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Archive for July, 2008

The Nats Bullpen Gets Shorter

July 22, 2008 By: Grey Category: July's Daily Notes 112 Comments →

Monday night as I wrote the roundup, I was looking around my waiver wire for possible saves. I saw Taylor Buchholz and I began to think about how likely it would be for Fuentes to get traded. The Rockies are in a division that may only need a .500 record to win it. Why are they sellers? Holliday, Fuentes? I guess it could happen, but I don’t see it. Then I came across the crapfecta of Ayala, Hanrahan and Saul Rivera. Why couldn’t Rauch be traded? Because Chad Cordero was never traded those years the Nats floundered? Didn’t seem like enough of a reason. So I turned on my giant brain and decided Luis Ayala was going to be the next Nats closer. (Maybe you remember the last time I turned on my giant brain I killed Sydney Pollack.) Well, wouldn’t you know it, Rauch was traded and Ayala became the new closer– Zoinks! Okay, Ayala may not be the closer, but here’s my reasoning why he will be the guy. (Since I deduced this using my giant brain, you may not understand my logic. Feel free to skip ahead. Those with a heart condition or pregnant women should not try and follow along.) Ayala was the setup man and Hanrahan was pitching a few innings at a time. Crazy, right?! I know! Maybe Hanrahan does move into the closer role because he’s been better of late, but clubs don’t usually make decisions that make sense (Wolf goes to the Astros!). Neither guy (or Saul Rivera) should be invested in too heavily. Rauch nailed down only 2 saves this past month and 17 saves in almost 2/3 of the season. We could be looking at 3 guys splitting up 10 saves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Shaun Marcum – He returned from his elbow injury and gave up six earned runs in 4 2/3. The good news is, he didn’t give up seven earned runs. I’ve been saying I didn’t want him anymore when he first went on the DL.

Mark Buehrle – 7.1 IP, 1 ER. This schmohawk joins Aaron Cook as a guy that I picked up in May and that I can’t believe I still have him on a bunch of teams.

Brad Hawpe – HR. Hawpe is hawt. *cue Rosco P. Coltrane laughter*

Adam Lind – 4-for-5, HR. In deep leagues, there’s a lot worse fliers you can take than Lind.

Clayton Kershaw – Not a good game, but I’d let him start a game at home before casting him off.

Brad Ziegler – 23 2/3 straight scoreless innings streak. According to Elias Sports Bureau, “Ziegler is the first pitcher with a scoreless streak over 20 IP that has a name similar to Ian Ziering.” (Actually, the Elias Sports Bureau didn’t say that, but it sounds like it. Here’s some more things that sound like the Elias Sports Bureau might have said them. “Last Wednesday was the first time in three years that five Elias Sports Bureau employees wore the color beige,” “Seventeen Elias Sports Bureau employees sneezed today for a new all-time high,” and “There’s no one more full of shit than Stephen Baldwin.”

Ubaldo Jimenez – 1 ER, CG. If you had the Rox to start him.

Josh Willingham – I still like him, but he’s been on my bench for a week now. He needs to pretend he’s a 30/.280 guy or I’m chucking him. You’ve been warned.

Denard Span – Span’s leading off and batting .341 as CarGo hits from the nine hole. (I could see myself being a big fan of Carlos Gomez over this winter as we prepare for 2009, but right now he’s overmatched.)

Kerry Wood – May not go on the DL after all. In other news, water is… not wet?

Freddy Sanchez – If you’re suffering through Ty Wiggington or some other schmohawk at MI, Freddy Sanchez is starting to get hot. Steals? Nah. Home runs? Not many, but he could hit .330 for a month.

Joe Blanton – What, you thought he’d be good in the NL? Wait until you see how well he is when pitching in his new home.

Nick Markakis – I am Sparkakis!

Rick VandenHurk – 5 IP, no hits and he still was pulled, what does that tell you about his control? He gave up 5 walks against 7 Ks. VandenHurk and Volstad sounds like a law firm of vampires.

Eric Byrnes – Transferred from the 15-day DL to the I’m-Not-Coming-Back-This-Year-But-I’m-Going-To-Pretend-I-Will List.

Alexis Rios – Hit his 6th HR. Man, what a busted season. If you don’t have him, you may not understand what a bullet you dodged. He has comparable numbers to Victorino, and The Flying Hawaiian was on the DL earlier in the year and he lost playing time to Werth. Incredible.

