by: Hoove
I was having an identity crisis, so I went to talk to my therapist. I told him that one day I felt like a teepee and the next day I felt like a wigwam. I said I don’t know which one is really me. I go back and forth–teepee, wigwam, teepee, wigwam. The psychiatrist finally […]
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by: Grey
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Secretly, what no one could know, before yesterday’s game in Milwaukee, Christian Yelich hired a hitman. Did he want something done to a person? Heavens no! His fine eh eff mother raised that boy well! No, what Yelich wanted done he whispered into the ear of the hitman he hired off of Craigslist. Thanks to scouts Razzball hired, we know what was said, and by ‘scouts,’ I mean eavesdroppers. Yelich whispered, “Take this baseball bat that does me no good, and beat the shi*t out of the humidor until it no longer functions.” Yelich said the only way they’d know definitively that the humidor is busted is if Keston Hiura (1-for-4, 2nd homer) could hit it out. Job well done, Humidor Hitman! Yelich also benefited from his own mafia ties (3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (3). The humidor hit was especially nice for me since two benefactors were two of my sleepers, Luis Urias (1-for-4, and his 1st homer, hitting leadoff), and the big star of the game, Willy Adames (2-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 7th and 8th homer, as he hits third. That sleeper of mine makes up for my Jarred Kelenic sleeper post! *dodges tomato* It doesn’t make up for it? *dodges another tomato* Okay! Geez! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
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by: Son
It was Wednesday. The sun had risen many hours prior and Son needed inspiration for his latest Razzball piece. The stomach growled. The mouth began to water. The nose began to inhale what the mind was dreaming of. Chicken and waffles from Roscoe’s then. As I eschewed the traffic-infested freeway of LA….Random thought: Don’t people […]
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by: C.A. James
In a medium whose format champions concision, I assume blurb writers follow a style mandate: Say as much as one can, in the fewest words possible. They surely must have a Strunk & White guide of their own. Imagine if Strunk & White had Twitter. Imagine their replies. “Gadzooks,” they might say, “I am agog at the critique I posted this evening!” they might say. Those dudes would post grammar rules every day and get roasted. Meanwhile, I find myself flummoxed when facing and critiquing wordy blurbs, as I preach brevity on a pedestal hewn from my own satirically tangled diction. It’s one thing to giggle at the classic, “Do as I say, not as I do.” It’s another thing entirely to throw rocks at a glass house, especially when my glass house follows the architectural logic of the Winchester mystery mansion.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Welcome back to another edition of the wire, where we check in on guys swinging hot bats who should be free to pick up. Hopefully your team is off to a blazing start, crushing the competition and setting the weekly high score. But if it isn’t, fret not for there are some hot hitters out there turn the ship around. Plus even the best teams can always get better. It’s still too early in the season for ratios to stabilize but we can use these early season performances as a guide to try and gauge a hitter’s value and what they can do for your team. So sit back, relax and heed my wisdom. Then run to the wire and upgrade your team.
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by: CableBoxScore
Sound the small sample size alarm, because it’s time once again to cast season-long judgment on less than four weeks’ worth of data for players. But this is the information we have, and fantasy baseball is a reactionary game. We can’t pause our waivers or our FAAB to get a better, more longitudinal look at […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Now that May the fourth was with us, we turn our attention to May the fifth and the six-game slate that starts at 6:45 pm ET on FanDuel. To dig deeper into the best plays, check out our DFS tools! We start things off with Cedric Mullins, OF: $3,200 – Baltimore is facing Chris Archer, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
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May the Fourth was with Rowdy-D2, as he had the night, that every hitter used to have in 2019, 4-for-6, 8 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer. Anyone who asks, I say grab Rowdy Tellez. You down to Jarred Kelenic or Rowdy Tellez and I’m Tellez who I want who I really really want. Wanna see who’s hot? Look at the 7-day Player Rater. Don’t have to scroll far down for Tellez. Wanna see a gorgeous Statcast page? Look at Tellez’s. I wrote a sleeper post last year for him, but my one caveat was: Does he have playing time? He struggled to find it; Jays shipped him off and now he won’t be denied, especially not on the planet of Tater-ooine:
Sorry, these are just so cringe that I can’t resist. Also, having a great night, and now deserves a Colt 45, was Andrew Cutchrissian (4-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs):
Okay, okay, one more, and this is the worst one, which makes it the best, Luis Chewurias:
Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?In my house, we watch a lot of Sesame Street, even the animated shorts like Elmo Gets a Puppy and The Monster at the End. I’m not sure you’ve lived until you’ve heard Cookie Monster sing the following:
“Me talk to me self.
Me talk to me seeelllfff.
Me talk to me self and then me knew that me could have courage.”
All Sesame Street songs are earworms but perhaps none more so than the Number of the Day, which features the Martians popping up from their Martian-holes and saying “Yep” for each digit each day: One. Yep. Two. Yep. Three. Yep. And so on.
St. Louis 1B OF Juan Yepez celebrates his home runs the same way, blasting the song and then shouting out “Yep” in the clubhouse for each home run he’s hit on the season. He was up to nine in just 22 games when the club decided they needed that song in the major league clubhouse and called him up Tuesday night. He’s in the lineup today, playing right field, which suggests he’ll probably bounce around between the outfield and infield, providing some days off here and there for lineup regulars. Might be the DH against right-handed pitchers if he’s not on the field somewhere. He got hot early last season and never stopped mashing. A lot of rookies are struggling to make the leap from AAA to MLB pitching, but few have been in their groove for as long as Juan has, so I’m optimistic he’ll find his rhythm if given the chance to do so.
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by: JTells
Good Day All, Thanks for returning once again to check out the updated rankings for First Base. I can’t remember ever seeing so many hard hit balls fall short at the warning track before as I’m sure you have all noticed as well. In some cases it’s worked out as I’ve either had the pitcher […]
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by: Paul Mammino
When we discuss stolen bases, we often only look at the positive. Talking about the league leaders and the teams who appear to be running most often. What we tend to miss, is discussing just the opposite. For example, the Detroit Tigers are currently in last place in stolen bases with only three thus far. […]
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by: MarmosDad
Hey all! MarmosDad is back again this week with another set of notes and tips to help set your DFS lineups on another full Wednesday of games. Like last week, we start nice and early at 12:40 ET with Arizona at Miami, and run through a full 17 game slate that ends at 10:10 ET […]
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