Have to go through a lot other ‘perts’ turd nuggets to find some kernels of truth, right? So I took a looksie at ESPN’s mock draft. These guys (and maybe girls, cause I don’t even recognize some names — Becquey? Is that the phonetic pronunciation of the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway’s abbreviation, BQE? No idea.) make their living by doling out fantasy baseball advice, but, as Tim Gunn would say, the problem is they’ve been in the monkey house too long. Here’s Gunn’s explanation, “When you first walk into the monkey house at the zoo, what do you do? You cover your nose and think, “This place stinks!” After some time, you’ve adjusted a bit, “Well, I guess this isn’t so bad.” Then later, you don’t even notice the smell.” ESPN builds a bunker, doles out advice but has no idea what the stench is like. To get poetic on you, they think their feces smells like Reese’s Pieces.
In that mock, they drafted Ian Stewart 163rd overall. Wow, Stewart has an ADP of 120 at Mock Draft Central so that’s awesome value! The only hitch is, there’s no way anyone’s getting Stewart that late in a draft if they draft with anyone but those ESPN readers who are also in the monkey house. The monkeys at ESPN don’t even mention Stewart was good value at 163. You know why? Because they have no idea. They don’t look at anything besides what’s written at ESPN. It’s like Hurley from Lost doling out fantasy advice. Jack’s doing surgery, Locke’s seeing shizz and The BQE is taking Ian Stewart 163rd overall. Honestly, I’m not even sure if they have an internet connection in Bristol. So this look at the monkeys’ mock draft may be constructive for those of you who are playing against other monkeys, but, in reality, we’re just mocking them. Anyway, here’s some head scratchers from ESPN’s 2010 fantasy baseball mock draft:
Carl Crawford – 7th overall. Ha! Seriously, I don’t even know what to say about this. Michael Bourn is that different at around pick 100? The saving grace to this pick is that it was made by Nate Ravitz, who, I believe, is the neighbor in Bewitched. Could be wrong.
Joe Mauer – 14th overall. Bewitched neighbor grabbed him too. So with Mauer and Crawford he’s looking at about 35 homers combined for his first two picks. Guess he’s punting power. Yeah, he just lost. Thanks for playing.
Ryan Howard – 18th overall. This is the last player I’m looking at that was taken way later than they will normally go. (Kinsler at 21?! Wait, did they do this mock draft in 2007 and forget to post it?) Howard is a great pick at 18. Again, ain’t happening in the real world, so I’m done looking at value picks in this draft.
Derek Jeter – 25th overall. I actually like Tristan Cockcroft (who is a Yankee fan and maybe why he made this pick), but Jeter at 25th overall is just silly. Maybe Cockcroft is hoping for a wedding invite. Not sure; let’s not dwell.
Javier Vazquez – 61st overall. That’s around where his ADP is, but I have him ranked around 135th overall. I might need to do an overrated post on him.
Yovani Gallardo – 69th overall. The BQE goes for YoGa about 40 spots before he should, but not nearly as bad as…
Brandon Webb – 98th overall. They are totally reprinting a 2007 draft just to see if anyone will notice. Very sneaky.
James Shields – 152nd overall. Not a pick I would make, but this isn’t so much about the time Shields was drafted. The real knee to the balls is in the comments where they wrote, “Becquey takes James Shields with pick No. 152, and many lament that Shields is off the board.” Why? Because of his mediocre K-rate? Is it his increasing walk rate? Is it his inability to pitch in away games? Is it his division? Are they using a new definition of lament? Seriously, I have to stop before I get an aneurysm.
While we at Razzball are content toiling within the modest confines of fantasy baseball blogdom, we occasionally like to flex our journalistic muscles and take on a challenging interview.
Our interview subject is Matthew Berry - the Director of Fantasy Sports at ESPN. His career has taken him from stand-up comedy to Hollywood where he paid his dues with writing gigs like Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles which was up for a 2001 Razzie (unaffiliated to Razzball) as Worst Remake or Sequel but lost to Planet of the Apes. He followed his passion of fantasy baseball and wrote for Rotoworld before starting his own fantasy blog TalentedMrRoto.com that was purchased by ESPN in 2007.
Last note – unlike our interviews to date (see Spike Lee, Sarah Palin, and Rickey Henderson), this interview was real. ESPN is pimping their Fantasy Baseball folks on a PR junket and asked us to conduct this interview….the site that brought you Hater Bell….. When we asked Matthew Berry towards the end of the interview why us? He seemed as puzzled as anyone….go figure.
