I’m no Nostradumbass, but I’m telling you there’s not going to be a whole lot of greatness coming out of this post.  We’re Cousteau deep right now.  The first tier have some nice flyers that you may drop after a week or so and the other schmohawks in this post are, well, schmohawks.  So all the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings are found under yonder and we’re moving onto pitchers next.  That should excite you, you special person you.  C’mon, let me pinch your cheeks.  I didn’t say your face cheeks.  Hey now!  Anyway, here’s the top 80 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball:

61. Alex Presley – This tier started in the top 60 outfielders for 2012 fantasy baseball post.  This tier goes from here until Mitch Moreland.  I called this tier, “You may get a top 20 outfielder from any of these guys.  Or a guy you want to drop by April 15th.”  I already went over my Alex Presley fantasy.  I wrote it while suing Supercuts for giving me simply a “great cut.”  2012 Projections:  80/10/60/.270/20

62. Mike Carp –  I sorta mentioned this in the top 60 outfielder post, but a big problem we’re having right now is there are some real interesting upside gambles on some really terrible teams.  Can someone pull a fast one and switch Carp with Trout?  For the job, I propose Tim Salmon.  Most of the schmohawks in this tier look like they Revere, Ben.  At least with Carp, he’s giving you power, though, maybe nothing else.  2012 Projections:  55/21/70/.260/3

63. Chris Heisey – I like Chris Heisey a lot lot.  Maybe too much, since he plays for Dusty Baker who insists on putting the horns to at least one young player.  Heisey is either a righty who can’t hit lefties or a righty who hasn’t been given a fair shake to hit lefties.  I think it’s the former, but if it’s the latter then you could have a nice get with Heisey.  With his K-rates, there’s a very real chance he hits .240, but he could also hit 20 homers and steal 15 bases.  There’s also the whole Ryan Ludwick issue.  But Baker wouldn’t really play him over Heisey, would he?  Um, well, it’s a late flyer.  2012 Projections:  50/17/65/.250/10

64. Dayan Viciedo – Having a hard time seeing past his K-rate and his lack of major league experience, but know someone who isn’t having a hard time with those things?  Bill James.  His projections for Viciedo are 21/3/.275.  Viciedo had a .186 average vs. righties last year, but, as I tell girlfriends, that’s just a small sample size.  He has destroyed minor league pitching and he’s only a Latin 22.  2012 Projections:  60/15/70/.260/3

65. Michael Brantley – Some crazy speed in the minors, but almost 500 plate appearances last year translated to the majors about as well as French comedy translates here.  He’s like the American League version of Dexter Fowler (or the outfield’s Alcides Escobar, if that works better for you).  Brantley stole 46 bases in Triple-A in 2009.  Don’t make me hire Davey Lopes to coach you.  Just run.  2012 Projections:  60/6/50/.275/20

66. Josh Reddick – I already went over my Josh Reddick fantasy when he was traded. I did it like this, I did it like that. I did it with a Wiffle ball bat. 2012 Projections: 75/15/85/.260/10

67. Jon Jay – There’s been some speculation that The Federalist may not be the starting center fielder for the Cardinals.  La Russa’s Feathered Hair, “Hey, you don’t have me to kick around anymore!  That’s on Matheny.”  Until Allen Craig returns from surgery, Jon Jay should book that job, so there’s no reason to ask, why do the righteous suffer?  2012 Projections:  50/12/40/.280/10

68. Alejandro De Aza – Last year in Triple-A, he had 9 homers, 22 steals and hit .322 in 99 games.  He was also 27 years old.  Sounds Quad-A-ey (which is not a legal word for Words With Friends; I’ve tried).  But, in only 171 plate appearances in the major leagues, he had 4 homers and 12 steals.  That’s 12/30 over the course of a full season.  Too bad they outlawed full seasons after Ripken retired.   Could give De Aza a shot in March and when he’s no longer worth owning, you can tell your friends you just did the Alejandrop.  Don’t get sad!  Imaginary friends work too!  2012 Projections:  60/7/30/.270/20

