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Grey

Supercaliphamtoraysanddodgerstradefordozier

August 1, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 383 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”275229″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Mailbag Week 18″]

I watch all trading deadline deals like I’m watching Hereditary.  Hands firmly pressed over my eyes, occasionally I’ll peek out.  See a Jon Heyman tweet coming and prepare to scream.  Then a long exhale.  “Ah, thank God, it’s not a player I own nor does it affect any of my other guys.”  Then, out of nowhere, Brian Dozier gets traded to the Dodgers and my head goes into a tailspin like it’s a WHOMP on the old Batman TV show.  “But what about Max Muncy?  Can Chris Taylor still play?  What about Kiké?!  Please tell me Kiké’s still in PLAY!”   Then I take 150 milligrams of Percocet and go to the park to watch pre-teens and all of their innocence.  In my head, I scream to them, “You’ll never know my pain!”  And smile lopsidedly until another adult asks me to leave.   So, the Dodgers are now fielding the NL All-Star team from now until October.  Dozier will likely slot into the two or three hole and I still like him for a huge 2nd half.  Max Muncy and Chris Taylor are not likely going to be as fortunate, as I have no idea where the Dodgers can play all of these guys.  If you’ve been burned by the trade deadline, I will smile lopsidedly and creep out someone for you.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Osuna Later Alligator, See Ya In A While Kenny Giles

July 31, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 474 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”275229″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Mailbag Week 18″]

Jays traded Roberto Osuna to the Astros for Ken Giles.  Basically, they traded headaches.  If the Jays and Astros wanted to do what was best for baseball, they would have Giles and Osuna step into a steel cage, right at the Canadian border, and whoever was able to get out, that would be who would continue on.  It can have lots of little Canadian touches too, like a maple syrup hazard and scaffolding designed by Bret Hart.  “Giles looks like he’s going to escape–Ooh, a Mountie greets him with poutine in the eye.  Would’ve thought he’d look out for that, but it never o’CURD’d to him.”  “Mean” Gene Okerlund with the pun!  I like this trade for both teams.  Your piece of shizz for my piece of shizz.  All trades should be this clearcut.  As for fantasy, Roberto Osuna should take over in Houston when he returns next week, but Hector Rondon had been pitching well (until his last outing).  Might not be Osuna immediately, but I’d imagine he gets in the 9th by his third appearance.  Pretty much same deal with Ken Giles.  Though, there’s a lot more emphasis on Ken with Giles.  Ken he?  I don’t know, but the Jays also have less desirable options, so I could see Giles getting saves even quicker than Osuna.  In most leagues, I’d grab both.  Or whichever makes it out of the steel cage.

Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Sean Drops A Bomb On LA, Newcomb Back To The Deadball Ages

July 30, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 427 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”274494″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Buy Sell Hold Week 18″]

I try to avoid repeating ledes during the season and Sean Newcomb already had one.  There I said, “It’s 2074, Grey Albright’s frozen head is on a shelf next to Ted Williams’ frozen head…I took a picture of Ted’s penis…I’m so romantic!”  Damn, I pull quotes almost as well as I dispense fantasy baseball advice!  By the way, I watched the Ted Williams special on PBS this weekend.  Biggest surprise (to me), he was Mexican.  He was the original Fernandomania — Teodoromania?  When I searched Ted Williams and his Mom, that dominated the search results and who are we to question Google?  So, Sean Newcomb ended the game one out from a no hitter against the Dodgers, one of the best offense teams — 8 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.23.  I pulled the reins on Newcomb in the last few weeks because his peripherals are garbage and I’m only happy when I’m pulling reins.  His velocity is down, his 8.3 K/9, 4.3 BB/9 and 4.32 xFIP are not telling the whole story, but they’re telling enough of the story while sitting around a campfire farting.  Then on Sunday, he threw 134 pitches.  I’m all for hypnotizing pitchers into thinking they’re Walter Johnson, but he had never pitched more than 111 pitches in the majors.  Solid game on Sunday, but if you grab Newcomb he could leave a mushroom cloud in his wake, and not as in an umami bomb.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Bikin’ Four Toe

