Ayo whaddup, it’s ya boy Grey Albright aka the Fantasy Master Lothario aka White Chocolate aka The Ladder You Use To Reach New Heights aka The God Particle aka Trump’s Next Supreme Court Nominee Judge Reinhold aka Paid Overtime aka A Close Parking Spot When You’re In A Rush aka Al Swearengen’s Swearing Dictionary aka Teacher, We Don’t Need No Education aka The Weird Guy That Latches Onto The Main Character In Oscar Films I Think His Name Is Paul Dano aka The Butcher, The Baker and The Candlestick Maker aka The Stinging On Your Pinkie Toe When You Clip Too Close aka Paul Anka aka Forget How You Spell My Name And Just Get Me My Coffee!  I just spent thirty minutes looking up Mindy Cohn and whether or not she’s a lesbian.  Ah, the offseason.  You are a soothing mistress that touches my naughty bits with idle hands.  She’s apparently not a lesbian, but a confirmed friend of the gays, and she wanted to lose weight in the 80’s, but the producers asked her to avoid it for the character of Natalie.  They finally agreed to let her wear baggy clothes.  No comment, except the “no comment” comment has the weight of a thousand eye rolls.  A quick preamble about the 2018 fantasy baseball rookie series that is coming from me over the next few weeks.  Rookies could get a post if they meet MLB eligibility requirements, less than 130 ABs or 50 IP.  That means no Yoan Moncada, no Rhys Hoskins, no Rafael Devers, and finally no Amed Rosario.  In 2012, the first player I highlighted was Mike Trout.  That wasn’t an accident.  I said in the Mike Trout post, “He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff.  He’s the big Statue of Liberty in New York, not that girly one in Paris!”  Since then, I’ve attempted to make the first rookie post about a prospect that will be the top rookie for fantasy the following year.  Two years ago, that honor went to Corey Seager.  Yes, it’s an honor, don’t be so condescending.  Last year, it was Yoan Moncada. (But the 2nd rookie post was Aaron Judge!  If this were horseshoes, I’d be so money.)  This year the top fantasy prospect isn’t no ordinary man, this is the prospect I be seeing in my sleep.  Ronald Acuna will be your number one 2018 fantasy baseball rookie.  Will Acuna be named to the All-Century Team in 85 years or edged out by a robot with grabby hands named the Hitter-Tron that my great-great-nephew will sue due to trademark infringement only to find out it’s the same Hitter-Tron that once graced this little fantasy baseball blog called Razzball?  Can Acuna be a top ten outfielder in 2018?  So many questions and so little time to look up Mindy Cohn info!  Anyway, what can we expect of Ronald Acuna for 2018 fantasy baseball?

First off, I’ve wanted to call Ronald Acuna, Jason Acuna for the last five hundred words.  Maybe because I used to hang out with him.  I have some good stories about Jason Acuna, that I should tell on the podcast some time.  By the by, Jason Acuna is Wee Man.  Okay, okay, OKAY!  I think I got out all my Jason Acuna drops.  Ronald Acuna is not a dwarf (except standing next to Aaron Judge).  He’s a 19-year-old prospect in the Braves’ organization who literally — yes, literally — does everything.  He’s got so many tools there’s day laborers standing outside his house asking him if he needs help on his DIY project.  Ronald Acuna is Jim Bowden’s wet dream.  And now you’re moist.  Sorry for those of you that can’t handle the word moist, but it’s kinda lame to not be able to handle a word.  You’re triggered by the word ‘moist,’ let it sink in how first world that problem is.   As I do with all rookies, due to my unfamiliarity, I watch tape on them.  Because I feed you like a baby bird, here’s a sexy glimpse (a glimpsexy?):