69. John Mayberry – Last year, at the age of 27, he finally saw significant time in the major leagues.  He also kept his K-rate fairly manageable.  Maybe he was learning to walk again.  Damn, that Foo Fighters song is annoyingly catchy.  If Clarence were to show Ryan Howard what life would’ve been like without him, John Mayberry may have had a career.  While Ryan Howard is learning to walk again — ugh, so catchy — Mayberry should be starting somewhere.  2012 Projections:  40/18/55/.250/10 in 400 ABs.

70. Jordan Schafer – I almost avoided putting any Astros hitters into any favorable ranking tiers.  Oh, well.  Here’s one, and even if you’re drafting purely on Zimmermania, Jordan Schafer is barely registering above yawnstipating.  Person who just stumbled on Razzball, “Zimmermania?  Yawnstipating?  What is this mustachioed fool talking about?”  Schafer isn’t much more than SAGNOF (Again, huh?!) but he hit as many as 10 homers in Double-A one year so maybe he can do something without the pressure of the pennant race.  (Astros fan, “Oh, just wait until 2028 for us to come on!  Assuming all other major leagues team fall to the Plague of 2027.”)  Dang, two Astros zings in one post.  Hey, one zing for each of their fans.  2012 Projections:  75/5/35/.245/25

71. Mitch Moreland – Was surprised to see he didn’t make my top 20 1st basemen post.  Not sure what I was thinking.  And if I don’t know, who’s gonna?  What I might’ve been thinking was he’s already light on power and this offseason he had wrist surgery, which is not a recipe for more power as the Barefoot Contessa would tell you.  2012 Projections:  60/15/70/.275/3

72. Angel Pagan – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Span.   I call this tier, “It’s hard for me to tell you to draft these guys, because, if things work out as planned, I won’t.  But one of them might be more valuable than I’m ranking them, and, if you know which one, you’re a witch and that scares me.”  You know what’s weird?  Pagan and Torres seem to always be linked in the rankings.  You’re like, “They’re the same person!”  But they were traded for each other.  How do you figure that?  Weird, right?  Yeah, I’m smart.  2012 Projections:  75/6/40/.280/27

73. Andres Torres – I could tell you to just look 1/8th of an inch above, but that’s lazy talk!  *thinking*  Actually, just look above.  Thanks!  2012 Projections:  70/5/40/.265/24

74. Seth Smith – The Lisper’s Nightmare will finally get to start without having to look over his shoulder.  And it’s now in Oakland, which is yet another pitchers’ park that ends in “co.”   Thit!  2012 Projections:  55/15/70/.275/10

75. Martin Prado – Went over Prado’s projections in the top 20 3rd basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball.

76. Josh Willingham – I can hear someone giving me guff for putting The Other White Meat this low in the rankings, but really he’s the first guy you drop when you want to pick up a hot hitter.  Admit it at least to yourself.  Willingham is the same as every other hot schmotato Luke Scott-Ty Wigginton clone that gets hot for a few weeks.  2012 Projections:  65/22/80/.250/3

77. Jason Kubel – I fought with myself over whether to put Kubel or Willingham first in these rankings.  Finally, I flipped my Morneau voodoo doll and it came up heads, which either meant Willingham should be ranked first or another year of Morneau head trauma.  I’ll let you decide.  2012 Projections:  60/20/75/.260

78. Ben Revere – Span and Revere seem like another two guys that are forever linked.  You say, “Same player!  Move on!”  But how do you explain that they play on the same team?  Still weird!  2012 Projections:  70/1/35/.280/30

79. Denard Span – Again, if I were going to be lazy– Eh, just look above.  2012 Projections:  65/4/55/.280/25

80. Carlos Lee – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until the end of the post.  I call this tier, “In less than 7 years, these guys will receive just over 5% of the Hall of Fame vote and barely stay on the ballot for one more year.”  Hey, do the Astros a favor, Chuck Lee, and shut em’ down.  2012 Projections:  60/20/80/.265/3

