It’s the first week of the season and there is really only one question as we enter the first week of fantasy SAGNOF-ville. What in the name of Brian Boitano are the Tigers doing with the closer situation. Well I liken it to a drug cartel, 3 Latinos and some coke, with some equal distribution until someone gets too big for their britches and knocks everyone else off. I like a good even mix of Al-Al, Benoit, Dotel and Coke to all get some run based on the situation and it being too early for Leyland to cash in his Marlboro miles for that new kayak. So with the first post of my inauguration, I am starting from scratch and the rankings start with this post — so no fancy pluses or minuses until the next post. I will also try and alternate between closers and Holds guys for my weekly posts.
$12 Salads
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.
1. Craig Kimbrel – (Jordan Walden, Eric O’Flaherty)
2. Jonathan Papelbon – (Antonio Bastardo, Mike Adams, Jeremy Horst)
3. Aroldis Chapman – (Jonathan Broxton, Sean Marshall, J.J. Hoover)
4. Mariano Rivera – (David Robertson, Boone Logan, Joba Chamberlain)
5. Rafael Soriano – (Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard )
6. Joe Nathan – (Jason Frasor, Robbie Ross)
Donkeycorns
Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.
7. Greg Holland – (Aaron Crow, Kelvin Herrera, Tim Collins)
8. Tom Wilhelmsen – (Carter Capps, Stephen Pryor, Charlie Furbush)
9. John Axford – (Jim Henderson, Mike Gonzalez, Brandon Kintzler)
10. Huston Street – (Luke Gregerson, Dale Thayer, Brad Brach)
11. Fernando Rodney – (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee, Kyle Farnsworth)
12. J.J. Putz – (David Hernandez, Brad Zeigler , Heath Bell)
13. Jim Johnson – (Pedro Strop, Darren O’Day)
14. Glen Perkins – (Jared Burton, Alex Burnett)
15. Steve Cishek – (Mike Dunn, Ryan Webb, A.J. Ramos)
16. Sergio Romo – (Santiago Casilla, Javier Lopez, George Kontos, Jeremy Affeldt)
17. Addison Reed – (Matt Thornton, Jesse Crain, Nathan Jones)
18. Joel Hanrahan – (Andrew Bailey, Koji Uehara)
19. Rafael Betancourt – (Matt Belisle, Wilton Lopez)
20. Grant Balfour – (Ryan Cook, Sean Doolittle)
21. Chris Perez – (Vinnie Pestano, Joe Smith)
Brain Freezes
I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.
22. Casey Janssen – (Sergio Santos, Darren Oliver)
23. Jason Grilli – (Mark Melancon, Tony Watson)
24. Mitchell Boggs – (Trevor Rosenthal, Edward Mujica, Jason Motte)
25. Brandon League – (Kenley Jansen, Ronald Belisario)
26. Carlos Marmol – (Kyuji Fujikawa, Shawn Camp)
27. Ernesto Frieri – (Ryan Madson, Sean Burnett, Scott Downs)
28. Bobby Parnell – (Frank Francisco, Josh Edgin)
29. Jose Veras – (Wesley Wright, Hector Ambriz)
30. Detroit Closing Cartel – (Joaquin Benoit, Bruce Rondon, Octavio Dotel, Phil Coke, Al Alburquerque)
