A rejected title was, “BJ Stands For Blown Job.” BJ Ryan was pronounced with a something-or-other injury to his something-or-other as he heads to the Disgraceful List. A’la Lili Taylor in Say Anything, “JP Ricciardi lies… He lies when he cries…” Ever see anything like this? JP Ricciardi always upgrades injury. Slight arm trouble = end of year surgery. God forbid Ricciardi ever says you need end of year surgery. Scott Downs will take over the bulk of the saves, but Jason Frasor will be right there in the mix. “Hey, Frasor, what are you doing there?” “I’m in the mix!” If someone in your league was quicker than you to grab Downs, grab Frasor. Downs goes… Frasor! Downs goes… Frasor! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Carlos Quentin – Left the game after getting hit on the hand. Supposedly just a day-to-day thing. Maybe Quentin could wear that forearm protector like Iron Mike Sharpe.
Cole Hamels – Struck by a Prince Fielder liner. Can’t you do anything right, Fielder?! Hamels is said to be fine and should make his next start. It feels like this is going to be one of those years for Hamels. He just seems cursed.
Dave Bush – No hitter through 8. Then next game he’ll give up six earned in 5 innings. Don’t even try to figure him out. There’s a Sphinx in Milwaukee made of frozen custard and it says, “What is the deal with Dave Bush?”
Kyle Lohse – He heard his knee pop. Headed for an MRI. Sounds bad. Actually, sounds good, because he shouldn’t have been on your team anyway.
Jerry Manual – He said after today’s game that besides Johan, all his pitchers stink and they’re all in danger of losing their spots in the rotation. Maine, Livan and Curly aren’t doing it for you?
Jose Valverde – Said he should be back by Friday. I’d hold Hawkins until you see a save or two from Valgreen’s.
Aaron Harang – 7 IP, 0 ER. The Harangatuan is back! (About 10 months late for all my fantasy teams he ruined last year. Old wounds!)
Joey Votto – 4-for-5, HR. I said he’d move above Berkman for next year. That shizz is documented.
Alex Rios – 1st home run yesterday. Glad someone finally told Rios that the season has started.
Kevin Millwood – 7 IP, 4 ER. You mean he’s not going to have a sub-2.00 ERA this year? Aw, shucks. I knew I shouldn’t have played the horn.
Chris Davis – Third homer yesterday as the race tightens between him and Reynolds.
Chien-Ming Wang – Struckout 11 with no walks in an extended spring training game. Um, cool. So only start him in games in Florida? He’s headed for the Disgraceful List too.
Joel Zumaya – Returning Friday. Okay, but he’s still not going to be the closer for while unless Rodney drops a turd sandwich. Then there’s Brandon Lyon to contend with too. And Ryan Perry.
Alberto Callaspo – Hitting .381 on the year. I’ve long been a fan of Callaspo, even when he was back in the Diamondbacks organization. He can be a cheap average source in very deep leagues (Think AL-Only). He has very little speed or power though.
Ricky Romero – To the DL (POW!). Brett Cecil will replace him. Cecil has solid stuff, but he was getting hit hard in the minors thus far this year. Unless it’s a very deep league, he’s not worth a flier yet.
Derek Holland – If he dazzles on Friday night against the O’s, you’re going to wish you owned him. I’d grab him, bench him and then watch to see what his results are. I.e. He’s not long for the bullpen.
Brandon Wood – I got an idea. Let’s bring up our prospect that has proven himself in the minors and then sit him. Good idea, we don’t want to sit Chone Figgins. He’s batting .246! Idiots.
Vladimir Guerrero – Jayson Stark, who I thought only collected odd baseball nuggets, reports that an anonymous source says Vlad isn’t coming back in a month. Stark’s source says, “How’s he coming back in a month from a torn pec? When those offensive linemen get that injury in the NFL, they’re out for the year.” Looks like you shouldn’t draft Vlad for your fantasy football league either. This is obviously very bad news for Vlad owners. Couple of things about that statement. 1) Why an anonymous source? Is that news that hush-hush on the QT? 2) That “scoop” sounds really ancedotal. 3) Why does an anonymous source need to tell Stark this? The Angels, or any doctors on ESPN’s payroll, or any doctors in the world couldn’t tell us that a torn pec would cost Vlad a few months? This is all so baffling to me.