by: Grey
Ryan Braun tested positive for something. Maybe it was a performance-enhancing drug. Maybe it wasn’t a performance-enhancing drug just one that causes a positive test. Maybe he just drank sixteen bottles of Red Bull and made out with a stripper who had a cold sore. I don’t know. No one knows, but Ryan Braun. Some […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
As reported ad nauseum yesterday, Albert Pujols signed with the Los Angeles Suburb of Los Angeles Angels yesterday. Or the Albertaheim Pujalos, as they should now be called. Something that wasn’t reported, with Pujols going from a Cardinal to an Angel, Dan Brown now has a new book idea. After every home run, Pujols seemed […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?And just like with the Wayan Brothers, the Marlins like sequels. This offseason is a sequel to 1997’s spending spree. We’ll call this one, “Don’t Be A Miser In South Florida While Drinking Your Profits In The Hood.” Mark Buehrle signed on with the Marlins for $58 million. The Marlins are currently acting like they […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Sergio Santos was traded to the Blue Jays for Nestor Molina, no relation to Alfred. Santos will take over the Blue Jays closing job with Frank Francisco being waved away like a stale fart — Stank Fartcisco, if you will. Santos was made for this job. He’s a cyborg. A cyborg of Ks who was […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Oh, boy, Bill James has gone and done it again. His misguided love for all things Chris Davis has reemerged for Paul Goldschmidt. He gives him the 2012 projections of 93/32/99/.266/9. Wow. Maybe after Goldschmidt’s done curing cancer he can also invent a Facebook Dislike button so I can properly grade all of my so-called […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Jose Reyes went from the King of Queens (See, Reyes is Spanish for kings. Things are much more interesting when they need to be explained, aren’t they?) to the land of retired Jews as he signed with the Miami Marlins. Did Jeffrey Loria’s great auntie die and leave him with an extra hundred million? Team […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Curtis Granderson just went 41/25 with 136 runs and 119 RBIs. The least you could do is keep him for another year. Where are your manners? You know who’s going to definitely get an overrated post for 2012 fantasy? Yup. But for now let’s focus on the positives with Grandy. He was pegged as a […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
The Indians said this, “We don’t expect Grady Sizemore to play 150 to 160 games like he has in the past.” At the start of the 2012 season it will be four years the last time he played that many games, so I’m glad they’re being realistic. They should’ve also said, “We don’t expect him […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
The Janish-Renteria tandem isn’t just the name of a Center for Disease Control in Sweden; it’s also what was standing in Zack Cozart‘s way going into 2011. That was an easy combo to beat out for the shortstop job. But Dusty looks at rookies and laughs maniacally while daintily pushing his toothpick to the side […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
By my calculations, Anthony Rizzo is the top rookie 1st baseman heading into the 2012 fantasy baseball season. (For all of you screaming Paul Goldschmidt, he has too many ABs to be considered a rookie and too many Christmas presents to be considered a Jew. Sorry to all you, Zimmermaniacs. Though since we’re talking about […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?If you search for fantasy baseball, the first result is Yahoo Fantasy Baseball. (We’re first for fantasy baseball blog. Natch! Or natchurally, if you’re long-winded.) But this isn’t about Yahoo fantasy baseball. (Is Yahoo always with an exclamation mark? Yahoo has a volume problem, huh?) When people find us, they are not searching for Yahoo […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
The way the Yankees have handled Montero makes you want to say what no Jesus has said since the first one, “Oy vey.” Is Jesus Montero ever going to start? Only the Yankees and the mysterious monks that Dan Brown’s probably writing about know that answer. Last year, I said no, he won’t start. This […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?