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So Donnie Baseball finally read all those free pamphlets that Mensa has been sending him.  I mean it was written on the urinal wall next to that for a good time call, insert Nick Capozzi’s home phone number, message on your favorite swill factory you frequent..  Kenley Jansen takes over for the refuse dump, minus glasses, known as Brandon League.  Jansen is elite in K’s, potential and arrhythmia. Now, is he Donnie’s job saver? Maybe, but who knows.  You know who has been about as sexy as a burka tan, Greg Holland.  George Brett shows up and gives everyone some new/old fowl words and poof.  I don’t really get how a magic jar of BBQ sauce is the cure all for baseball woes, is it like Hummus to Greeks or Flowers for Algernon?  Maybe I am just in the dark on this whole phenomenon.  So condiments aside, the top of the saves board is getting pretty crowded with stout guys who have no worry about showing up to work and finishing off the job.  I have added Sergio Romo to the top tier because if you don’t like stats then you hate the fact that he has an obscene, K/BB rate and basically no one pushing him at the back end of the SF pen.  It’s all about job security for me, sorry, I wish it were about looks or how good they looked in a speedo, but if you have the job and there isn’t another soul in sight, then why question it.  Enjoy the week ahead.

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel - (-) (Jordan Walden, Luis Avilan, Cory Gearrin)

2. Mariano Rivera - (-) (David Robertson, Shawn Kelley, Boone Logan)

3. Aroldis Chapman -  (-) (Jonathan Broxton, Sam LeCure, J.J. Hoover)

4. Joe Nathan - (-) (Tanner Scheppers, Robbie Ross, Jason Frasor)

5. Jason Grilli - (+1) (Mark Melancon, Justin Wilson, Tony Watson)

6. Rafael Soriano - (-1) (Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard)

7. Jonathan Papelbon - (-) (Antonio Bastardo, Mike Adams)

8. Sergio Romo - (+2) (Jeremy Affeldt, Jean Machi, Javier Lopez)

9. Addison Reed - (-1) (Jesse Crain , Matt Thornton)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

10. Tom Wilhelmsen - (-1) ( Carter Capps, Yoervis Medina)

11. Edward Mujica - (-) (Trevor Rosenthal, Seth Maness, Randy Choate)

12. Jim Johnson - (-) ( Darren O’ Day, Brian Matusz, Tommy Hunter)

13. Ernesto Frieri - (-) (Scott Downs, Garret Richards, Kevin Jepsen)

14. Glen Perkins - (-) (Jared Burton, Brian Duensing, Casey Fien)

15. Grant Balfour - (-) (Sean Doolittle, Ryan Cook)

16. Greg Holland - (+5) (Kelvin Herrera, Aaron Crow, Tim Collins)

17. Casey Janssen - (-1) (Steve Delabar, Aaron Loup, Brett Cecil)

18. Jose Valverde -(+2) (Joaquin Benoit, Phil Coke, Drew Smyly)

19. Fernando Rodney – (-) (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)

20. Bobby Parnell(+2) (Brandon Lyon, LaTroy Hawkins)

21. Heath Bell - (+2) (David Hernandez, Brad Ziegler)

Brain Freezes

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

22. Kenley Jansen - (+4) (Brandon League, Paco Rodriguez, Matt Guerrier)

23. Andrew Bailey -(+1) (Koji Uehara, Junichi Tazawa, Andrew Miller)

24. Kevin Gregg - (+1) (James Russell, Carlos Villanueva, Carlos Marmol)

25. Jim Henderson -(+2) (Francisco Rodriguez, Jon Axford, Brandon Kintzler)

26. Jose Veras - (+1) (Hector Ambriz, Wesley Wright, Travis Blackley)

27. Luke Gregerson - (-10) (Dale Thayer, Joe Thatcher)

28. Rex Brothers - (-10) (Matt Belisle, Wilton Lopez)

29. Vinnie Pestano - (-) (Cody Allen, Joe Smith)

30. Miami Save Machine – (-) (Steve Cishek, Mike Dunn, Chad Qualls, Gloria Estefan

65 Responses

  1. Birdmann says:
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    How long before I can let Rex go. Any news of Rafael coming back.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Birdmann: rafi hasn’t even thrown yet so at least 2 weeks away.

  2. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    grey says capps over furbush and you have medina listed obviously over furbush,why no love for a guy with a high k rate and low whip

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @AL KOHOLIC: Furbush seems to be a match up lefty more times than not. Medina has a quality arsenal and could sneak in there if Tom Wil continues to struggle.

