Hey Kids, It’s Story Time

June 24, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 363 Comments

[brid autoplay=”true” video=”807372″ player=”10951″ title=”RZBL%202021%20WAIVER%20WIRE%20WEEK%2012″ duration=”161″ description=”undefined” uploaddate=”2021-06-18″ thumbnailurl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/thumb/807372_t_1624040550.png” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/807372.mp4″]

On my teams with Juan Soto, Trevor Story and Cody Bellinger, there’s been very little to celebrate. I paid $15 for Tom Arnold to send me a Cameo video telling me it would be okay. You remember Tom Arnold: Guy who is famous for sleeping with Roseanne Barr. Honestly, that should make someone famous. That and getting your junk Ginzu’d are valid reasons for fame. More so than your sister was in a sex tape. If I were ranking them for fame, 1A) Marrying Roseanne, 1B) Getting Junk Ginzu’d, Z) Sister was in a sex tape. Any hoo! Trevor Story (2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 7th and 8th homer) had a big game — on the road! — and maybe finally there’s light at the end of the tunnel. As Geoff and I discussed on this week’s podcast, Story’s Launch Angle hasn’t been great. He’s hitting way too many ground balls, and pulling everything. The result: Pitch on the outside corner, and he rolls over it to the shortstop. Maybe there’s a fire lit under him with the thought of getting out of Colorado. Think this could be a boon for his value: If trading for Story, the team will be contending, so the lineup will be better. Not all stadiums are bad. You telling me Story in Yankee Stadium is bad? Are you telling me this? Don’t tell em this. Also, the reinvigoration of a pennant chase can activate him like charcoal. Either Coors or elsewhere, he needs to correct his Launch Angle, and hopefully yesterday is the right direction. My other solution is spitting blow darts into his ribs while he’s at-bat, so he lowers his back elbow and it forces him into an uppercut swing. But that might be illegal. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wander Goes Yonder

June 23, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 380 Comments

by: Grey

Okay, there won’t be a Wander Franco (2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs) lede after every game he plays. It’s like when FTJ, Acuña, Vlad Jr. and others were called up. You need to bask in the GLORY. Yes, capitalized. When the game started, I was like, “If Wander Franco doesn’t homer in his first at-bat, is he still a 1st ballot Hall of Famer?” I questioned that deeply, like a monk. Then when he walked in his 1st at-bat, I questioned him. “Who does Wander Franco think he is, Jackie Bradley Jr?” Then as Ryan Yarbrough (2 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.59) stretched the third inning into a two-hour affair, I thought, “Wander Franco, began his career on June 22nd, 2021, then ended his career 20 years later, during the very same game.” Finally, Yarbrough was yanked, er, um, Red Sox’d, and we went to at-bat number two and I was eating dinner. So, no report on that. Then, came his first major league home run, a golf shot without a Tiger Woods fist pump. I’ll always remember where I was when I saw Wander Franco’s 1st home run: the toilet. God bless Wander, and chicken parm sandwiches. The Rays calling up Wander Franco was worth it just so I could look at the left side of their infield and say, “Anyway, here’s Wander/Walls.” So, on actionable fantasy advice: A top five team — one that made the World Series — calls up their top prospect, plants him in the most important slot in the order, according to analytics. What does that say? It tells me Vidal Brujan (and/or Josh Lowe) are coming up very soon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

O’s Like Their Goose Eggs Odorizzi

June 22, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 405 Comments

by: Grey

Liked Jake Odorizzi (5 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.75) going into this year, but lost enthusiasm for him. Of course, I totally saw this game coming:

