatrit has been their best starter. I agree. And that is by no means an endorsement. Dumatrait is the tallest midget on the staff.

Aaron Harang - What, he couldn’t come back from long relief on three days rest? Well played, Dusty.

Russell Branyan - Homer, two walks, strikeout. Branyan masturbates to Jack Cust who masturbates to Jim Thome. The circle of life continues.

Paul LoDuca/Chad Cordero - They got into the Nats game yesterday. In the announcing booth. They were better than Sutton.

Kevin Kouzmanoff - Had a home run taken away by Ryan Langerhaus. Damn you, lederhosen.

Josh Fogg - Now in Reds rotation. NL Central and Razzballers rejoice.

Lastings Milledge - Stole two bases today. Was promptly picked off when he ran over to high five some fans.

Mark Teixeira - 1 HR and 4 RBI. Nice to see that Chipper is sharing the hooch.

Ryan Zimmerman - Out with a shoulder injury. Recovering from a wrist injury. We recommend that they just amputate the arm, put on a new one, and call him Ryan Zimmerhands.

Curtis Granderson - Jim Leyland announced he will start him more against lefties. He has also extended his curfew to 11PM and no longer handles his diaper rashes as he’s preoccupied with Carlos Guillen at the moment.

Scott Hatteberg - We’re not sure what’s more pathetic - that the Seattle Mariners see him as an upgrade at 1B or that he actually IS an upgrade to Richie Sexson and Jose Vidro.

Ian Stewart - Third straight game starting at 2B. Seems a foregone conclusion he’ll have 2B eligibility by end of the week. If you’ve got a weak 2B or MI, he’s a must pickup right now.

Kevin Slowey - I’ve already mentioned on a few occasions that I like Slowey. Slowey’s the horse, and it’s been beat.

Shannon Stewart - Hit his first home run on the season. Take that, Micah Owings!

Brad Penny - Pitching awful this year. It can’t help that Alyssa Milano is moved on and is playing Who’s the Boss? with Clayton Kershaw. Penny’s consolation prize is playing “Feel my stubble” with Derek Lowe.

The Fantasy Baseball Hall of Fame (in conjunction with Razzball.com) is a new website dedicated to recognizing the accomplishments of Major League ballplayers during the “fantasy era” (1980-present). The greatest of these players will be elected to the Fantasy Baseball Hall of Fame. To read more on the FBHOF, click here.

Six first basemen are enshrined today, a position that is arguably the strongest in the history of fantasy baseball.  The corresponding FBHOF page for the first basemen can be found here.

First base is the power position of fantasy baseball.  Each spot around the diamond has had their fair share of power hitting players, but year in and year out, fantasy owners rely on first basemen more than any other for their main source of home runs. In fact, since the fantasy era, first basemen have the led fantasy leagues in the long ball each year except 1982 and 1983, when Mike Schmidt skewed the numbers enough to vault third basemen into first overall.

A few weeks ago, I ran a chart in the shortstop induction article, showing the number of times each position finished, on average, first overall.  I found a flaw however, by counting all the players at a position, and not just the ones who would have been “fantasy worthy”, I overestimated the impact of certain positions.  Re-running the data it is clear there is no argument as to which positions have been the best since 1980 – it’s either first base or outfield.    The chart below depicts the average score for “fantasy worthy” players who were eligible at these two positions:

In the first half of the 1980s both positions were relatively equal, with one season, 1981, easily going to the outfielders.  In the period of 1986 through 1991 however, the first base crew easily outpaced their counterparts in four of the five years.  Through 1995 the two positions were either equal or first base was winning handily.  This gives them a 10 year stretch were first basemen were the class of fantasy baseball.  Since 1995 the positions have been relatively equivalent, with 5 years going to the outfield, 4 to the first basemen, and three with finishes close enough to call a tie.

Finally, below is the average score of ‘fantasy worthy’ players by position, broken down by decade:

Just further proof that first base gets it done.  On to the inductees.