July 27, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 411 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”274494″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Buy Sell Hold Week 18″]

Michael Conforto is a Buy.  A Mets hitter.  Long pause.  Hearing Dominick the Donkey on the radio.  Realizing that pause was until Christmas.  “Hey, chingedy ching, hee haw, hee haw.  It’s Conforto, the fantasy baseball Buy donkey.  The Italian Christmas Fantasy Baseball Buy Donkey.  He plays for the Mets and you know what this means?  The label on the inside of his uni says they’re made in Queens.”  In the beginning of the season, Conforto looked like he was working with three-quarters of his ability.  So, who’s he, Confor?  Julius Caesar never came, saw and Confor’d, right?  The lawyers didn’t Confor with the judge before sentencing Conforto to three months of terrible hitting.  Confor the lousy hitting, stay for the fear of success?  Yes, but no.  What I think we’re going to hear this offseason is Conforto is going to say the first few months of the season, his shoulder was still bothering him, but, by the 2nd half, that started to ease.  On our last 7 day Player Rater, Conforto is top 15, and could be in store for a solid 2nd half if his injury is finally healed.  Now get the Italian Christmas Fantasy Baseball Buy Donkey!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

J.A.nkee Doodle Lefty

July 27, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 223 Comments

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J.A. Happ might’ve realized he wasn’t staying with the Jays much longer when guys in the front office kept asking him if he liked the team’s new jersey and it was the same jersey he had been wearing but a small man with a goatee, who said he worked as Peter Dinklage’s stunt double for parts of season 2 and 3 of GOT, was standing with his hand over the ‘Ja’ of Jays.  Happ tried to understand, “Do I like the Blue Ys?”  The front office exec tried to lead him to the answer, “If there was no,” motioning to Dinklage’s stunt double’s hand covering the ‘Ja,’ “In the Jays, would that be okay with you?”  Rather than the low-rent game of charades, they just traded him to the Yankees.  Happ should be happy to be out of Canada, we have a burgeoning coal economy.  No idea what Happ will do on the Yankees, but what he SHOULD (caps for emphasis, not due to a sticky keyboard) is be great.  His 10.3 K/9, 2.8 BB/9 and 3.63 xFIP makes him easily the 2nd best pitcher on the Yankees and around that of a top 30 starter.  Also, the AL East is like this:  J.A. Happ mimes wiping dandruff off his shoulder.  Nothing to it, kid!  Of course, it’s been like this all year and he still has a 4.18 ERA, so ‘should’ and ‘would’ can have a baby and it will still be, ‘who knows?’  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Red Sox Add Eovaldi As A Paisan For Porcello

July 26, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 337 Comments

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Nathan Eovaldi was sent to the Red Sox for Jalen Beeks.  That’s right, Beeks in Tropicana.  Orange you glad they’re Trading Places?  We can only hope Dan Aykroyd comes to the games in black face to switch out Beeks’ briefcase.  *insert Eddie Murphy laugh*  Sigh.  I miss Eddie Murphy.  Speaking of aging comedians, I was watching Comedians in Cars Yadda and, boy, Jerry Seinfeld got old and bitter, right?  He’s becoming Robert Klein, Jerry Lewis and, well, lots of old comedians.  Any hoo!  Eovaldi is getting passed around the AL East like Johnny Damon.  Thankfully, he can throw better than him.  Moving to Fenway does not help Eovaldi.  I won’t tell you he had a 2.12 ERA at home and a 5.18 ERA in away games, except to tell you that while telling you I won’t say it.  It’s not completely fair, though, because players are just better at home, in general, wherever that home is, but Fenway is unforgiving, especially if you’re not white.  (I kid.)  Eovaldi should provide value in the right matchups, but he’s far from a ‘start every time out’ guy.  As for Beeks, he was placed inside a gorilla suit and shipped off to a much better landing spot.  He appeared on Prospector Ralph’s top 500 fantasy baseball prospects list.  You scrolling for him, “Uh…Um….Is he here….Where is he….Oh, there.  Geez.”  Yeah, he’s deep, and he’s simply a streamer for this year.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Yankees Have Revolutionary Thought, Make Up With Britton

