In 1992, the last time the Astros had a number one draft pick they skipped over Derek Jeter and drafted Phil Nevin. As they say, the rest is history. Or as an Astro fan says, “The rest never happened because I became a Texas Rangers fan. Go Hamilton!” This year the Astros weren’t letting it happen again. With their number one pick, they selected 17-year-old shortstop, Carlos Correa. To put this in fantasy perspective, the Astros took Ramon Castro 17th overall in 1994. They took Jiovanni Mier in the first round as a shortstop and he’s still battling in High-A. I’m sure Correa’s better than these guys. I’m just being a wet blanket, which is appropriate since Correa was just wetting beds a few years ago. Unless you’re in a very deep, dynasty league, I’d just stash the Correa name away for three years down the road. For guys that might have a more immediate impact, check out what our prospect writer, Scott, said in his 2012 baseball draft fantasy breakdown whosie-ma-thingie. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into today’s roundup, wanted to draw attention to the contest we’re holding. We’re giving away a fifty-five inch 3D TV. Why? Cause we’re rad and we love you. Will you be my friend? How about now? Now? Okay, whatever. Just go enter the contest. Anyway II, here’s the roundup:
Lucas Duda – Hit his 9th HR and is now up to 32 RBIs. It’s like he’s doing an Ike Davis impersonation and Ike Davis is impersonating doodie.
Jon Niese – Left his Sunday start because of a rapid heartbeat but says he should be fine for his next start against the Yanks. The Mets would like to keep his standing heart rate below 190 for the game but will let it go up to 220 if he has a chance at a no-hitter.
Jason Bay – Was supposed to return from the DL on Tuesday, but he won’t because of illness. What’s it called when a Canadian misses extended time from work? A maple leaf of absence. *sad trombone*
Jon Rauch – Was sent to the hospital with a sore elbow. Should’ve never got that M.A.S.H. elbow tattoo.
Dillon Gee – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, and 65 Ks in 70 1/3 IP. Hitters must feel okay about striking out against him because he’s so modest. You know, oh Gee. His splits don’t say to start him home or away and his terrible starts (6 2/3 IP, 7 ER vs. SF, 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER vs. Milwaukee) don’t seem to have any rhyme or reason, so I’d be careful with him in mixed leagues. Obviously, in NL-Only leagues, you gotta do what you gotta do. Gee, thanks, Grey. Cute, Random Italicized Voice.
Dave Bush – Released by the Phillies and being pursued by a Korean team. Only they’re saying, “We want hair pie.”
Vance Worley – 4 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. Yup, that elbow of his is as good as new! The Phils removed him after 80 pitches because he has bone chips in his elbow! No, they removed him because they couldn’t remove the bone chips! No, they removed him because it was his first start back. Have I mentioned he has bone chips in his elbow? For those of you without your MD from University of Phoenix, bone chips in the elbow is not good.
Adam Jones – His wrist MRIs came back negative and he plans on playing today. He tweeted, “Thanks for all the concern but I’m All good. On the way to BeanTown.” And that’s Sh*t My Best Fantasy Outfielder Says.
Joe Mauer – Didn’t start yesterday’s game due to his sprained right thumb. Geez, even Ebert would play through that.
Trevor Plouffe – 1-for-4, as he hit his 7th home run. Plouffe goes the dynamite! Fun Fact! The Chamorro people of Guam have twelve hundred words for the word ‘beach,’ but they don’t have one word for Plouffe. In Guam, they’d call him Trevor Something.
Justin Morneau – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs as he hit his 10th homer last night. After going cold for the month of 2011, he’s shown some life this year with his power, but his average sure hasn’t sniffed the smelling salts. Since his BABIP is lower than it should be, there’s a good chance he will start to get hits besides the ones going out of the yard.
Will Smith – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER. Whatever, he doesn’t sweat you. He just had the number one movie in the country.
Mike Moustakas – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer as he hits .285. This is what Hosmer was supposed to be doing this year. Are we sure they didn’t switch bodies? Someone ask Moustakas what’s the best way to cure any malady. If he doesn’t answer Windex, he’s not really Greek.
Alex Presley – Recalled by the Pirates. He was doing in Triple-A what he was supposed to be doing this year in the majors (5 homers, 4 steals in 18 games). I wouldn’t drop anyone yet to pick him up, but I’ll be watching him like a cyclops with a monocle. (Bee tee dubya, I blame you for the ‘cyclops with a monocle’ saying not taking off yet. Until Bieber tweets it, I will not let up.)
Jeff Samardzija – 5 IP, 2 ER, 12 baserunners (5 BBs), 6 Ks, He should lower his arm angle some more to confuse hitters and copy editors with his Samardzijarine motion.