I did those two highlights of Acuna because that’s all you need to know.  Oppo power with relative ease and beating out infield singles like a boss.  I know why Prospector Ralph put Acuna atop his top 50 prospects for 2018 fantasy baseball; Acuna is not in my 1,001 Jokes To Be Read On The Toilet book that sits in my bathroom, because he is no joke.  He had 9 HRs and 11 SBs and a .344 average in Triple-A through.  Dot, dot, dot.  Only 54 games!  Can we say young Hanley?  If not, you might need a speech therapist.  The big question for him, as is the big question for almost all rookies, playing time in the majors in 2018.  As I was saying to Ralph, if the Braves go out and sign a big free agent this offseason, and think their time is now, then Acuna might be up in April.  If the Braves play it cautious, he might not be up until late-May, early-June.  Either way, he looks like the preseason NL Rookie of the Year candidate to beat.  For 2018, I’ll give him the projections of 74/17/77/.304/21 in 514 ABs and a mid-April call.  He is elfin gorgeous.  Wait, that’s Jason Acuna again.

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J-FOH
J-FOH
4 years ago

Mindhunter….Done! That was excellent

VinWins
VinWins
4 years ago

3 playoff teams have let their managers go. Crazy.

VinWins
VinWins
4 years ago

I have finished the season. Enjoyed it greatly. Thanks for the recommendation!

VinWins
VinWins
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Yeah, doesn’t take long when you have no life. A couple afternoons at the nursing home playing crib, a morning shopping with Mom, a little yard work, and the rest of the week is wide open.

Don’t think there is anything great you don’t already know about. Good Behavior isn’t bad. And Banshee, of course, which has too many drawn-out fights, but I still liked it.

J-FOH
J-FOH
4 years ago

I’m starting mindhunters right now

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Im actually enjoying the first episode a lot. Can’t build a house without a foundation. Only thing that has irked me is they will show a 12 year old car and it looks brand new….ugh. Post production needs some work

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: you murderfile!

Maybe its because Im a car guy but I get super irritated especially in the 4K world that everything has to look perfect. There are plenty of beat up cars out there. If its 1977 and you have a car that is from 1964 it shouldnt look brand new. Maybe I should be working for the studios getting cars for their movies because they fuck it up a lot

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: the opening scene on episode one. The station wagon is what Im talking about. But like Straight out of Compton…which was awful, they had brand new looking mid 70’s Ford Pinto’s in the mid 80’s hood…yeah right. I also have a father who would point out historical inaccuracies on period pieces when the year would be 1961 and they have a 1963 car in the shot. Unless thats a DeLorean then bupkis!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Snowfall too!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  J-FOH
4 years ago

an un-named source propped that show up to me. #sad

VinWins
VinWins
Reply to  J-FOH
4 years ago

@J-FOH: Hey, it was dark. There were dents you couldn’t see!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: broken headlights and inability to master stick shift is a relationship killer too

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: I prefer something with some mileage on it, you know, a nice grocery getter but not something that has been taken around the block every day getting deep in the bumper to bumper

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: like an early model Hyundai Excel?

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: whats sad is that the first thing that pops in my head when thinking about a tricked out Hyundai is Boyz N the Hood…..even worse is over in Lance’s post, he mentions John Travolta dancing in the 90’s and I immediately go to the Experts with Arye Gross.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: I seem to remember crappy old things vs cool ones

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: like that one time we had to buy tickets to Some Kind of Wonderful because they wouldn’t sell us Nightmare on Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors tickets and we actually had to watch the movie because they had the NOES theater on lock down. That movie was awful. We knew we should of just bought tickets to Over the Top but we had already seen it and my buddy was awful under pressure in the face of the bitchy ticket lady

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: This is starting to sound like beginnings of a support group

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Not Millenial is a certainty there for membership

iChiro
iChiro
4 years ago

…And I am Judge Reinhold — Hey Mon, got to get to work!

thatguy
thatguy
4 years ago

You won’t bring Wee Man on the Podcast. You won’t.

He’s too busy playing second base in the World Series

Jose
Jose
4 years ago

Both my boys hit Dingers today in AZ.
It took Acuna to game 10 and AB #30 and Robles did it in game 2 and AB #6, but Acuna is still #1 for me.