Albert Pujols
In his current trend, Pujols will be the only player of the fantasy era to never go below the 10 FBHOF point threshold until the downturn of his career.  Think about this for a minute.  At the end of his 2007 season, Pujols was ranked 4th among batters in overall FBHOF Score and 3rd in Peak score.  The players ahead of him are Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez, and Rickey Henderson in terms of overall score, and just Rodriguez and Bonds in peak score.  The three of these are inner circle Hall of Famers and none of them has accomplished what Pujols has done so far, in fantasy baseball terms anyway.

Since his rookie season, Pujols has put up FBHOF worthy statistics each year.  It took Bonds five years to reach 10 FBHOF points and both Henderson and Rodriguez reached the mark in their second eligible years.  While most of this is academic in the long run (does it really matter that Rodriguez appeared in just 65 games his first two years?), it is still an amazing accomplishment.

Pujols’ best year was in 2003 when he batted .359 with 137 R, 43 HR, 124 RBI, and 5 SB.  This scored him 17.2 FBHOF Points, 6th best all time for a batter.  “King Albert” has been eligible at First Base, Third Base, and in the Outfield; and is the only player to finish as the best overall at more than two positions.

Jeff Bagwell
In 1994 Bagwell was the best player on the planet.  In 110 games (strike season) he hit 39 HR, 116 RBI, 104 R, and 15 SB.  Prorated over 162 games the numbers look like something Lou Gehrig might have put up - .368 AVG, 153 R, 57 HR, 170 RBI, 22 SB.  His 17.6 FBHOF points is 5th all time.

He also had 3 more seasons of 40+ HR, 125+ RBI, and a .300+ batting average.  Between 1999 and 2000 he scored almost 300 runs.  He was fast too – stealing at least 30 bases in 1997 & 1999.

Eddie Murray
I almost scratched my scoring system when I saw Murray come out as the 3rd best fantasy first basemen.  After all, he was a ‘compiler’ right?  How could a compiler score so high in a system that rewards peak 5 year value over everything else?

While he was a compiler, he was extraordinarily good at it.  We aren’t talking about a compiler who is routinely 20th best in the league, we’re talking about one was routinely Top 5 at their position.

Murray was fantasy worthy in 17 seasons which brings his overall score up from a solid 21st to a very good 16th.  But, he also hit a ton between 1980 and 1985, routinely finishing among the leaders each year in all fantasy categories except stolen bases.  In his peak years of 1980 and 1983-1985 Murray finished in the Top 10 fifteen times:  twice in AVG, four times in Runs, and five times in both Home runs and RBI.

Finally, let’s take a look at the number of times in their 5-year peak that each of our first basemen finished 1st or 2nd at their position:

5 - Pujols
5 - Bagwell
5 - Murray
4 - Helton
4 - Mattingly
4 - Thomas

Murray also did it twice more, besting all but Pujols who has seven right along with him.

Todd Helton
Don Mattingly
Alright, I have to be palms up about something.  I idolized Don Mattingly growing up, still do in fact.  That said, no funky business was needed to elect him to this Hall of Fame, as he is most certainly deserving.

As with all of the 1980’s players, we have to put Mattingly’s accomplishments in context of the lower offensive era.  One way to do that is to stack him up against an eerily similar player of today’s era – Todd Helton.

The scores are almost identical – Mattingly has a higher peak (he’s one of just 8 batters to have multiple 15+ point seasons), but Helton’s 3rd through 5th best seasons were slightly better thus evening out the scores.  The 7 year view is close as well, and after that, Mattingly suffered a rather quick fall to irrelevancy.

Getting back to era’s, remembering how close the scoring was, take a gander at their actual 5 year peak stats:

Helton    - .349 AVG, 125 R, 37 HR, 123 RBI, 4 SB
Mattingly - .330 AVG,  97 R, 28 HR, 119 RBI, 1 SB

Times sure have changed if these two are on the same footing.

Frank Thomas
Thomas is another case that really challenges the FBHOF scoring system.  Thomas is regarded, within some circles anyway, as the best hitter of his time.  Here is a player that hit .340 or better three times; reached 125 RBI’s four times; and had 7 seasons of 35 or more home runs.  He was simply a monster at the plate.