Just reminding people of how accurate my takes are pic.twitter.com/7UTy5OmB2f

— Razzball (@Razzball) June 22, 2021

The accuracy of my big-ass brain astounds even me. Yo, is anyone sure I’m not a time traveler? Are you? I’m going to go to the past right now and have sex with your mom nine months before you’re born. That’s right, I’m your daddy! Take out the trash, by the way. Right now, boy! I don’t care if garbage day isn’t until Thursday and you’re 52 years old, which is much, much, much older than me! I am your daddy! Okay, so I didn’t foresee Odorizzi’s start yesterday. Didn’t think he could go more than 3-4 innings, because the way the Astros have been using him. For now, I’d use the Streamonator on Odorizzi, and be careful, because of how wonky his usage has been. This is coming from prior experience, which is very extensive due to time travel. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rays Finally Let Franco Into Promised Land After Wandering The Desert

June 21, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 496 Comments

by: Grey

Hope everyone had a Happy Father’s Day, and, for our five female readers, I hope your husbands or dads weren’t too unbearable. When I heard Wander Franco was being called up, I was on the phone with my patent attorney. See, for Mother’s Day, MLB uses pink bats. My suggestion for Father’s Day is bats with hairy bags hanging off the handle, then when batters are applying pine tar in the on-deck circle the “sticky” stuff can shoot onto their pitchers’ hands. All hot dogs sold that day can have a bite out of them, but weren’t thrown out because ‘Dad’s gonna finish that.’

“Is there anything here that I should trademark?” was what I was asking my patent attorney when the news broke. Then, my internet broke, I swear this happened:

Trying to pick up Wander Franco and this is screen I see absolute chef’s kiss pic.twitter.com/8IsYD7srQS

— Razzball (@Razzball) June 21, 2021

The Fantasy Baseball Overlord mocks me endlessly, does he not? I’m sure Wander Franco was rostered in all my leagues already, but don’t you love to check just to get a burst of agita? I was getting different kinds of agita with screens not loading.

So, Prospect Itch literally just told you his number one fantasy baseball stash yesterday was Wander Franco. I thought I had the number one fantasy baseball ‘stache. Sigh. Clearly, Franco is also the number one fantasy baseball prospect. In Itch’s top 10 fantasy baseball prospects, Wander’s sitting at #1. I can’t add anything meaningful to what Itch wrote. Go there, and read that. I am shocked he’s called up. I was expecting a September call-up. Perhaps the Rays are just big Gallagher brother fans, and plan to play Wander at 2nd to have an all-Oasis middle infield. “Throw to second for one and….wait they held onto the ball and no double play…what is going on…Today was gonna be the day they were gonna throw it back to you!” Damn, thwarted by a love of Wander/Walls. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

One Day I’ll Find Some Buy Like Jo

June 18, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 310 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

What are the Angels doing? “Every time David Bell does something stupid, he smacks his head twice, and hears a ringing in his ears, then an Angel gets his wings.” That’s terrific, Clarence, but you’re a bit of a noodge. Imagine having an angel following you around all day, telling you what could be if you lived your life differently? What a nightmare! Constantly whispering in your ear, “If you throw that plastic straw into the ocean, a dolphin will get it stuck in his blow hole, and won’t be able to squeak at a young boy in Indonesia on a wooden raft and, without that distraction, the boy will drift into the middle of an ocean liner’s path and–” Shut up, Clarence! You’re annoying me! That would be my It’s A Wonderful Life, just screaming shut up. Any hoo! What are the Angels doing in regards to Juan Lagares and Taylor Ward starting in their outfield? Let’s put aside Taylor Ward, because he’s young and maybe he can do something. Let’s instead focus on Juan Lagares. He’s 32 years old, and his top year in the majors was 47/6/41/.259/7, when he was 26 years old. That was in 143 games! Try to wrap your noodle around Juan Lagares getting 143 games and those stats. It’s pretty difficult to do, and that was six years ago! Lagares is in the majors because he is perceived as a defensive specialist. On its face, a 32-year-old centerfielder is lunacy. Ya think he might’ve lost a step somewhere along the way? Ya think?! With some more stank: YA THINK?! Using defense metrics, Byron Buxton has 25.8 UZR/150 games. You don’t need to know what UZR is other than it’s a fielding metric and Buxton is great. Lagares is ranked 79th for fielding centerfielders and has -11.3 UZR/150 games. There’s only 30 teams and Lagares is 79th for centerfield defense! Okay, enough bagging on Lagares, enter: Jo Adell. Even if he fields with his glove on the wrong hand, he can’t be that much worse. Or move Taylor Ward to center and call up Adell! It defies logic why Adell isn’t up already, and it’s because of his bat why we’re here: He’s on pace for 40+ homers in Triple-A. He’s still struggling with strikeouts, and might not hit above .220, but, again, I’m asking: What are the Angels doing? It’s time to call-up Adell and play him. Irregardless? Yes, I’m ill re: Lagares and their other options. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Al, Tu, Al, Tu, Ve, Four

