It was a big day for one of my favorite mancrushes, Brandon Allen, as he was called up.  In Triple-A this year, 18 homers, 7 steals and a .426 OBP.  He’s cut from the same cloth as all the donkeys that have come before him.  Hopefully, he’s less 2010 Big Donkey, because Adam Dunn looks like he’s still got David Eckstein in a bjorn and letting the little man swing for him.  In the majors from Allen, first, expect nothing.  That’s always a good way to start.  At least that’s what I tell the ladies.  If the Diamondbacks give Allen ABs, which I do think they will, he will get 10 to 13 homers and a few steals.  That’s the baseline.  When you hear the baseline, you nod your head.  Or maybe that’s the bassline.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Wily Mo Pena – Designated for assignment.  That assignment is to stop sucking.

Brett Anderson – Headed for Tommy John surgery.  Jonah Hill clearly said don’t trade for him.

Ike Davis – Ike’s taking so many hits while on the DL, somewhere Tina Turner’s smiling.  Now Davis could need ankle surgery in three weeks.  By the time the Mets figure out Davis’s injury, it’s going to start to hurt him for next year.  Hey, Mets, go to a different health care provider and get off the HMO!

Carlos Beltran – Love how the rumors of him being traded heat up the same day the Mets management says the trade of K-Rod doesn’t mean they’re throwing in the towel.  Kinda like how Rocky didn’t throw in the towel until Apollo was dead.

Bobby Parnell – Still my favorite for saves, but now the Mets are saying it could be Izzy or even Pedro Beato.  I think the Mets are just trying to enhance Izzy’s trade value by saying he’s the closer.  He might get a save or two until he gets on the casino bus.

Carlos Gonzalez – Supposed to be back for Friday’s game.  To give you some insight into the inner sanctum of the ‘stache, I almost made Carlos Gonzalez a sell in this afternoon’s post.  I’m pretty worried about the wrist.  If it hurts his power, you’re looking at a top outfielder in name only.

Julio Borbon  – Could miss two months if he needs surgery on his ankle.  If this news is disheartening for your fantasy team, you have bigger fish to fry.  And for those that drank too much Wild Turkey last night and found us after they Googled “Borbon fantasy,” the hallucinations will stop soon.

Bartolo Colon – 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Colon blow!

Andruw Jones – Hit two homers last night to pad his once Hall of Fame stats.  They should start a Baseball’s Almost Hall of Fame in Cupertino.  Andruw, Delgado and McGriff can be the inaugural class.

Justin Morneau – Was cleared to resume non-baseball activities.  So he can now do pretty much the same things he’s been doing since April.

Matt Garza – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Two and a half more months of starts like this and we’ll be copacetic.

Carlos Marmol – 0 IP, 5 ER.  YOU STUPID MOTHER–  We interrupt this program to remind all our readers the importance of family.  Call someone you love and tell them they’re special.  OR CALL MARMOL AND TELL HIM HE’S PIECE OF SH– Or just go outside and smell the flowers.  ONLY IF IT’LL TAKE THE STINK AWAY FROM THIS MARMOL OUTING!

Mike Napoli – Slam and legs.  What are the chances?  Same as my chances with his Mom.

Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-5 with his 15th home run.  If I had access to the government’s time machine (and they have one!), then I’d go back in time to March and draft Asdrubal in the first round of every league just so I can see my leaguemates’ faces (assuming I did a draft in person).

Carlos Santana – 2-for-5 with his 14th home run.  I only mention this because I want a dozen catcher questions in the comments.  I crave your attention.  Shower me with it!

Justin Masterson – 6 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks.  He has a 2.80 ERA, yet I don’t think I’ve felt good about starting him all year.  Cust kayin’.

Yovani Gallardo – 4 IP, 6 ER.  His Outkast song would be, So Inconsistent, So Frustrating.

Trevor Plouffe – Here was an IM exchange between Rudy and I:  R:  You should mention Trevor Plouffe as a Buy.  G: Did you make up that name?  R: No.  G:  Are you lying?  R: No.  G:  Are you sure?  R: Yes.  G: His name sounds like the sound crap makes when it hits the toilet water.  R:  He’s a shortstop with power.  For deep leagues.  G: How about I mention him in the roundup?  R: That works.  G: Should I make up a team name for this make believe player?  R: I hate you.  Rudy likes Plouffe a lot in AL-Only leagues.  Solid power at a weak position, though he could struggle for average.  Yesterday, he hit his 4th homer.  Mark Whiten, “In one game?!”  No, Mark, on the year.

Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He’s my Bart, and I am his Sideshow Bob.

Delmon Young – 3-for-4, if only he could come off the DL every night, instead of every 15 days.  Member three days ago when I put him in my top 100 for the 2nd half and you did a double take?  Luckily, you didn’t do a spit take, that could mess up your keyboard.

Derek Holland – I will simply say I could pitch against the Mariners in Safeco and I throw like a girl (no offense to our 3 girl readers; if you have any friends, your man Grey is single again.  Hello!).

Jose Bautista – Twisted ankle has JB day-to-day.  Since I don’t own him anywhere, why couldn’t he be more seriously injured?  Excuse me, I need to be unbiased.  Please let him be okay (after the season).

Travis Snider – 3-for-5, with his 6th steal.  Don’t drink whatever it is Aaron Hill’s drinking with all that stealing and no power nonsense.  Please.

Eric Thames – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and…Okay, everyone on the Blue Jays went 3-for-5 with 3 RBIs so there’s that.  I like Thames for power, which is also called hydroelectricity.  Al Gore invented that.  After the internet.

Jon Rauch – What’s six-eight with tattoos on its neck?  A giraffe at the Bronx Zoo.  Oh, and the new Blue Jays closer.  For right now at least.

  1. ETMcgee says:

    does dave justice end up in that inaugural class?

  2. Francis says:

    Appreciate the advice. Brandon Allen or Dom Brown or Morrison for the rest of this season? 14 team mixed 6 cats (OPS). Thanks!

  3. Mark Travis

    Mark says:

    Would you do Lee and Porcello (me) for Felix Hernandez in an 8-team keeper with a minor league system?

  4. Quintero says:

    I did draft Asdrubal in first round, a wavier draft that is, while I proclaimed i like the sound of his name too much. That’s what name value can do for you.

  5. Michael says:

    Should I drop Napoli?

  6. Mr2Bits says:

    Sweet night Marmol. My ERA and WHIP both read INF/INF. That should be easy to clean up with 3 days left in the week. You sorry piece of shiz, just lost me my week most likely with your in-freaking ability to throw a damn strike as you walked the assholes trying to sac bunt.

    On a side note, it should have only been 4ER as the throwing error allowed a run to cross, score keeper did not see it that way though!

  7. Napoli Headed Ho's says:

    Do you prefer Furbush or Colon?

  8. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    speaking of Asdrubal and time machines,I drafted him in the 22nd rd this yr and told everyone I knew how he was a great sleeper pick etc etc….then I dropped him a week later to p/u Fuentes because I needed the saves…..yeah,I really needed those saves.

  9. They should start a Baseball’s Almost Hall of Fame in Cupertino. Andruw, Delgado and McGriff can be the inaugural class.

    Hey, what about my man Mike Mussina?

    Grey, for the remainder of the season, would you prefer Vance or Luebke…Lubeke…that guy on the Padres?

  10. TheNewGuy says:

    God that Marmol guy sucked last night blowing my boy Garza’s chances of a win. I always thought he was way overrated, he’s blown 7 outta 26 saves chances now! Glad I don’t have him on any of my teams, and never will.

    Anyway back to business, pick 2 outta these 3 to start in my weekly league next week: Luebke, Hell-Boy (where’s the K’s?), Vogelsong.

  11. Van Hagaar says:

    Grey, please rank top 5 of these for use as a Utility in a H2H points league: Hosmer, Dom Brown, snider, D. Lee, B. Allen, Thames, Presley, j.weeks, trout, tabata, valencia, smoak, daniel murphy

  12. xopchipili says:

    Alright, you want catcher questions, you got em!

    I’ve been riding Montero in my 10-team league all year and he’s been quality, but I picked up Napoli after he got dropped while he was on the DL, and he’s been a great snag since coming back.

    If I’m trading one, I think I’ll get better return on Montero, but I’m not sure I trust Napoli to stay healthy. Worth the risk?

  13. CL says:


    No question, just wanted to scream his name! Have a great weekend!