Duaner Sanchez – 3 ER without recording an out as Duaner made a strong case to never get the ball in the ninth.  I think Heilman gets the ball tomorrow if the Mets have the lead. Or the Mets put some of that numbing spray shizz on Wagner’s shoulder and send him out there.

Chris Davis – HR. Okay, maybe he doesn’t need to be benched when the Rangers aren’t in Arlington.

Randy Wolf – With this trade, I see no way the Astros don’t overtake the Reds and finish in fourth. Unless the Reds trade for Barry Zito. Then the race will be on!

Erik Bedard – After tossing the ball on Sunday, he landed on the MRI table-thingie. Guess what, ya’ll? Not a good sign. Or maybe the Mariners just want an excuse to shut him down for the year and they rigged a VW Bug to look like an MRI machine and they hired some extras to play the part of doctors. In a grand Shakespearan accent, “I did Uncle Vanya in the Park and I was the dog walker in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.’”

Razzball Historical Spotlight: Brian L. Hunter & Darren Lewis (1999)

July 22, 2008 By: Rudy Gamble Category: Historical Spotlight, Rudy Gamble 3 Comments →

Note: Besides providing advice and news on fantasy baseball, we at Razzball created and now sponsor a game where the goal is to manage a team and compile the worst stats. These Historical Spotlights honor those players who would’ve excelled in such a format. See here for more info. See here for the summary of the inaugural 2008 season.

The 1998 HR race between Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa has received credit for many things:

  1. Getting America excited about baseball again after the long shadow of the 1994 strike.
  2. Showing that man hugs are in no way gay.
  3. Allowing sports journalists to master the art of triflection – genuflection at the time of McGwire and Sosa’s feats, reflection after the painfully obvious fact that they were ‘roided up became inarguable, and deflection of any responsibility for their uncritical hype in the matter.
  4. Popularizing andro, backne, and the chest tap.
  5. Inspiring Barry Bonds to conduct an experiment to see if multiplying the negative of his natural dickishness with the negative of artificial ‘roid rage would turn out positive (answer: in short term, yes. long term, no)

But the McGwire-Sosa race also succeeded in inspiring the envy of the American League. Despite a 2nd World Series win in 3 years by the Yankees, the National League dominated the headlines thanks to McGwire and Sosa. And, adding insult to injury, both were ex-ALers that had been fleeced in trades with a pre-Beane Oakland and a harbingerific Dubya-owned Texas. How can you top a race to break the cherished single-season HR record? The same way you topple any top-heavy competitor – you aim low.

And no one aimed lower in 1999 than Brian L. Hunter of the Tigers/Mariners and Darren Lewis of the Red Sox as they competed in….

First a little background on our participants:

Brian L. Hunter was a speedy outfielder who raced through the Astros system, making the big leagues in 1994. He wasn’t fast enough to claim a middle initial-less name, though, as a Brian (R.) Hunter made the majors in 1991 for Atlanta. You know what the L stood for? Lee. What, you thought I was gonna say Loser? That’s just mean. But if ever there was a sign that BLH had potential for Razzball Spotlightdom, it was his trade to the lowly Tigers in 1996 that included past honoree Jose Lima.

Darren Lewis was a somewhat speedy, no-hit CF who became a full-time starter with the Giants in 1993 and was best known for his glove and nearly being traded to the Yankees in 1995 for a struggling Bernie Williams (Gene Michael ignored Steinbrenner’s impulsiveness). By the time the 1999 rolled around, he had been traded by the Giants and bounced around 3 other teams.

So you may ask “How do you determine offensive ineptitude?” (I gave you credit for a big vocab word.) We’re going to use Adjusted OPS (OPS+) which is a player’s OBP + SLG adjusted for the park and the league in which the player played. Dorky but effective.

To add some perspective, we’re going to use two poor-hitting outfielders as reference points

  1. Gary Pettis – a speedy 1980′s defensive outfielder that played primarily with the Angels. He managed a .236 BA and an 80 OPS+ over his 11 year career, hitting about 3 HRs per 500 ABs. (Rumor has it that Gary Pettis, Rod Carew, and Angels 78-year old owner Gene Autry once held a home run hitting contest on a Monday night. It was ruled a zero-zero-zero tie four nights later as Carew had to go home for Shabbat dinner.)
  2. Pete Gray – a light-hitting outfielder who played in the WWII era and had a 48 OPS+ in 234 career ABs. It’s worth noting, though, that he only had one arm (see adjacent photo). Gray had good speed and was a surprisingly deft bunter but he suffered from an inability to hit curve balls (aka Serrano Syndrome) and difficulty hitting HRs due to the topspin generated by his tennis forehand-like swing. (He finished with the second highest average amongst one arm players, ahead of Jim Abbott but well behind Johnny Damon.)

