True story: I was walking through the mall in spandex shorts and a headband, strutting really. The year was 1981. I was perhaps the most handsome, well-groomed five-year-old the planet had seen. Okay, a seven-year-old pretending to be a five-year-old. Who wants to be older? Not me, Cousin Sweatpants. So, I’m cruising for chicks, crushing the scenario, when I see this total fox. I stop her and ask for a name. She says, “Jennifer Beals,” and I say, “You’re gonna be a star, kid,” then covering my mouth I say how her fame will be short-lived but how she will get some decent character work later in life. I spotted her sex appeal two years prior to her breakout role in Flashdance. I can always spot sex appeal. It’s my cross to bear. Speaking of crosses to bear, holy Jesus Harry Christ my Tout Wars team is sexy! The league is 12-team, two-catcher, NL-Only and perhaps the most respected fantasy league in the country. Sure, we’re still mocked by 99.9% of the world, but a solid chunk of other fantasy baseballers respect the Tout! Anyway, here’s my Tout Wars team and some thoughts:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
The 10 Biggest Regrets In Life (If Life Included Only Fantasy Baseball And Only The Last Month)
March 27, 2017 | Uncategorized | 503 Commentsby: Grey
These regrets don’t harken back to the day I drafted Mike Greenwell over Ryan Klesko and his gorgeous sideburns, only to waste a career year from Ray Lankford. That was a miserable time to be Grey. I remember not brushing crumbs from my mustache for a month, and little kids coming up to me and asking me if I were homeless. I felt homeless! I’ll tell you that! No, no, these regrets are profound, but not THAT profound. These are regrets I’m feeling for the last month of fantasy baseball. Things I wish I did differently with my drafts or my rankings or my projections, but didn’t for one reason or another. Anyway, here’s my biggest regrets for the 2017 fantasy baseball preseason:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Reds’ Bullpen Can’t Even Hit The Showers Correctly
March 24, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 425 Commentsby: Grey
Raisel Iglesias slipped in the shower and hurt his elbow and hip, which could cause him to miss Opening Day. This has to be the nastiest Reds locker room incident since Aaron Harang dropped the soap and fell on Dick Pole while showering. Previously, Harang had only slipped on a banana peel, ya know, a by-product of being The Harangutan. The 2nd nastiest Reds locker room incident happened when Johnny Cueto swept Bronson Arroyo’s leg and he fell into Dick Pole. Now that I think about it, all Reds locker room incidents involved Dick Pole. So, Church’s elbow and hip sound like they will be fine, but Drew Storen, Michael Lorenzen and Tony Cingrani, likely in that order, could sneak into the closer’s role, and steal the job, since I get the feeling Reds manager, Bryan Price, doesn’t really want Raisel in the closer role indefinitely. This will likely be a shituation where Raisel, Storen and others share 30 saves, say, 17 saves for Raisel, 9 for Storen and the rest for others. I’ve updated my fantasy baseball rankings, namely the top 500. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?I’m going to take a new approach with this post. No, not because I’m typing with my elbows, but becooooze I’mmmm ryping–Okay, I am typing with my elbows. On the heels of drafting my third team, I realize there’s some players I absolutely would draft and some I just won’t. It’s not that I don’t like these players. Well, some of them, but there’s just some players I won’t draft due to their ADP and where I’m looking to draft at any given moment. It occurred to me when I was about to draft Carlos Carrasco (prayer hexagon, please) in the fifth round. Top guys on the board at the time from my 2017 fantasy baseball rankings were Polanco, Myers, Segura, Kyle Seager, Arrieta and deGrom. I already had two outfielders, so that eliminated Polanco for me; I called Jake Arrieta overrated; I wouldn’t draft deGrom, per my top 20 starters, and I really needed a starter. I wish I had three picks at that point, because I like Myers and Seager and don’t fully hate Segura, though that price is high. So, if this is how the 5th round shakes out, how can I draft Myers, Segura, Seager or Polanco this year? It just seems like it’s not happening. No matter if I like them or not. Then, I thought deeper about my situation like I was KRS-One, and realized there were dozens of players I could’ve