Padres starters give me the feels; Mariners starters start the underneath tinglings; Dodgers starters feather enthusiasm on the undercarriage. Reds starters? That park is so blech. Luis Castillo’s sexy, but, again, that park and…I trail off, thinking about whatever happened to Better Call Saul, did that show end? When my thoughts drift back, I remember what I was thinking about, and see Tyler Mahle. More like Tyler Mehle was my thought. Now? After watching him dismantle the Cubs? Color me intrigued, with a red paintbrush. Yesterday, Mahle went 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 7 Ks. He looked shaky as all get out to start the game — walked Happ, Bryant lined out hard, hit Rizzo, then he said, “Good morning, good afternoon, and–Well, I already have two outs, so I’ll have to say good night in the next inning.” And he did. He settled down after that, and no one looked close to starting a rally. He had a bit of luck at one point by getting to face the opposing Tyler after giving up a triple to Baez, but Mahle didn’t exude a whole lot of sweat beads otherwise. I’ve seen more sweat on a girl doing a Tyler Chatwood, which is a euphemism for tying a cherry stem into a knot with your mouth while seamlessly carrying on a conversation. I grabbed Mahle in one league for his next start vs. the Pirates, and plan on going one start at a time for now, but I’m encouraged. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Easter Williams Pitches Swimmingly
April 2, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 506 Commentsby: Grey
There’s nothing better than an April Fools’ prank that is so sly it’s barely perceptible as a prank. You don’t even know if it’s a gag. One year, I had a sound engineer friend make a recording that said, “This call is being recorded. A copy of that recording is available automatically to the police and the prosecutors.” Then used that to call my mom and tell her I was in jail for accidentally running down a family of four. “But mom the light was yellow!” Apparently, I overestimated how funny she’d find that phone call, and twelve years later, she still calls me the night before April Fools’ to remind me not to pull any pranks on her. This year the best prank I saw was one done by Major League Baseball. It was so slight, if you blinked you’d miss it. For their prank, they scheduled a half day on a Sunday. Since 1908, MLB has played a full schedule of games on Sunday. What a great joke! Well done, MLB. But, seriously, this is a joke, right? Any hoo! Know what’s not a joke, the love Trevor Williams has for Razzball, apparently:
Yesterday, Williams wasted no time to prove to me that his love for us is as strong as my love for him. He went 6 IP, 0 ER with zero hits, but he failed to locate as well, and walked five guys, while racking up only one strikeout. I believe his love for Razzball is only growing so this is just the beginning of great things to come. Notice spelling of ‘come,’ you sickos. On the reals, I like Williams for this year, and wrote a Trevor Williams sleeper for him this preseason. Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Must Write Scott Kingery Buy Royal Decree
March 30, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 454 Commentsby: Grey
Lights a candle, and shakes out the match. The candelabra illuminates a cave. I carefully move towards a sleeping figure, reaching down and shaking the Buy/Sell out of its slumber. “Hey, wake up, it’s a new season.”
The Buy/Sell stretches its arm and yawns loudly. “Is it September already?”
“No, it’s March, it’s a new baseball season.”
“Baseball, riiiiight. The thing with the racket.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” In quick cuts, I see the Buy/Sell’s shirt reads Buy/Sell in smears of blood. Cowering away, I trip, only to realize I’ve fallen on the entrails of the real Buy/Sell.
