Ayo whaddup, it’s ya boy Grey Albright aka the Fantasy Master Lothario aka White Chocolate aka The Ladder You Use To Reach New Heights aka The God Particle aka Trump’s Next Supreme Court Nominee Judge Reinhold aka Paid Overtime aka A Close Parking Spot When You’re In A Rush aka Al Swearengen’s Swearing Dictionary aka Teacher, We Don’t Need No Education aka The Weird Guy That Latches Onto The Main Character In Oscar Films I Think His Name Is Paul Dano aka The Butcher, The Baker and The Candlestick Maker aka The Stinging On Your Pinkie Toe When You Clip Too Close aka Paul Anka aka Forget How You Spell My Name And Just Get Me My Coffee!  I just spent thirty minutes looking up Mindy Cohn and whether or not she’s a lesbian.  Ah, the offseason.  You are a soothing mistress that touches my naughty bits with idle hands.  She’s apparently not a lesbian, but a confirmed friend of the gays, and she wanted to lose weight in the 80’s, but the producers asked her to avoid it for the character of Natalie.  They finally agreed to let her wear baggy clothes.  No comment, except the “no comment” comment has the weight of a thousand eye rolls.  A quick preamble about the 2018 fantasy baseball rookie series that is coming from me over the next few weeks.  Rookies could get a post if they meet MLB eligibility requirements, less than 130 ABs or 50 IP.  That means no Yoan Moncada, no Rhys Hoskins, no Rafael Devers, and finally no Amed Rosario.  In 2012, the first player I highlighted was Mike Trout.  That wasn’t an accident.  I said in the Mike Trout post, “He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff.  He’s the big Statue of Liberty in New York, not that girly one in Paris!”  Since then, I’ve attempted to make the first rookie post about a prospect that will be the top rookie for fantasy the following year.  Two years ago, that honor went to Corey Seager.  Yes, it’s an honor, don’t be so condescending.  Last year, it was Yoan Moncada. (But the 2nd rookie post was Aaron Judge!  If this were horseshoes, I’d be so money.)  This year the top fantasy prospect isn’t no ordinary man, this is the prospect I be seeing in my sleep.  Ronald Acuna will be your number one 2018 fantasy baseball rookie.  Will Acuna be named to the All-Century Team in 85 years or edged out by a robot with grabby hands named the Hitter-Tron that my great-great-nephew will sue due to trademark infringement only to find out it’s the same Hitter-Tron that once graced this little fantasy baseball blog called Razzball?  Can Acuna be a top ten outfielder in 2018?  So many questions and so little time to look up Mindy Cohn info!  Anyway, what can we expect of Ronald Acuna for 2018 fantasy baseball?

First off, I’ve wanted to call Ronald Acuna, Jason Acuna for the last five hundred words.  Maybe because I used to hang out with him.  I have some good stories about Jason Acuna, that I should tell on the podcast some time.  By the by, Jason Acuna is Wee Man.  Okay, okay, OKAY!  I think I got out all my Jason Acuna drops.  Ronald Acuna is not a dwarf (except standing next to Aaron Judge).  He’s a 19-year-old prospect in the Braves’ organization who literally — yes, literally — does everything.  He’s got so many tools there’s day laborers standing outside his house asking him if he needs help on his DIY project.  Ronald Acuna is Jim Bowden’s wet dream.  And now you’re moist.  Sorry for those of you that can’t handle the word moist, but it’s kinda lame to not be able to handle a word.  You’re triggered by the word ‘moist,’ let it sink in how first world that problem is.   As I do with all rookies, due to my unfamiliarity, I watch tape on them.  Because I feed you like a baby bird, here’s a sexy glimpse (a glimpsexy?):

I did those two highlights of Acuna because that’s all you need to know.  Oppo power with relative ease and beating out infield singles like a boss.  I know why Prospector Ralph put Acuna atop his top 50 prospects for 2018 fantasy baseball; Acuna is not in my 1,001 Jokes To Be Read On The Toilet book that sits in my bathroom, because he is no joke.  He had 9 HRs and 11 SBs and a .344 average in Triple-A through.  Dot, dot, dot.  Only 54 games!  Can we say young Hanley?  If not, you might need a speech therapist.  The big question for him, as is the big question for almost all rookies, playing time in the majors in 2018.  As I was saying to Ralph, if the Braves go out and sign a big free agent this offseason, and think their time is now, then Acuna might be up in April.  If the Braves play it cautious, he might not be up until late-May, early-June.  Either way, he looks like the preseason NL Rookie of the Year candidate to beat.  For 2018, I’ll give him the projections of 74/17/77/.304/21 in 514 ABs and a mid-April call.  He is elfin gorgeous.  Wait, that’s Jason Acuna again.

  1. Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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    That’s some tasty prospectin!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yummo!

  2. Jensen says:
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    Grey, why no Oxford comma?

    • FrankGrimes says:
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      @Jensen:
      Haha this guy

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Felt it was more effective without it

  3. knucks says:
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    I’ll be calling in during the next Pod to request these Wee Man tales.