  3. Tehol Beddict says:
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    ENOUGH BALFOUR HATE! The man is a god. Why would reed be ahead of him?

    • Mr. Fister Furbush says:
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      @Tehol Beddict:

      Agreed! 16 for 16 in save chances this year with a 9 K/9 rate and a very respectable ERA for a team who is notorious winning close games. $12 I say!

      Entertaining read Smokey!

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Tehol Beddict: I hear ya man. He is climbing the rankings. He is def quality

  4. FiveCentMillionaire says:
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    Janssen has 1 BS all year and a 0.77 WHIP… is this ranking just because of potential shoulder issues?

      • stumanji says:
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        @Smokey: Perfect inning tonight vs Tex. I own Janssen everywhere and have been stoked (yea I said stoked) with the value he’s given me given his draft position/price.

  5. Kevin says:
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    Can I even expect a Kershaw or Wain type SP for Pujols at this point?

    10 team redraft and I have Goldy, Marte/Stanton/Myers to replace him at UT.

    Thanks

    • Terse

      Terse says:
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      @Kevin: I’d say no

      • Kevin says:
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        @Terse: Ugh. Maybe Matt Cain? Probably should just hold onto him at that point, right?

  6. Wake Up says:
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    Feels like Wilhelmsen is ready for a month-long staycation…

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Wake Up: maybe he can go bartend in Jamaica ala Tom cruise in Cocktail

  7. Dump truck says:
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    Kenley is God

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Dump truck: maybe a deacon, god is Mariano type territory

  8. JoeG says:
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    Please rate and comment if you wish: KRod, Capps, Vinny P. ? Deep daily mixed roto.

  9. Stantonovation says:
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    rank these guys to drop for hector Santiago

    Franklin
    Weeks
    Dickey
    Griffin

    Or hold? (position irrelevant)

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Stantonovation: Weeks Griffin Franklin dickey

  10. Tehol Beddict says:
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    use kenley at my own risk???? the man is the 2nd or 3rd best closer in the game at worst. i

    • Kevin says:
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      @Tehol Beddict: I think they are just saying League is still there. Some pitchers (not named Kenley) might have trouble switching to the 9th and there’s a chance Mattingly wants League back there eventually.

  11. Elwood Blues says:
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    Papelbon– what’s your gut tell you.. he stays with the Phils or gets traded?
    I have an offer to get him, but it’s an NL Only Keeper.. and don’t want to give up that prospect if it’s just for a month and a half of saves.

    • stumanji says:
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      @Elwood Blues: Ruin Tomorrow Jr has adamantly denied any plan to blow up this roster, doomed as it may be. Papelbon most likely stays.

  12. Matt Pascale says:
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    I have J. Johnson, A. Bailey, and K-Rod…I need one more since K-Rod might be done….do you think C.Capps will take over??? Thanks in advance Somkey….

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Matt Pascale: don’t think forever on Cappsay get a off day or two save to make him a popular pick up. I think Wilhwlsen is just a little gassed

  13. Clint says:
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    Just snatched Capps on the news Wedgie may look into giving Wilhelmsen an atomic nudge to the bench. Hopefully one of the 3 of him, Brothers, or Pestano sticks & gives me a 4th reliable closer by month’s end. Only thing that separates me from the first place streamer clown in front of me in my 12 team league’s are a few wheelies, a improving era/whip, and a few saves.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Clint: nice god luck

  14. MJ says:
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    Pretty sure Gregerson is back to 8th inning duties after his last blown save… Street coming off the DL soon too

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @MJ: yea I think he is back there as well. I wrote these in advance of things

  15. SteveNZ says:
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    Hey Smokey – any thoughts on Preston Claiborne (apart from the most WASP-ish name since Grey Albright)?

    More of a mop-up/long guy, not dominating Ks or anything – but no one seems to be able to score off him.

    Or did I just sum him up myself?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @SteveNZ: kind of your run of the mill mop up guy. His name sounds like I wanna buy an Amish shed from him.

      • Haystack Chinbeard says:
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        @Smokey:

        Ha!!

  16. Hank says:
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    Thoughts on Chris Perez? hes due back soon right?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Hank: will get job back no questions. Will be back end of next week.

  17. Jake "The Snake" says:
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    Pick 2 ROS…….
    Salty, Montero, Arencibia

  18. DJStaple says:
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    In what world is Rodney ranked higher than Gregg?

