Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live and let’s change the Twins closer.  Joe Nathan is now the closer with two saves this weekend.  As I kinda said last week, Matt Capps was pitching so bad, he picked up Joe Nathan in his fantasy league.  And that’s me paraphrasing me!  Since Joe Nathan and Ron Gardenhire met on match.com many years ago, their relationship has blossomed from heated affair to full blown love.  They’re even Facebook official.  Assuming Nathan doesn’t cough up five leads in the matter of a week, he should have the closer job for the rest of the season.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Scott Baker – Placed on the DL with a muscle strain in his elbow, but is only supposed to miss one more start.  Mr. Baker also sounds like a Clue character.  Speaking of which, Clue has been updated, which makes me feel old.  There’s no more conservatory or lead pipe.  Now it’s shizz like, “Colonel Mustard in the spa with the trophy.”  I guess a lead pipe was too scary sounding.  So murdering someone with a common object like a trophy isn’t scary?  Also, Colonel Mustard in a spa?  He’s a decorated officer!  Clue, that’s a fail with a hashtag.

Ryan Braun – Has no get up and go because he had da calf on ice.  Could be back on Monday.

John Axford – K-Rod waived his option so the Brewers could use him in any capacity, which is north of tenacity.  So the Brewers chose to use K-Rod to setup Axford this weekend.  “I beat up my father-in-law over much less.”  Right now, you have to hold both K-Rod and Axford, but it looks like Axford is the first choice.

Jose Reyes – Supposed to return on Tuesday.  I’ll believe it when I see it.  “Grey, you have no faith in medicine.”  That’s Jack White reading Razzball.

Jason Isringhausen – The Mets said it would be a closer by committee.  Is anything done better by committee besides jerk seasoning, which is flavor by committee?  Mets also said Isringhausen would get first crack, but I still believe that’s to raise his trade value.

Blake Beavan – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Has a pretty hideous K-rate, i.e., Blake not so lively.  Also, Bedard’s either going to take his rotation spot or he’s going to pitch in Fenway next.

Mike Carp – Was recalled on Sunday.  No relation to Mike Trout.  Carp hit 21 homers in 65 games in the PCL, which is like hitting with an aluminum bat on the moon.  He also doesn’t have guaranteed playing time.  Obviously he’s worth a flyer right now in AL-Only leagues.

Matt Harrison – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Harrison now has an ERA of 2.91, my sweet lord.  I wouldn’t pick him up because of his walks and lack of Ks, but he proves the theory that the best spot starter is the pitcher facing the Mariners in Safeco (followed closely by the Padres in Petco).

Shaun Marcum – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks and the win in Coors.  Kind of start I really don’t mind being sonavabenched on.  Marcum also left with a stiff neck, but he just got a Viagra stuck in his throat and should be fine for his next start.

Kyle Kendrick – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 0 Ks.  I wouldn’t pick him up with your team.

Ryan Madson – 2/3 IP, 1 ER.  Madson always seems to struggle when it’s being reported that he could lose his job in the near future.  Stop watching Lifetime movies in the bullpen and cowboy up!

Chase Utley – 0-for-4 with his 9th steal, but only has 4 homers on the year.  To fix his knee, did the doctors attach his arms to hips and put his legs on his shoulders?

Josh Beckett – 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 0 walks and 6 Ks vs. Jeff Niemann (8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 2 walks, 10 Ks).  Lower the mound!  Beckett’s obviously an ace this year.  As for Neimann, I don’t trust him because of his usually pedestrian K-rate, but this was obviously a great start against a tough team, which followed his great start vs. the Yankees.  He gets the Royals and A’s next.

Alex Presley – 3-for-6, 3 RBIs and his 4th steal.  Jose Tabata who?!  Um, the guy that’s going to return and take Presley’s spot.  Yeah, I’m not sure how this is gonna shake out yet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t grab Presley in the mean’s while.

Brett Gardner – 3-for-4, 3 runs and 2 steals.  Since May 1st, he’s hitting .318 with 22 steals.  Cust kayin’.

Phil Hughes – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Hasn’t gone more than 90 pitches in any start this year.  Cashman must be fine-tuning Joba Rules.  Guess it’s better than Pavano Rules, which was hit Pavano over the head with a blunt object and bury him in the Pine Barrens.

