Down goes moobs! Down goes moobs! Ah, to be a fantasy baseball newsie… Or a Howard Cosell porncaster… Well, I can’t say it was completely surprising that the Royals sent Billy Butler down to their other Triple-A team. I suppose they could’ve sent down the whole team. Because of the long leash Gordon received last year, I imagine Butler is wondering if this is some sort of moob discrimination. Perhaps it’s a moob point. Butler will be back in a few months and will continue his quest to be the oddest built man with no home run power. Keep your head up, Billy, there’s always modeling manssieres. Anyway, this is what I saw yesterday:

Phil Dumatrait – The Pirates announcers said Dumatrit has been their best starter. I agree. And that is by no means an endorsement. Dumatrait is the tallest midget on the staff.

Aaron Harang – What, he couldn’t come back from long relief on three days rest? Well played, Dusty.

Russell Branyan – Homer, two walks, strikeout. Branyan masturbates to Jack Cust who masturbates to Jim Thome. The circle of life continues.

Paul LoDuca/Chad Cordero – They got into the Nats game yesterday. In the announcing booth. They were better than Sutton.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Had a home run taken away by Ryan Langerhaus. Damn you, lederhosen.

Josh Fogg – Now in Reds rotation. NL Central and Razzballers rejoice.

Lastings Milledge – Stole two bases today. Was promptly picked off when he ran over to high five some fans.

Mark Teixeira – 1 HR and 4 RBI. Nice to see that Chipper is sharing the hooch.

Ryan Zimmerman – Out with a shoulder injury. Recovering from a wrist injury. We recommend that they just amputate the arm, put on a new one, and call him Ryan Zimmerhands.

Curtis Granderson – Jim Leyland announced he will start him more against lefties. He has also extended his curfew to 11PM and no longer handles his diaper rashes as he’s preoccupied with Carlos Guillen at the moment.

Scott Hatteberg – We’re not sure what’s more pathetic – that the Seattle Mariners see him as an upgrade at 1B or that he actually IS an upgrade to Richie Sexson and Jose Vidro.

Ian Stewart – Third straight game starting at 2B. Seems a foregone conclusion he’ll have 2B eligibility by end of the week. If you’ve got a weak 2B or MI, he’s a must pickup right now.

Kevin Slowey – I’ve already mentioned on a few occasions that I like Slowey. Slowey’s the horse, and it’s been beat.

Shannon Stewart – Hit his first home run on the season. Take that, Micah Owings!

Brad Penny – Pitching awful this year. It can’t help that Alyssa Milano is moved on and is playing Who’s the Boss? with Clayton Kershaw. Penny’s consolation prize is playing “Feel my stubble” with Derek Lowe.

  1. wakeNbake says:

    I kno Penny has been horrible. Do you see any kind of improvement because he was dropped in a league of mine and I was thinking of using him to spot start, any value there since its just a waiver pickup?

  2. wakeNbake says:

    also Edwin Jackson or Jo Jo Reyes?

  3. Andy says:

    Penny is very likely to improve. His K/9 is very low this year, but even so he’s been somewhat unlucky in balls in play, as well as the % of his runners that are LOB, compared to his career norms. I would expect his ERA to drop a full point, although it’s not going to be amazing as long as he strikes out less than 5 per game.

    And Reyes is better than Jackson, for a variety of reasons.

  4. Cowboy says:

    @Grey: I randomly found this site a few weeks ago and really find you and Rudy’s takes informative, interesting, and very funny… I look forward to your daily thoughts on the most noteworthy players of the day, but this was by far your most bitter daily post of my mini following. I’ll admit i came back drunk from the bars and I could only think of one thing as I read about name after name focusing on the fantasy whoreable(horrible) side of fantasy on this fine day. Maybe next time you can focus on the good things, like the Giants and Lincecum(sickies), Sanchez(gracias), and Zito(126 million mucho gracias) sweeping of the great Dbags.


    Bengie Molina

    ps god bless alexis rios leaving himself out of a 12 run rodeo

  5. BSA says:

    As I look at third base I have Longo and Figgins. I know Gordon and Stewart are out there in free agency. Are either of those two free agents an upgrade. I only get caught up in rookie hype to use as trade bait at some point but I don’t want to miss some power for bait down the road. My infield is 17 hours away from having Utley added to Morneau, Mauer, and Greene.

  6. What’s the outlook for Chavez coming off the DL?

  7. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @BSA: I’d rank these (let’s see if I match Grey): Figgins, Gordon, Longo, Stewart. Though if you have Figgins and Longo, I’d stand pat. I personally think Longo is more likely than Gordon to take a leap forward and start mashing. I say this a) as a Longo owner; b) as a former Gordon owner; and c) as a guy who owned Gordon for much of last season, or as it’s best remembered, the Sun’ll Come Out Tomorrow Tour. It never did come out.

    Rate! This! Trade!:

    AGonzo/Rauch for Kazmir/Youk

    acquiring Youk allows me to trade Zimmerman for Joba.

    So I part with AGonzo/Rauch/Zim and acquire Kaz/Youk/Joba.

    That sounds like the cast of a new Star Wars film. Zim! Tell Youk and Joba the Falcon is leaving!

  8. Emcobra says:

    I wondered how it could take day and a half to get a Carlos Guillien joke in here

  9. @wakeNbake: I wouldn’t use a waiver pick on Penny but I’d consider him for a spot start later in the season. Right now, though, let him sit out there. He’s ice. Agree with Andy on Jo-Jo…when in doubt, go NL.

    @BSA: I’m not a fan of Figgins at all. Playing him at 3B gives away 20 HRs and 40 RBIs to every other team. If your league lets you play him at 2B or MI, play him there. Otherwise, try to trade him. As for Longo, Gordo, and Stewart, it’s a draw between Longo and Gordo. I think Gordo is a better bet for AVG and Longo a better bet for HR. I can see both these guys breaking out…I can see neither guy breaking out. Pick one and hope for the best.