    First time, long time. Uhhkay?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      HA

  4. Slappy Jack says:
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    .300 projected average has my hands jazzin’ and my balls razzin’

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      That’s the way — uh-huh-uh-huh — we like it!

  5. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    He’s breaking camp or at the very least up by April 16th (end of tax season, Acuna also does taxes. See everything). Baseball America has my back on this, trust the PR.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I think you’re right, only thing that could hamper this is the Braves sign a vet that is only supposed to fill-in and inexplicably gets hot…

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Grey: I don’t think they will, they already have Markakis and Kemp, Inciarte in center, and Acuna heads to right. His defense is better than the other two and he offers more upside. Not sure if the GM swap could change that, but Hart has shown a pre-disposition to promote aggressively.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Going off top of my head (even tho could Google it), but isn’t Markakis a free agent? So they need someone to fill in for a second there….

          • @Grey:

            Nope he has 1 year left.

            As a braves fan, I’m hoping they find someone to dump Kemp off on… I don’t care if they have to pay 3/4 of his salary just to get rid of him and open up a spot.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              That could happen easily… I could see the Mariners falling for the Kemp Jokey Smurf package…

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Was Jonah on the podcast? I legit don’t remember that… I know he was in my CBS league…

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Grey: Yeah, when Capozzi got him after he wrote that book about the Expos. It was a real Canadian orgy

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Wow, don’t remember that at all… You start Mind Hunter yet?

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      No. I finished up Tin Star yesterday. Such an odd show. A little twin peaks a little Fargo and from what I’ve read it’s a British show. But I really enjoyed it. Probably won’t start mind hunter til Thursday just depends how I feel after game tonight.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Gotcha, I’ll prolly start Tin Star on Thursday, depending on how I feel after the game tonight… It is so effin hot!

              • Ralph Lifshitz

                Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                @Grey: Dipoto would give them his best prospect. Already did (Gohara) in the Mallex Smith deal, who he turned around and traded for Drew Smyly. Haha ohhh Dipoto, you!!

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Almost as bad as Diplo

                  • Ralph Lifshitz

                    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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                    @Grey: Perhaps worse? I don’t know techno!!

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      You don’t know techno?

  6. jp says:
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    mmmmmmmmm that projection is good enough to be a top 50ish hitter…Lorenzo Cain a good comp with more upside in SB?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Think more upside on power… Yeah, he could be a top 50ish hitter… Look at his power and speed in that GIF

      • Jp says:
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        @Grey: good call. His homerun today looked like a flyout to the opposite field but still went out!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Agreed

  7. BSA70 says:
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    OK – have some fun with my decision heading into 2018 keeper –
    Keep six:
    Albies
    Rosario
    Rizzo
    Altuve
    Bregman
    Robles
    Benintendi
    Betts
    Acuna
    Severino

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Benintendi
      Betts
      Rizzo
      Altuve
      Bregman
      Severino

      • BSA70 says:
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        @Grey: Fun problem to have. Albies was fun at the end of the year. Rosario showed himself to be a potential DL friendly guy. He seemed to be nursing a lot of little things when his fellow rookies were scrapping.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Agreed

  8. J-FOH says:
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    Acuna is good, got that. Not that Ralphs weekly Acuna pun plays haven’t already infected my brain…I’ll take any Acuna on toasted whole wheat with lots of season

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Make it grain!

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Grey: I’m so full! Just finished some Acuna casserole. Delicious!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          *shudders* More of a Acuna salad guy myself

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: Acuna Sashimi with sushi rice and ponzu sauce

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              The Big Acuna Burger

  9. Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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    For team name purposes alone, he’s worth it (Acuna matata)

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Grab Kenta and make it Acuna Maeda

      • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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        @Grey: Acuna Machado

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I wish I met Acuna, instead I met Maeda when love was much greater…

          • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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            @Grey: hahahhah

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Grey: Acuna Moncada!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Yes!

          • Ralph Lifshitz

            Ralph Lifshitz says:
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            @Grey: I already named a post “I’m Not Going to Call this Post Acuna Moncada”

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              I know, I remember

            • Duda Want to Build a Snowman? says:
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              @Ralph Lifshitz: oh right! That’s the winner I think

  10. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    2 episodes in on Mindhunter. I’m liking it. Didn’t even have a problem with the first episode.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I thought the 1st episode was slow, but it gets even better (according to me, but your mileage may vary)….

      • VinWins

        VinWins says:
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        @Grey: Ha. I was worried I would think the first episode was the only good one.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Ha, well, if you like episode 2, you should be fine…

          • VinWins

            VinWins says:
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            @Grey: See it is a ridiculous 104 F in LA. A very nice 67 here.

            • J-FOH says:
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              @VinWins: my balls are stuck to my thighs its so hot

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              But it feels only like 95

  11. Jose says:
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    Both my boys hit Dingers today in AZ.
    It took Acuna to game 10 and AB #30 and Robles did it in game 2 and AB #6, but Acuna is still #1 for me.