“I’m the new Buy/Sell now!” Then it laughs ghoulishly, gnashing its fangs. So, Scott Kingery made the team. I know, I didn’t expect it either, but good for the Phils. They made the bold choice, and the bold are rewarded, which sounds like a 1970’s cigarette campaign. “Winston Lights, The Bold are Rewarded.” Lance Broz…etc. gave you his Scott Kingery fantasy before it was official Kingery would start the year with the Phils, but it looked to be headed there, which is why it’s so frustrating that I didn’t move on him quicker (Kingery not Lance. “When you’re a fantasy baseball blogger, they just let you move on them.”). But data shows that Kingery is still available in a ton of leagues, and is an immediate buy everywhere. In the video, Anime Grey has some more words on Kingery. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Opening Day And The Balls Are Juiced (So Are The Baseballs)
March 30, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 289 Commentsby: Grey
For Opening Day, I woke up at the crack of dawn on the West Coast, because no one in this godforsaken country cares about the West Coast. Once I had my coffee and vape set up for a full day of baseball, I saw the Pirates/Tigers game was postponed and thought about how they should have their seasons postponed. “I Mahtook you for a friend of the Tooks!” That’s Mikie Mahtook. Finally, I opened the MLB app on my iPad to find I had forgotten my password. Cut to two hours later, and I was ready to watch some baseball! Then Carlos Martinez gave up multiple runs on multiple fantasy teams of mine and I was ready to nap again. Ah, it’s good to be back! Speaking of which, I’ll trade you Carlos Martinez for a bag of Dick Pole’s. Doesn’t matter which bag. Maybe the one Salvador Perez was carrying. You know what would’ve been Sweet Baby Jesus of me? If I benched that goofy-haired, can’t-keep-his-hands-to-himself Cardinals pitcher. Not to worry, I had Chris Archer going later in the day. *sees Kiermaier and Span misplay a Eduardo Nunez ball into an inside-the-parker, crawls under bed* Fantasy baseball: When everyday stress is just not enough. Any hoo! It’s good to be back, now let’s get down to business. Matt Davidson went 3-for-4, 4 runs, 5 RBIs with his 1st, 2nd and third homer. Someone wants to be Tuffy Rhodes. “Not bad for five innings.” Oh, shut up, Mark Whiten! Do we have our first hot schmotato?! I schmay schwe schdo! Sounded better in my head! Davidson won’t be in today’s Buy column, but he could’ve been. I grabbed him in my RCL, because I’m in straight panic mode and Joe Panik is already owned! Yes, there’s a Buy/Sell later today. You’re welcome. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? The KK K’s Took Claudio’s Saves Away
March 29, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 502 Commentsby: Grey
*breathes in* Opening Day is finally upon us! Every fantasy team is confident of success. Someone is making a major miscalculation. But first, a word from our SAGNOF! A Rangers beat writer seems to believe Keone Kela will get the first opportunity for saves, and, if successful, he will own the job all year. Here you thought Keone was the name of Neo in the Korean remake of The Matrix. Or an Elon Musk cologne. *sprays mist* “Ah, I never go to Mars without my Keone.” Any hoo! Kela seems like a Hunter Strickland doppelgänger. Not looks-wise, but bad reputation, good stuff and a saves tease. I have not dropped Alex Claudio in any leagues yet, but I would own Kela, like an Elon Musk musk. By the way, there’s a new Razzball tool in town, the Reliev-O-Nator. It’s the Stream-o-Nator for saves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?The other day I was joined by the best and the brightest Razzball has to offer and Tehol for our annual RCL draft (12 team, mixed league, yadda blabbity bloo). Our fantasy hockey writer, Viz, who is a professional poker player (hope it’s okay to say that. If not — oops!), went high/low split (totally talking out of my ass right now) and doubled down on the river, cleaning my chute of a full house of sexy picks. He has Cody Bellinger, Trevor Story, Ronald Acuna, Bryce Harper, Trey Mancini, Eddie Rosario and Michael Wacha! That is totally G-rated! And the G there is for Grey. On the other hand, I drafted a team that feels like it’s straight out of central casting. Only problem is the role which is being cast is for a “bounce back candidate who can hit for power and steal a few bases, must also be proficient in Mandarin.” Orange you glad I didn’t say navel! What? Okay, the season’s almost here and I’m straight batty with myself. Can Ohtani slug better than Alcides and pitch better than Miles Mikolas? I gotz to know! (My guess is no and no. Spring training panic!) Anyway, here’s my RCL draft:
Please, blog, may I have some more?This draft is a crock pot vs. a microwave. A love sesh vs. a ‘hold the moan.’ A nature hike vs. “I’m gonna sit in the car as we drive past some mountains.” Guys and five girl readers, it’s a slow draft. This slow draft took about fifteen days, 18 hours, four minutes and–okay, only a lunatic counts seconds. Not almost 15 days of straight drafting, mind you. I don’t need to ice my clicky finger. It’s five minutes of drafting, twelve hours of waiting. It does allow you to second-guess your picks. Actually, more like triple-guess. (Who are we kidding, you quadruple-guess, fiveruple-guess, sextruple-guess, ochocinco-guess your picks.) For those not in the know, it’s a weekly, 15-team, two-catcher league that lasts for 50 rounds and there’s no waivers. Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Bumgarner Breaks His Engine Throttle Hand
March 26, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 425 Commentsby: Grey
I only wish Madison Bumgarner fractured his hand after every single person drafted, because I knew I was never drafting him. Terrible thing to say? Perhaps, but I’m not the poor schnook who was still drafting him after I said for the last three months to not draft him. I even put him in a tier originally in the top 20 starters that said, DO NOT DRAFT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Okay, not in that tall of a font, but the sentiment was all over that tier. I said specifically, “This is just like the above tier, and I will be avoiding it, but rather than the above guys who I actually like, just won’t draft, I do not like the guys in this tier, and would never draft them at their price. So, while I wouldn’t draft the above guys, I really wouldn’t draft these guys. Got it? Cool.” And that’s me quoting me! Of course, I can’t claim prescience that I knew he’d be hit by a comebacker, but will I anyway? Hmm… Why not?! Prescience ain’t just a word on my Word of the Day calendar that I got in a Secret Santa! So, I’ve dropped Bumgarner in the rankings, and adjusted his projections accordingly. My Fantasy Baseball War Room gets updated on the reg, as well.