    @Freak: The outlook is Chavez is going to get hurt and go back on the DL or hit like crap. I’ve completely written off Chavez and Blalock…

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: Swapping Kazmir for Rauch is sweet. Not a fan of Zimmerman this year so rolling the dice with Joba works for me. But swapping A-Gonz for Youk is a big drop. Youk is known to swoon in the 2nd half. I’d say this is a fair trade (not a great trade) and it’s worth pursuing if your team is low on K’s. Otherwise, why take the risk on Kazmir. Just trade Zimm for Joba and find someone else at 3B/CI.

    @Emcobra: A Guillen joke was too easy. We would’ve passed but it fit well with the Granderson riff….

  10. Endless Summer says:

    @ Baron Von Vulturewins: That is a great trade for you, especially when you add on the ability to trade Zimmerman for Joba as a result of it. I expect Kazmir and Joba to be great from here on out. Maybe you are bullish on Youkilis carrying his great hitting deeper into the season than I am, but I would be looking to move him on to another team. He’s been mediocre from about this point of the season on the last couple of years.

  11. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @Rudy Gamble: On the topic of Figgins, some guy offered me Figgins for Volquez. He probably looked at my 2(nd) Live Crew of Theriot and Pedroia and my 10th place in steals and felt sorry for me right? Good or very bad?

  12. wakeNbake says:

    best pickup….Stephen Drew, Kelly Johnson, Ben Francisco, Ian Stewart or Ryan Spilborghs?

  13. Endless Summer says:

    @Freak: Chavez had back surgery and hasn’t played in nearly a year. I like him too, but at best he is a .270-.280 hitter, and hasn’t put together two great months since 2005. I’d look elsewhere, but if you are optimistic: Crosby, Street, and Dick Harden are holding up this year, why not Chavez?

    Four things I would look for out of Chavez this year:
    1) The home runs he hit before don’t turn into doubles post injury.
    2) He proves he can consistently hit LHP.
    3) How he produces with Frank Thomas out the next 3 weeks.
    4) How his back holds up after playing 3B or on consecutive days (takes days off, etc.).

    He is waaaaay off the radar for me. If he puts together a few good weeks with Frank Thomas out, shows HR power (and against LHP), I’ll start to get interested.

  14. SaltyBiscuits says:

    What do you think of this trade:

    A) Granderson & Laffey
    B) Church, Owings & Cueto

  15. p0rk burn says:

    @Rudy: Blalock is dead to me too but I’m so used to seeing him in one my DL spots I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if he was gone. I’m not really concerned about ditching him right away because I don’t need the slot, but do you think he has any trade value? Another manager was interested in him earlier in the season even after he went down initially. Has all the value evaporated at this point? What should one expect for a third/first baseman with no hamstrings who bats one handed?

  16. Frank Rizzo says:

    I added Kershaw this week but I’m a little gun shy to start him tonight. I’m feeling it may be wise to wait and see how he reacts in NY against the Mets. I have the luxury of sitting him because I’ve already gotten outstanding outings from Lincecum, Bedard, and Wainwright. I already have Shields and Owings pitching tonight so I may just hold.

    He’s on my roster, but I’m not going to pitch him, is that considered a sin?

  17. SaltyBiscuits says:


    I am starting Kershaw tonight (weekly rosters, so I made that decision on Monday). I am a big Mets fan and I know that we tend to hit rookies very very poorly. I also have Maine, and I decided to start both of them against each other as I feel they will both pitch well. However, as you stated you are in a position to sit him for this game and judge his performance going forward, which might be a good idea also.

  18. Zebo says:

    is it safe to start Clayton Kershaw against the potent Mets offense today? I also have David Wright, so I don’t know where my allegiance is, I want Wright to get hot, but I want Kershaw to go 0 ERA and 15 Ks so I can trade him. Do I start him?

  19. Grey

    Grey says:

    @wakeNbake: Johnson, Drew, Spilborghs, Stewart, Francisco.

    @SaltyBiscuits: I don’t like Granderson. I still want the Granderson side.

    @Frank Rizzo@Zebo: : This is what we said two days ago, “NY Mets – Yeah, it’s all Willie Randolph’s fault. Here’s the 5th to 8th hitters yesterday for the Mets: 1B Damion Easley, RF Fernando Tatis, C Ramon Castro, LF Nick Evans. Too bad they couldn’t work in Brian Schneider. Great GM-work Omar Minaya. Mets fans, stop riding the Yankee 2b of our childhood. Willie’s got a great ’stache! Oh, one more note. Minaya once traded Grady Sizemore, Brandon Phillips, and Cliff Lee for Bartolo Colon. Good thing Minaya wasn’t around a couple years ago. He would’ve traded Reyes and Wright to the Orioles for Sidney Ponson and a pulled pork sandwich from Boog’s BBQ in right field, which would’ve been promptly eaten by Sidney Ponson. Case closed!”

    I managed to grab Kershaw in one league. He’s starting.

  20. Frank Rizzo says:

    @Salty: Thanks for the tip about the Mets vs. rookies. That makes my decision even tougher. I know the Mets are far from consistent lately and could put up 8 runs or just as easily get blanked by Kershaw. And let’s not forget Kershaw is only 20 years old and he’s about to start for the Dodgers against the Mets in NY City. I know I couldn’t have handled that kind of pressure at 20.

    @Zebo: I’ve got the same decision. I’ve got Wright who just hit 2 dingers yesterday and could eat this rookie alive tonight.

  21. Frank Rizzo says:

    Damnit Grey and Rudy. Stop making sense.

    I didn’t think of the bottom of the order. I was thinking of Reyes, Wright, and Beltran. It probably does make sense to start Kershaw. As long as he stays in his shoes, he’ll probably have 7+ K’s pretty easily.