    Gregg is this year’s Rodney. Rodney is this years Marmol.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @DJStaple: Gregg is looking more and more like a solid play, lack of saves is his only down right now. Rankings will continue to rise if he continues and Rodney is def going the wrong direction.

  19. Zeno says:
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    Where do you think healthy Chris Perez will be – top of the Brain Freeze or middle of the Donkeycorns? Or somewhere in the middle? Or somewhere in the middle of that?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Zeno: way end of the donkeys

  20. TheITguy says:
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    I know this isn’t a closer question but with TULO going down, who should i pick up?

    Rutledge? Rendon? Lind?

    This is a keeper league, and if you recommend Rendon, would you drop tulo for him? I have an IR spot but when tulo comes back , i figure he is just going to get injured again……I will also see what i can get in trade but i already have machado at SS and Segura.

  21. Iron Lamp says:
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    You might be a little optimistic on Valverde. Here in Detroit this image is making the rounds:

    http://i.imgur.com/qbVBIZY.jpg

    Read the stories in the Freep and the News and talk to literally anyone around here — the consensus is the nostalgic Valverde experiment was worth the shot but didn’t work and now it is time to move on. Good memories of Papa Grande, though.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Iron Lamp: nice pic. He has made Leyland say he picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

  22. Papa Grande isn’t a Brain Freeze? whaaaa? Tigers fans all over the state are calling for his head. One more blown save might do it. Buyer Beware.

    • Iron Lamp says:
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      @mollyleekba: Looks like I beat the one hot chick in our state to the point by a minute. And in case Molly’s wondering, I’m good for a minute in other areas too.

        • Iron Lamp says:
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          @chunk: I feel much shame.

          • chunk says:
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            @Iron Lamp: No worries, just a different perspective. For all I know you could have made her day with that compliment.

            • goodfold2 says:
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              @chunk: that comic was right on point, as these type of comments (not even close to particularly here) occur with far too high regularity when dudes light up with hope due to even being in the presence of women with similar tastes in nerdom.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @mollyleekba: I agree but he has the job until he does. His next step will prolly be off the roster forget about being replaced.

      • @Smokey:

        Tiger junkies and Smokey- As Valverde continues his plight to turn into a fat pumpkin, it would appear that Leyland may make a short term move to Benoit. However, I’ve been tracking what Rondon is doing in AAA Toledo and it’s fairly impressive. Given that he seems to have regained ‘some’ of his control at Toledo – do you guys envision Rondon being given another opportunity shortly? I’m in a deep 14 team, mixed, redraft league where there are 0 closers available, so they are a premium. Just looking for a potential stash/grab, and thinking he’s a pretty decent one in light of all the Tiger pen mis-steps. Weird that Detroit’s 2 best pen arms are at Toledo: Rondon / Al Al.

        Rondon’s AAA numbers: 25 ip, 12 saves, 1.07 era, 0.95 whip, 35 k’s.

        thoughts here? thx

        • Smokey

          Smokey says:
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          @EL BURRO: as a stash he its a good idea. Minor league success wasn’t his problem. Leyland is a psycho about veterans so Benoit and Coke should be next options. The sneaky play may just be Drew Smyly

  23. Greg says:
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    Why do you have Bailey down so low? Because of injury risk? That dude has been absolutely lights out this year so long as he doesn’t have a torn mangina. Fair enough, but guys like Wilhelmsen, Rodney, and Valverde are going to end up seeing the doctor about blownsavitis pretty soon.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Greg: injury is the main reason.

  24. Kevin says:
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    I know TOR has tried once or twice, do you see Delabar getting another chance at Closer?

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Kevin: if injury may have to

  25. Allen says:
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    So — with all this Papa Gone-de talk — should I grab Benoit and drop Travis Wood?

    Thanks as always …

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @Allen: I would buy depends on how many sp u have

  26. RudyCorrales says:
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    with zero raegard to position please rank these dudes

    david freeze
    brett Gardner
    Gyorko
    Todd Frazier

    Rest of season. thanks!!! owe you dudes some drinks

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @RudyCorrales: flip gyorko and Frazier and I think ur all set

  27. SteveNZ says:
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    Hey Smokey – who do you like *best* for Holds in the KC ‘pen going forward – Herrera, Collins or Crow?

    The Razzball ROS player rater likes Crow best, then Collins, then Herrera (though this might have something to do with his recent demotion).

    Thanks!

    • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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      @SteveNZ: Herrera’s gone right back to last man before Holland, Crow/Collins and their order between them seems to be about matchups.

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