GREY:First off, thanks for A’ing our Q’s, mucho appreciado Senor Fruitazi. You’re a good sport since a lot of the time, like a blogger Luke Skywalker would say, You Are My Fodder. I started Razzball when I was laid off during the WGA strike and I know you’re also a screenwriter or were or whatever, so I just want to say thanks for paving the way for me to go from an underappreciated, society misfit to an underpaid, society misfit. You’re the wind beneath my wings!
Okay, brownnosing aside, I know how hard it is to do fantasy baseball rankings. You really can’t please everybody all the time. With that said, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, MAN?! I put Dustin Pedroia, Josh Hamilton and Cliff Lee in our 2009 Fantasy overrated category. But your rankings have a vibe of “What was good last year is a tasty nugget to covet this year.” Defend these three or quit your post at ESPN and move to Cape Horn.
MATTHEW BERRY: Cliff Lee developed a new pitch last year so I don’t think he’s necessarily in for a regression to ‘before last year.’ Hamilton stayed healthy and…he’s in Texas. This makes Hamilton valuable. Pedroia’s my biggest question mark. Is his power for real? If it is, then he could be very valuable.
GREY: When anyone mentions closers on Razzball, I point them to our Fantasy Baseball Glossary entry for SAGNOF — Saves Ain’t Got No Face. Double negative aside, you know you want to agree with me. So… Go ahead.
MATTHEW BERRY: I’ve said forever that you don’t pay for saves. So… Um… Yes, I agree with that. There’s very few closers out that I think are rock solid this year. I count 8 coming into the season where you’re like, “Okay, that’s clearly the guy” and there’s no risk. And that was before questions about Brad Lidge showed up. So I think you’re down to seven.
GREY: What top 20 pick are you most excited about? Least excited about?
MATTHEW BERRY: Most excited about Miguel Cabrera. He’s do for a monster, monster year. Most people look at last year as a disappointment, but he actually had a huge 2nd half. Once he adjusted to the new position and to the new league. He’s still going towards the end of the 1st round, but I think he’s a guy you can look up at the end of the year and be the number one fantasy player overall.
GREY: Agreed.
MATTHEW BERRY: Certainly top three. So that’s the guy I’m most excited about and least excited about A-Rod. There’s so many variables. He’s so crazy. I believe we have not heard the end of the A-Rod story. This is based on nothing more than my gut. I don’t want anyone thinking I have insider information from ESPN. This is based on nothing more than my gut. I think there’s more to the story. I think it’s going to come out that he used more than what he’s said. I think the story is going to continue throughout the summer. I think if the Yankees don’t have an amazing year he’s going to be left holding the bag. I mean… I just don’t like him. I’ve been very open about that.
GREY: A fantasy baseballer’s (<– my Mom’s term) job is to unearth late round bargains. Who is this year’s Ryan Ludwick? Tell my readers now. They thank you.
MATTHEW BERRY: Shin-Soo Choo.
GREY: I like him too.Our 20 risky pitcher for 2009 post points out a few candidates to avoid at your draft. You probably disagree with Ricky Nolasco’s inclusion there like I disagree with MILF’s nickname on VH-1′s I Love Money 2. Go ahead, make a case for Nolasco.
MATTHEW BERRY: The case for Nolasco is (to) look at what he did last year. Right? I mean, over the 2nd half of last year after the All-Star Break, Nolasco 4th in MLB in strikeouts. Had a ridiculous 98 to 12 K/BB ratio… I’m doing this off the top of my head so it’s 96 to 12 or 98 to 12. (It’s 98.) He hasn’t shown any sign of being injury-prone or…um… He’s still young. So, I mean, I think overuse at this point is a bit premature.
GREY: You are admirably outspoken on your fantasy strategies – e.g., don’t pay for saves, draft speed… Do you get a lot of hate mail–
MATTHEW BERRY: (jumps in) It’s more than just that. Those are just two of them.
GREY: Okay, those are two. Do you get a lot of hate mail from people bemoaning their crappy closers and their Carl Crawford-led offense?
MATTHEW BERRY: I would say my hate mail is pretty evenly spread out among all subjects.
GREY: Let’s say we’re close friends –
MATTHEW BERRY: I find this hard to believe already. But go ahead…
GREY: What, no rapport? Is it my breath? Should I return to the brownnosing?
MATTHEW BERRY: It’s quite all right. Just go ahead.