Let’s take this race month-by-month. Since neither Hunter and Lewis are great photo subjects, we’ve replaced them with the Crocodile Hunter and Jerry Lewis in the below line graph.

April – Both players fell within the Razztastic Pettis/Gray hitting range with Lewis slightly in the lead (with the lesser OPS+). Towards the end of the month, Hunter gets traded to the Mariners where he’s placed at the head of the lineup followed by A-Rod, Griffey, and eDHgar Martinez. Fans christens it the ‘Butter Face’ lineup. Lewis hits #2 for the first 10 games but for the rest of the month he, like ham on a pig, occupies the back third.

May – Like Dave Winfield, Hunter and Lewis had their best months in May – both topping Pettis’ career average. Highlights included a .312 average for the month by Lewis (Hey Lay-dee!) and a massive 1 HR / 10 RBI power display by Hunter (Crikey!)

June – Hunter finishes below Lewis for the 2nd month in a row as they both nestle within the safety of the Pettis/Gray zone.

July – As the temperature started to rise, Hunter and Lewis’s OPS+ started to plummet. Hunter’s 2 HR month catapulted him ahead of Lewis despite an OBP of .271 (guess it’s hard to work a walk when A-Rod and Griffey are behind you). Neither invited to the All-Star game.

August – Lewis has a slight rebound while there is no Rhyme for the Ain’t Shit Mariner. Aided by Pinella’s decision to wedge David Bell b/w Hunter and A-Rod in the lineup, Hunter receives a few less meatball pitches and manages a .171 AVG and an astonishing .190 SLG. Note that going 1-for-5 with a single nets a .200 SLG. Hunter couldn’t manage that pace for 105 August ABs.

September/October – With the season on the line, Lewis turned it off big time in September/October with a .160 AVG over 81 AB. A lone double boosted his SLG to .173. All while in a pennant race with the Yanks during which Jimy Williams inexplicably batted him second 16 times. Hunter didn’t flinch – he managed to lower his monthly average to .170 although his SLG crept over the .200 mark. But that was enough to win the battle….

The final stats…
Hunter – 539 AB/79 R/4 HR/34 RBI/.232 AVG/.280 OBP/.301 SLG/.581 OPS/ 48 OPS+
Lewis – 470 AB/63 R/2 HR/40 RBI/.240 AVG/.311 OBP/.309 SLG/.620 OPS/ 57 OPS +

As if these stats aren’t Razztastic enough, 1999 was a huge offensive year. The AL SLG and OPS averages were the 2nd highest in the 20th century (first was 1996). Combine awful stats with strong league hitting and you’ve got an offensive performance by Brian L. Hunter that is the worst by an OF with enough ABs to qualify for the batting title since 1904 (granted not ever but still…). It was bad enough to tie the career OPS+ of the aformentioned mono-armed Pete Gray.

Darren Lewis’ 57 OPS+, while higher than that of the hitting cripple and Pete Gray, tied for the 2nd worst offensive performance by a qualifying OF.

While September/October hinted at lesser things from Hunter & Lewis, they never got more than 250 ABs in a season to plumb further. Hunter played for four more teams in the next 4 years. Lewis hung around the Sawx for two years and then a last year with the Cubs.

While we can never truly know whether Hunter and Lewis records are on the level vs. tainted by performance-enfeebling drugs, we will give them the benefit of the doubt. Because even Razzball can be guilty of triflection now and then.

Falling Off The Wagner

July 22, 2008 By: Grey Category: July's Daily Notes 99 Comments →

Some rejected titles, Will Bill Still Thrill on the Hill?, Illy Billy, Wagner’s Closed, You Can’t Spell Duaner Sanchez Without Nude Ranch and my personal favorite, Billy Wagner, Act Your Age. Billy Wagner, the Mets closer and guy with the first name Billy, reports tightness in his shoulder. He was scheduled to have an MRI, but Billy’s scared of whatever MRI stands for. (Imaging something, but I’m doing this late on a Monday night, so you’re gonna have to bear with me. Or bare with me on a Nude Ranch. Rawrr!) Duaner Sanchez will probably fill-in for Wagner if he misses time. Heilman would be second in command. After that, coin flip! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jorge Posada – To the DL. Might be out for the year. Keep a close eye on this. (Oops, I meant to write, “Keep a closed eye on this.”)

