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Jered Weaver, 2013 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 27, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 200 Comments

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There is a stupid premium on Jered Weaver. Stupid as in dumb. Not stupid as in, “Yo, Grey your feathered hair is stupid fresh! Farrah Fawcett is prolly jealous in heaven. Flap your wings, Greyseph Hawkins, you are my angel on earth. I love you.” In the top 20 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball, I went over some of this so if you’ve been there, read that, skip ahead until the sentence starting, “Your claim to fame…” Last year, Weaver’s K-rate bottomed out to its lowest since his rookie year with a 6.77 K/9. That ranks 58th for starters. He’s between Masterson, Kuroda, Ervin Santana, Paul Maholm. That’s eeny meeny miny no. To go further with one of the guys there, Kuroda’s K-rate was 6.84, his walk rate was 2.09 and his xFIP was 3.67. Weaver’s walk rate and xFIP were 2.15 and 4.18. Oh, and Kuroda’s fastball velocity sits around 92. Weaver’s is at 88. If you were just looking at those numbers with no names attached, you’d concur Kuroda is headed for a better season in 2013 than Weaver. You, sir, are a darn fine concurrer. Speaking of Weaver’s fastball, he had the 8th worst velocity in the majors. Your grandmother could throw faster. Granted, your grandmother was a receptionist at the Miami-based Biogenesis of America clinic, but still. For xFIP, Weaver was the 27th worst in the majors between Volquez, Arroyo, Buehrle and Nolasco. Those guys couldn’t get into the Who’s Who Among American Baseball Players with $39.95 and a B+ GPA. So why is Jered Weaver overrated for 2013 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Head-To-Head Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy, Not Head-To-Head Siamese Twins Dance Strategy

February 26, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 227 Comments

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Though, I would like to read a post about Siamese Twins Dance Strategy. “Xiu, could you stop salsa’ing when I’m friggin’ tango’ing! My effin’ coconut is about to rupture!” Oh, and you’re welcome, Siamese twins who Googled “Siamese Twins Dance Strategy.” We don’t judge here at Razzball, but, out of curiosity, do you guys share a urinal? Use two at a time? Wait, pee, wait? I will tap my orange Crocs impatiently as I wait for your answer. Head-to-Head, or H2H, doesn’t change a lot to our 2013 fantasy baseball rankings. There are 300 billion suns in the Milky Way galaxy. There are 100s of billions of galaxies in the universe. There are at least 256,000 planets exactly like Earth. Yet, there’s only one Miggy Cabrera. (Though Ciggy Mabrera on Planet Yurick is pretty good too. Not a first rounder though.) H2H doesn’t change that. The strategy for playing in the middle of the season in H2H leagues changes. You aren’t hoping Billy Butler hits 30 homers by October, but whether or not he’ll hit a homer on Sunday or if you should sit him to try and win steals. It’s all about the match-ups, y’all! So you want to build a team that can match up well with any other team. (FYI, I’ve gone over this stuff before, but some of you might need a pine tree refresher hung from your rear view.) Anyway, let’s look at some H2H fantasy baseball draft strategy:

PSYCHE! Before we get into the post, just wanted to quickly announce that we’re mind-melding (just consolidating) our Facebook pages. So if you want to Like us on Facebook, you go there. All the sports are gonna be one for all and all for one like the Brand Nubians. Unus pro Razzballus, omnes pro uno, for our Latin American readers. Anyway II, here’s the H2H draft strategy:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2013 Fantasy Baseball Yahoo Ranklings

February 25, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 226 Comments

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The other day I went over my 2013 ESPN ranklings. There, I was all fire, brimstone and gangsta rap. Saying eff this, and eff that. I was pissed off like I was Tim Dog right after landing at LAX. I was spitting bullets, y’all needed to wear a vest. Now, I’m looking at Yahoo’s 2013 fantasy baseball rankings and Tim Dog didn’t get enough penicillin on wax and now he’s RIP. BTW, If you were a rapper in the 80’s or early 90’s or a professional wrestler, watch over your shoulder, son, the reaper is comin’ for you. “Multivitamins are better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac…” That’s Tone Loc working on a new song. More people use Yahoo than any other fantasy baseball game provider thing-a-ma-boobie, so more schmohawks are reading their rankings than any other rankings, yet I never take their rankings serious. Quick analogy that may or may not make sense: There’s years of looking up to your father, whether you agree all the time or not. Then, one day, he takes a poop on your couch. He should take him to the hospital; he’s in need of some sort of psychology examination. If the tests come back conclusive that he pooped the couch simply out of laziness, then that’s ESPN. Okay, now, Yahoo is your 8-year-old cousin pooping your couch. You’re annoyed, but you’re not sending the kid for psychology examinations. In other words, I always feel like ESPN should know better, but Yahoo, well, they have The Noise ranking Curtis Granderson 14th overall. Even Jose Canseco knows Granderson may have hit 60 homers in 30,000 BC due to a lack of gravity, but he still would need a ton of luck to hit .240. My apologies to Saltines, but Grandy at 14th overall is crackers (even before the injury).

