Josh Johnson injured? That would be precedented. He came out of the game with a weak right shoulder. Yeah, and I have a weak pitching staff without you. Afterwards, Johnson said, “I just don’t feel great.” That makes two of us. Pitchers are always more prone to injuries than hitters and Johnson embodies that. Or maybe he disembodies it. Either way, this is bad news. Hopefully, he caught the problem soon enough and won’t miss too much time. I have a sinking feeling he’s headed for further bad news. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Chris Davis – Hit the game winning homer. After the game, here’s what CJ Wilson said on Twitter, “Rangers are crazy powerful in the late innings. chip davis looked like he was channeling MJ23 with his hop into the scrum.” There’s so many things to take away from that, it’s hard to know where to start. In other Twitter news, the other day someone asked Alyssa Milano if she reads Razzball. This is the kind of initiative we need. We should all go ask her to say hello in the comments here. And congratulate her on her new book (and Embrace of the Vampire.)
Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 11 Ks. If you’re not on the Wandwagon yet, you should be.
Brandon Morrow – I think he’s headed for the Disgraceful List. Aardsma would be a smart play.
Michael Bourn – 4-for-5, 2 steals. Clearly, Bourn got amnesia about what an awful player he was in the past. I own him on a team. Is it fo realz? Who gives an eff in the effin’ eff hole? He’s been great.
Ryan Dempster – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4.65 on the year. I think it gets to about 4.30 and then tails off again.
J.J. Putz – Bone spur in his elbow or some shizz. I know, your Putz is hard to let go of, but K-Rod looks fine, there’s really no reason to be *pinkie to mouth* putzing around.
David Ortiz – 0-for-7, 3 Ks. You know what would’ve been nice? When Manny was caught taking lady pills, Ortiz saying he was juicing for five years. When I compared him to Mo Vaughn, Sons of Sam Horn came out talking about how 2009 was Ortiz’s bounce back year. Yeah, looks about right.
Ervin Santana – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 base runners and 5 Ks. He didn’t pick up where he left off, obviously, but it was a tough first match up. Now he needs to win the hearts and minds of his fantasy owners again. Right now, they’re smitten with Wandy.
Matt Harrison – 2nd straight complete game. Who are you, Matt Harrison? I know! Someone I wouldn’t own.
Carlos Delgado – Won’t go on the DL for at least a week. Ain’t that grand? Now he can take up a bench spot for you.
Felix Hernandez – 7 IP, 0 ER. Gotta say I felt trepidations creeping through my skull bone on whether to start him against the Rangers. Thankfully, I chip’d up and let him jump in the scrum. Whatever the hell that means.
Erik Bedard – Probably will miss his Saturday start with a tight hamstring. Tight hamstrings are the worst. Why do they even put string around hams?
Billy Butler – 2-for-5 with his third homer of the year. At the All-Star Game festivities, they should have a homer derby between Butler and Sandoval. Mano vs. Mano; Moob vs. Moob; Fat Guy With No Power vs. Fat Guy With No Power. Of course, the prize would be a ham — with no strings.
Asdrubal Cabrera – 4-for-5, now batting .336. You guys mocked me when I said he was a good sleeper for this year. Wait, that wasn’t mocking, that was ignoring. Damn you!
Fausto Carmona – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER and the Win. Still not regretting dropping him.
Justin Verlander – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 13 Ks. That’s a mighty delish line. I’m not a big flip-flopper, but 69 Ks over 50 and a third innings is terrific. His 2nd month has been as great as his first month was bad. Hopefully, he doesn’t turn back into a six-foot five pumpkin in June.
Nolan Reimold – 1-for-5, but at least he played.
Bill Hall – HR yesterday. I see your Gamel and I raise you a boo-ya.
Colby Rasmus – HR yesterday. Take your time, Ludwick.
Julio Lugo – 5-for-6, with a steal, hitting .359 since returning. Can he fend off Nick Green? God, I’d hope so.
Scott Baker – 6 IP, 5 ER. Scott Baker, Lieutenant Colonel of Suck.
Garrett Atkins – Major Suck.