My prior, uber, hard-line stance has been that you with that one hair wrapped around your head acting as a hairstyle don’t want to draft a sleeper 1st baseman. By the by, I tried to replace Uber with Lyft in the previous sentence, but it didn’t make sense. Previously, I’d tell you to go to my top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball (not clickbait at all) and draft some top guys and stop fooling around with sleepers at this position. Of course, I’m malleable like Gumby and this year I could see drafting a sleeper first baseman, though at my corner infidel or utility slot. Yes, I still want a top 1st baseman. No, ‘utility slot’ doesn’t have multiple meanings. Yes, even for fantasy. As with other positions like the catchers to target (again, not clickbait), these are 1st basemen that are being drafted after the top 200 overall. I love Rhys Hoskins, but he’s not going to appear here. Dear, steer clear–*short circuiting internal rhyming dictionary* Anyway, here’s some 1st basemen to target for 2018 fantasy baseball:
Yonder Alonso (ESPN 204; Yahoo 274) Current draft ADP for Yonder tells me no one trusts his breakout. Even likely calling it a ‘breakout’ with the dreaded douchenozzle quotes. Oh, and I Googled whether or not douchenozzle was one word or two, because I have serious OCD, which is why I’m so good at fantasy baseball. Anyway, I found an entry in the Oxford Dictionary about douchenozzle, which made me laugh at the thought of a team of Oxford professors discussing the douchenozzle entry. “It’s gotta be one word!” “Au contraire, my tweed jacketed friend, one word would mean it’s pronounced deux-CHE-know-sell.” “No, it doesn’t, you douchenozzle!” I don’t know how much I believe in the Alonso breakout last year either, but I see no reason why his launch angle dramatically changed his value last year, and suddenly he’s not going to continue that trajectory (literally).
Ryan McMahon (ESPN 208; Yahoo 273) Back in October (whoa), I gave you my Ryan McMahon fantasy. There, I said, “….every Mumford & Sons songs…3rd lock from the sun? Chazz Noir.” Hmm, if I ever want to work for Zagat’s, I’m gonna have to work on what quotes I pull. The general gist of the post is the Rockies have to play him for his value to matter. By the way, General Gist was my high school band. You might remember our song, “Neither Here Nor There.” As we get further into spring training, it still appears like the Rockies are going to play McMahon, at least vs. righties, which is the strong side of the platoon. If that remains the same, it can only get better because McMahon has no real platoon partner, and might just start vs. all starters. Finger on the pulse of the Rockies’ 1st base shituation says there’s a real chance here for a breakout.
C.J. Cron (ESPN 268; Yahoo 288) When he was traded, I said this, “This is great news for Cron since he’ll no longer have to fight The Sciosciapath’s worst instincts….Actually, might be The Sciosciapath’s best instinct all those years to bench Cron, which is still good news for Cron. Finally, Cron gets to become Napoli away from The Sciosciapath.” And that’s me quoting me! What does “becoming Napoli” mean, besides sounding like a YA novel for Italians? To me, it means Cron can be a 27+ HR, .250 hitter. Comparing him in my head to Justin Smoak, Carlos Santana, Greg Bird and Justin Bour for just a few names of guys going much earlier.
Ryon Healy (ESPN 269; Yahoo 325) I’m still busted up about Tom Petty dying. Stupid opioids, and their stupid addictive properties. Why couldn’t Martin Shkreli and his little demon face jack up the prices on opioids? I bring this up now because I’m also sad that Healy was injured. Relatively small level of sadness vs Petty going into the great wide open, sure, but Cougs says I’m on the spectrum so what do I know of levels of sadness. We should chart the love of Cougs and I from the day we met until now just by her mentions on the blog. Like, “I love my Cougar!” to now, “Cougs says I’m on the spectrum.” Any hoo! Healy will likely come at an even bigger discount due to his injury, and he has plenty of time to get healthy, and the Mariners’ other options at 1st base are super sad — saduper?
Jose Martinez (ESPN 285; Yahoo 309) I wanted to get to five guys at least for this post, so I’m stretching a bit with Jo-Mar. Not stretching like the yoga mom in front of you that makes you pull on your collar like Rodney Dangerfield, but stretching like you getting out of the bed in the morning and thinking, “Today’s gonna be awesome!” then you stub your toe and get back in bed for the day. I can’t find favorable projections for J-Mart anywhere. Lots of 12-homer, .280-ish with Matt Carpenter stealing about 340 ABs from him. However, the Cardinals always seem to make a mountain out of their molehill of prospects, and maybe Jo-Martin will be no different.