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

ESPN’s 2013 Fantasy Baseball Ranklings

February 22, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 327 Comments

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Writing these posts where I look at the differences between my 2013 fantasy baseball rankings and ESPN’s fantasy baseball rankings gives me severe agita, but I want to be calm. I don’t want an ulcer. So, for this post, I put on the Dixie Chicks’s cover of Landslide… Children get older, I’m getting older too… Unfortunately, I hunt and peck on my keyboard and it took me that entire song to type up the first sentence of this paragraph and iTunes shuffled to N.W.A. Right about now, N.W.A. court is in full effect.

“Judge Grey presiding in the case of Razzball vs. ESPN.”

“Prosecuting attorneys are MC Grey, Ice Grey and Eazy-mother*******-Grey!”

“Order, order, order… Ice Grey, take the mother******** stand. Do you swear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help your stupid ass?”

“You goddamn right!”

“Well, won’t you tell everybody what the eff you gotta say?”

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Marco Estrada, 2013 Fantasy Sleeper

February 21, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 234 Comments

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You might’ve heard this guy’s name before as one of the guys I want in every league per my pitchers pairings post (say that fast 117 times!). So, how did it all start? Well, I was looking at Marco Estrada‘s peripherals and I fell in love. I couldn’t figure out what I was missing because it all looked so good. Like good good. Like Barefoot Contessa in a negligee with Jeffrey locked out of the house good. Like going to Supercuts and actually getting a super cut good. Like not having to spell out your name after you order a latte at Starbucks good. I will now blow your mind. For starters with 130+ innings, Estrada had the 7th best K-rate in the major leagues with a 9.30. That usually comes with a ton of walks or a top ten starter price tag. Estrada had the 14th best walk rate (1.89) in the major leagues. For K/BB, he had the third best rate in the majors behind only Cliff Lee and Kris Medlen. Not that these things can be done by petting a rabbit’s foot, but he was actually unlucky last year with a 3.64 ERA and a 3.48 xFIP. He had an above-average first pitch strike percentage, above-average with swings generated on pitches outside the strike zone and above-average percentage of swings and misses. In his career as a starter in 176 innings, he has a 8.85 K-rate and 1.99 walk rate. His peripherals match those of an ace. Estrada’s Down Side, “Are you choosing to ignore me or just not seeing it?” I don’t see any down side whatsoever. So what can we expect of Marco Estrada for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

PEDS — Performance Enhancing Draft Strategy

February 20, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 283 Comments

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For most of you, been there, read this shizz already, but there’s Razzball newbies (Razzbabies?) that need some coddling occasionally. If you know PEDS, skip ahead into the comments and discuss my mustache. For the Razzbabies, c’mon here and let Uncle Grey burp you. Maybe I can get you to spit up everything you learned at ESPN. So, there’s a BRAN (Balanced Roster After Nine) Drafting Strategy by Rudy “The Fro Knows” Gamble. He’s also touched upon some fantasy baseball drafting tips. It’s a year or so old, but it’s timeless so when you read it don’t bother looking at the clock. There’s also a LIMA Plan (Low Investment Mound Aces) by Ron Shandler. There’s been a ZIMA Plan by Matthew Berry; it involves a lot of stumbling around, groping and the hiccups. There’s been a Punt One Category draft strategy. There’s been a Punt Two Categories draft strategy, which was conceived by a leaguemate of Punt One Category who just couldn’t stand being upstaged. And there’s the Forget When Your Draft Is So Your Team Is Autodrafted strategy. I love when my leaguemates use that one. Then there’s my fantasy baseball draft strategy, Performance Enhancing Draft Strategy or PEDS.

PEDS has five basic steps. If you follow these steps, you will place near the top in all of your leagues. No plan is foolproof because, unfortunately, they still have to play the games, but PEDS puts you in the best position possible to win coming out of your draft. Actually, this plan is foolproof and you should ignore the previous sentence that said no plan is foolproof. No sentence is foolproof, that’s more accurate. Okay, onto the steps:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Stats Needed To Win Your Fantasy Baseball League

February 19, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 119 Comments

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With the Razzball Commenter Leagues sign ups in full swing, we look at what last year’s RCLs showed us, i.e., this is the stats you need to win your fantasy baseball leagues. Across 577 12 team leagues, you would think you’d have some wide variations, but it’s amazingly close what you need in each category to do average vs. win. Some quick points upfront. There were 5 outfielders and one utility, so if you play in a Yahoo league with three outfielders and two utility, I’d expect more offense across the board. Not much, but some. There was a 180 games started max for pitchers. 6.5 is average in a 12 team league, not 6 because the last place team has 1 point, not zero. Finally, the RCLs are made up of guys that are probably more competitive than your casual fantasy baseball leaguemates, so if you can hit these benchmarks, you should be in good shape. Anyway, here’s what it takes to win a 12 team fantasy baseball league:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Buster Posey, Fantasy Schmohawk

February 18, 2013 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated, Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 209 Comments

