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Baseball is coming. So is winter. By the time you actually read this the start of the Major League season will be less than a day away. And for those of you lazy readers that catch up on Razzball on Monday mornings when you get to your desk, the season will already be three games deep. By the way, if you are one of those Monday morning people, I’d like to point out your first mistake. Fantasy baseball slows down for no one. If you’re not keeping up with baseball’s current events, you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage because I can assure you that at least one person (likely most) in your league is (are). And if you just prefer to get your information from another site, I guess it’s better than nothing, but all biases aside, where else are you going to read a post that was written while sitting on the toilet. Just me, my laptop and my squatty potty. Wait a minute, let me rephrase that a bit. Where else are you going to be able to read a post where the author actually admits to penning it from the throne?

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If you’re not a fan of The Walking Dead or haven’t watched last week’s episode, then you can just skip this paragraph. Am I that only one that cheered when that arrow shot through Denise’s eye? That was awesome. Her insufferable rant made me want to jump into the television and drop the People’s Elbow on that thang. Thankfully the writers took care of that for me. I also loved seeing Daryl reunited with his crossbow. Welcome back! With only two episodes left I’m on the edge of my seat waiting to see what will happen. Here’s my theory. A major character has to die. It’s happened every season. So who’s going to die? My money is on Glen. Here’s why? The writers have already teased his death. Back in episode 3 “Thank You” Glen appeared to meet his demise after he fell off the dumpster. It wasn’t until episode 7 “Heads Up“, four weeks later, that we found out he survived. I believe the writers were testing the waters to see how the fans would react to killing off Glen. That’s my theory. With that said, if they kill off Daryl I’m going to lose my sh*t. Literally!

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Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you’ve all been waiting for is just a few sarcastic and synergistic sentences away. With draft season about to explode on us like animals in heat, I thought it was time for me to publish my position-adjusted overall rankings before some of you found out where I lived and started beating on my door. I actually got an email from someone asking me if my rankings would be ready in time for his draft and if I expected them to be good. I replied “unsubscribe”. Well without further ado allow me to reveal the name of the top ranked player. That player is Ryan Braun! Wait, what??!! Can’t be! Sorry about that I stepped away to grab a beer and Steve Harvey swooped in a typed that. That will teach me to leave my MacBook unlocked. The actual number one player, for two years in a row, is Clayton Kershaw.

Okay, so for those of you wondering how I came to such a conclusion I will explain my methods of madness.

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charles

F=ck Fuller House! Seriously does anyone actually give a sh!t about that show. In the world of House of Cards, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and Better Call Saul how could such a show even be considered. Uncle Jesse is a loser. Actually so is just about everyone in that show. I saw on Facebook that there were people that binge watched the entire season the day it came out. There are the real winners people. I’m not sure if the sad part is that they binged watched it on day one or that they admitted to it on social media. If Netflix is going to bring back some old school shows then I have a few suggestions. While I’d love to round up the cast of Diff’rent Strokes it seems that Willis (Todd Bridges) is the only main character still alive! Maybe they could give him his own show called What You Talking About Willis. How interesting would a Cosby Show reboot be right about now?! And what about Scott Baio. Now there’s a dude with quite the list of female bedmates. Scott Baio has more conquests than Genghis Khan. Speaking of the Khan Dynasty, Marco Polo is pretty good. Based on his recent tweets Baio ain’t got jack squat going on. Give me Charles Back In Charge!

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How many of you have played the old school game Guess Who? For those that haven’t, the premise is simple. It’s a two player game where each player has a board with 24 different people displayed. Both players pick a card from a pile of cards containing the same 24 people. They then take turns asking “yes or no” questions about their opponent’s selected person. Based on the answers they eliminate options until they are left with one. The first player to guess the identity of their opponent’s person wins. I played this game as a kid, and 30 years later I still own it today. It’s a simple, yet entertaining game.

I thought it might be interesting to attempt to incorporate the concept of Guess Who? in a blog about fantasy baseball. Here’s how! In this series, I will post articles in which I compare two players. In the post they will be referred to as “player foo” and “player bar”. Their actual names will never be mentioned. It is your job to try and figure out their true identities. To do this, you are encouraged to ask me as many yes/no questions as you like in the comments section. The first commenter to guess each person will score one point. At the end of the season the person with the most points will win a Razzball t-shirt (special thanks to Jay!).