June 18, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 298 Comments

by: Grey

“Okay, guys, to start the song we’re going to count out to four, but we’re going to count 1, 2…Then go back to the beginning and finish with 1, 2, 3, 4…Questions?”
“Hey, Bruce Springsteen, uh, yeah, big fan, and I’m happy to have the opportunity to show you I belong as a background vocalist in the E Street Band — ESB? Do people use that? Anyhoo…Have you considered hiring someone else to count, because ‘1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4’ isn’t how people count?”
“Who are you?”
“I saw a flyer at The Stone Pony for an opening in your band.”
“That flyer was supposed to be taken down 48 years ago. Get out of here.”

And that’s how we got the title for this post: Al, Tu, Al, Tu, Ve, Four. It’s also how many homers Jose Altuve (2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, 16th homer, hitting .298) has in the last three games. He has eight homers in the last 10 games, but Bruce Springsteen never counted to eight. As another singer, Lady Sovereign, would sing, “Altuve is the biggest midget in the game!” That Lady Sovereign song is 15 years old, and now I feel 100 years old. Jose Altuve also has 16 homers in 57 games; his career high is 31. Maybe this time he can steal an MVP award from someone his own size (if he’s standing on top of a car, and you include the car’s weight). Imagine being Aaron Judge and saying Altuve stole an MVP from you. Bro, you stole the sun from anyone within 10 feet of you. It’s a form of cheating by just being big. At least that’s what I tell anyone who challenges me to any sporting event. So, drilling down on Altuve’s peripherals, he’s pulling everything, and his Launch Angle is a little goofy early on (as in high), which could lead to a lot of fly balls, and lower average, or more homers, if he’s connecting, as he has been. Now, if pitchers pound away, he might be in trouble. There’s a possibility here for him to come back to earth (small fall), but anyone would come back to earth after an eight-homer, ten-game stretch, but, in general, he seems back. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mets Smoke deGrom’s Shoulder And Pull It Once Tender

June 17, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 319 Comments

by: Grey

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Sorry if the title is a little NC-17. NC being North Carolina, baby! A little too sour? Blame the vinegary sauce, like a middle-aged man at a tailgate party, you over-dabbed. So, Jacob deGrom is the greatest pitcher of all-time. Yesterday, he went 3 IP, K’d eight and got one more by fly out, lowering his ERA to 0.54. The only problem is the Mets’ training staff is the world’s worst. World’s worst trainers are in, conveniently enough, a train going 170 MPH. The world’s best starter is on a mound going 101 MPH. At some point, they’re going to intersect and bad things will happen. On May 9th, it was right side discomfort. On June 11th, it was right flexor tendinitis. On June 16th, they’re saying right shoulder soreness. Can we just all assume they have no idea? Jacob deGrom will be great, if healthy, but it doesn’t seem like that’s possible right now. About the only thing he has in common with most starters is they’re injured. By August, each team is going to have one starter, two probables and two doubtfuls. By September, it’s going to be one starter and five scarecrows in the team’s jersey, and one scarecrow is going to pull his elbow tendon by mid-month and the team is going to say he’s day-to-day. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Hey Zeus” Sanchez Hoping To Bring The Thunder For Marlins

June 16, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 421 Comments

by: Grey

Reading from the Book of Revelations in the 2021 Razzball Draft Guide, “When the ocean’s water rises–”
Job, “Why ocean’s water? Isn’t just ‘water rises’ enough?”
“I’m reading, not writing, and, when I’m done, I will smite you so hard you’ll wish you never corrected God about His word.”
Job stops chewing gum for a moment to say, “Heard.”
Continuing, “…When the ocean’s water rises in Miami, there will be two guys able to walk to work, Jesus Aguilar and Jesus Sanchez.”