  22. Grey

    Grey says:


    I’m going to be conservative and say 6 IP/3.00/1.20/6 Ks and a ND — I agree with Rudy, Wright gets worked around or gives some trouble. Teams don’t have complete scouting reports right now so as long as Kershaw doesn’t get too nervous, he should be fine and a must start.

    Then again, maybe I’m being conservative because I have Maine starting in even more leagues and I want him to outpitch Kershaw.

  23. SaltyBiscuits says:

    7+ K’s is a great bet from Kershaw tonight. I mean, Willie said Delgado is starting today, so… that’s like 3 or 4 K’s right there.

  24. cruisinkc says:

    What has better odds of happening in the near future with Max Scherzer?
    Move to closer?
    Move back to starting pitcher?

  25. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Rudy Gamble: Part of the motivation here (reminder: AGonz/Rauch for Kazmir/Youk) is that my starting staff sucks bag. Right now I’ve got Hamels, Cain, Laffey, Garza, Cabrera. It pains me to write it. I’m one Cole Hamels injury away from Matt Cain as my ace. And as you can see, Ks might start to be a problem (I’m doing well now but that’s ’cause I had Voltron for six weeks.)

    I’ve been shopping AGonz for a month for a starter and am having trouble getting a decent return. I figure Kaz is worth the gamble. He topped 200 IP last year, so it’s not like it’s Ben Sheets we’re talking about.

    Also, Baseball Prospectus loves Kaz, and I am a slave to BP. And this is the year of the Rays! So there you go.

  26. SaltyBiscuits says:

    @ cruisinkc

    I don’t think they see Max as a future closer, I haven’t heard anything about that happening. Lyon hasn’t really lost any hold over the job IMHO.

    My money is on Max pitching out of the pen until they have a need for a spot start or someone gets injured.

  27. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @cruisinkc: Scherz is a strange case. He seems tailor-made to close, and if Brandon Lyon stumbles, he should step in. That said, the ‘Backs will be contending all year and might be reticent to a) throw a rookie into a high-pressure role and b) mess with something that ain’t broke. So as long as Lyon ain’t obviously broke, the closer he will remain.

    As for starting, Scherz is a golden arm on a pitch count. I’d say the most likely scenario is Joba ’07; i.e. the ‘Backs slot him in as a lethal 7th/ 8th inning guy. Which is good for them, bad for you.

  28. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Like many people here, I am also losing patience with Rios. In a related story, I am in last place in home runs.

    Is Rios for Dunn straight up suicide? Or something worth pursuing?

  29. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: Rios could go on a tear and hit 8 home runs in a month. Dunn could have an off month and hit 8 home runs in a month. I’m a big fan of Dunn. And really to be a fan for Dunn, you need to be big.

  30. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @Grey: Why wouldn’t teams not have complete scouting reports on the number one pitching prospect in all of baseball? To quote Yogi Berra: If teams know something about him, they already know it. Don’t count on teams being unprepared for him. It’s not like they’re facing Sean Gallagher.

    If Jerry Hairston, Jr. takes a dump in the woods, does he even make a sound when he steals 8 bases in a month? I have an open roster spot… should I pick up Hairston and start him or start my benched Theriot (who has the worst SB% in the majors)?

  31. Grey

    Grey says:

    @IowaCubs: Take a flier on Hairston if you have room. re: scouting reports — I should’ve said players aren’t familiar with him. i.e. Haven’t faced him.

  32. B.J. says:

    Really looming forward to seeing Kershaw throw tonight. I think he has a very solid outing but ends up with a ND.

  33. Bob says:

    Somebody offered me Derek Jeter for Scherzer in a standard Yahoo league which I accepted. I figure that I can turn Jeter around for someone more useful than Scherzer, and that Scherzer doesn’t have much more value than a bunch of other hold guys like Heath Bell who are on my waiver wire.

  34. Grey

    Grey says:

    @B.J.: Me too. I really wasn’t expecting to get him in the league I did get him in, I hope he’s solid.

    @Bob: Nice trade, man. Very solid.

  35. nick says:

    Alright so I’ve been taking into consideration your advice for the past few days and things have been going well for me so i’m just going to give you my roster and see what your next move would be in my situation…

    Yahoo Roto 8 Team League
    C-Navarro (just picked up)
    OF-C. Young, Markakis, Lee, Quentin, Burrell

    SP-Marcum,Sabathia, Wainwright, Greinke, Zambrano
    RP-Wheeler, Hoffmann, Rauch, Wilson

    Figgins is going to the DL so now I have an empty spot on my roster for at least a week…so I plan on picking up a Closer. I’m thinking Torres considering he is the only RP left on free agents that will get the 9th inning.

    I already picked up Dan Wheeler (I could use saves) for Xavier Nady (figured it was time to let him go but his HR last night makes me think i might have made a mistake) (you think anyone will pick him up?—i doubt it)

    I’m figuring that Figgins will be back soon so I will have to drop someone when he gets back so it will be easy to drop either Wheeler or Torres whichever doesnt have the close spot at that point in time

  36. peter says:

    @IowaCubs: I picked up Hairston Jr in a deep league. I think he’s only guaranteed regular starts until Keppinger is back, but if he continues to be this productive, who knows? Then again, who knows what darkness lurks in the heart of Dusty’s ass-backward system. But if you’ve got the open roster spot, I’d say go for it.

    As for Theriot, he’s only swiped 2 bags this month – after grabbing 7 in April. Don’t know what’s up w/ him. His OBP looks to be consistent w/ what it was last month. Strange but true: in May 2007, he also had only 2 SB. Then he stole 5 in June. I think the bottom line w/ Theriot is that he’s got double digit speed (20-some SB a year) – not really top tier speed. He’ll have months where he steals 5 or 6 bags, with 1-2 bag months in between.