If this is true, how can he be rated below both Mattingly and Helton?  Two reasons – peak vs. longevity, and the late 90’s.  Whether you like it or not, Thomas simply did not have the peak that either Mattingly or Helton enjoyed.  He was markedly better over a longer period of time, but Mattingly’s two best years were better than any of Thomas’, and Helton had three better years.  If you look at an 8 year stretch instead of a peak-5 year though, Thomas easily bests the two:  94.6 Pts for Thomas vs. 86.0 for Helton and 83.8 for Mattingly.

Fantasy baseball has a “what have you done for me lately” mentality.  Even looking at the best 5 years of player is stretching the limits of how far in advance a fantasy owner thinks.  Even in the most robust of keeper leagues, rarely would a player remain on a single team for 3 years, let alone 5, and this is reflected in how the FBHOF scores.

The late 1990’s also hurt Thomas.  Looking at his statistics subjectively, one might come to the conclusion that 2000 was his best year:  .328 AVG, 115 R, 43 HR, and 143 RBI.  After all, those figures are all career highs with the exception of his batting average, which was great nonetheless.  But in 2000, this wasn’t even good enough to be the best first basemen, let alone the best overall batter.  He finished 3rd among first basemen behind Helton and Bagwell and 14th overall.  His batting average was 19th in the league, Runs were 15th, HR’s were 7th, and RBI 4th.  Of course, his 1 stolen base was also quite low, even for a first basemen.  It was 25th among his peers, and 283rd overall.

As a result of all the above, 2000 isn’t even considered part of his 5 year peak score.  Which brings us back to the first point – he was great for so many years, but never was ‘the best’.  In fact, he and Murray are the only two First Base inductees to never finish a season #1 overall among batters.

This has been a long post, and I’ll spare you some time by just mentioning a few of the near misses:

- Cecil Cooper was closest with 63 FBHOF Points.  Really an underrated player.
- Andres Galarraga had great years in 1988, 1996, and 1997 but was just ‘very good’ the rest of the time.
- Rafael Palmeiro, aka., Eddie Murray Lite.
- Which brings us to Mark McGwire.  Before complaining he’s not in the FBHOF please remember the following:  He hit .300 once.  Scored 100 runs just thrice.  And of course was possibly the slowest player in the game, amassing less than 15 stolen bases throughout his career.  Those facts aren’t kind to fantasy batters.

Today, I noticed my diploma from the College of Fantasy Baseball at Charleston was a bit dusty and hanging crooked. So, I removed it from the wall, gave it a spit shine, polished the wood frame and fixed the wire so it would hang straight. Before I returned it to its rightful place next to my framed TV Guide cover of Miss Piggy and Kermit, I took a hard look at that diploma. I thought back on of all my classes with Matthew Berry, who insistently hit on all of the undergrads, male or female. I reminisced about hanging in the CFB quad with Rudy as we hacky-sacked and discussed a classmate’s trade of Alfonso Soriano for Dustin Hermanson. I remember being young and free and unable to get laid. Now many years later, and still unable to get laid, I miss those days. I miss the carefree attitude. The excitement I felt when a player would get hot and I would think he can hit .800 for the year. Or the frustration when a first round pick went 1-for-5. “Why can’t they go 4-for-5 every day,” I would yell at Prof. Berry. Alas, the highs and lows are gone. But, thankfully, in its place is patience. So now I know Robinson Cano refuses to hit in the first half of the season. This season is no different. Last year, post All-Star Break he went 53/13/57/.343. Pre-All-Star break, in almost 50 more at-bats, he went 40/6/40/.274 and three of those home runs came in July. In ‘06, more of the same shizz. This would make him a prime Buy Low guy. Hmm… Maybe those fourteen years weren’t wasted getting my CFB diploma. Anyway, here’s what I saw yesterday:

Troy Percival - As mentioned in the comments yesterday, Percy hurt himself and Wheeler came in to finish out the game. If Wheeler’s gone, go for Reyes if you have room.