80 1/8. Grady Sizemore – Sizemore is only 29 years old and only three years removed from a 33/38 season.  But, oh, what a three year span that was.  He took naked photos of himself and his career took the exact inverse (inter)course of Kim Kardashian’s.  Turned out Tom Sizemore wasn’t the only Sizemore with a joint problem and Grady is starting to show the wear and tear of an 80-year-old man like his first name makes him sound.  With a 28.8% K-rate and 4 steals in the last two years, there’s really no reason to believe in Sizemore, but if you want to believe in miracles.  2012 Projections:  75/17/60/.245/5

80 1/4. Jason Bay – Member the days when Jason Bay was good?  We wore our hair longer then.  Well, you had hair.  We had some laughs!  Crazy times!  2012 Projections:  60/20/65/.250/8

80 what/fraction-is-this? Aubrey Huff – For almost his entire career, he’s alternated between good years and bad years.  If you think that’s a reason why he’s going to be good in 2012, I’ll tell you it’s hooey.  Grey, “It’s hooey.”  See?  2012 Projections:  50/18/65/.255/3

80 1/2. Alfonso Soriano – About three years ago, Soriano turned 47 years old and he just hasn’t looked the same.  “Get outta here you little brats, grandpa’s gotta go limp around the outfield!  Geez, Vlad’s got it so easy with the DH.”  That’s Alfonso in the dugout babysitting Starlin Castro and Geovany Soto.  2012 Projections: 45/18/60/.240/3

80 3/4. Bobby Abreu – He shouldn’t even be ranked.  He’s coasting on good vibes and bad farts.*  (*That’s my saying, but use it so it catches on.  Your mother at dinner, “What do you think of that Ashton Kutcher?”  You, “He’s coasting on good vibes and bad farts.”  See?  It’s easy to use.)  2012 Projections:  60/10/65/.250/15

  1. Terrence Mann says:

    One more Ina Garden reference and I’m done reading razzball forever. Swear.

  2. Steve says:

    This never gets old. Salmon is floundering. There’s only one man for the Carp-Trout swap job and that’s Sid Bream. He’ll put Carp in his rightful plaice.

  3. Random Collmenter says:

    @Steve very true- personally, I think the Miami Marlins should pick up Tim Salmon, Mike Trout, Sid Bream, Mike Carp, Anthony Bass, Cody Ross, Alfonsino Soriano, and Walleye Backman.

  4. Random Collmenter says:

    Also Grey, you say the first tier goes until Michael Taylor but you don’t list him (I really hope an A’s prospect hitter isn’t in the top 80).

    I see you’re hating on Prado again this year- did he date your sister or do you just think he’s a terrible baseball player (or both)?

  5. Mmm… pitchers. Stay thirsty, my friends.

  6. Love the Gary Shandling reference, Grey.

    Got a feeling about Pagan he has a chance to be 2010 Torres. Hopefully without the appendicitis. But that’s if Posey, Sandoval and Melky all hit too.

  7. @Random Collmenter – that’s because this year, Grey is doing the top 500 outfielders and the last tier goes from that kid in the right field stands that leans over the wall to Brad Hawpe.

  8. Tony says:

    phew, RCL’s are gonna be tough snagging 5 decent OF’ers…. i’m sure some stars will rise up outta these tiers but there’s defly no guys to be super excited about…

  9. TheNewGuy says:

    Nice job overall Grey, though I think Josh Willingham should be much higher than some of these schmohawks. Dude had 29 homers and 98 RBIs last year, in Oakland(co)! I know passed me by too…

  10. ichirosan says:

    Am I crazy for thinking Jason Bourgeois deserves a flyer over a few of this schmohawks? Then again, he’s in the same boat as Lorenzo Cain was two years ago.