    I’d start Hairston Jr. over Theriot right now. SBs often come in bunches and, w/ Patterson gone and Freel not playing, Hairston’s getting a bushel of opportunity right now.

  37. peter says:

    @Bob: Getting Jeter for Scherzer: a coup for you.

  38. p0rk burn says:

    @Nick: If you need a closer then Torres is definitely the pickup to make. I say drop Wheeler once Figgins comes back because Torres’ job seems a bit more secure. Early reports indicate Percival coming back before too long although Grey was right the other day when he said old ass men aren’t really known for their quick rebounds or durability after injuries (obviously my words, not his).

  39. Grey

    Grey says:

    @nick: Is Navarro (who I do like) the best catcher on free agency in a 8 team league? Who are some other names there?

  40. p0rk burn says:

    Why does it seem like the baseball gods enjoy inflicting pain on us?

    I refresh my team page to check the players for the cubs-rockies game and see Aramis is sitting. No biggie, I’ll just plug in Stewart at 3rd. Oh wait, he’s got a damn x next to his name too. Thanks guys, why don’t you just get the rope and tie both arms behind my back.

  41. nick says:

    Top 5 Yahoo Ranked Catchers: Rodriguez, Pierzynski, Johjima, Napoli, Hernandez

    Top 5 Currently Ranked: Napoli, Olivio, Pierzynski, Laird, Snyder

    I already had Napoli and don’t like him, hasn’t done anything recently
    Had Pierzynski too, has good average but never gets RBIs/Runs

  42. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @p0rk burn: Stewart was SO CLOSE to gaining 2B eligibility! Just two more games! I set my rosters on Sunday and I need another 2B, but whatever.

  43. Grey

    Grey says:

    @nick: Eh, you’re at a six of one/half dozen of another with those guys.

    On the closer issue, Torres is a better bet than Wheeler, but it would be good to have both. Your bench is all pitchers? Which is fine, I’m just trying to figure out how to maneuver your team.

  44. nick says:

    no my bench right now is 2 outfielders and Figgins(waiting for him to go on DL today and pickup torres)

    and 2 bench spots on the pitching side

  45. Grey

    Grey says:

    @nick: Ah, okay. So why don’t you try and trade an outfielder and Jackson for a huge upgrade at Util.? Also, that will allow you to have more flexibility so you can hold onto Torres and Wheeler if they’re both closers when Figgins returns. And if they’re not closers, I’m sure someone else will be and you’ll have that extra spot to play with.

  46. nick says:

    Which Outfielder should I try and trade? I always have trouble completing trades with people because I can’t make enticing trades. You have any suggestions as to who I should look to trade for and who i should trade ?

  47. p0rk burn says:

    @IowaCubs: Cross your fingers that this rain delay lasts I guess. Maybe it will be rained out for a doubleheader tomorrow. Its not often someone would actually root for a game to be rained out but stranger things have happened.

  48. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @p0rk burn: A friend of mine in Chicago for the game today just texted me this: “Wet outside… rain delay… had too many beers… gotta piss.” Not sure that’s a forecast, but it’s at least entertaining.

    Lilly’s going to start regardless, so the lefty-lefty matchup doesn’t look good for Ian.

  49. Dr.J says:

    I was proposed my Erik Bedard and Derek Lee for their Garret Atkins and Jake Peavy, 5×5 roto league and i was planning on putting atkins at my 3b position and putting braun in the OF.

  50. Grey

    Grey says:

    @nick: I’d start low and work your way up. Package Burrell and Jackson and shoot for BJ Upton. When that doesn’t cut, which it probably won’t, go for Phillips. Then when that doesn’t happen, offer Jackson/Figgins. Just keep packaging Jackson with an excess OF, but stop short of Lee. If need be, trade Escobar/Jackson/Burrell for Upton or Phillips.

    It’s hard to say exactly what really is going to make a trade happen, because I don’t know what the other teams look like or their strengths and weaknesses. Look for a team that has a strong 2B, cause ideally, you’d like to upgrade Escobar and move him or one your excess outfielders into Util.

  51. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Dr.J: Sounds fair.

  52. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    Okay Volquez haters: I’ve been offered a trade of Volquez for Pierre and Capps. I need saves and steals.

    My pitching roster is Volquez, Wainwright, Contreras, Litisch, Guthrie. Closers are Torres, Ryan, Putz and Al Reyes with Broxton and Marmol in reserve.

    Would this be an acceptable return for Volquez based on my needs?

  53. Grey

    Grey says:

    @IowaCubs: Nope. You can do better.

  54. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @IowaCubs: All due respect, IC: blecccch. Blee-eck. Blick blech blacch.

    Volq should garner at least a tier 2 hitter, a la… Justin Morneau. That’s who I got, and I feel like I was underpaid.

    If someone offered you Papelbon for Volq, you’d have every right to ask for more.

  55. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Turns out I can flip Youk for Joba, which makes me like the whole thing a lot better.

    So it boils down to:

    Give: AGonzo, Soria
    Get: Kazmir, Joba


  56. nick says:

    got rejected kinsler for cojack/burrell and kinsler cojack/figgins…the kid is my roommate from college, knew he would reject those

  57. nick says:

    also offered kinsler for cojack/young and he rejected

  58. Chase says:

    @nick: why do you want to trade kinsler for cojack…..

  59. nick says:

    no i have co jack…im tryin to get rid of him and another guy

  60. Grey

    Grey says:

    @nick: CJ/Young was a fair trade for Kinsler. Sometimes you just can’t get certain players away from their owners. You might have try a different owner and a different 2B.

  61. Grey

    Grey says:

    @IowaCubs: Edmonds? Seriously? Why?

  62. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @Grey: He’s 7 for 13 with 2hr against Cook. I suppose (I mean I hope) this is his swan song and the Cubs will make the Fukudome move to center against righties and try an occasional Murton/Hoffpauir platoon in right.

