by: Grey
The Oakland A’s called up their prized prospect, Daniel Straily, to start tonight. Their prized prospect that no one even heard of before this year. Is that egg on your face, Keith Law? “Actually, it’s a sous vide’d ostrich egg with fleur de sel. I harvested the fleur de sel from the sweat on the back […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Don’t you love when New Yorkers say the expression, “I got your _____ right here!” Coming out of the right taxi driver’s mouth, it’s like a cello being played by Yo-Yo Ma. Sometimes it can get confusing when you are actually trying to tell someone you’ve located something. Like, “I got your cellphone right here!” […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Rudy’s on vacation, so Nick and I go it alone for today’s podcast. No fear, I have a shizzton of coffee and talk amongst myself like I’m freakin’ Daniel Johnston. This, sir, is not a podcast. Yes, it is. No, it’s not. And I go on like that for a good thirty minutes. When I’m […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Shane Victorino has long been a benchmark for many other players’ production here at Razzball. Dexter Fowler is Feign Victorino; Alejandro De Aza is Should-Hit-The-Gym-And-Train Victorino; Ryan Zimmerman is Bane of my Existence-rino. I look at Victorino like a proud papa. Back in 2008, when people wanted to drop him after he started losing time […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Here’s what I said last November about Theo Epstein, “A new GM can toss out the used-up-and-spit-out pieces he inherits, right? It’s like when a new boss comes into a flailing company and all the employees start quaking in their boots that they’re gonna get fired because they’re unproductive. Alfonso Soriano, Marlon Byrd and Tyler […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
You ever go to a flea market and you have no interest in buying anything? You see some little old lady wearing a sweater, even though it’s 95 degrees, selling a collection of hummels and they’re priced like they’re gold bullion. You pass. You walk further and see a man with mutton chops selling corn […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?A.J. Griffin‘s initials stand for Alfredo Jettuccine. Fact! At this point, I’d own all A’s pitchers. It’s Moneyball II, starring Don Swayze and the daughter is played by a dwarf. What, it’s straight-to-video, and the video is VHS because Don Swayze’s fans keep it real. Alfredo Jettuccine looked like a mediOAKer, and you needed to […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?About a month ago, Troy Tulowitzki had surgery to have scar tissue removed from his groin. Tulo now sings, “Scar tissue that I wish you saw, because I’m kinky.” Yesterday, the Rockies announced nothing, but people familiar with Tulo’s groin — hey now! — have said he probably won’t return this year. “It looks like […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Los Angeles is a town where the only thing better than a great idea is cashing in on the goodwill of that great idea via sequels. So it is no surprise that the Dodgers released a sequel to their 2009 hit, Malcontent Ramirez. If you loved Mannywood, you’ll like Hanleywood! In the first one, a […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Right when the podcast started, Wandy was traded to the Pirates, but we don’t talk about that trade much at all because I got the sense Nick didn’t believe me when I announced it. We do discuss Jeffrey Loria and his stupid aqua-orange fetish that’s only surpassed by his lies and deceit. Man, I really […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Comatose Pirates Fan, I have a surprise for you. You may want to sit down. No, no. It’s a good surprise. The salad days of Willie Stargell are back! (Though even Pops would’ve agreed salad wasn’t on his menu.) I’m excited for the Pirates, they’ve been the Andy Dufresne of major league baseball for far […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Just when you thought the hype for Ichiro Suzuki couldn’t get more unwarranted along comes a trade to the Yankees. There’s a short porch! There’s a jet stream! There’s more media scrutiny which will have him more focused! Iron Chef Morimoto will be preparing him pre-game meals! A-Rod’s been learning how to say, “You are […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?