There’s been a few hitters flat-out raking in the minors, and Jesus Sanchez is one of the top ones. In 33 games in Triple-A, he hit nine homers and .349. He’s not just a power hitter, though he is that with 70-grade power, he’s begun to hit for contact this year. Going into this year, as Prospect Itch said, “Sanchez swings at everything and always has. A corner outfielder with ideal size and crazy bat speed from the left side, he’ll get a lot of chances and have a long time to figure out pitch selection. More chances than Grey if I ever bumped into him.” What the heck, man? Pitch selection can come at any time, and Sanchez only just turned 23. He might’ve found his swing, and when to, uh, swing. Grab him in all leagues. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Justout Bieber

June 15, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 544 Comments

by: Grey

Shane Bieber is headed to the IL with a shoulder strain. Turns out his shoulder was being held in its socket with Spider Tack. Shane Bieber being touched up by the Mariners now makes more sense. Still not great to hear. I’m sure his owners would take a bad outing vs. an unknown-length-of-time IL stint. These injuries rarely just fix themselves, and most times they’re never themselves, until an offseason rest sesh. By the way, is anyone ever says “sesh” in any context in real life, you’re allowed to punch them. Those are the rules. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Toronto 8 HRs in Boston To Show They Ain’t Dunedin

June 14, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 537 Comments

by: Grey

Welcome to the class where we discuss the planets — Science class? I don’t know, I’m just your substitute teacher, Mr. Albright. We’re going to put aside your syllabus, and teach you how all planets revolve Vladimir Guerrero Jr.‘s planet, IncomingTripleCrownium. Yesterday, IncomingTripleCrownium went 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and hit his 21st homer, as he hits .344. Does planet Daddy Vladdy revolve around IncomingTripleCrownium, and how is that possible since IncomingTripleCrownium is an offshoot of Daddy Vladdy? I don’t know, which is why I’m merely a substitute, and was told I would never be hired for a full-time position. IncomingTripleCrownium spins on its axis, without an absurd amount of spin, a totally natural spin, and that gave way to a Semien explosion not seen since a 14-year-old boy spent a little too long in the bathroom with Marcus Semien (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs), hitting his 15th homer. Hey, just had a thought, whatever happened with George Springer? Never the hoo! The next big orbital sphere outside the IncomingTripleCrownium gravitational pull was two homers from Teoscar Hernandez (3-for-6, 6 RBIs, 9th and 10th homer). I already took the L on my Teoscar schmohawk post, though, if being honest, I think I might’ve taken that L a bit prematurely. Guess we’ll see. Or we already saw. See? Saw? Get off the bench, Miguel Sano, I’m trying to get down! Next up on the flow chart of planets moving around IncomingTripleCrownium is Lourdes Gurriel Jr. (3-for-5, 2 runs and his 6th homer). Please get hot, Lou-Gu-Ju, please. Then, if we’re counting orbital rings, like the toilet in my college dorm, Bo Bichette (4-for-5, 5 runs, 3 RBIs) grabbed a slam (13) and legs (8), and is it going to be weird when I try to draft two Blue Jays hitters in the first five picks next year? Finally, two smaller planets, that many confuse for large rocks, Rowdy Tellez (1-for-1, 2 RBIs, and his 4th homer) and Cavan Biggio (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 5th homer. To celebrate Biggio’s return, his father Craig Biggio called him after the game to tell him, “Stick your elbow pad into a pitch or change the name on your jersey.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Shhh – India Is My Mum Buy Of The Week

June 11, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 388 Comments

by: Grey

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH OR $13/MONTH WITH AN EXTRA WEEKLY PODCAST.)