  63. p0rk burn says:

    Is the wind blowing out of Wrigley today? Dr. LongBomb is in.

    Side note: We have a mole. A day or two after we get our razzball commenter league going they are trying the same thing over at Yahoo? in the comments (I’ve decided they deserve the ? more than ! because they seem rather clueless). We knew they were biting the posts but the comments? Thats just low.

  64. Grey

    Grey says:

    @IowaCubs: I was talking about in the bigger picture. BTW, he also has good numbers against Dave Stieb. (I just pulled a random old pitcher to say, “Those numbers aren’t an indication of recent success.”)

    Yeah, why can’t they give that pair a chance? Edmonds’s swan song was three years ago.

  65. Grey

    Grey says:

    @p0rk burn: re: Wind — Popups are going out. Thank God I don’t have Lilly and do have Cook.

    Y? — I like the idea of a question mark.

  66. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @Grey: Thank God I dropped Cook for Danny Cabrera last week for the two start week! Phew!

    @p0rk burn: I don’t understand what you’re saying about our ?Yahoo? league. What do you mean a mole? If you mean my melanoma, I totally got that removed last year.

  67. wakeNbake says:

    i was offered Matt Cain for Roy Oswalt, good move?

  68. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Grey: Sorry, I’m braindead — so this means yes? Rios for Dunn is a good deal, if I get Dunn? A Dunn deal, as it were?

  69. p0rk burn says:

    @Iowa: I’m sure its pure coincidence but literally a day or two after we started talking about our league one of the commenters in Roto Arcade started recruiting for a comment-league. Now what would be really cool is if somehow we played them in a league and showed them how Razzball-fueled teams totally dominate the Y? monkeys. One of the recruiting calls even said something along the lines of getting bragging rights. The timestamps show the true story, they might as well copy/paste our comments and edit out the names. Jerks.

  70. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Best news clip of the day:

    “Padres manager Bud Black says a crack in Chris Young’s skull has to heal to ensure his brain doesn’t get infected.”

    Take that, Kaz Matsui and Carlos Guillen. Infected brain beats anal fissure everytime.

    I look forward to Young staggering back to the mound, pitching a perfect game, then lumbering into the crowd to feed on the fresh brains of young fans…

  71. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: re: Tall Young — Wow, that might be the comment of the week.

    Yeah, Dunn deal. Obviously you have to balance him properly with some average guys.

  72. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @p0rk burn: It’s hard to be humble when you’re the best. I saw that on a bumper sticker once.

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: I love a website where we’re free to laugh at anal fizzures and serious head trauma.

    In related news, Ryan Freel and pal Farney just went on the DL for an “infected brain.” Poor Farney.

  73. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Grey: Speaking of head trauma, am I nuts to do that AGonzo/Soria for Kamir/Joba trade?

    I am going to keep posting this until someone tells me it is the steal of the century.

  74. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: Sorry, missed where you asked before or thought it was answered by someone else.

    I’m not crazy about Kaz, BP likes him, you like BP, do the trade. I think Soria for Joba is in your favor. Is this a fair trade that could conceivably turn out to be in your favor? Definitely. Without a doubt. *thumbing through* Fo’ sho! Is this a deal that could leave you shaking your head and stuck with only Soria? Yup. It’s not as safe as I’d like for myself, but I can completely understand it and it could turn out to be a coup. Just doesn’t say coup all over it, as Fidel might have said back in the 50s.

  75. Emcobra says:

    I’ve had the fun of whaching Kershaw pitch last year 8 or 9 times for the Great Lake Loons. This is what I’ve seen.

    The Dodgers have handled him with kid gloves. Not only has he been on pitch counts but several times I’ve seen him pitch the first couple innings just throwing fastballs. After seeing this a couple times I have to belive the Dodgers were behind it. I saw him give up 5 runs in two innings including a homer after that he mixed in breaking stuff and was unhitable striking out 7 or 8 guys in the next 4 innings. It was the best losing effort I’ve ever seen. Don’t believe the crap some have said about his lack of endurance it’s all pitch count for why he’s only gone 5-6 innings.

    He leaves some fastballs up in the zone, A batters couldn’t hit them but big leaguers possibly.

    95-96 all day long and a lefty. He has better stuff then Bedard has. It may take him a couple years to put it all together with control but he has better stuff than 99% of pitchers right now.

  76. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: Risky. Kazmir is like Sam Jackson in “Unbreakable” risky, but without the Shamalan “TWIST” at the end.

    Joba is risky, too, but I love him even though he’s from Nebraska. I guess it’s the Cubs fan in me that wishes every Kerry Wood type out there success.

    I think you win this trade 55/45 in your favor.

  77. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Emcobra: Awesome insight. Thanks!

  78. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Baron Von Vulturewins: God, I won’t let this die…. just to be clear, I end up with Kazmir and Joba. I give away AGonzo and Soria.

    Everyone in the world is telling me not to do the trade. My old fantasy partner called me to tell me not to do it. My mother sent me a telegram: DO NOT TRADE STOP.

    Yet I’m considering it. Gotta shake things up! Send a message to the clubhouse!

    Plus, I like this:

    1B: Morneau
    OF: Holliday, Pence, Bruce/Francouer
    Util: Dunn
    SP: Hamels, Kazmir, Cain, Joba

    better than this:

    1B: Morneau
    OF: Holliday, Rios, Pence, Bruce/Francouer
    Util: Gonzo
    SP: Hamels, Cain, Fart, Burp, Splat

  79. SaltyBiscuits says:

    @ BVV

    Now let me admit I am a huge Gonzo fan. With that in mind, I like that trade for you. Sure, it is risky. Injury risk is very scary. But looking at your lineup, you’d be replacing Gonzo with Dunn and also getting Kazmir and Joba? That move shouldn’t hurt your offense that much while giving your pitching staff a huge boost (if Kazmir can stay healthy…).