  14. Salty Balty says:

    What do you think about my Bourn for his Beachy? I’m tied for first in steals in a 14 team roto league and figure that the most I would lose would be @ 5 points in that category. I’ve always tried to trade for SP around the all-star break and I love Beachy.

    My OFs w/out Bourn (only need to play 3):
    J. Up
    A. Jones
    B. Allen

    My SP as of now:
    Chacin (very nervous about regression)
    E. Jackson


  15. Frank Rizzo says:

    Grey has heart on sleeve in this post. Obviously emotional pain over Marmol letting him down and Joey Bats continuing to defy Razzball preseason projections by a mile.

    I did something right last night. Benched Gallardo in Coors and started Liriano.

  16. Dick Smothers says:

    I’ve been giddy since last night waiting to be able to read Grey’s blurb on Napoli.

  17. Paddyman says:

    Looking for an extra bench bat while CQ remains cold.

    Would you go with 1.E Thames 2. Ibanez 3. Snider. 4 schierholz


    Love the willy mo assignment.

  18. Paddyman says:

    Must go and hear my trevor plouffe now.

  19. shibboleth says:

    Hey Grey, happy Friday! Would you start either or Cueto vs STL or Morrow vs NYY if you’re ~30 ahead of your season IP limit? I know the likely answer for Morrow, but those K’s…. they make me ask silly questions.

  20. mc serch says:

    A Hard Hittin’ Mark Whiten ref….nice! Drop Vladdy to p/u either D. Young or Snider?

  21. Eddie says:

    MMD had three hits last night!

  22. The talented Mr. Dope man says:

    Phenomenally fantastic post man…

    got me going with the trevor plouffe comment.


    With Kubel, Delmon Young, and Denard Span coming off the DL (sooner or later).

    Is this the end for Ben Revere?

  23. MrHappyTime says:

    Should I sit Morrow today against the Yanks?

  24. Raj says:

    any chance leonys martin gets a call now that borbon is out for a while?

  25. joecoz says:

    Grey–S. Drew is hell. Drop him for Pouffle or stick with Drew?

  26. Wilsonian says:


    Regarding my deal where I get Tulo/Pena/F-Her for CarGo/Heyward/Shields. Would it be better for me if I got Victorino instead of Pena?

  27. Bourne says:

    “Mike Napoli- Slam and legs. What are the chances? Same as my chances with his Mom.” Mike Napoli’s Mom: “So you’re saying there’s a chance? Yeah!”

  28. Long Bawls says:

    A public service announcement: gin and trading don’t mix. This from the guy who toward the bottom of the glass decided the best I could get for Jordan Zimmermann and Jonny Cueto was Casey McGehee and Dustin Ackley. Has the makings of a bad country song, even.

  29. Wilsonian says:

    Drop K-Rod or D. Hernandez for Rauch?

  30. xopchipili says:

    Carlos Marmol is a $12 Salad that’s tainted with e.coli

  31. Fletch says:

    @Grey: Karsten or Worley?

    Also, someone just dropped JJ in my league…worth any bother stashing him or is he pretty much done in 2011?

  32. mets fan says:

    Grey ian stewart has actually had mutli hit games in his last two worth a flier in a 12 team h2h?

  33. Probable Party Starter says:

    Marmol somehow was left on my bench. I think that’s the first time in 10+ years of fantasy baseball that a roster brain fart has worked out in my favor.

  34. Votto-voom says:


    Since I’ve seen like 16 at bats combined from these 3 guys, would you rate them in order for me, along with Mark Ellis.

    D’arnaud, Cozart, Plouffe. Ellis


  35. Bernie Brewer says:

    I’m in a deep 16-team mixed league. Any SP that might be on my waiver wire that might be 2nd-half sleepers?? Thanks!!

  36. xopchipili says:

    is it just me or has Paul Goldschmidt not been added to Yahoo yet? Ugh.

  37. xopchipili says:

    Like Allen more than Joyce or Bernadina?

  38. Salty Balty says:

    Should I be starting Scherzer tomorrow?

    Between Scherzer and Gallardo, I think I might have a f***ing heart attack.

  39. Salty Balty says:

    Second question (sorry): all things being equal, which one would you keep going into next year:

    Justin Upton, or
    Ryan Zimmerman

    I like to identify my keepers at this point so that I can make trades with borderline keeper guys before the trade deadline in my league.