Everyone’s always claiming world famous fried chicken, or world famous chili or world famous BBQ. If I had a restaurant, I’d do something that no one else is claiming… “Come on down for our world famous cauliflower — you like cauliflower sometimes? Well, you’re gonna love these florets!” Can I make extraordinarily tasty cauliflower? No, not at all! But it’s all about expectations. That’s Jonathan India: World famous cauliflower, because it’s about expectations. By the way, Jarred Kelenic was trying to make world famous pizza, what a dope! Jonathan India went very late in deep league drafts, then he sorta was….Well, he just was, and no one cared. In April, India hit one homer and .239. In May, he once again existed: 2 HRs, .220. In June, India got hot. *long elaborate Bollywood dance* With time to make adjustments and less pressure than, say, maybe a Jarred Kelenic, India began to hit everything in the zone, and hard. He’s on everything with O- and Z-Swing% falling in line and Barrel% going way up. India also has a solid Sprint Speed, so he could get into some steals. Look at us, India and I just exceeding very low expectations! Now, I just need a name for my cauliflower restaurant. The Floret Florist? The Merchant of Florets? You Cauliflower, I Called It Delicious? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Zack Trucks The Braves With His 12(K)-Wheeler

June 11, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 235 Comments

by: Grey

This is an excerpt of a phone call Razzball intercepted during Thursday’s afternoon games. Since both states involved are two-party consent, we cannot reveal who recorded the call, but it rhymes with Fray Mallbright. Here, let’s listen in:

“Hello, this is the CEO of Spider Tack, the world’s stickiest, gummiest, craziest, shouldn’t-be-used-on-a-baseballiest stuff. Who’s calling?”
Our Commissioner Rob Manfred disguised his voice so he sounded raspy, and said, “I’m Kathleen Turner. I was wondering if you would sell me 7,000 cases of your Spider Tack, and send them individually to pitchers’ homes?”
“Body Heat’s Kathleen Turner? Romancing the Stone’s Kathleen Turner? Not to get all James Lipton, but I am a huge fan of your–”
“Okay, fanboy, if I get you 7,000 addresses, will you send the Spider Tack?”
“Can I ask why you want the Spider Tack sent to pitcher’s homes?”
Rob dropped the Kathleen Turner rasp and said, “So, we can bust them and they’ll all lose their arbitration cases!” Then cackled evilly for five minutes, finally adding, “Deal?”

Have you heard this latest? Pete Alonso has accused Rob Manfred of manipulating the ball, depending on the free agent class. He said it’s a fact. I’m 100% here for conspiracy lunacy. Rob Manfred, evil genius or dumbf*ck? So hard to say! Yesterday, Zack Wheeler (8 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.29) continued his fantastic season, and it appears he has no additional spin on his 4-seamer. His expected ERA is 2.55, and xBA is .202. Also, his velocity is up on his fastball (97+ MPH) and his 81 MPH curve has a .119 xBA, which is hilarious. Lots still can happen, but Wheeler looks like a Cy Young candidate, and top five starter in baseball, assuming he doesn’t get a mysterious package from Kathleen Turner. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4943 posts

Hey Kids, It’s Story Time

Wander Goes Yonder

O’s Like Their Goose Eggs Odorizzi

Rays Finally Let Franco Into Promised Land After Wandering The Desert

One Day I’ll Find Some Buy Like Jo

Al, Tu, Al, Tu, Ve, Four

Mets Smoke deGrom’s Shoulder And Pull It Once Tender

“Hey Zeus” Sanchez Hoping To Bring The Thunder For Marlins

Justout Bieber

Toronto 8 HRs in Boston To Show They Ain’t Dunedin

Shhh – India Is My Mum Buy Of The Week

Zack Trucks The Braves With His 12(K)-Wheeler