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Who’s the guy who wrote up Jason Hammel the night prior only to see Dan Haren subbed in for him this morning while trying to set his season long and DFS football lineups.  Two thumbs pointed back and me!  Which is really hard to do when you’re typing at a rapid pace…hope you appreciate it!  So we’re doing a mad scramble to find a lede and…I ain’t got one for ya, sorry.  I don’t see a reason to change my analysis below and I really don’t feel like see a reason to flesh it out fuller with a hastily written blurby-mah-bob up here.  Worst part?  I really went in depth on how good it would be to play Jason Hammel!  Teh Phils are teh suck!  But they haven’t always been.  But most times they are…eh, that was a synopsis as if written by a 13 year old.  You’re welcome.  Anyhoo, happy first Sunday of football for the 2015 season and happy overlay in baseball for us, amirite?  Exactly, so let’s get to it.  So here’s my Foosball hot takes for this Sunday DK slate…

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Max Scherzer, SP: $10,500 – The K’s have been there.  What has also been there?  The HRs.  Over his last 3 starts, Mad Max has tallied 19 innings, has K’d 24 over that stretch but has also yielded 6 HRs during the same span.  Minus Giancarlo, I don’t know if I fear the Marlins as a homerun threat, especially in the house that Unicorn vomit built.  Scherzer and Hammel is probably the pair du jour for me this Sunday but let’s carry on with some alternate options.

Masahiro Tanaka, SP: $10,100 – Swerve alert!  GPP call only here.  No one wants to face that vaunted Blue Jays lineup right now so Tanaka and his high K potential will go low owned.  Keep in mind he could get Tanak’d the eff out, as Chris Tucker once poetically put it.

Patrick Corbin, SP: $8,200 – I hate this suggestion simply because I think every time I HAVE suggested him, I’ve been wrong…way wrong.  Dodgers have been K’ing machines of late and Corbin being a lefty definitely mutes some of their better bats.  Obviously at this price point I’m leaning Hammel, I would just feel bad if I didn’t mention Pat.

Jonathon Niese, SP: $5,300 – Niese is an average and middling starter.  The Braves aren’t even average nor middling and Niese being a lefty, in theory, neutralizes their best bat in Freeman.  I say ‘in theory’ because Niese has a 4.36 ERA and a 1.40 WHIP.  You don’t get those numbers by neutralizing things.  All this to say, this is a tourney only call here and not one I’d be aggressive in putting into multiple lineups.

Felix Doubront, SP: $4,600 – This is me looking at Texas and their generally poor numbers against left-handed pitching.  That said, it doesn’t really factor in Mike Napoli’s impact nor that they’re at home where they generally rake.  Much like Niese, you’re not doing multiple Doubront LUs.  Heck, you may not make one.  Might be for the best!

Josh Thole, C: $2,200 – I’m all about that catcher punt life, boss.  If you can’t find a way to squeeze in Kyle Schwarber, follow my lead.  I merely suggest Thole because Yankees stadium is the kindest park to left handed hitters for HRs outside of Coors and it’s pretty close.  Thole is trash, we know this; just look for the punt play of the day and move on, my friends.

Miguel Cabrera, 1B/3B: $4,500 – Cabrera is a master of his strike zone domain and Bauer is the true successor to Ricky Vaughn.  Cabrera may not hit a HR but it’s hard to be mad if he goes 2/2 with a couple of walks and a double.  I’m fine with getting Miggy with it today.  Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.  Don’t count, I already did.

Mike Napoli, 1B: $3,300 – Talked about Napoli yesterday in my Beltre blurb and I’m now just highlighting him straight up.  He’s hitting too well against lefties to not get recognition.  If you’re looking at a cheap chance for a Sunday dong, go down to your local docks and look for the skinny guys in short shorts.  If you’re looking for great potential for a home run, look towards Napoli.

Chris Coghlan, 2B/OF: $3,300 – Based on some crazy reverse splits, I’d rather attack Aaron Harang with a righty bat and probably will with Kris Bryant but Chris bats 3rd against righties most days and it’s hard not to love a lefty bat in CBP.  I started him yesterday and see no reason to not keep him a Coghlan in the wheel that is my lineup.  I know you were expecting me to talk about Logan Forsythe here and now in a way, I did.  The matchup is a lefty which is excellent but he’s also the most expensive 2B on the day.  Don’t worry, I’ll be covering Rays later…

Kyle Seager, 3B: $4,100 – I’ll stop starting Seager when he stops being the Seager I love.  Kyle Kendrick?  More like Kyle Schmendrick, amirite?  Hoping I have a large jewish readership, I guess…either way, all about attacking Kyle today…Kendrick, not Seager…ellipses…

Asdrubal Cabrera, SS: $3,800 – I’m looking for any and all angles to get some Rays exposure to lefties today and this might be my settling point.  So many high prices!  I’m all for a Rays stack but the pricing is more than I’m really willing to go in on considering Rich Hill may not last past the 3rd.  Instead I’ll probably just take cheap pieces as they come along.  Consider this an eye brow raised in intrigue for Brandon Guyer, Steven Souza, and Richie Shaffer.

Jean Segura, SS: $3,400 – More a cash game play but pardon me for liking an SS that leads off sparingly and comes in at a relatively low price.  It’s just a soft spot for me, I guess.

George Springer, OF: $4,100 – Springer since his return from the DL has done next to nothing.  Exaggeration you say?  Going into Saturday’s contest, he had 1 double digit DK day and that was a rousing 11.  Springer against a lefty is something you want to be a part of usually so I’m curious if this is George’s bottom and I’m getting in at the right time.  It’s hard to catch a falling knife but in DFS, that’s kinda the goal.

Josh Reddick, OF: $3,600 – To clear the air, Reddick isn’t the 30 HR monster from his 2012 season.  Since then, he’s halved his K rate and become more of a line drive hitter.  That doesn’t mean he can’t pop one out, especially in one of the friendliest offensive parks this year.  Reddick just brings too many goods to the table to ignore at this price.

Ryan Raburn, OF: $2,600 – A lefty is on the mound and said lefty is not very good.  I’m not going big on Cleveland bats but I’m willing to take advantage of the cheap bats that come with the territory.  Mike Aviles is an intriguing cheap option at SS for this reason as well.

Brian Bogusevic, OF: $2,100 – The one and only good thing about not having Jason Hammel as my lede?  I get to write about attacking Dan Haren’s atrocious splits.  For the year, Haren owns a 2.35 HR/9 against lefties and a 5.07 xFIP.  Brian may not be the optimal choice to attack this inefficiency with, he’s definitely one of the cheapest.  Haren in a pitcher’s park in general usually spells bombs away so even with a weak Phillies lineup, I’m more than fine sprinkling in some not so fearsome Phils into my lineup today.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

A likely non-wet day!  Looks like the only play that has weather concerns has a dome.  Would like to point out the fun of domes in the MLB.  There’s a dome in Phoenix, Miami, and Tampa Bay.  People go here for sunshine.  There are no domes in Minnesota or either Chicago stadium.  I’m just sayin…who plans this shizz?

Doing Lines In Vegas

The TEXvsOAK tilt owns the slate with the high o/u of 9.5, followed by PHIvsCHC at 9.  *Looks up at calls…nailed it*.  Yes, feel free to sprinkle your lineups with bats from these games.  Your two heavyweights in the eyes of Vegas are Fransisco Liriano and Scherzer at -200 apiece.  Sorry, y’all, I normally flesh this part out more but yeah, that lede shizz…