July 25, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 368 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”273115″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Mailbag Week 17″]

Zach Britton was traded to the Yankees.  The Yankees acquired Britton to throw out all Boston players’ tea.  Now the Yankees just need to acquire Ben Revere to ride into Boston and tell everyone in Fenway what’s up.  “Excuse me, Jimmy McMalley, should we Google when the Yankees are coming to town next?”  “I don’t think that’s necessary, Shane O’Irishharvard, the Yankees have a lovely black gentleman riding into town named Revere with a Britton”  “Splendid, Jimmy, splendid.”  And that’s how Massholes discuss current events.  Britton now moves about three innings from the ninth.  Is he gonna pitch the 6th?  Not sure, to be honest, but he’s not closing, so in most leagues you can drop him.  As for Baltimore’s new closer?  Like neon scrunchies, what’s old is new again, and Brad Brach should regain the closer job.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Poncedeleon Discovers Something More Useful Than Florida

July 24, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 457 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”273115″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Mailbag Week 17″]

Yesterday, Daniel Poncedeleon was called up and threw no hitter (thru seven innings and then was pulled from game while striking out three hitters, but it’s more fun to say he threw a no-hitter, so ignore this).  Incredibly, Poncedeleon is 478 years old, and he could be the ROY.  *intern whispers in my ear*  That’s an F?  What the hell is, ‘He could be a FOY?’  The fountain of the year?  What are you talking about?  Rookie of the youth?  What are you talking about?  Sorry, having a miscommunication with my intern.  Any hoo!  In Triple-A, he had a 10.1 K/9 — up my giddy! — a 4.7 BB/9 — put my roll on slow! — a 2.15 ERA — getting the fever! — with a 4.99 xFIP — so I’m taking some ‘Tussin.  He might surprise some major league lineups, but he could easily go out and destroy you.  By the way, Bartolo Colon is so intent on 300 wins that he might follow Poncedeleon wherever he goes.  On the reals, Poncedeleon’s dad in the stands after his son threw seven no-hit innings gave me the feels, especially when you figure his dad has to be at least 498 years old.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Vacationing In The Hampsons

July 23, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 451 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”272636″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Buy Sell Hold Week 17″]

DJ LeMahieu hit the DL with an oblique injury, and is out for months.  It happened when DJ was carrying a crate of records.  “Aunt Audrey is requesting the Electric–Side!  My side!”  As DJ collapsed into a heap of bar mitzvah party favors he’d collected.  Garrett Hampson (0-for-3) was called up to fill in for him, and I tried to add him everywhere.  Prospector Ralph had him in his top 100 fantasy baseball prospects, and said, “Hampson brings a nice mix of plus contact and plus-plus base running ability. With his combination of contact, speed, and plate approach he has a shot to carve out a niche as a top of the order run producer, which is different than Grey who is a ‘runs producer,’ as in he produces crap.”  Hey!  Hampson could have a 6 HR, 15 steal 2nd half, or, knowing the Rockies, Hampson will sit on the bench four out of five games while Pat Valaika plays.  I wish these were laughter tears.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Buyin’ Dozier

July 20, 2018 | Uncategorized | 604 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”272636″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Buy Sell Hold Week 17″]