  11. chata says:

    @ Grey :

    a) you KNOW that i am not ready to give up my LA stands for Louisiana theory , so it will be interesting to hear how effective the voice filtering device , that the pod-cast guys give you , will actually be .
    hope they don’t black-out your face … like one of those drug informant guys on tv .

    b) yep . heisey cannot hit lefties . case closed .
    d) am applauding your efforts , mr. math , on mastering that fractions stuff … “you’ve come a long way , baby” !!

    e) didn’t want to disclose my high hopes for mayberry this year , ‘cuz that sneaky kiwi guy has this site wired with his “monitor” alerts , but am just about to snipe him right out from under our friend , with my 10th pick in the 15th round of a slow mock draft (16 players) .

    have no idea what over-all draft # that is , but , maybe you could help me (see ‘d’ , above) and tell me whether you think that’s a good pick or not ?

    am really quite pleased with myself ‘cuz it’s so damn difficult to “pull the wool over someone’s eyes” , (<== not so hidden New Zealand lamb joke) ,
    especially when he's operating in a world 16 hours ahead of me , and should have seen it coming .

  12. Paul’s Boutique is unequivocally one of the most entertaining and underrated albums ever! Yo! Love Highplains Drifter!

    I see that OF gets thinner than Mrs. Pitt after the first 30-35 are off the board. Tough in 5 OF leagues. This year I avoid pitching until rounds 5 or 6 and pick up 2 stud OFs early and a couple of high upside picks in the mid rounds (Heyward/Morrison/Tabata/Cain/Belt).


  13. Wake Up says:

    Thooooo, I’m on the run the cop’ths got my gun and right about now ith time to have thumb fun the king Theth Smith that is my name and I know the fly thpot where they got the thampain…

  14. Herb Urban says:

    what kind of numbers do you expect out of JD Martinez? Hitting 3rd, even for the Astros, should produce ok counting stats. .280/15/80 a reasonable expectation?

  15. Captainpyper says:

    @Grey quoting Grey “The 2012 fantasy baseball rankings from shallowest to deepest go shortstops, third basemen, catchers, 2nd basemen then 1st basemen…I think the catchers and 2nd basemen are deeper than the 3rd basemen.”

    I was trying to ask if 3B moves ahead of catchers and/or 2nd basemen with the additions of Cabrera, HanRam and Trumbo at 3B? Seems like they would now that 3B has 3 “guaranteed” studs with Longo, Cabrera and HanRam owning the top tier (poor David Wright). I don’t see how the “well technically they don’t have 3B eligibility yet” argument could hold either as they will quickly gain 3B. Apologize for not being more clear with my question.

  16. Captainpyper says:

    and how deep does your league have to be to own some these 61-80 3/4 OFs?

  17. Jah says:

    Keeper question, first some background: 10-team H2H points league. Like most leagues, OPS (batters) and Strikeouts (pitchers) are the stats that correlate highly to point accumulation….although we do tend to chase W’s on the pitching side since they are a worth quite a bit. Maximum of 8-starts per week per team for pitchers. Unlimited at-bats every week on offense (C, 1B, 2B, 3B, SS, MI, CI, OFx4, UTIL).
    Keep 5, no strings. Keep a 6th player, from 20th round or later from previous season’s draft. We redraft the rest of our teams towards the end of Spring Training.

    I’m keeping Pujols, HanRam, Votto, CarGo and Stanton. My options for last year’s 20th-round-or-later pick are Michael Pineda or Alex Gordon. Should I keep Gordon and start the redraft with 6 batters, or should I take the risk and go with Pineda?

  18. Jah says:

    i’ll ask that again on the new post.

  19. pipa says:

    OF is pretty shallow, huh? Some early ADP numbers I’ve noticed. Stubbs @124 or Maybin @ 175? And I think Chacin @201 is good value. What are your thoughts Grey?

  20. Ching-Chong says:

    No Ichiro Susuki?

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