Clayton Kershaw – He’s back and going against the Rockies on Tuesday. If you’re thinking about grabbing him, here’s the yay or nay list. I’d prefer Campillo, Weeks, Kobayashi, Kuroda, Wolf (at home) and Hermida over Kershaw. I want Kershaw over Olsen, Eveland, Edwin Jackson, any A’s or Mariners hitter except Ichiro, Jo-Jo Reyes and Jobacum. Finally, I possibly want Kershaw over Guthrie depending on how Guthrie looks in his next start. He was not good in last year’s 2nd half and his leash is short, as they say in the zoology.

Luis Ayala – I’ve pretty much ignored the Fuentes trade rumors because I don’t think the Rockies are out of the division race and I don’t think they’re moving Fuentes. On the other hand, Rauch should be traded. I’ve picked up Ayala in a few leagues as I await the news.

Jose Valverde – 6 ER in 1/3 of an inning. Brandon Lyon, “Man, he sucks!”

Brett Myers – Soda Popinski is back. I’d take Kershaw over him.

Rickie Weeks – HR yesterday. He looks like a 25-year-old Ray Durham.

Randy Wolf – I kinda wanted to make this the lead for today’s post, but I couldn’t justify it. So the Astros are in discussions to acquire Randy Wolf, the pride of Canoga Park, CA. Seriously, you can’t make this shizz up. Randy Wolf, of a 6.63 road ERA is who the Astros want to acquire. Randy Wolf, of an almost 5.00 ERA in Minute Maid Park over the last three years. Randy Wolf, the guy who fantasy baseball owners know to sit in road games is who the Astros are going after. The Astros, who are 12 games back. Why are the Astros even going after someone? Why Randy Wolf?! I have to move on before this gives me a logic tumor.

Scott Kazmir – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 Ks. I hope he keeps it up; I just don’t think he will.

Rich Harden – 7 IP, 1 H, 1 ER, 10 Ks. Kazmir vs. Harden in The Series…. of Injuries.

Kip Wells – In our Razzball league, where I’m currently in last 1st (I think. There’s an at-bat minimum that Yahoo doesn’t factor in, so the standings aren’t always accurate.), I forgot to move Kip Wells into my lineup.  Sonavabench! He only pitched a third of an inning and he gave up 7 ER. 189.00 ERA, 24.00 WHIP. This is the equivalent of having a 24 inning perfect game on your bench. Or a Marcus Thames 17 home run game on your bench. I so wanna bang my head into a moving car.

Miguel Cabrera – 5-for-6. Now at .290, he will end the season at .320. You do the math!

Matt Joyce – When I saw the Tigers scored 19, I knew the man with the smarty-pants sounding name had to get at least 3 RBIs. He got 5 and went 4-for-6. Matt Joyce was just named the Player of the Week and is on the business end side of the platoon when Mags pushes him.

Jon Lester – Held the Mariners scoreless through 7 1/3 innings as Lester drove them McNulty.

Troy Tulowitzki – 4-for-4. Now he just needs to go 146 for his next 146 and he’ll salvage his season.

Robinson Cano – Why don’t the Yankees send him to Winter Ball so he thinks April is the middle of the season?

Oh Rickie – You’re Not Fine

July 20, 2008 By: Grey / Rudy Category: July's Daily Notes 74 Comments →

Sometimes getting to the World Series takes more than just talent.  Sometimes it takes a little psychological machinations to make it happen.  Sabathia brings the Brewers a talented co-ace with Sheets (bit of advice:  Sabathia was gassed at the end of the year – let him pitch a few 6 inning starts).  Durham provides them a motivational cattle prod for Rickie Weeks to step it up. The Brewers can say this was all about improving their depth but, really, do they make this trade if Weeks wasn’t hitting .216?  And it’s not like the Brewers are unafraid to make midseason adjustments.  Remember when they traded for F-Cord after Turnbow started to Turnbad? For his sake (and his FLB owners), Weeks better get hitting. When you think you can win the pennant, you put egos and reputations on ice. Remember the 1996 Yanks?  They were starting Charlie Hayes and Cecil Fielder over Wade Boggs and Tino Martinez at times. It’s all about production. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Heath Bell – Coughed up 3 ER in 1 IP. The other day 4 ER in 1 IP. Bud Black realizes the pain felt by San Diego that comes with every Trevor Hoffman 9th inning blown save so he’s now taught Heath Bell how to blow saves in the 7th or 8th.