Travis Snider – 2-for-4 and a steal.  Hitting over .400 in the last week with three steals in the last 4 games.  Russell Martin says, “You’re welcome.”

Zack Cozart – 2-for-4, hitting .400 since his call up and yesterday he homered.  See, the Reds didn’t even need to go to the free clinic to rid themselves of their bad case of the Renteria’s.

Homer Bailey – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks and Bailey didn’t get hurt.  It’s an early Christmas miracle!

Felipe Paulino – 7 Ip, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  That’s eight baserunners and eight Ks, not infinity.  Though it may as well be for Paulino.

Grady Sizemore – Day-to-day with a knee contusion.  His career trajectory is the exact opposite of everyone else who has ever taken nude photos of themselves.

Matt Wieters – 2-for-4 with a homer off Frank Herrmann.  When I saw Herrmann’s last name, it made me think of one of those spray painted, graffiti shirts you and your significant other got when you were fifteen.  I wonder if his wife has an Indians jersey with the last name, Hisgirl.

Nick Punto – His elbow is forcing him out for the year.  Sounds like his elbow probably owns Punto in fantasy.

Chase Headley – Might need an MRI on Monday for his calf.  BTW, what do you call Padre hitters that you only own in deep leagues?  Deep Friars.

Danny Espinosa – 3-for-5 with his 17th homer and just missed his 18th.  Anyone that has doubts about him hasn’t seen him swing the bat.  On a side note, Davey Johnson came out to argue the just miss was a home run and he looks like one of those computer-aged photos of what JFK would look like now.  One small step for the Nats, I suppose.

Tom Gorzelanny – Variety reported he was ankled from his start.

Jair Jurrjens – 5 IP, 6 ER as the Fangraphs Database laughed maniacally.

Mike Stanton – Hit two home runs on Saturday to bring his season total to 20.  I say he hits 40+ homers next year, assuming the Mayans are wrong and there is a next year.  “Why are we buying a new calender?”  That’s a young Mayan talking to his elder in December.

Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-4, 2 runs.  Emily Boneface has the highest OBP for a leadoff hitter, has stolen 6 bases in the last week, has a 16-game hitting streak and calculated pi to 2.7 trillion decimal places.

Hanley Ramirez – 2-for-4 with a satisfying slam & legs.  Hitting .383 in July with 4 homers and 2 steals.  Jack McKeon just knows how to talk to the kids!

Javier Vazquez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners (no walks), 10 Ks.  That’s as impressive as I’ve seen Vazquez this year.  If he’s available in any leagues, I’d get on board for his next start vs. the Padres.

Vladimir Guerrero – To the DL with a small fracture in his hand after being hit by a pitch.  Orioles knew there was something wrong when Vlad saw a pitch and didn’t swing the bat.

David Aardsma – Went for Tommy John surgery.  In related news, Tommy John is collecting nickels for all the times he’s mentioned.  “Who needs the Hall of Fame?  I got nickels, snitches!”

Peter Bourjos – To the DL, but Trout looks pretty overmatched so far.  Might want to look elsewhere.  In keepers, you obviously ignore early results.

Jeff Keppinger – 3-for-5 and Blanco Polanco now has homers in back-to-back games.  He’s like jarred salsa; he’s not very hot, but he’ll still give you indigestion.

Matt Downs – Out while his wife, Leah, has a child.  Yes, her name is Leah Downs.  I’d say!

Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks.  He’s always brilliant at home.  BTW, realizing that every good pitching park ends in co — Petco, Safeco, Metco — Oakland’s stadium now goes by O.co, which I’m not even sure how to pronounce.  How about, “What the eff.co?”  Senior exec, “Corporate’s coming down hard on us to rebrand ourselves.”  Junior exec, “How about a name that no one can pronounce?”  Senior exec, “I’m gonna tell our boss that just so you’re fired, Stevens!”  Later that day, Boss, “A name we can’t pronounce?  That’s crazy enough to work!”

  1. Terrence Mann says:

    The Mayans are giving us until the end of 2012. But according to them, Chipper, Livan, and every pitcher Dusty Baker ever managed should be dead by now.