    (my other keepers are Tulo, Cano, Braun, and Verlander).

  40. slam says:

    When do you think they’re going to put a cap on Hellickson?

    I have both him and Zimmerman in a keeper league. The thing is I’m in first place because I use only the finest fantasy baseball resources available and I plan on winning THIS year. Half the teams in my league are afraid to trade with me because they’re convinced it has to be a better deal for me if I’m offering it.

    Do I drop these guys when they reach their limits? If not, who can I trade for? I have Reyes sooooo right now it’s Cozart holding down SS and obviously losing two solid starters leaves a hole in my rotation. (Felix, YoGa, Cueto, Bills, Baker, Colby Lewis, Luebke, Kimbrel, Nunez, and Farnsworth)….I could just stream two guys every week in their spots, but if there’s a better deal to be had I’d like to try for it……

    Thought about offering Reyes for Hanley, maybe throwing in Hellickson or Zimm, do you think that’ll get laughed at?

  41. DogHat says:

    5×5 12 team daily roto keeper league
    Zack Cozart or Bonifacio for SS this year and beyond?

  42. Wilsonian says:

    Would you deal Felix for J-Up or Holliday in a keeper?

  43. Siren Vogelsong says:

    Have Rizzo in a keeper league. Seems like the Padres might be losing faith. Are you?

  44. Van Hammersly says:

    Grey, Allen or Rizzo going forward?

  45. AL KOHOLIC says:

    morneau post really funny and another fine fine job Grey
    ALSO everyone needs to order thier razzball shirts now,gettem while thier hot

  46. AL KOHOLIC says:

    News/Analysis Headlines Preseason Outlook
    Cubs rethinking Marmol’s role?: The Chicago Daily Herald reports Cubs manager Mike Quade, who said after Thursday’s meltdown against the Marlins that Carlos Marmol was still the team’s closer, might be having second thoughts on Friday. Quade said he wasn’t sure if Marmol would close Friday against the Marlins if a save situation was in order.
    (Updated 07/15/2011)
    Injury Report
    No information available at this time (Updated 7/15/11).
    Fantasy Analysis
    You had a feeling this was coming after Marmol blew his seventh save on Thursday. Perhaps Quade just wants to give Marmol a day or two to rest, but he does need a contingency plan if Marmol continues to struggle with his command. Kerry Wood and Sean Marshall are both capable options if a change is in order. Don’t hit the panic button yet, but Marmol owners do need to watch this situation very closely.

  47. AL KOHOLIC says:

    grey if the cubs loose faith in marmol,who you like more?wood or marshall

  48. Tony says:

    @grey: drop Lohse or Arrieta to pick up an extra bat since I have gayrod and victorino on the DL…..

  49. Tony says:

    wow just noticed i have 5 guys who are 1-12 or 1 for their last 13 in my RCL lineup…. very nice, what a bunch of schmucks!

  50. zzzzzz says:

    Drop Marmol for Bailey?

  51. Howard says:

    @Grey Trevor Pfffffffftttt! That’s the sound of my coffee spraying all over the screen! Would you take Plouffe over Dirks as a UT in a deep league?

  52. Tom the Niner says:


    I have Luebke and Mike Adams on my team. I already have 3 closers (Walden, Perez, and Hanrahan). Should I drop either Luebke or Adams for Niese?

  53. Howard says:

    @AL KOHOLIC Got my Sparky t-shirt, still waiting for Donkeycorn (emoticon)!

  54. Nonstoptalk says:

    Is Allen worth dropping Swisher for?

  55. Sos says:

    If you had Pujols at first, murphy at 3rd and howard at ut, would you deal Howard for Youk to play 3rd and move trumbo to util or hold?

  56. Mr. Neutron says:


    Luebke or Maxie von Schnitzel for ROS?

  57. zeke says:

    @Grey. I’m sitting in 8th place with a roster full of underachievers. HanRam seems to be picking it up, but do you expect much out of Werth, R Zimm and Stubbs in the second half? I know you are high on Stubbs, but his K’s are killing me. I probably wouldn’t get fair value for any of them right now in a trade, so I should just hold, right?

  58. Sos says:

    In the same scenario as above in number 62, would you deal Pujols for Youk and keep howard at first as well?

  59. aj says:

    who do you like more the rest of the way?
    Morse or pena

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