St. Louis Cardinals – Glaus is hitting .284 and hits HRs every day.  Aaron Miles just went 3-for-5 with 3 runs and 4 RBI.  Let’s put it this way – if Larussa had the dice in his hand at a Craps table, I’m putting all my chips on the Come line.

Tim Lincecum – 6 IP, 5 ER. When walking outside in SF make sure you keep an eye on the sky, Lincecum’s falling to earth. And there’s nothing worse than getting Lincecum falling in your face. (And that’s a different Come line.)

Aaron Cook – Notched his 12th victory with 7 IP, 3 ER and an under one WHIP. I cannot believe I still have this schmohawk on my team in a ten team league, but he’s been better than I expected. I think the way he pitched in the All-Star game really showcased what he does best — get guys to groundout.

Kelly Shoppach – Now with 8 HRs…one for every million unhappy V-Mart fantasy baseball drafters.

Brian Wilson – A one inning Kazaam outing with 2 ER.  Wilson owners do not smile.  Some even make pet sounds.

Jaime Garcia – Gave up a home run to Cha Seung Baek. Cha Seung Baek you’ve just won a new Hyundai! Garcia is high on walks, decent Ks, very young. Deep league flier and matchups — like yesterday against the Padres, which didn’t turn out that swell. See first sentence of this entry.

Jose Guillen – Out of the starting lineup since the All-Star break with back spasms but contributed on Sunday with a SB and run in a pinch-hitting gig.  Assuming he doesn’t throw a tantrum and hurt himself, he should be a go in the next day or so.  Given he only has 1 RBI in his last 8 starts, keep him on the bench if you have a safer option.

Brandon Lyon – Two straight bad outings. This time, he spared Haren and took out his wrath on Webb.  Who misses Valverde?

Austin Kearns – 3-for-5 and scored 5 times in the rout against Atlanta, finally giving fantasy owners (all 16 of them) the right type of runs.

Mark Teixeira – 2 HRs in a losing cause.  Speak of losing causes, when are the Braves going to trade him?  Maybe the White Sox?

Jacoby Ellsbury – 0-for-5. The law firm of Jacoby Ellsbury just got served (you’re on your own figuring out that mixed metaphor). About .250 over the last two months, which I’d accept if he were stealing bags. He has one in July and it came on the first day of the month.

Edinson Volquez – 5 IP, 4 ER and he actually got lucky or there would’ve been more earned runs. You can’t say I didn’t warn you that the end of the brilliance was near.

Scott Baker – 8 IP, 2 H, 1 ER, 8 Ks and was outpitched by Vicente Padilla who moved to 11-5. When a reporter asked Padilla if he thought he had a shot at 20, Padilla began to cackle at the absurdity of the thought. Latest reports confirm that he is still cackling.

Erik Bedard – Bedard out until August. Glass is half full, that’s only ten days away. Half empty, soon he’ll be out for the season.

Roy Oswalt – To the 15-day DL with a hip abductor strain. I wanted someone to take us through this to better understand how quickly Oswalt could return, so I asked the one person I know with hip problems. Grey’s Grandma, “A hip abductor strain? I think that’s the same thing Milldred got when she shouted Bingo. Supposedly, she didn’t even really have Bingo. She thought the Father said B-4, but he said “before.” Real shame to get something like a hip injury on a falsie. Have you seen my reading glasses? I put them next to the TV Guide and now I can’t find them. I wanted to do the crossword.”

