This is a tough one for me this week. I just attended a funeral the other day for the death of Avisail Garcia‘s 2014 season. We all had such high hopes here at Razzball for the winner of the Miguel Cabrera look-a-like contest. When he was with the Tigers they called him Minnie-Miggy. He had just come off his best game of the year where he smacked two home run’s and was making me look like the creep whisperer…..That really sounds like I whisper in a really creepy way, which I don’t, I have a sexy whisper. Hey there four girl readers! (What’s yo’ name, what’s yo’ number?) Now we must move on and bury our Avisail dreams, unless you are in a deep keeper league, then I would take a deep breath, put him on your DL and go out and grab Marlon Byrd… for the week. Ok, he might be worth owning longer, but this week he’s my Creeper. Before I get to all the blah blah blah for why he is my keeper, I want to talk about what a cool name Byrd is. You got Larry Bird, Harvey Birdman, the Dirty Bird, Lady Bird Johnson, and Robin Thicke. Hey wait a minute J-FOH, Robin Thicke is a type of bird? That is correct diligent Razzican, but he is a damn sexy type of bird. The man makes beautiful music that gets the ladies into the mood, with the help of alcohol too, to give J-FOH the sweet sweet loving he needs. Do my dirty work Robin, you have replaced Michael McDonald, serenade their repulsion’s away so I can play outside my division. Damn that gives me an idea, a collaboration made in the heavens, Robin Thicke and Michael McDonald team up for the ultimate lovers album.
I need to get back to what we are here for, ME!, and the Creeper of the Week. Marlon Byrd really broke out last year by smacking a career best 24 HR’s to go along with 88 RBI’s and 75 Runs. At age 36 we all want to cry PED’s and you are probably right but this is fantasy baseball, and as long as they don’t take the stats away they are our’s to keep. I’m sure Carlos Gomez got hooked up with Ryan Braun‘s dealer and Bryce Harper spent the off season with Victor Conte getting some “hand” lotion, but that’s not my problem, that is MLB’s. Mr. Byrd opens the week with a home series vs. the Braves and then finishes it off with a trip to everyone’s favorite launching pad: Coors Canaveral! In honor of this, let’s open a can of Coors Light and pour it out because we really don’t want to drink that unless it’s a hundred degrees outside and you need to stay hydrated at Lake Havasu. Statistically this is more of a gut play. He has never faced David Hale, has blah numbers vs. Ervin Santana and Julio Tehran but does sport a .420 avg against Alex Wood. In Colorado he has no real history against Tyler Chatwood, Franklin Morales, and Juan Nicasio but that won’t stop me from playing him in that thin air. He’ll be Bichetter! Here is what we do know, he transformed his career last year by having a monster year and got a fat contract. This year he’s got a slash line of .286/.318/.452 with 2 HR’s and 8 RBI’s. Basically he’s picked up right where he left off and by playing his home games in a hitter friendly park, last year he was in Metco, he has the ability to be useful more than just this next week. In case you were wondering, Citizens Bank Ballpark was the top park last year for HR’s and usually falls in the top ten every year. I’m predicting a 2HR week with a nice batting average. Now I’m off to Disneyland to go wait in ridiculously long lines, get sun a burn, and dodge annoying people with strollers the size of compact cars. But it’s all worth it for the happiness it brings my child.
Others under creeper consideration: Colby Rasmus, Cody Asche, Neil Walker, Melky Cabrera, Mike Moustakas, J.B. Shuck
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