Since there was only one game this week and players haven’t been able to get hot or cold or humid, this Buy/Sell is going to be slightly different.  This Buy/Sell includes players that are owned in more than 50% of leagues.  Okay, that’s not different for the Sells, but it does change the Buys.   “Hello?  No, not trying to change them, I’m talking about B-U-Y-S.  Thanks, you too!”  That was GLAAD calling me about potential insensitivity.  I have not triggered anyone in almost three days, unless you count that fisherman I saw with a pipe that I called “Hipster Popeye.”  As I mentioned in my top 100 for the 2nd half of 2018 fantasy baseball, my biggest Buy of the 2nd half is Brian Dozier.  He’s about to come on in the 2nd half like he’s Mickey Maris in 1927 with Barry Bonds’s personal trainer.  For the 2nd half, I gave Dozier the projections of 44/17/47/.274/5 in 265 ABs.  Every single year he attacks the 2nd half like a shark attacks a tourist floating on a side beef.  Hey, tourists, don’t float on a side of beef!  That is rule number one.  Literally all rules in the world come after that rule.  You absolutely should buy Dozier, and on the pronto.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 100 for 2nd Half of 2018 Fantasy Baseball

July 17, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 671 Comments

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Welcome, prematurely balding men and five women who are married to prematurely balding men and decided if you can’t beat them, join them!  Make yourself comfortable, this is gonna be a long post.  Here, enjoy some coffee.  Oops, you just drank rat poison.  I should’ve used different mugs.  Don’t worry, it can’t be worse than owning Byron Buxton in the 1st half.  Oh, you owned him and that’s why you drank the poison!  Now, I’m following!   Hey, I’m supposed to be leading!  Before we get into the top 100 for the 2nd half of 2018 fantasy baseball, let’s just be glad our 18-year-old selves can’t see us now, we’d get beat up!  But our twelve-year-old selves would think we’re the coolest!  So, as with all of the other 2018 fantasy baseball rankings, take this list with a grain of salt.  If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade that outfielder for that 2nd baseman.  Also, things change in fantasy baseball.  Daily.  I could put Jose Ramirez number four on the top 100 list for the second half of 2018 and he could pull a–Well, we won’t even mention an injury with Jo-Ram.  Why soil a good thing, ya know?  This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued.  It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache.  This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today.  So while Bryce Harper did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because, well, we have to believe in miracles — my 12-year-old self would want that, and to sleep with Cher.  The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2018.  I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater.  That’s right, we have a Player Rater that tells you what players will do.  It’s like that camera from The Twilight Zone.  Welcome to the future!  Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2018:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

We’re All On A Break (But Matheny’s Will Be Longer)

July 16, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 363 Comments

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[brid autoplay=”true” video=”271292″ player=”10951″ title=”Fantasy Baseball Buy Sell Hold Week 16″]

*visoring your eyes with your hand, squinting at the light as you emerge from your mother’s basement*  “Hey, mom, it’s the All-Star break and I thought I’d come up to say hello.”  Where the house once stood, it’s now a Whole Foods, and you’re standing in the cheese aisle.  Confused, you approach a man in Birkenstocks, “Excuse me, is this 450 Palm Terrace Road?”  “It is.”  “Wasn’t there a row of houses here?”  “Back in March, they bulldozed this area when the yuppies won a city ordinance that says there needs to be a Whole Foods within at least three-quarters of a mile of another Whole Foods.”  You reel back, overwhelmed with how your family is gone and how you’ve been living in a Whole Foods basement.  You turn to an employee, “I need to sit down, and can I get a free sample of any cheese?”  You smile, revealing Cheetos-dusted teeth, and thus begins your All-Star break.  Tomorrow, I’ll drop the top 100 for the 2nd half, then there will be a Buy/Sell again Friday morning.  One guy who will have extra time this All-Star break will be Mike Matheny.  Last week it was revealed, Mike McNulty set up a sting operation in the Cards’ bullpen to see if everyone was doing their best with Bud “Bubbles” Norris as his informant.  Then when the Cards fired Donnie Brasco Matheny, he might’ve took his informant with him, because Jordan Hicks (1 IP, 1 ER) got Sunday’s save and Norris came down with mysterious arm concerns.  I’d absolutely grab Hicks.  You know what’s the difference between Hicks and Norris?  One makes you say, “Ooh MPH…”  The other makes you say, “Oompha.”  Also, usually I ignore trade rumors, but at this time of the year, you should be extra vigilant about backing up closers because at any point in the next two weeks a closer could get traded and you don’t want to leave it up to getting to the waiver wire before everyone else.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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