GREY: Okay, so I’m about to join a random ESPN league. Given that your core strategies are read by many of the participants on the site, would you suggest I follow your strategy or move closer to the opposite since there will be more bargains (i.e., top closers go later)?
MATTHEW BERRY: Well, I appreciate, as my pretend close friend, that everyone is going along with my strategy. I don’t think that’s the case. Fantasy sports more than anything else is a place where everyone thinks they know more than everyone else. That’s one of the points of it. You want to prove you know more than everyone else. So I think my strategies work, I think every league is different, obviously every rule is different, every fantasy player has different tendencies. My recommendation would be, in a vacuum, that you don’t abandon a strategy just because everyone else is doing it.
With that said, there’s definitely something to zigging where everyone else is zagging. Where I wouldn’t pay for closers maybe I would go for starting pitching more, because I tend to say wait on starting pitching. I might try to lock up a scarce position like I might draft three 2nd basemen. Give myself depth somewhere to trade if there was suddenly a run on something. As opposed to chasing a lower end guy at one position. Suddenly, a bunch of 3rd basemen are going off the board, so instead of going early on a so-so third baseman just to have someone, I might load up on another position. “Okay, I’m going to make sure I have a bunch of good 2nd basemen and trade them.”
GREY: The amount of league data you have at ESPN must be staggering. Have you given thought to summarizing this data and publishing it? For example, what players were on the highest percentage of teams that lost? Do teams that have invest in say a 2B/SS combination in the first two rounds or pick a starter in the 1st round fare better/average/worse than the average team? That type of information would really add some credence.
MATTHEW BERRY: It’s been suggested. It’s a matter of resources. It’s actually not that easy to pull that data as you might think. So… It’s been suggested. It’s up to the people that run our technology group and the people who run our fantasy content and I do neither. So I’m not the right guy to answer that question. I am ESPN’s lead fantasy analyst.
[Rudy's Editor Note: C'mon Worldwide Leader! You have a treasure trove of data to actually validate (or invalidate) fantasy baseball theories. Allow us at the data and we'll reduce our ESPN-razzing by 40%!]
GREY: If Baseball Tonight anchors and alumni participated in a fantasy baseball league, who do you think would win? Who will finish 2nd to last in front of Eric Young?
MATTHEW BERRY: Steve Phillips would win. Steve Phillips plays fantasy. He knows it really well. In fact, Steve Phillips won an internal Baseball Tonight league last year against a bunch of researchers and producers and people that really play. So Steve Phillips is the guy who I think would win. The guy that I think would lose is…um… The guy I would say would lose…. Um… The guy who would finish last is Kruk. (He’s) been very open about his disdain. He’s never played fantasy so like anything I think it takes a learning curve. John Kruk has publicly said that if he played he wouldn’t do a lot of the moves. So I could see him getting bored with it.
GREY: Has anyone mentioned to you that your on-screen presence is reminiscent of Crazy Eddie – the 80′s electronics store where the prices were innnnnnnnsane? Note, you do publish manifestos, a crazy man’s journal…
MATTHEW BERRY: No, I’ve never heard that one. I’ve heard the gamut. But I’ve never heard that one.
GREY: Ever thought of being known as Wild Berry?
MATTHEW BERRY: No, I have not. I try to avoid obvious puns on my own last name.
GREY: Your lack of canoodle time with the ladies is worldwide leader renown. Can anyone have a meaningful relationship and be good in fantasy sports?
MATTHEW BERRY: It’s good fodder. Although it’s changing recently… Since being at ESPN, it hasn’t been a priority. I date women that are wrong for me. And I’m probably wrong for women that date me. I don’t blame any of it on fantasy sports. Nate, who I do the podcast with, he’s very happily married.
GREY: Could you say our tagline for us? Razzball — Something to read between masturbation sessions.
MATTHEW BERRY: No.I have no problem with the phrase itself, but I’m not sure I agree with it.
Grey, Razzball co-founder and something-or-other, called me out yesterday, saying something like, “Hater Bell is probably wearing his fitted Malcom X hat blah blah blah and listening to Mobb Deep and blah blah blah…” If that isn’t the stupid calling the smart stupid. After he put me in Carlos Ruiz in the beginning of the year, he’s lucky I have my hands filled with ESPN’s top fantasy baseball analyst, Karabozo, and don’t have time for him. I have Miguel Olivo on one team because of you, Grey, and that’s the team I’m happy with, you WASPy-looking, Don Mattingly-impersonating, non-gully infidel! I’ll take an uzi to this blog if you step up to me one more time! Anyway, let’s see what utter crap Karabaloney cooked up that has my water boiling. This week he pretended to look at the AL bullpens, but we know he was looking at the pretty colors the sun makes when you stare at it for ten minutes straight. Ladies and Gentleman, Karabaloney:
Morrow should keep the closer job at least another month, pass Putz and save 15 games. Just don’t cut Putz, as he could end up with 15 saves as well.