    I say go for it. If for no other reason than we can all tell you want to make the trade, but are looking for justification. Go with your gut!

  80. Grey

    Grey says:

    I will never doubt Edmonds again. I have now picked him up on every team simply for his rugged good looks and mass appeal. I apologize to you, Edmonds. Please forgive me.

  81. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    HOLY POOP. JIM EDMONDS HAS JUST MADE THIS A ONE RUN GAME. (I say as I sigh in relief for dropping Cook last week).

    I can’t believe he’s actually hitting today.

  82. Did I mention that Edmonds is OPS+ing 25 (-25 with the Cubs)?

    Ugh, so terribad.

  83. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:


    Okay, my excitement has now mellowed. Yay Cubs.

  84. Why can’t WGN show all the games anymore?


  85. SaltyBiscuits says:

    Guess “Mad” Manny Corpas won’t be threatening for the closer spot for a while…

    As Kevin McAllister once said “Manny Corpas…WOOF!”

  86. JR says:

    A poster on John Sickels’ blog says that Carlos Gonzalez will be called up by the As. Obviously, I don’t know if that’s true, but do you have any thoughts? I have to imagine that this is more exciting that Wlady being called up…

  87. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @Freak: It’s an MLB thing. Just as the YES network can’t be nationwide without extra innings, WGN (Cubs) and TBS (Braves) were giving those two teams a disproportionate amount of TV revenue, so they now do a few games a week only. Not fair to the Royals I guess.

  88. JR says:

    Ahh, Marmol. 10 pitches, 3 K’s…

  89. wakeNbake says:

    Spilborghs another HR, I dont know if I can resist adding him anymore.

  90. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @SaltyBiscuits: Thanks. Just out of curiosity, how/why are you a huge Gonzo fan? Are you from the Bay Area and/or Gonzalez family? I wish you were in my league, where he seems to get about as much respect as Rob Deer. This is .280 100-30-100 people! #17 in Yahoo! He’s even on Funston’s Big Board!

    I have also determined that this year I will swap and barter with the abandon of a crooked carpet salesman. I’ve taken this all way too seriously the last few years, which has made me a) win my league repeatedly and b) miserable.

  91. Bob says:

    Hey Grey and everybody who posts here —

    Nothing substantive here. I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who posts here for making this one of the best places, if not the best place, on the internet for up to the second roto information and advice. You guys are knowledgeable, generous with your opinions, and generally right about most things.

    I look forward to the treasures I find here every day.

    YOU ALL ROCK!!!!!

  92. Grey

    Grey says:

    @JR: I’ve heard nothing about it, so I went snooping the ‘net for anything and came up with zilch. Let us know if you do hear anything else.

  93. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Bob: Since Rudy and I ain’t doing this for the $$$, that’s cool to hear. And the other commenters do rock. Why do I suddenly feel a hug coming on? This is weird.

  94. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    @Grey: What I love the best about this blog is that you’re probably either A) doing this at work and getting paid for it, or B) blogging in sweatpants.

    I mean both with the utmost amoritous fortitude.a

  95. Grey

    Grey says:

    @JR: Yeah, that’s official all right. Thanks for the heads up.

  96. wakeNbake says:

    haha…ur the man BOBAY!

  97. Zebo says:

    is brian funston an idiot?

  98. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    @Grey: Don’t feel bad — after that SaltyBiscuits comment about “we can all tell you want to make this trade” I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. I’m not ashamed.

    On the subject of mutual admiration, I take it from the rivals post that your actual real name in real life is Grey. Which is great first name, I can’t lie.

    Also, I take it that Rudy Gamble’s actual real name is Rudy Gamble, which kind of blows my mind. I had assumed it was a reference to some super-bad-ass 1970s outfielder, much as I’d assumed Grey’s photo was a young Don Mattingly. (I’m not entirely convinced it’s not.)

    Okay, carry on.

    Reasons I Hate My Current League #322: The guy in the Kazmir trade now wants to “see how he pitches tonight before I decide.” Because you know what makes a lot of sense? Basing a trade on one night’s performance. Part of me now hopes Kaz’s arm breaks off at the shoulder. DO YOU PEOPLE SEE WHAT I’M DEALING WITH HERE?

  99. nick says:

    SO the owner of Percival just dropped him…should I wait to pick him up or do you think he will get snatched up real quick ?

  100. SaltyBiscuits says:

    @ BVV

    I had Gonzo last year and developed a fondness for him. Sure, he would go 0-12 with 8 K’s in the occasional 3 game stretch, but he would also have a night when he was 4-5 with a homer and 3 doubles or something ridiculous.

    Also, in my current league, 1B is my black hole (although the newly mustachioed Yankee has been filling in nicely) and I made about eleventy billion offers for Gonzalez which were all rejected.

    I hear you on the rampant trading…I have already made 3 trades in my one league:

    Giving Sheets, Soriano & Furcal, getting Peavy & Granderson – Made in 1st week, initially thought I was the big winner but now… not so much. Curtis? If you’re out there, I miss you. Please start hitting triples again.

    Giving McLouth, getting Mike Jacobs – Shut up. :(. This trade should be subtitled “When Selling High Goes Bad”. Or alternately “Don’t Smoke Fat Blunts and Make Fantasy Trades”.

    Giving Carlos Lee and Felix Hernandez, getting A-Rod – Jury is still out but I think A-Rod will show up big time in the Summer and make this a definite win for my squad.

  101. Grey

    Grey says:

    @nick: Even if you’re loaded at closer, I play the credo that any closer is worth a waiver pick and there’s no indication that Percy wouldn’t be the closer in two weeks, so I grab him. Now if he has a setback before your waiver goes through, then that’s a different story.

  102. wakeNbake says:

    What do you think of Alexi Casilla?