Geoff
Reply to  Jose
4 years ago

@Jose: It was only a matter of time for both.

Acuna’s homer was off Keller too. He doesn’t let up too many.

VinWins
VinWins
4 years ago

2 episodes in on Mindhunter. I’m liking it. Didn’t even have a problem with the first episode.

VinWins
VinWins
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Ha. I was worried I would think the first episode was the only good one.

VinWins
VinWins
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: See it is a ridiculous 104 F in LA. A very nice 67 here.

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  VinWins
4 years ago

@VinWins: my balls are stuck to my thighs its so hot

Duda Want to Build a Snowman?
Duda Want to Build a Snowman?
4 years ago

For team name purposes alone, he’s worth it (Acuna matata)

Duda Want to Build a Snowman?
Duda Want to Build a Snowman?
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Acuna Machado

Duda Want to Build a Snowman?
Duda Want to Build a Snowman?
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: hahahhah

Geoff
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Acuna Moncada!

Geoff
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: I already named a post “I’m Not Going to Call this Post Acuna Moncada”

Duda Want to Build a Snowman?
Duda Want to Build a Snowman?
Reply to  Geoff
4 years ago

@Ralph Lifshitz: oh right! That’s the winner I think

J-FOH
J-FOH
4 years ago

Acuna is good, got that. Not that Ralphs weekly Acuna pun plays haven’t already infected my brain…I’ll take any Acuna on toasted whole wheat with lots of season

Geoff
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: I’m so full! Just finished some Acuna casserole. Delicious!

J-FOH
J-FOH
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Acuna Sashimi with sushi rice and ponzu sauce

BSA70
BSA70
4 years ago

OK – have some fun with my decision heading into 2018 keeper –
Keep six:
Albies
Rosario
Rizzo
Altuve
Bregman
Robles
Benintendi
Betts
Acuna
Severino

BSA70
BSA70
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Fun problem to have. Albies was fun at the end of the year. Rosario showed himself to be a potential DL friendly guy. He seemed to be nursing a lot of little things when his fellow rookies were scrapping.

jp
jp
4 years ago

mmmmmmmmm that projection is good enough to be a top 50ish hitter…Lorenzo Cain a good comp with more upside in SB?

Jp
Jp
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: good call. His homerun today looked like a flyout to the opposite field but still went out!

Geoff
4 years ago

He’s breaking camp or at the very least up by April 16th (end of tax season, Acuna also does taxes. See everything). Baseball America has my back on this, trust the PR.

Geoff
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: I don’t think they will, they already have Markakis and Kemp, Inciarte in center, and Acuna heads to right. His defense is better than the other two and he offers more upside. Not sure if the GM swap could change that, but Hart has shown a pre-disposition to promote aggressively.

Michael
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey:

Nope he has 1 year left.

As a braves fan, I’m hoping they find someone to dump Kemp off on… I don’t care if they have to pay 3/4 of his salary just to get rid of him and open up a spot.

Geoff
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Dipoto would give them his best prospect. Already did (Gohara) in the Mallex Smith deal, who he turned around and traded for Drew Smyly. Haha ohhh Dipoto, you!!

Geoff
Reply to  Grey
4 years ago

@Grey: Perhaps worse? I don’t know techno!!

Slappy Jack
Slappy Jack
4 years ago

.300 projected average has my hands jazzin’ and my balls razzin’

knucks
knucks
4 years ago

I’ll be calling in during the next Pod to request these Wee Man tales.

First time, long time. Uhhkay?

Jensen
Jensen
4 years ago

Grey, why no Oxford comma?

FrankGrimes
FrankGrimes
Reply to  Jensen
4 years ago

@Jensen:
Haha this guy

Duda Want to Build a Snowman?
Duda Want to Build a Snowman?
4 years ago

That’s some tasty prospectin!