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Jose: It was only a matter of time for both.

      Acuna’s homer was off Keller too. He doesn’t let up too many.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Yeah, Robles looks special too

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Oh, man, the sweet sounds of Nick’s voice

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: now that would be a an off season guest for you guys. The new guy talking to the old guy

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Halp talking to Nick?

          • Grey

            Grey says:
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            So meta!

            • J-FOH says:
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              @Grey: the meta Razzball podcast! It would break the net

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                But it’s on the net, more meta!

                • J-FOH says:
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                  @Grey: net breaking net breaking net breaking….its like standing between two mirrors

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    Ha, perfect analogy

  12. thatguy says:
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    You won’t bring Wee Man on the Podcast. You won’t.

    He’s too busy playing second base in the World Series

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Ha!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Haha

  13. iChiro says:
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    …And I am Judge Reinhold — Hey Mon, got to get to work!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Congrats on the new position!

  14. J-FOH says:
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    I’m starting mindhunters right now

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Nice! Give it two episodes before you complain… 1st episode is slow

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Grey: Im actually enjoying the first episode a lot. Can’t build a house without a foundation. Only thing that has irked me is they will show a 12 year old car and it looks brand new….ugh. Post production needs some work

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Funny, I was saying to Cougs (who didn’t watch), that I think they spent a lot of money on the show b/c it really feels like the period… Yeah, it’s all foundation at the beginning, which is fine, I just wanted some murder stuff!

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Grey: you murderfile!

            Maybe its because Im a car guy but I get super irritated especially in the 4K world that everything has to look perfect. There are plenty of beat up cars out there. If its 1977 and you have a car that is from 1964 it shouldnt look brand new. Maybe I should be working for the studios getting cars for their movies because they fuck it up a lot

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              Maybe they’re saying something by a 1964 car being new? Just supposing, I don’t know… I honestly didn’t know it was a 1964 car, I thought it was a 1977 car

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Grey: the opening scene on episode one. The station wagon is what Im talking about. But like Straight out of Compton…which was awful, they had brand new looking mid 70’s Ford Pinto’s in the mid 80’s hood…yeah right. I also have a father who would point out historical inaccuracies on period pieces when the year would be 1961 and they have a 1963 car in the shot. Unless thats a DeLorean then bupkis!

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  You mean Snowfall? That was AWFUL with its period piece… Everything looked brand new… So bad…

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Grey: Snowfall too!

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Snowfall was the worst!

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      an un-named source propped that show up to me. #sad

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Haha

                • VinWins

                  VinWins says:
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                  @J-FOH: Hey, it was dark. There were dents you couldn’t see!

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    Sounds like a euphemism for a failed relationship… Hey, it was dark. There were dents you couldn’t see!

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      @Grey: broken headlights and inability to master stick shift is a relationship killer too

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Ha, *your mileage may vary.

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      @Grey: I prefer something with some mileage on it, you know, a nice grocery getter but not something that has been taken around the block every day getting deep in the bumper to bumper

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      I like a compact.

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      @Grey: like an early model Hyundai Excel?

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      That was my first car! With mirror tints, shizz was so fly…

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Haha, guilty as charged!

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      @Grey: whats sad is that the first thing that pops in my head when thinking about a tricked out Hyundai is Boyz N the Hood…..even worse is over in Lance’s post, he mentions John Travolta dancing in the 90’s and I immediately go to the Experts with Arye Gross.

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      That’s what happens when you get older, you remember old shizz before new shizz

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      @Grey: I seem to remember crappy old things vs cool ones

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Me too

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      @Grey: like that one time we had to buy tickets to Some Kind of Wonderful because they wouldn’t sell us Nightmare on Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors tickets and we actually had to watch the movie because they had the NOES theater on lock down. That movie was awful. We knew we should of just bought tickets to Over the Top but we had already seen it and my buddy was awful under pressure in the face of the bitchy ticket lady

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      Hahahaha… I think that’s how I ended up seeing Stop or My Mom Will Shoot…

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      @Grey: This is starting to sound like beginnings of a support group

                    • Grey

                      Grey says:
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                      So Not Millennials Anonymous

                    • J-FOH says:
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                      @Grey: Not Millenial is a certainty there for membership

  15. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    I have finished the season. Enjoyed it greatly. Thanks for the recommendation!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Wow, that was fast! So what you got for me to watch now?

      • VinWins

        VinWins says:
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        @Grey: Yeah, doesn’t take long when you have no life. A couple afternoons at the nursing home playing crib, a morning shopping with Mom, a little yard work, and the rest of the week is wide open.

        Don’t think there is anything great you don’t already know about. Good Behavior isn’t bad. And Banshee, of course, which has too many drawn-out fights, but I still liked it.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Okay, will have to put those on my list… I like the Confession Tapes on Netflix too, not sure if you’ve watched that yet

  16. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    3 playoff teams have let their managers go. Crazy.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      Dusty seemed to get a raw deal… I have no love for Girardi, so later to him…

  17. J-FOH says:
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    Mindhunter….Done! That was excellent

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