This is the point where people get pissed off when I say I told you not to draft Madison Bumgarner. YOU COULDN’T HAVE KNOWN HE WOULD GET INJURED. Cool. Still said not to draft him.
— Razzball (@Razzball) March 24, 2018
Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Starters to Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball
March 23, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 407 Commentsby: Grey
Today concludes the fantasy baseball sleepers‘ portion of our program. *nudges homeless woman sleeping on my couch that I tried to get Cougs to agree to a threesome with* No more sleepers, Francine. Meh, I’ll let her rest. Like the outfielders to target, this post is necessary. You need to target the right names at the end of the draft for starters. Last year’s starters to target post included McCullers, Nola, Robbie Ray and Alex Wood. All guys who this year are in the top 26 for starters, with two making the jump to my top 20 starters. This year…the world! Well, not the world, just some starters. As with other target posts, these guys are being drafted after the top 200 overall. Anyway, here’s some starters to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Outfielders to Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball
March 22, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 292 Commentsby: Grey
We (me) have gone over the catchers, 2nd basemen, shortstops and 3rd basemen to target, cause I have to do everything around here! Look at me, throwing shade like a beach umbrella! That makes sense…if you don’t think about it! That’s what I want my bumper sticker to say, and then when I step out of my car, I want my clever t-shirt to say it too, “That makes sense….if you don’t think about it.” How can I arrange my life so this happens? I need a personal assistant. “So, it says you worked as Kanye’s assistant and you bought mirrors for nine months straight….” That’s me checking the CV of my favorite imaginary assistant. Okay, so this post is all the outfielders that are being drafted after 200 overall that I have uber-sexy feelings for. Last year, I featured Aaron Judge, Domingo Santana and Joc Pederson, who I’ve featured every year since 1924, but not this year! Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Canada) supplement to the top 100 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2018 projections. Anyway, here’s some outfielders to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? Baltimore Cooking Up Some Cobb Cakes
March 21, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 337 Commentsby: Grey
Alex Cobb woke up in the middle of October and told his significant other that he was happy to be moving on from the Rays. It was time to get out of the AL East. Sure, Tropicana Field wasn’t unfriendly to his needs as a pitcher. Over his career, he had a home ERA of 3.10. But, ya know what? It was time to move on. Then, he woke one day in December, and told his significant other that at the Winter Meetings, NL teams would be ‘chomping on the Cobb.’ Then, off her reaction, he asked if she’d excuse the pun. Then, one day in January, as he scratched his flip-flopped feet on the deck of his boat in the Gulf, he thought about how maybe the Rays weren’t a bad club to pitch for. Then, in February, he called the Mariners’ front office with a voice modulator asking them if they needed a veteran starter. Then, in early March, he bought a Korean language Rosetta Stone as he prepped to play overseas. So, Alex Cobb signed with the Orioles, and *sighs* starts against the Yankees and Red Sox still, but now in Camden. His starts are gonna be like this: pitch is thrown, batter swings bat and screams, “Nailed it!” This feels like a move that could lead to a 4.05 ERA or a 4.85 ERA. I’m no longer interested in owning Cobb and have moved him into my top 100 starters and down the ol’ top 500 overall. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? 3rd Basemen to Target, 2018 Fantasy Baseball
March 20, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Sleepers | 332 Commentsby: Grey
Excuse the exposition and this clunky intro into aforementioned exposition, but here’s the catchers to target, 1st basemen to target, 2nd basemen to target, shortstops to target and something to stick to your dartboards to target. These 3rd basemen to target are being drafted after 200 overall. Keep in mind, nephew (and five niece readers), your Uncle Grey likes to have a corner man drafted by the time these guys appear, so you’re looking at potential utility men more than anything. Now, this is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Indonesia) supplement to the top 20 3rd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2018 projections. Speaking of baseball (best segue ever!), the Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-Tron and DFSBot are now available, i.e., the Razzsubscriptions. Anyway, here’s some 3rd basemen to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