Here are the rules in brief detail…

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projections

If they made fantasy baseball’s version of Monopoly Money they’d have to put Paul Goldschmidt‘s face on one of the higher denomination bills. Who is he? He’s the guy that put the “go” in Goldschmidt. He’s also that guy that has finally taken the top spot in projections from perennial favorite, Mike Trout. Even though he has never finished the regular season with the most fantasy points, everyone’s favorite Angel Fish has been projected to do so since 2013. And until this season, after Clayton Kershaw, he would have been my first pick had I the opportunity. In 2016 my previous statement is no longer true. Truth be told, when you factor in position-based value above replacement, I would probably select five or six players before I opted for Mike Trout. As for who those players would be, after Kershaw and Goldschmidt, I’ll save the rest for an upcoming post in which I use position adjusted replacement to collectively rank all hitters and pitchers in one long list.

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Complex-chalkboard-equations-revenue-requirements

Head-to-head points leagues are a completely different animal than roto leagues. A player’s value in one format does not translate to the other. He (or she) that uses roto rankings at a H2H points league draft is like the jackass that brings a knife to a gunfight when he knows he’s headed to a gunfight. A prime example would be Chris Davis who is much more valuable in roto leagues than he is in points leagues. To further complicate the matter, all points leagues are not created equal. Not even close. Nearly all leagues have their own version of some “standard” scoring system. Perhaps one league awards two points for a stolen base and another gives just one. That subtle difference boosts the value of a base stealer in the two-point stolen base league resulting in a different set of rankings. Jose Altuve becomes more valuable than both Albert Pujols and Andrew McCutchen (based on 2015 stats). Knowing your system is essential to navigating a draft or auction.

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manny

If I told you there was a cartoon about a Spanish guy that works as a repairman, you’d probably think it was part of the Adult Swim lineup. Maybe even HBO. If you’ve ever seen The Life and Times of Tim, you’d likely agree. Tim is perhaps my all time favorite adult themed cartoon, after Beavis and Butthead of course. I’m sure that speaks volumes for my childish sense of humor. Between immature television shows and The Howard Stern Show it should come as no surprise that I am as well informed as I am. If you wanted to watch Handy Manny, however, you’d have to tune into the Disney Channel. Believe it or not Handy Manny is a cartoon for little kids. Way to reinforce that stereotype at an early age Disney. I just saw a commercial on the Disney Channel promoting some new shows they will be airing. Saul the Banker, Tyrone the Thief and The Blonde Girl Who Isn’t Smart. Get your DVR’s ready parents!

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If there’s one stat you will repeatedly find in my posts it’s “points per plate appearance”, commonly noted as PPPA. How many points does a batter get every time he steps into the batters box. I feel this is a very underrated stat in points leagues. To be honest, I’m not sure if many even given it a second thought or are even aware of this valuable stat. I find it a great indicator of a useful player, especially when browsing the waiver wire for potential fill ins or trying to decide between drafting one of two players.

It should come as no surprise to find that Bryce Harper had the highest PPPA (0.8547) of any qualified batter in the Major Leagues. And by “qualified” I mean they had at least 200 plate appearances. There were 353 batters that made the list. The average PPPA among all qualified batters was an abysmal 0.4928, but if we take just the top 100 batters the bar raises to 0.6368. The actual PPPA of the top 100 was 0.6423

Here are the top ten from last season:

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Last year, I was probably Buster Posey’s greatest champion. Not only was he the obvious number one catcher, but my futuristic math indicated that in points leagues he had first round value. While he had first round numbers, I wasn’t actually suggesting drafting him in the first round. This would have been a very foolish and easily avoidable mistake. The reason was simple. Buster’s average draft position was somewhere in the third round and he was regularly going in the fourth. Taking him in the first round was not only unnecessary, but also ill advised. Take him in the second and get two first round worthy picks. Get him in the third, even better. However if you had a late third round pick you’d run the risk of missing out. But what’s the fun without any risk? If Buster Posey was still available in the fourth round you have only yourself to blame for your stupidity.

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ss
Fact. Everybody loves January Grey. In December you get Santa Claus and in January you get Grey. Instead of the jolly fat man, you have the jolly mustache man. Well… guess who’s making his January debut, has two thumbs and loves Blow Pops? That’s right, “this guy”! I actually don’t like Blow Pops, but I wasn’t sure it would get past our editors had I said “blowjobs”. I’m sure at least two of my ten readers from last year were wondering if I’d be back in 2016. Well, the suspense is now over. December Grey offered me the opportunity to continue sharing my immature and opinionated “points” of view and I accepted. I considered taking my talents to South Beach (espn.com), but then I remembered that they suck. So do many of the other sites and blogs out there “on the line“. Razzball is where the cool kids hang out.

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