  103. Grey

    Grey says:

    @wakeNbake: Some speed, mediocre everything else. Now with every day job in Minny, but not that exciting unless your 2nd base guy is really lacking.

  104. BigFatHippo says:

    @pork burn #71

    I used to be on Roto Arcade for awhile but got sick of most of those guys. Saw a guy comment 1 time about Razzball and here I remain. Still check in from time to time but I’m officially a Razzballaholic. Wanna know why?

    Rudy and Grey answer yer freakin questions!!!!!!!!!

  105. Dr.J says:

    Hey, i need a 2nd opinion on a trade

    Getting: Peavy and Atkins

    Giving: Bedard and Derek Lee

    5×5 roto league and i was planning of putting MY Braun to OF and putting Atkins at 3B.

  106. p0rk burn says:

    Hippo: I still read it from time to time but mostly to see what my leaguemates are basing their decisions on. 3/4 of that league makes their moves based on those posts. I almost feel sorry for them. There is actually a raging discussion going on right now about how I think they are all morons for considering themselves knowledgeable in fantasy baseball because they make decisions off of what Y? says. I even suggested a game where we guess what moves a certain member will make next depending on what Funston et al. say. I’d rather let them all drink the kool-aid while I strike out for artesian springs elsewhere. Let them eat cake – just don’t tell them its actually a dog biscuit with frosting.

    I remember seeing your goofy ass name on there accompanied by a third-person reference to Hippos. I’m not sure which is funnier right now, the Hippo promising “there will be blood” or Rod Beck inviting us to use his shitter as long as we use a match. Both make me laugh.

  107. p0rk burn says:

    @Dr J: Grey gave you his opinion with comment #51. In my mind its a wash as presented so it depends on your context. Bedard is a good pitcher playing for a team that can’t produce runs or win, Peavy is a good pitcher playing for a team that can’t produce runs or win. Sounds like you have a stud in the wings at first if you aren’t sticking Atkins there. If you aren’t adversely affected moving Lee go for it.

  108. BigFatHippo says:

    pork burn

    Already changed my name on there, many more to come. Takes awhile to find what suits me best as I’m bi-polar or narciccistic, haven’t figured out which but I know I’m too smart to have a mental defect. Those doctors are all just stupid.

    Nuttsakk The Pirate works well for me in our private league.

  109. BigFatHippo says:

    Some Cardinal news from one who knows.

    Duncan sent to AAA, Joe Mather called up. Keep an eye on Mather, been raking at AAA.

    Personally, I try to stay away from the Cardinal outfield even though I’m a fan. (still holding Ludwick though) Iowa Cubs will make a snide remark next I’m sure.

  110. Chase says:

    bwahahah i love it when a rival has peavy, young, and dice-k all on the dl!!

  111. wakeNbake says:

    I thought with Crawford,Rios,Markakis in my outfield I was headed to the top of my league…..I cannot believe how bad they are playing recently….friggin unbelievable

  112. BigFatHippo says:

    Throwin 5 pitchers tomorrow.

    Kazmir, Webb, Hamels, Billingsley my rocks (Shields pitching right now)

    Jason Bergmann vs. Az in a pitchers park with the D-backs struggling. Start or sit?

    Leaning towards start, bout to blow up GS, Ks, Ws if everything works out. Currently have 8 to 10 roto pts in 10 man league in following cats.


    Start or sit?

  113. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BigFatHippo: D-backs love to swing the bat (and miss), I’d start Bergmann.

  114. BigFatHippo says:

    Thanks Grey. Just wanted somebody to say it. He’s in.

    Check out the Joe Mather catch in RF just now. Keep an eye out for that guy.

  115. Andy says:

    Why does EE hate me so?

  116. Chase says:

    Hanley Ramirez is officially pissing me off…He doesn’t even steal bases for me anymore

  117. wakeNbake says:

    its not just you, he hates every1

  118. IowaCubs

    IowaCubs says:

    Wow… Manny Parra is rolling.

  119. BSA says:

    Grey, Rudy, or BVV
    One slot open on my bench – who is more a better utility guy to have Votto or Victorino
    My offense (playing) is Mauer, Morneau, Utley, Greene, Longo, Pence, Vlad, Quentin, Victorino
    I dropped Victorino to put Kershaw on my bench so now I want to choose between Victorino and Votto
    I had dropped Damon two weeks ago for Victo and someone jsu tpicked up Damon while Victo is sitting in Free Agency – waiting for me to pick him back up
    That guy wonders why he is slumping.

  120. p0rk burn says:

    @Chase, any other Hanley owners: Hanley left the game with a left thumb injury. He was trying to catch a line drive when it hit him in the glove. He was able to get the out at second with a nice no-look toss to Uggla but he was in obvious pain for a few minutes on the field before he left. Hopefully its nothing serious but it looked like something that could be a fracture. Thats just speculation on my end though.

  121. BSA says:

    As I brought up Figgins earlier the posts matched what I am thinking – add to that he is a speed guy with a nagging hamstring I wonder what he brings to my bench
    Maybe he is my weak spot and I drop him….

  122. BigFatHippo says:

    Thanks pork burn

    Immediately canceled my trade offer. I was wondering why they took him out.
    Had a Bruce, Yunel, Webb for Hanley, Licnecum. Sounded good at the time but Hippo not taking any chances.

  123. p0rk burn says:

    Grey: put your books away and get out your pencil, its time for a popquiz!

    After hearing the news of Blalock’s wrist surgery today, you have finally grown tired of seeing his name sitting on your bench. You need a SP to stay competitive in the IP category. Rate these players in the order you would pick them up from the FA pool:

    Bergmann, Campillo, Slowey, Garrett Olson, Kuo.

    This test will be graded on a curve and represents 15% of your final grade.

  124. BigFatHippo says:


    Got a win out of Wheeler thanks to you. No decision for Shields.