Melky Cabrera - Of course he goes 2-for-4 on my bench. I love your name, Melky, I hate what you do to me.

Joba Chamberlain - He’s going to make his first major league start next Tuesday. This is subject to verification because I heard it from the Orioles announcers, who also manage to find positives about Mora, Millar and Ramon/Luis Hernandez, so they’re not that reliable. Though I will say they are a lot better than the YES announcers. Seriously, when I was a kid we had Rizzuto calling a black guy White and talking about huckleberries. This is not nostalgia talking. Scooter got into the Hall of Fame because of that nonsense (not officially, but still). Where have all of the good announcers gone? YES, I’m talking to you, Michael Kay.

Andy Pettitte - Rudy swears by this guy in deep leagues. I think Rudy’s caca-cuckoo. You make the call!

Adam Wainwright - You know what Wednesday means, right? Top Chef and The Real World: Hollywood! It also means a bunch of my pitchers went today, but I guess that’s more of a coincidence than anything. Wainwright does no wrong! It’s kind of a pun. Now groan!

Jeremy Guthrie - Another Grey pitcher!  I like him more than most and less than his Mom. Go figure!

Zach Greinke - Rudy gave me this schmohawk for Melky. Rudy has since dropped Melky. Wow, who’s winning this trade? Rudy’s been Greinke’d! (Yes, it’s a verb now.)

Jermaine Dye - Hit a home run yesterday. Last month, I picked him off waivers in my ‘pert league. I thought it was a bit crazy at the time that he was dropped, but since then Granderson’s been traded for Johan, and Rios was dropped by a team that held onto David DeJesus, so you just never know.

Chase Utley - You want regrets? I have a few. One is not having Utley in any league. I think I only could’ve had him in one league because of where I drafted. Alas… Nothing.

Jose Reyes - He’s at 7/16 and .279. Weren’t people saying he’s having a bad year? I love Reyes. (BTW, wouldn’t it be great if someone drafted Jose A. Reyes with their first pick? “What do you mean he’s only elgibile at catcher? He’s 0-for-his last two seasons? No, there’s got to be some kind of mistake. Wait, I’ll take a Molina!” “Which one?” “Um…. Alfred?”)

Cody Ross - 2 home runs. I wonder if his last name used to be Rosenweig.

Jo-Jo Reyes - Another guy I’m fond of, but I don’t have him any leagues. Yet.

Jason Giambi - Here’s my theory: they tested Giambi for ‘roids in April.

Joe Saunders - 5 ER in 5 IP. There’s a correction to ease your trigger finger about picking him up.

Jake Peavy - Had a promising sideline throwing session and might be back as early as this weekend. Figure he’ll be out at least 10 more days but, nonetheless, this is best case news for Peavy owners. This might be the last time you can get Peavy at a discount.

Pitching - We’d rave more about Bedard, Halladay, Harden, and Zambrano if it weren’t for the fact that Lowe, Wakefield, and Suppan also pitched well. You know it’s an odd day when San Francisco scores more than both teams combined in the majority of games.

Travis Hafner - He’s shown nothing so far and is playing with a bum shoulder (2 cortisone shots and counting). Evidently sore shoulders are harder to play with than high-grade tears of the elbow. When you start your career as a 27-year old DH, the clock’s ticking and it’s already a quarter to 12. Like a comet with a really big head, Pronk appeared out of nowhere, shone brightly, and seems to be disappearing just as fast.

Rafael Soriano - Picture John Smoltz is Nic Cage. Now picture Soriano is a bird. Okay, now picture Manny Acosta is a brown jacket. Finally, Will Ohman is a grey shirt. Okay, here’s the Braves closing picture.

J.R. Towles - 109 AB hitting .147. No SB. Makes you long for the salad days of Brad Ausmus.

Bowden Fluffer (noun) - A young, nubile outfielder that gets one all excited about their 5 tools but never fulfills the promise. See Justin Upton (May=.203, 1 HR, 34 Ks), Adam Jones, Cameron Maybin, Felix Pie, et. al.