  2. Steve says:

    I won’t be happy until Bream is called up and he, Carp and Trout play for a team managed by Salmon.

  3. 626 jack says:

    I hear Mark Priors arm is buried somewhere near Figueroa and Adams.

    @grey, does heisey deserve a speculative add in the hope the Dusty stops being crusty? the guy is like stubbs 2.0.

  4. 626 jack says:

    Salmon can get Kevin Bass to coach third

  5. Pistol Pete says:

    Im sensing no love for Felipe Paulino. The guy packs some serious heat, walks are low, Ks are high. I think he will reward many owners.

  6. ChiSox says:

    Who do I sit, points league?

    Beachy – @Col,@Cin…Jimenez, D. Willis
    Gallardo – @AZ, @SF….Enright, Vogelsong
    Hellickson – NY, @KC…Calon, Paulino

  7. Arrec Bardwin says:

    start capuano and/or lowe in 16 team h2h points league?

    as always, thanks.

  8. earl weaver says:

    5×5, which 2 do i start for the week?

    Floyd @Cle
    Gio Gonz @NYY
    Lewis Tor
    Wandy @ChC
    Rubby dlR @SF

    thanks for your input

  9. timSTi says:

    An uncommon white stripes reference? I<3Grey in the most heterosexual way..

  10. MattTruss

    MattTruss223 says:

    ugh, depressing weekend for my team. Saturday I rolled out Hamels and Norris, them combined with valverde gave me a nice 9-something ERA on the day and saw me lose 4 pts. in ERA and 3 in WHIP! Yuck!

    This was in Valverde’s Yahoo! notes today:

    RHP Jose Valverde, rocked for three runs in a non-save outing Saturday, is still perfect in save opportunities after getting his 25th in a four-batter ninth. Valverde ran his pitch count to at least 20 for both games but will benefit from the Tigers’ day off Monday. He has allowed just one run in his 25 save chances this season but has an ERA of 7.56 in 19 appearances where there has been no save on the line.

    Can you say, KAZAAM! Doesn’t Leyland know this stuff?

  11. MattTruss

    MattTruss223 says:

    Oh, and I benched Grienke @Coors which would have salvaged my ERA some. I could do no right…ok, i feel better now.

  12. joecoz says:

    Grey–H2H points league that penalizes for K’s–Cozart or S. Drew for the rest of the year at SS? Thanks in advance!

  13. Eddy says:

    Grey, whom do you prefer for all-around best start?:

    Porcello @ OAK
    Cecil v. SEA

  14. Eddy says:

    Also, Davey Johnson has cited that Stasburg has a shot at pitching in September.

  15. cubbies299 says:

    Hey, I have Rendon, Jennings, G Cole, Taillon, and Jacob Turner in my minors. Would you advise dropping one of them to take up Duffy? He’s shown great control lately and he’s closer to the majors than some of those names. Gotta pick him up soon

  16. Lance Berkman says:

    I HOMERED DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. L-Boogie says:

    Start Danks @ KC this week?

    Pitcher fresh off the DL? What could go wrong?

    Thanks dude.

  18. OaktownSteve says:

    Dick Harden. His 110th pitch was 95. Think he can keep it up? Test him for Cialis?

    I challenge all to think of a player with more syllables in his name than Emilio Bonifacio.

    This will not mean much to anybody, but Cubs radio man Keith Moreland is almost indistinguishable from Tim McCarver in voice, delivery and content. Uncanny and not the good uncanny, like “she bears an uncanny resemblance to a young Cheryl Tiegs.”

  19. Melissa says:

    Grey – Better keeper for next year, Danny Espinoza or Eric Hosmer? We only get to keep one rookie – and their cost is the same. Thanks!

  20. peter says:

    I really thought you were going to use the “the best spot starter is the pitcher facing the Mariners in Safeco (followed closely by the Padres in Petco)” at the end of the Harrison blurb to segue into Barry Zito. Looks like I misread things. Kind of like I did re: Zito as a spot-starter.

  21. papasmurf says:

    Hate this Harrison guy. How does he have a 2.91 ERA but has an ERA of around 6 for me in spot starts? He’s ensuring I have a higher pick next year. At least the Vazquez pick up worked.

