For those looking for pictures of ballplayers taking off their ballcap and recapping themselves, you’re in the wrong place! Something I’ve noticed from recapping each position is not every hitting position was deep. Outfielders? Crazy deep. 1st basemen? Deep, dawg. 2nd basemen? Not bad. Shortstops? Awful. 3rd basemen? I’ve seen better. Travis Shaw was the 8th best 1st baseman, here he’s 4th. Yeah, not that deep. Scooter was the 9th best 2nd baseman, here he’s 8th. Okay, 3rd basemen suck. This recap ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked players in the preseason. Now, let’s get this, young money. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1. Nolan Arenado – I’m just going to leave this copy of the Declaration of Independence here for Nic Cage to come by and read to find a hidden treasure map–NOOOOO!!! Torenado!!! You know Arenado, so quick anecdote. My friend’s friend went to Nic Cage’s house to install a stereo system. He said Cage sat in the room while he installed it and only spoke to him through an assistant. They were all five feet from each other, but Cage would wait for the assistant to say the exact same thing to him. So, Friend’s Friend, “Does Mr. Cage want me to make a hole in this cabinet?” Assistant, “Do you want a hole in this cabinet?” Cage to assistant, “Yes, a hole.” Assistant to Friend’s Friend, “Yes, a hole.” This went on for three hours! A hole indeed. Preseason Rank #2, 2017 Projections: 103/38/123/.291/2, Final Numbers: 100/37/130/.309/3
2. Jose Ramirez – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen.
3. Kris Bryant – Six (!) RBIs in the final week helped propel Bryant all the way up to 86th for RBIs last year. He was tied with Tommy Pham, who had 105 less at-bats and also hit 2nd, and Eduardo Escobar, who had 92 less at-bats, and hit sixth or lower for 219 ABs, i.e., you can’t spell Kris Bryant without RBIs. Preseason Rank #1, 2017 Projections: 106/34/113/.288/10, Final Numbers: 111/29/73/.295/7
4. Travis Shaw – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen.
5. Anthony Rendon – Imagine what he would’ve done if he didn’t take April off. Imagine my ulcer if I didn’t bench him for his 3-homer game this year. It would be nothing, but a bit of indigestion. Now that I think about it, I benched Scooter for his 4-homer game too. The third basemen alone are the reason why I need to see my GP for a bowel checkup. Preseason Rank #7, 2017 Projections: 84/25/96/.268/9, Final Numbers: 81/25/100/.301/7
6. Manny Machado – Went over him in the top 20 shortstops.
7. Jake Lamb – I wrote a sleeper post for Lamb last preseason. I was proud of that piece. Only 27 Lamb-related puns. Not overdone at all, otherwise it would be mutton. In that post, I said, “Let’s talk about the so-called smarter leagues first, and those disqualifying Lamb due to his 2nd half. These people aren’t smarter. I mean, they might be, I haven’t seen all of their individual Sporcle test results, but they consider themselves smarter, so we will too. In the 1st half, Lamb had 20 HRs and hit .291. In the 2nd half, he hit 9 HRs and .197. Maybe Lamb is a 1st half player.” And that’s me quoting me! Oh, and Lamb is a 1st half player. This year, his 2nd half: 10 HRs, .204. That’s pretty baaaahd. Preseason Rank #13, 2017 Projections: 76/26/81/.258/7, Final Numbers: 89/30/105/.248/6
8. Scooter Gennett – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen.
9. Freddie Freeman – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen.
10. Chris Taylor – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen.
11. Alex Bregman – Went over him in the top 20 shortstops.
12. Marwin Gonzalez – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen.
13. Mike Moustakas – Surprised Moistasskiss is ranked this low at the end of the season. His season was anything but a failure. Shows you how much is out of a player’s control. His runs and RBIs were pathetic for a 38-homer hitter. Audience refrain, “How pathetic were they?!” Thanks, audience! Logan Morrison this year, Chris Davis last year, Frank Robinson in 1956 and Joey Gallo this year. That’s all the players of the last 117 years that had 38 homers and 85 or fewer RBIs. Kinda crazy how many recent ones there are. People don’t do the whole OBP thing anymore, huh? Preseason Rank #26, 2017 Projections: 71/22/79/.251/1, Final Numbers: 75/38/85/.272
14. Nicholas Castellanos – Conspiracy Theory Alert! At some point, Exitolas Velocitous realized he wasn’t hitting balls out of the yard even though he was hitting the ball hard, so to subconsciously psyche himself up to go long he changed his name from Nick to Nicholas. Preseason Rank #20, 2017 Projections: 65/22/72/.276/2, Final Numbers: 73/26/101/.272/4
15. Joey Gallo – Went over him in the top 20 1st basemen.
16. Justin Turner – The Gingerbeard Man rode on the back of the fox for the 1st half of the season, then the fox started eating his legs in the 2nd half. I think I have that fairy tale right, though it’s been a while and I’m childless, so I ain’t learning that shizz any time soon either. What does the fox say? Don’t know, don’t care. I remember Turner was hitting .377 in the 1st half, which means I also must’ve told people to sell him, because, he’s not, ya know, a .377 hitter. 2nd half: .266 with 11 HRs. Yeah comma doodie. Preseason Rank #8, 2017 Projections: 81/24/92/.271/5, Final Numbers: 72/21/71/.322/7
17. Eugenio Suarez – You know how you win deep leagues? Draft top hitters who don’t disappoint (yea, well, dur), but just as importantly are the cheap picks made late of guys like Eugenio, Galvis and Jose Reyes. While everyone was taking guys like J.P. Crawford and Ryan McMahon last preseason, I drafted these boring guys then just demolished the competish. By the way, don’t ever say competish in real life or someone has the right to punch you. Preseason Rank #30, 2017 Projections: 60/18/72/.241/7, Final Numbers: 87/26/82/.260/4
18. Javier Baez – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen.
19. Eduardo Nunez – Went over him in the top 20 2nd basemen.
20. Josh Donaldson – The other day Ralph, Halp and I did our 2018 mock draft (clickbait!), and Donaldson caused much consternation (no idea what consternation means). I hate Donaldson, have for a long time. It’s been so long I don’t even know why, did he insult my moms? Maybe, no idea! But this last season didn’t assuage my Donaldson feelings, and assuage is not me misspelling sausage (I don’t think). Preseason Rank #4, 2017 Projections: 95/32/101/.287/6, Final Numbers: 65/33/78/.270/2