chosen at that point. Hundreds of players, really. I mean, only 60 players were off the board. Couldn’t I have drafted so many other players? Actually, no, I couldn’t. Or, I guess better, I wouldn’t. In my top 100 for 2017 fantasy baseball, there’s approximately 20 players I’m drafting after the top 25 overall and before we’re out of the top 100. Why after the top 25? Because in the top 25, I’d take anyone. Technically, I won’t draft Kershaw where I have him ranked because he’ll be drafted already, but now you’re quibbling, you quibbler! Anyway, here’s twenty players I’m drafting in the top 100 for 2017 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Starters to Target, 2017 Fantasy Baseball
March 22, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 370 Commentsby: Grey
Today concludes the fantasy baseball sleepers‘ portion of our program. *nudges homeless woman sleeping on my couch that I tried to get Cougs to agree to a threesome with* No more sleepers, Francine. Meh, I’ll let her rest. Like the outfielders to target, this post is necessary. You need to target the right names at the end of the draft for starters. Last year’s starters to target post included Gausman, Paxton, Velasquez, Nola, McCullers and Rich Hill. All guys who this year are in my top 40 starters. This year…the world! Well, not the world, just some starters. As with other target posts, these guys are being drafted after the top 200 overall. Anyway, here’s some starters to target for 2017 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Outfielders to Target, 2017 Fantasy Baseball
March 21, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 274 Commentsby: Grey
We (me) have gone over the catchers, 2nd basemen, shortstops and 3rd basemen to target, cause I have to do everything around here! Look at me, throwing shade like a beach umbrella! That makes sense…if you don’t think about it! That’s what I want my bumper sticker to say, and then when I step out of my car, I want my clever t-shirt to say it too, “That makes sense….if you don’t think about it.” How can I arrange my life so this happens? I need a personal assistant. “So, it says you worked as Kanye’s assistant and you bought mirrors for nine months straight….” That’s me checking the CV of my favorite imaginary assistant. Okay, so this post is all the outfielders that are being drafted after 200 overall that I have uber-sexy feelings for. Last year, I featured Joc Pederson, Khris Davis, Wil Myers and some guy named Delino DeSomething. No idea who that is! Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Canada) supplement to the top 100 outfielders for 2017 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2017 projections. Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2017 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Looking Crisp In 9th Glover, Taking McFlyer For Saves
March 20, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Notes | 277 Commentsby: Grey
Soda Glover, Yoda Glover, Coda Glover, but no Koda Glover. That’s my constant struggle with my autocorrect. Let’s break down those typos, shall we? Soda Glover has been better than 7-Up and seven down. Me strike out batters you like, man with toothpick, says Yoda Glover. The concluding event at the section of the baseball game called the ninth inning will be the Coda Glover. Dusty Baker hasn’t yet named a closer, but, unless they trade for someone (and this isn’t out of the question), all indications are that Koda Glover will be the Nats’ closer. Jon Heyman wrote, “….but with Shawn Kelley not considered a closer candidate due to two past Tommy John surgeries…” Such a throwaway line. Like it’s common knowledge. Either Heyman heard something from the Nats, which led him to believe everyone knew this, or Heyman’s totally in the dark. Could be either, but I’m thinking Nat-Nat-Nat-Nats’ all folks for Shawn Kelley, who has barely thrown this spring. In my fantasy baseball rankings and my top 500, I’ve moved Koda Glover above Blake Treinen and Kelley. Also, adjusted my Fantasy Baseball War Room. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? 3rd Basemen to Target, 2017 Fantasy Baseball
March 17, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 338 Commentsby: Grey