James Russell – Entered a losing game in the 7th inning. Most times this would spell the end of a closer, but he was relieving Marmol, so Sveum probably figured it was the ninth inning. Sveum, “I got 95% of my brain remembering how to spell my last name; you think I got room in my melon to be tracking innings? What am I, a sabermetrician? By the way, do sabermetricians use a hieroglyphic sword symbol when they want to write the number one? I’m curious. But don’t tell me, I got no room for that jazzamatazz!”
Starlin Castro – Sveum said he might bench Castro if he doesn’t focus better. “If I can remember how to spell my last name, he can remember how many outs there are!”
Anthony Rizzo – Sveum said Rizzo wouldn’t be up for interleague play, then went on to say, “Seriously, if I have to answer one more question, I’m gonna go full spazz on someone.”
Jeremy Affeldt – The Affeldt Duck got the save yesterday. Casilla’s still nursing a sore knee, but why didn’t Bochy bring in Romo? Your guess = my guess. Even if Casilla can’t return for the Giants next game, I don’t think Affeldt sees many more saves, so stop salivating, he’s just a LOOGY.
Buster Posey – 0-for-0 with 4 walks. Someone in an OBP league just smiled on the inside. See, people who play in OBP leagues are very reserved.
Ryan Vogelsong – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. Out of 19 surrendered runs this year, 10 have come in the 2nd inning. And you can tell everybody, that’s Vogelsong. In the 2nd inning, he’s quite hittable, but after that they’ll be none.
Clayton Kershaw – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. The ESPN Baseball Preview Magazine Curse still looks like it’s only for surnames of L thru Z.
Dee Gordon – 2-for-4. Hey, baby steps, right? Yeah, but he should take long strides, because he got caught stealing yesterday.
Elian Herrera – 1-for-4 with his 2nd steal. Gotta love when you have a short schedule day and the guy who’s usually on your bench gets into the lineup and steals. I’m talking to Rudy here, because he owns Herrera in the RCL.
Christian Friedrich – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. Now has a 1.80 ERA in away games and 10.64 ERA in Coors. You know how teenaged boys used to hide centerfolds in a Boy’s Life magazine? Inside their magazines, Rockies pitchers hide a picture of Petco.
Wilin Rosario – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. Two days before the Rockies first game of the season, I said, “81, 97 and 91 aren’t the three highest IQs of Jersey Shore castmates. It’s the number of games Ramon Hernadez has played the last three years. Wilin hit 21 homers last year in Double-A and now he’s backing up Ramon. In 2 catcher leagues, I’d go ahead and add him in the landmark case of sooner vs later.” And that’s me quoting me! Only thing that looks off, he’s way more valuable than just a 2nd catcher.
Krispie Young – 0-for-3 and 6-for-46 since he returned from his injury. FMFBBL!
Scott Feldman – 1 2/3 IP, 8 ER vs. the A’s in Oakland. Damn, Feldman looked like a Lost Boy.
Jarrod Parker – 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 Hit, 3 BBs, 6 Ks to lower his ERA and WHIP to 2.40/1.21. He’s owned in only 7% of leagues. I swear to you, I looked at that number twice from two different angles, thinking it had to really be 70%. Nope, zero-seven, though the zero’s silent, as in people don’t say it. I told you to pick up Parker when he was called up back in April. His K/BB rate isn’t gorgeous, so don’t drop anyone too worthwhile, but he should be owned.
Seth Smith – 4-for-5, 1 RBI and 2 runs as he confused Ranger pitchers and lispers alike.
Brandon Inge – 2-for-4. 4 RBIs and his 6th homer. It’s been 6 homers in only 26 games, so definitely a power B-Inge, but he’s also batting .186 which is I.N.G.E. (I’m Not Good at Everything).
Ervin Santana – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER. You fell in love with the streamboat.
Kendrys Morales – Two solo homers yesterday. The Morales of the story is if you start three 1st basemen, you’re bound to get something from one of them.
Mike Trout – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs, average now up to .338. When are the Angels going to capitalize on their young phenom and start mass producing Rally Fish and thundersticks filled with water and a goldfish?
Allen Craig – 2-for-3 with a HR. All this guy does is time on the DL and hit. If he’s available in your league, pick him up. Don’t make Craig resort to sitting in the bathroom stall next to you, tapping his feet.
Adron Chambers – Playing CF for the Cards while Jon Jay and Shane Robinson (migraine) are out. He’s a SAGNOF option for deep leagues. If I was Matheny, I’d keep him on the roster just to yell his name when I needed a pinch-runner in late innings. Adddrooon!
Chase Utley – So far so good as he hit a HR and a double in a Monday extended spring training game. He’s right on pace to make the extended All-Star game in November.