  22. FishMan says:

    Gray, Should I pick up Zito or Willis and drop Moseley?

    I have the following reserve guys at $5 for 2 more years in 9 team NL only keeper with significant inflation. What are the chances that they are keepers for next year? Mayberry, Juan Francisco, Blanks.

    Thank you!

  23. FishMan says:

    Just wanted to say sorry for calling you Gray in last post. It’s Monday, ya know?

    As long as we’re here, is Furcal done? I have him for $1, but he’s killing me.

  24. crane game dispair says:


    Ryan Roberts, Mike Moustakas, or David Freese for the rest of the way?

  25. Van Hagaar says:

    Dom brown or thames in a H2H nonkeeper?

  26. Chris says:

    Pick 1 –

    Beachy @COL, @CIN
    Capuano vs FLA, @ FLA
    J Vazquez vs SD

  27. Would you drop Marmol for Nathan?

    Also, are Nathan’s fries awesome or what?

  28. Wilsonian says:

    I’m using Freese at 3rd right now in a deep 16 team H2H league. Needless to say, he’s not doing a damn thing. I’m in 3rd place, and would like to find the best bat to use here.

    MMD, McGehee, Boneface, Encarnacion are available. Would you drop Freese for any of them, or just ride out the cold streak?

    I’m also thinking about stashing Lawrie for a hopeful pick me up in August if the dude would quit getting plunked.

  29. RandomItalicizedVoice says:

    Greydawg plus any and all RCs,

    In a standard 16-team roto league where I am near the bottom of the barrel in HRs (2.5 points), doing decent in SBs (10 pts – I have Ellsbury) and average (11 pts), and have pretty decent pitching that has started to really come around (Gallardo, Beachy, CBills, Bedard (DL), Morrow, Niese, Luebke, Vazquez, Harden….plus James Shields)…and I am doing pretty well in pitching cats…what do you think of the following trade:

    Chris Young (ARI) + Grant Balfour coming to me for James Shields + Sean Marshall???

    As always, thanks in advance.

  30. Fletch says:

    @Grey: 1 start Bumgarner vs. LA or 2 start Beachy @ Col & Cin

  31. SetPhaserstoDL says:


    Unconcerned with the mounting number of injuries with Marcum? Shoulder stiffness, hip strain, neck strain, what’s next? He hasn’t had an oblique issue yet. He’s probably overdue for that.

    Trade: Beachy for Nolasco and Melancon

  32. chata says:

    @ Grey :

    lots of good stuff here , but the headline is one of your best
    and deserves recognition .
    lord knows what kind of google searchers it will entice .

    pine barrens ?
    isn’t that an area of jersey ??
    and , wouldn’t you have to have a golf background to know that ???
    cust kurious .

    again , nice write-up (again) .

    p.s. i don’t know if you can track down the play that marcum apparently
    got hurt on (bunt… fowler ?) …. but it was pretty spectacular .
    would appreciate someone posting a link to it here .

  33. Fletch says:

    I can use A. Bailey as a RP with only 5 games this week or plug in Stauffer with 2 starts in my RP spot instead of Bailey? …those starts Stauffer has are awful though

  34. SpiralArchitect says:

    Just received an offer. I get Crawford and he gets Ethier. I am pretty much sick of Ethier and am willing to take the risk.

    I still have Cruz, McCutchen, Pence and Heyward.


  35. Ass Dan's Kids says:

    Any (change of) opinion on Wakefield against the O’s tonight? Looked like a decent spot in a win-heavy h2h league until the twilight doubleheader last night. The ww is picked clean so there’s not much available (Lyles, Swarzak) to replace him.

  36. herschel says:

    @Grey: weekly roto league. need help with whip/era. start two of the following:

    d. hudson vs col
    scherzer @ min
    kuroda vs was
    norris @ chc

  37. Eddy says:


    Is Venters worth holding onto in a 12-team H2H league with no holds?

    Guys like Mike Dunn, Melancon and Javy Guerra are in the pool.