Brandon Morrow has 6 saves right now for the Mariners, easily the worst team this side of the Potomac. Last week, Morrow suffered from back spasms causing him to miss some time. Morrow is pitching well, but he’s going to save 15 games in a month? The Mariners won’t win 15 games this month. Then Putz is going to return for 15 saves? Seriously, this wouldn’t make sense to a foreign exchange student who never heard of fantasy baseball or English. This is like a new level of stupid. I’m moving on before my ability to think straight is somehow hampered.
Todd Jones has a little hiccup from time to time, but we all know that, so why does a single Joel Zumaya save get everyone so excited?
Cause Todd Jones sucks. Okay, moving on.
Borowski sticks around and gets 12 more saves the rest of the way, finishing at 18.
This was written the day Borowski was removed from the job as closer. Not even the day before. I guess we’re lucky it wasn’t written the day after knowing Karabell’s reading comprehension. Erica Karabell, “Daddy, read to me The Baby-Sitter’s Club!” Eric, “Ask Mommy. Daddy’s playing tic-tac-toe with Matthew Berry.”
Look for Street to continue his success and end up with 33 saves.
Blame Karabell when Street’s traded into a setup role in a week.
Jenks is well protected by a number of pitchers who are ownable in fantasy, so leads will keep coming his way, and he’ll save 38 games.
Not even a mention that Jenks has been bothered by back pain. This pretty much confirms Jenks will continue to have problems. Prepare for Linebrink to be the closer by next week.
Hey, guys, did you know when you press seven numbers on this thing they call a “phone,” you can talk to people that aren’t in the same room as you?
Oh, wait, Karabell didn’t say that. It just seems like he should. Now get the crayons outta your mouth, Karabell, and go get your shinebox!
EricKarabell @MatthewBerry Saw an article about how gas is out of control. Made me think about how you used to pop into my office to fart. I miss you. about 1 hour ago from web
EricKarabell @TristanCockcroft Love those pics you emailed me. Can’t believe the stuff they get to sit on top of cats. about 2 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @BillSimmons Hey, not sure if you got my last emails, but REALLY liked your “The Mag” piece. Write back, dude! about 3 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @RobNeyer Saw that piece on Burrell. I know you follow those saber-whatchamacallits, but I think it’s too early to make a call on Burrell’s chances in the Hall. Not too many people know this, but he sacrifices his natural speed so the average fan can blink while watching him. about 4 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @BusterOlney Your St. Louis Post-Dispatch link about Adam Kennedy getting a game in at first crashed my browser. about 5 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @BillSimmons So I’m going to Espys… Prolly! Are U? If so, I was wondering if you wanted to hang before. I told my wife you can get us in to see a movie premiere. I want to see something funny, she wants to see anything with Ryan Gosling. Ha! about 6 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @MatthewBerry Did you really mean what you said at lunch? Because I would never say Brad Evans is a better fantasy baseball expert than you. about 7 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @MatthewBerry Okay, I just realized that you can see what I write to other people. Sorry about saying I wouldn’t give your phone number out to any attractive female. I hope she calls you! about 8 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @MatthewBerry Hello? You there? Is this about the Doumit thing? Cause there’s no hard feelings about the rankings on my end. I just thought Ryan Doumit shouldn’t have been top hundred. Hope you’re not really mad. about 9 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @JaysonStark I think Berry is mad at me. I can’t believe I even bothered to give our El Torito waitress his phone number. He said I should give it to any attractive female, but I’m not going to anymore. It’s not my fault he lost his wingman, Harold Reynolds. about 10 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @MatthewBerry I get the sense you’re mad at me. Is this about leaving you off that El Torito Evite? It was a couples thing. about 11 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @JaysonStark Erica and I had such a good time last night at El Torito. Definitely should do it again. about 12 hours ago from web
EricKarabell @MatthewBerry I got this great idea for a screenplay. It’s Rounders in the world of fantasy baseball. Do you think your agent would be interested? You around to discuss? about 13 hours ago from web