Excuse the exposition and this clunky intro into aforementioned exposition, but here’s the catchers to target, 1st basemen to target, 2nd basemen to target, shortstops to target and something to stick to your dartboards to target. These 3rd basemen to target are being drafted after 200 overall. Keep in mind, nephew (and five niece readers), your Uncle Grey likes to have a corner man drafted by the time these guys appear, so you’re looking at potential utility men more than anything. Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Indonesia) supplement to the top 20 3rd basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2016 projections. Anyway, here’s some 3rd basemen to target for 2017 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Shortstops to Target, 2017 Fantasy Baseball
March 16, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 211 Commentsby: Grey
Last year, this post and the 2nd basemen to target were necessary evils like changing underwear. Whether you wanted to or not, it was a good idea to take a flyer on a late middle infielder, and you were still expecting to get crapped on. Now? Well…. I like some late middle infielders, could see owning one, but there’s a ton of early, sexy-AF middle infielders, so there’s a chance I own an MI before I even reach the 100th pick overall. In other words, I could own a shortstop, 2nd baseman and shortstop or 2nd baseman all in the first eight or so rounds. Yeah, crazy time we live in. In no other way is it a crazy time, except for fantasy baseball. Then again, I have the 2016 election results on my DVR and I haven’t watched yet. No one ruin the surprise! This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Lichtenstein) supplement to the top 20 shortstops for 2017 fantasy baseball. The players listed have a draft rank after 200 on other sites. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2017 projections. Anyway, here’s some shortstops to target for 2017 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? 2nd Basemen To Target, 2017 Fantasy Baseball
March 15, 2017 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 339 Commentsby: Grey
Psst! This post is gonna list 2nd basemen that you should target in your 2017 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m whispering because you don’t want everyone to see this post. No, I can’t whisper louder, then it WOULDN’T BE WHISPERING! Okay, gig’s up (or maybe that’s jig’s up), the love I’m about to reiterately (Made Up Word of the Day!) confirm is on these guys I love later in drafts. I’m not going to mention Rougned Odor other than this one mention of him where I say I’m not going to mention him. I love Odor, and not just because when he chops a 3-2 pitch into the dugout the announcer says, “Foul…Odor stays alive. Hey, Bill, change your shirt.” I’m not mentioning Odor other than this mention of not mentioning him because these are players that you’re looking at later and all of them have ADPs after 200. Some could be the 2nd baseman on your team, they are more than likely MIs. This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Croatia) supplement to the top 20 2nd basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2017 projections. Anyway, here’s some 2nd basemen to target for 2017 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?(The following is the Introduction to my new (e)book, Pigeons on a Table! To purchase, click here. It’s $15. I will be donating a portion to my growing stomach. After you buy it, I’ll email you the (e)book. It is available in ePub, MOBI and PDF formats, i.e., it’ll open on your computer or mobile device.)
Please, blog, may I have some more?I hate early drafts. There’s absolutely no skill involved in drafting on March 3rd and avoiding Ian Desmond due to a broken hand that hasn’t happened yet. It’s like not getting on a subway car and you end up marrying a Cougar vs. Coldplay’s Chris Martin and you keep forgetting your Apple ID so you can’t download a song you really want to hear vs. getting free iPhones hand-delivered by Bono. Admittedly, I never saw the movie, Sliding Doors, but I picture the plot being something like that. I want to marry Chris Martin and get iBonos! Man, this effin’ sucks. Looks like I’m going to have to battle just a wee bit harder in Yahoo’s Friends & Family draft where I took Desmond. *cries uncontrollably* But I don’t want to battle harder! The tears running down my face have fallen onto my desk and are spelling out, “Why can’t you have anything mice?” Mice? What the hell are you talking about tears? I’ve updated my top 20 overall, top 100 and my top 60 outfielders. The Fantasy Baseball War Room is updated, and, since Mark Reynolds will be the Rockies’ 1st baseman, I’ve updated the top 20 1st basemen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