  38. Rodger-Dodger says:

    Deep Friars… Ha!… It’s true, except that even more so… I play in a Chinese, Fantasy MLB, NL-Only League and for some reason ALL of the waiver pick-ups, are universally called “Deep Friars”. It’s very confusing. They don’t even have to play for the Padres!

  39. Mike says:

    So if you had to choose one of the following for a 5×5 league with no bench, would it be Axford, K-Rod or Niemann?

  40. Mhfella says:

    Hi Grey,
    In a very tight race with ERA and WHIP; could lose a lot of ground with a bad performance. Beachy has been much better on the road this year, but would you start him at Rockies tommorrow? Thanks!

  41. Mhfella says:

    What does your crystal ball tell you about Gregg losing his job in the near future. Would you pick up Koji at this time and drop Bastardo to do so? I love Bastardo for the era and whip even if Madson successfully takes over but I could stand to gain some saves points as well. Thanks again!

  42. AP says:

    Grey, I am starting to hate Ian Desmond, so would you be mad at me if I dropped him for Cozart? Any reason I shouldn’t do this?

  43. Cheese

    Cheese says:

    Please rank rest of season in 8×8 league (H, SLG, BB)

    Cozart, J Weeks, Furcal


  44. L-Boogie says:

    Let’s see if “in some leagues” means “in MY league.”

    Which 2 to start this week (5×5 roto):

    Danks @ KC
    Marcum @ SF
    Kuroda vs Wash
    Bud Norris @ Cubbies

    Thanks dude.

  45. tzh5 says:


    Drop Rios in a 12-team-mixed?

    What are your expectations for Jonathan Sanchez when he comes off the DL? Is he worth a pickup?


  46. Wilsonian says:

    Would you drop Rauch or Venters in a Ks and Ks/9 league with no holds for Lawrie?

  47. PFR says:

    Long time reader, second time commenter. I’m looking to move SB’s for HRs. Who provides the most power going forward: S.Smith, Carlos Lee or M.Moreland? Thanks.

  48. jack says:

    which three do I start for the week? nyjer, ichiro, a torres, venable, joyce, brantley … ichiro is expensive and would force me to shed a pitcher. thx

  49. Jay says:

    Drop latos, cueto, scherzer or hellickson for phil hughes?

  50. CL says:


    What are your thoughts on Carlos Carrasco for a 10 team dynasty league? Should I get off the roller coaster now, or keep him in the stable?

    Here’s my staff: Hanson, Haren, Shields, Beachy, Garza, Sanchez. I think the 6 starters are where I want to be, filling the rest of my bullpen with RPs.

  51. CL says:

    by the way, I traded Latos for Crow & Pestano… even against yer advice…

  52. herschel says:

    @Grey: starting collmenter today vs mil?

  53. Dominic says:

    Are you selling Carrasco or do you think he will turn it around. His past 3 starts were against hot hitting Toronto and the Yanks and he didnt pitch too bad against the O’s. His next start is against the White Sox, should I ditch him before that?

  54. Clueless says:

    Oh Great Mustachio One:

    Which pitcher straight up is a fair trade value (in a vacuum of course) for Chris Perez? (AL Ten Teamer, non-keeper)

    Pineda, Price, Cahill, Scherzer, or Floyd

    Thank you in advance.


    El Clueless

  55. The Burghler says:

    12 team head to head 7×7 with ops/ks

    Hardy or Aybar?

    AJ or Ramos?

  56. Buster's Broken Leg says:

    Hold Bartlett or drop for Kozart? 12×12 redraft.

    Great stuff! Thanks!

  57. Jock says:

    First Grey, thanks for a wonderful website!

    10 team h2h keeper 7×7 with obp/slugging

    Side A: Ryan Zimmerman
    Side B: Adam Jones/Eric Hosmer

    Side B(me) would replace Zim with Neil Walker until A-Rod gets off the DL.

    My hitters:
    Ad. Gonzalez
    Neil Walker

    Do I need to do this trade, or do i stand pat?
    Thanks in advance!

  58. WDE05 says:

    The drubal just hit a 3 run bomb, 17th on the year. Guy remains en fuego.

  59. Fletch says:

    Marcum/Cruz for Hanson/Markakis? Or I can do Stanton instead of Cruz…

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