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It’s more like you’re a schmohawk if you draft Buster Posey in the 2nd round. Let’s just look at his MVP season. Hmm, it might take me a while to get through 300 hours of video to look at his MVP season. Plus, you give this to me on VHS?! Grey’s Intern, “Sorry, Mr. Albright, MLB is a bit behind with their technology. I assumed you didn’t want grainy black and white film with Mel Allen voice over.” Put an ad on Craigslist for a new intern! GI, “Aw, shucks.” All right, due to a slight setback we’re gonna have to look at Posey’s season through the online prism of stats. His MVP year was 78/24/103/.336/1. To compare and contrast: he had the 66th most runs, one behind Michael Young and Andre Ethier. Yay. Yay, “Don’t overuse me for your sarcastic amusement. I have feelings.” Sorry, Yay. His 24 homers was tied for 45th best. Same as Napoli, Plouffe and Swisher. Super. Super, “I feel the same as Yay.” His RBIs were 15th overall. That’s one off of Pence’s pace. Whoopie doo. Whoopie Doo, “I don’t mind the sarcasm.” Posey’s steals were tied for 881st with Jake Westbrook, Prince Fielder and Xavier Nady, who I believe retired in 2009. A notoriously quick group, to be sure. Now, in case you skimmed the first ten sentences of nonsense. This was Posey’s MVP season. So, he’s going to get better this year? Is he going to win the G.O.A.T MVP and get knighted? Is the new number one name for boys in America going to be Posey? That’ll confused some doctors in the maternity ward. New Dad, “Look at that Posey!” Doctor, “Now’s not the time for that, sir.” So what can we expect from Buster Posey for 2013 and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Best Fantasy Baseball Team for 2013

February 15, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 282 Comments

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So the title has a bit of superlative in it. What was I gonna say, the most kinda good fantasy baseball team? You’ll get over your scoffing, I have faith in you. This is the best 2013 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2013 fantasy baseball and top 400 for 2013 fantasy baseball. Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific… Well, one of the twenty-five would only be almost terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is. If I took Votto in the 1st round, everything after it would change. For this exercise, I’m taking Swiggy first, because, well, I have him first overall. Until pick 100, I’m taking one guy somewhere in every twelve picks. It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Strasburg, Verlander and Kershaw in the first round and I was able to take Votto in the 2nd round, but since Miggy and him are in my first 10 picks, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both. Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100’s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken. People tend to look at team need over value. So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks. Finally, because there is so much latitude in the last 200, I gave myself free reign to fill up my team. Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward. It should still be my ideal team… Or not. Let’s see, shall we? Bee tee dubya, this team is 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 Bench, just like the Razzball Commenter Leagues that are signing up still. (Yes, we need commissioners. I’m shooting for 60 leagues, but we need your help! Wow, I just sounded like FDR.) Also, if you’re feeling especially industrious, VinWins started a thread of War Room teams in our fantasy baseball forums. Anyway, here’s the best 2013 fantasy baseball team:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pairings

February 14, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 267 Comments

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Here’s a post that’s gonna make you wanna slap ya mama and call her Mark. The other day I told you how to draft your pitchers for 2013 fantasy baseball. I laid it out to you nice and simple (if you have a degree in “What The Hell Is Grey Talking About?” Not a PhD, mind you. Just a BS.) Today, we forget all that jabberwocky on the who-ha and get down to business old school-style (which means if you don’t comprehend, I will hit you over the head with a baseball bat signed by Joe Clark.) What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd if you’ve drafted so and so first. I think it might be helpful to go through pairings for your 5 outfielders, all your middle and corner infielders too. I’m not sure I’ll have the time or patience to do them though. We’ll see! Or not. Your choice. (Actually, my choice.) For easy reference, the royal we will be using the top 10 2013 fantasy baseball rankings, the top 20 2013 fantasy baseball rankings and the beginning of the top 100 for 2013 fantasy baseball. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league, similar to our Razzball Commenter Leagues. Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2013 fantasy baseball drafts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pitchers Pairings

February 13, 2013 | 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 232 Comments

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For these pairings, I’m going to be using our 2013 fantasy baseball rankings. Notably, the top 20 starters for 2013 fantasy baseball, top 40 starters for 2013, top 60 starters for 2013 and the top 80 starters for 2013. You can just go to our Fantasy Baseball War Room too (due to popular demand, we’ll make a downloadable Excel spreadsheet available later today). Or the fantasy baseball tiers (compliments to commenter, Drew!). Okay, now that we have our links and shizz done. What is a pitcher pairing? It’s how you plan on putting together a fantasy staff. It’s a plan of action. If you have A pitcher, which B, C and D pitcher goes with him? You should have six starters. The sixth starter is Matt Harvey or take whoever you want. I suggest an upside pick. Matt Harvey comes to mind. Or Marco Estrada. Marco Estrada also comes to mind. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5 and some variation of 9 Pitchers league. BTW, if you haven’t done so yet, sign up for a Razzball Commenter League (we need commissioners!). (NOTE: What you are about to read is massively confusing. If it were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me. If Charles Manson stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye.) Anyway, here’s some pairings for pitching staffs for 2013 fantasy baseball drafts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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