Grey placed an eternal flame outside of Razzball HQ in memory of Biz Markie last night, right next to the eternal flames for Rodney Dangerfield and Clear Pepsi. Also, baseball returned. It was really hard for Grey to watch the games, what with being outside ensuring that no interlopers messed with his candle or his Transformer-themed lawn ornaments. I asked him if he wanted a campfire to keep warm but he just kept talking about the All Spark. ENYWHEY. We’ve got a lot of content for you today on Razzball, so let’s catch you up on the Friday night games so you’re ready for the next week! 11ish weeks left in the fantasy baseball season — make them count!

Vladimir Guerrero Jr

  • I want Rudy to make a MySpace theme so we can just put “PLAKATA” in hyper-neon pink all over Vladdy’s player page. With word that the Blue Jays were headed home to the great civilization north of the United States called “Molson Country,” Vladdy gave the fans in Buffalo a parting gift they wouldn’t soon forget. Double Plakata on the night, which comes with a side of poutine when you cross the border.

Erick Fedde

  • The Nationals’ starter allowed 6 ER in 1 inning, throwing a meager 29 strikes on 57 pitches. That’s the kind of stat line that you’d see if I was pitching in MLB because I’d be so afraid of the batters I’d just intentionally walk everybody. Fedde, though, is a brave man who did not fear the Padres taking his balls yard. Fedde’s xERA is over 5.00 on the year, and nobody playing fantasy sports should be rostering him unless it’s one of those worst ball leagues that the old Razzball site had.

Robbie Ray

  • 6.2 IP, 8K, 0ER, 4 hits. Death, taxes, and Double-R cleaning up against weak teams. Remember when Corbin Burnes had an 8.00 ERA in 2019 and then became a Cy Young candidate in 2020, and then Robbie Ray did that with 2020/2021? Maybe Erick Fedde is just setting the table for a fantastic 2022.

Jordan Holloway

  • AAAA-style player with control issues who came into the Marlins game and went 5 no-hit innings against the Phillies. Coming into the game, he had 25 IP with a xFIP near 5.00, and his AAA numbers in 2021 show a 5+ xFIP as well. Sometimes the ball rolls you. Also, I would like some discussion on his vital information, because, I have questions about the height vs. weight listings.

Jordan Holloway

Danny Duffy

  • 4IP, 3K, 1 ER. We got word earlier in the season that Danny Duffy was going to be on an innings limit going forward because he seemed to fall apart when pushed too hard. My popsicles say that too. He’s made it 5 IP only once since returning from the IL, and I wouldn’t expect much value from Duffy going forward, except maybe in the RCLs, where K/9 is valued highly.

Tyler Mahle

  • 5ER, 8K. I’m gonna call that the Yin and Yang — you get the good and the bad! Especially when he let the Brewers ding him for 5 runs. Or maybe it should be the Ding and the Dang. I supposed Mahle got Ding, Dang, Dunked.

Dylan Cease

  • The Captain of Volatility was on fire, K’ing 10 over 5.2 innings. You know what’s weird? Cease has a pattern going right now: he gives up 6 runs, has 2 great games, and then gives up 6 runs. I’m not even kidding. He’s done it 3 times in a row. Friday’s excellent game was the 2nd great game after the previous blowout. According to the laws of fantasy baseball, he’s due to give up 6 runs on his next outing.

Jake Cronenworth

  • Hit for the cycle, which is like the hitter version of a no-hitter. A hitter no-hitter — is that a no-pitcher? Cronenworth did a no-pitcher, because no pitcher wanted to be near him on Friday.

Juan Soto

  • He’d been hitting the ball hard and walking a ton all year, but the homers just weren’t dinging. Then came the All-Star Break, where Juan Soto fended off the delta variant of the coronavirus and reimagined himself as a straight-up donger. In his first game back, he sent two balls into the stands. Unfortunately, the Padres were much more dedicated to their vision board of winning the World Series, because they put up a Jackson and some change on the Nationals.

Wil Myers:

  • 2 homers, 7 RBIs, batting .300 in July with a .550 SLG. Myers managers moan that Myers’ May maligned teams, but juicy July something something with alliteration. That’s the problem when you choose ‘M’ as your focal point when talking about the month of July. Muly. That’s like a muddy Truly.

Ji-Man Choi

  • Knocked a homer, which helped us forget that he’s batting under the Mendoza line over the past few weeks. If you drink to the point you black out and can’t read the one game in the past 6 weeks where he had 4 hits, you’ll find him batting in the .190’s with 8 RBI while slotting into the 2-5 spots in the Mariners order. Yeesh. But yeah, those Mariners minor leaguers need more seasoning time.

Max Stassi

  • Solo homer, hitting .350 over the past week while slotting into the 5/6 spots in the Angels lineup. Also conveniently available in 70% of RCL leagues. Wait, don’t leave my article yet! We’ve got hot dogs coming up!

Matt Moore

  • 9K, 0BB, 2 ER in 4IP. Don’t get excited. Moore’s been around forever and he’s just 32. Has a real “needs to be reinvented as a 7th inning specialist” vibe. He’s giving up nearly 2 HR/9 this year with a K/9 under 7. Yeezy, take the wheel.

Freddie Freeman

  • Slam and Legs! Wait, Freddie Freeman steals bases? He’s up to 5 steals on the year. Can you believe that Freeman could go 35/10? How awesome is that? Freeman’s value takes an obvious hit with Acuna now done for the year, but with legendary backup [checks notes] Abraham Almonte helping out, I’m sure Freeman’s fantasy value remains just as valuable as before.

Carlos Santana

  • Ticker tease! Royals put up 9 runs and Santana made 5 at-bats, striking out in 2 of them. Just like a Santana album: you go in expecting to get high and you leave with a headful of Rob Thomas.

Christian Yelich

  • Hitless at the plate on Friday, batting .184 since the start of the month. If you didn’t see my update on Thursday about cutting loose from Yeli, then it’s time to read the next sentence: Cut loose from jelly.

What was your favorite part about the games on Friday? Was it the Dads putting up a football score? Was it the double plakata? Was it staying up late to watch Chris Flexen make the Angels look like a minor league team? Drop your favorite moment down in the comments and let’s catch up!