A’s Trade in Beat-Up Blanton For Cost-Efficient Gio

July 18, 2008 By: Grey Category: Buy Low, Sell High 109 Comments →

Well, Blanton’s seat is still warm and here come the rumors of Gio Gonzalez’s promotion. Figures, a couple more bad starts and some illegal body shop in Oakland would’ve gutted Blanton and pimped out his carcass for a sweet ride. Yo, put some five-star Momos on Blanton’s legs and let’s bling out his grill! (EDITOR’S NOTE: The last guy to give Blanton a rim job was Michael Lewis.) Lest we forget the sad fate of Eric Plunk whose ulnar collateral ligament was repurposed as a remodeled Chevy Impala hood ornament. So what’s the most exciting thing about Gio Gonzalez’s impending callup? You can actually pick him up right now in Yahoo. Weird! So the question boils down to whether or not you should pick him up. Let’s see, he Ks people, he’ll be in a pitcher’s ballpark, he’ll be facing a sad sack division and people aren’t familiar with him. Of course you pick him up! (Why would you make me use an exclamation point?) Only thing, do you expect Volquez and get Cueto? Perhaps. But you keep getting in these relationships because you need the eggs. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy and sell in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Matt Holliday – I don’t know how cheap you can get Holliday, but there’s some news that he might be traded. If the Holliday owner in your league is getting worried, exploit him. Holliday’s in the prime of his career; his value won’t be squashed by a trade.

Eddie Guardado – I know, Everyday Eddie is a total schmohawk, but CJ Wilson is skating on thin ice. (As if there’s any other kind of ice in Texas — oofa! BTW, Austin is one of my favorite cities. Not sure why you needed to know that, but you did. It’s called sharing! If I had said I had tacos there that made my crap my pants, that would be oversharing. There’s a difference.)

Kevin Youkilis – I mentioned Youuuuuuuk in passing in my top 100 for the 2nd half when I said he was my dark horse for AL MVP. He’s still hitting well and, when he collapsed last year, he wasn’t hitting well in June let alone halfway through July.

Damaso Marte/Jonathan Broxton – These guys are the closers until further notice. There’s no reason you shouldn’t treat them as if they are Capps and Saito. If you can get them on the cheap, why not? (Bee tee dubya, next week at this time Corpas might be next to Broxton on that list.)

Jason Bartlett – Will be back next week. If you need steals, you can do a lot worse. I almost dropped Keppinger for him in a deep league, but someone beat me to it. Damn you, Fantasy Phenoms! But I do have Tulo returning, so there!

Carlos Zambrano – Not sure who remembers the ‘pert who I chastised a couple of months ago for trading Johan for Granderson and Ervin. Well, this time I traded with him (BTW, you can almost see his nuts in that picture). You would think from his trade history I would’ve received Arod for Iwamura, but no. I got Big Z for Jermaine Dye and Kevin Kouzmanoff, who I’m actually pretty high on for the 2nd half (not huffing high, but high nevertheless). I need starters in that league (I’ve lost Rich and Shawn Hill, Wainwright and Harang, in that order. Though it could be argued that I lost Harang some time in May.), Kouz was on my bench and Dye was a waiver wire pickup in the beginning of the year who I can hopefully replace with another waiver wire pickup, so the trade was what it was.

SELL

David Ortiz – Homered yesterday in his first minor league rehab game. Time to move him. This move is not without its risk. He could return and perform well for the final two months. Obviously his “well” is better than most players’ “well.” However, it’s going on a year and a half that he’s been banged up, it’s been a while since he’s hit like the slugger that caused a whole nation to buy Big Papi pillowcases from Montpelier to Saugus, the Sox will need Papi in the playoffs so they’ll baby him with days off and after a guy hits a home run on his rehab assignment his stock is at its highest.

Joe Blanton – Usually I’m all over pitchers entering the NL. I can’t get behind picking Blahton up.

Takashi Saito – He’s done. Or not, but you shouldn’t be waiting around for him. Roster space is precious this time of year. Drop him if you don’t have DL room.

Scott Olsen – Walking too many hitters and his upcoming schedule is a minefield.

Kyle Lohse – Doooode. Seriously. I have to explain this?

Hank Blalock – See Lohse or 1/38th of an inch above.

Ryan Zimmerman – I’m just not that into him.

J.J. Putz – You know what time it is, boys and possibly one girl? It’s time to figure out what the future holds by pulling out my voodoo bloody rooster ala Angel Heart. (I almost wrote bloody cock, but you can imagine why I was hesitant to write bloody cock. There’s some things you don’t joke about; a bloody cock is on top of that list because the list is called, The Bloody Cock List of Things You Don’t Joke About. But I digress.) Looking into my bloody rooster I see Putz returning, getting a few saves that aren’t always pretty, he reports pain, the Mariners shut him down because they’ve got the worst record in the league already locked up and see no reason to risk losing their Putz.