    If I hadn’t scooped up Wheeler the Percival owner would have grabbed him. He was on me an hour after I already had him.

    Thanks for the scoop when Percival got hurt.

  125. BigFatHippo says:

    pork burn

    Shouldn’t you be studying for the Bars? Just wondering, John Grisham would be proud.

    Bergmann, Slowey, Olsen, Kuo. Campillo won’t go more than 6 IP.

    Just a guess on my part.

  126. p0rk burn says:

    The more guesses the better, we need scores to fill out the curve. I’ve called it a night as far as studying. I was pretty much studying all day (lets include the time spent messing with teams as studying, it makes me feel better). The way its set up is you start knocking out the subjects one by one. I’m pretty confident with one we are on right now. Go ahead, quiz me on the hearsay exceptions. I’m a rock.

    Interesting bit of vandalism on Grisham’s wikipedia page: “While studying at MSU, he became the official queef of America, a practice that would later assist in his creative endeavors.” I’m guessing thats not what you meant.

  127. BigFatHippo says:

    Not sure what a queef is but it doesn’t sound like anything I’m interested in.

    All I know about Grisham is from the first 450 books of his I read (A Time to Kill is still the best). Seems like 450.

    Hearsay exception? Answer this…………

    A baby seal walks into a club.
    I think not.


  128. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BSA: You need Victorino more than Votto, but I wouldn’t drop Votto. I’d try and trade him. I wouldn’t drop Figgins. I’d leave him on the DL and hope his speed returns when he does. Your team needs speed.

    @p0rk burn: Slowey, Bergmann, Olsen then punt. Agree with Hippo. The last two aren’t giving you IPs.

    re: Grisham — I’ve read a few of his books. Queef’s surprisingly accurate.

  129. BSA says:

    A trade would be great if my leaguemates would do a trade. It is like puling teeth or running through a buzzsaw because of f’in veto happiness.

  130. BSA says:

    I just picked up Votto off FA 2 weeks ago.

  131. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BSA: re: Votto — That’s pretty ridiculous. Are these friends or random schmohawks?

  132. Endless Summer says:

    @p0rk burn:

    Slowey looks to have the most potential and the best at getting you innings from here until the end of the year. He has Baltimore at home, at the White Sox , and at Milwaukee, followed by starts against the Nationals at home, and at San Diego. If he’s turned a corner those next three starts will be a good test, and the last two would be a great reason to pick him up.

    Garrett Olson has some great stuff, I’m not sure what the Orioles want from him, or what I would expect from him this year.

    I’d rate Slowey and Olson much higher than the rest, and advantage Slowey. I think he’ll improve, while Olson could show flashes of brilliance along with some poor starts.

    Bergmann might be good for innings this month, I have no faith in him long term.

    Campillo has pitched well, but I think he is just buying time until they call up Charlie Morton.

    Kuo has a very live arm, but he’s had shoulder and elbow problems. His IP by year (MLB and MiLB) 2006: 112.7 , 2007: 50.7 , 2008: 33.0 IP so far. I don’t see him going more than 80, and optimistically 100 IP this year. He may get you quality innings, but I think the Dodgers will be very cautious with him, so probably a bad place to look for more IP.

  133. BSA says:

    random – only three or four teams entertain trade talks, 3 teams play the hot hand or 2 start pitcher of the week, and 3 teams don’t do anything except put a team on the field. One guy always objects to my trades – three so far – sold volq for vlad, moved halladay for bedard, and sold beckett/kinsler for lincee/utley. Obviously none of them are razzing or else I would still be living with my sucky draft and not killing all of them.

    My bench has Votto, Bruce, Wells, and Figgins.
    Next week I play a team that dropped Pence for Olsen. I think I am rolling out the rookies Bruce and Kershaw, depending on how matchups look when I post later this weekend.

    Great throw in the 13th by Mora.

  134. Endless Summer says:

    Any love for Fukudome? I can get him thrown into a trade but haven’t watched closely at all this year. The first thing I thought when I looked at his stats was if he stole bases, I’d want him. He had a great start and cooled off in May.

  135. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Endless Summer: He really looked like the real deal in April. Actually didn’t like him in the preseason, then thought he might be something then traded for Jurrjens in a keeper.

    EDIT: Typo.

  136. BSA says:

    Basically I should be able to drop votto, get victo back and deal with finding votto if morneau goes down. correct?

  137. p0rk burn says:

    I like F-you-do-me personally.

    I picked up Bergmann for the spot start tomorrow (I need a starter to win IP) with the intention to drop him for Slowey. I’m not normally a streamer but I’ll pay the $.25 transaction fee to hopefully eke out a category.

    re: Votto – Somebody dropped him so I waited until the waiver period ended and snatched him in exchange for Loney. Loney was snagged with someone’s waiver so it really was Votto + a jump in the waiver priority for Loney. I’m blaming this on you Grey if it doesn’t work out but I have faith in you. Plus I normally ignore your advice when I don’t agree with it (see Uggla, Dan).

  138. Grey

    Grey says:

    @BSA: Yeah, that’s correct.

  139. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Can I just Pledge my Allegiance to Jay Bruce right now? 4 for 5? Are you kidding me? My prediction: .385, 42 HR, 168 RBIs, 60 steals. I’ve somewhat downgraded the numbers ’cause he came up in the end of May. Also, I have him down for 14 wins and 8 saves. Don’t ask how: HE’S JAY BRUCE MOFOS.

  140. Baron Von Vulturewins says:

    Edited to add: Cabrera looked good against dem Sox. Don’t sleep on the D-Cab, though he’s striking out exactly no one, which makes him the opposite of who he once was. He’s Bizarro Cabrera, or Bizrera (Cabrarro?).

    I cancelled my trade offer. Suck it, Kazmir owner. I’ll take my chances with Laffey, D-Cab, Fart and Burp.

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