I need to come clean about something. It’s embarrassing, and I hope once I tell you you don’t judge me. This is a bit of a trust fall for me. Okay, the truth is, whenever a player breaks out, I start singing Breakout by Swing Out Sister. I put down the convertible top on my canary yellow Sebring, flipping down my sunglasses, adjusting my spandex shorts, because they ride up all the time, and Tommy Pham, fist pump, BREAKOUT!
In Triple-A, Pham had 10 homers and 20 steals in 2014, but, like some many young hitters with the Cardinals (really, only hitters; pitchers they have no problem promoting and playing), they’ll play someone like The Federalist and never give a prospect hitter an opportunity. Now that Pham’s about to turn 30 (in nine months), the Cards have finally given him playing time. There’s nothing here long-term, but he does have power, speed and, finally, the playing time, so, Swing Out Sister and BREAKOUT! And, y’all who think I don’t keep it real, Tupac would date Swing Out Sister, then send her a letter from prison, breaking it off, only to realize halfway through the letter, he shouldn’t break it off, he should BREAKOUT!
Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Stephen Vogt – A’la Johnny Cash, “Hello, I’m Grey Albright. I hear the catcher scab pickin’ round the bend. I ain’t seen a decent catcher since I don’t know when. Well I’m stuck in Catchers Are Crap Prison and time keeps dragging on!”
Yulieski Gurriel – I’m not a huge fan of carrying a hot schmotato on my fantasy team from pre-All-Star break to post-ASB, i.e., Gurriel’s hot now, and don’t know if he’ll be hot after five days off. We shall see. Or not. Your choice!
Ji-Man Choi – Fun fact! In South Korea, the Feds are called, Ji-Men, and they laugh, Hehe-seop. Any hoo! Choi is currently facing righties as the Yankees’ 1B and has some power.
Rhys Hoskins – Something you’ll notice in this Buy vs. previous week’s. Lots of emphasis on rookie call-ups. Nope, no idea if they’ll be up during the All-Star break, but since there’s no games for the better part of next week, here’s what you do. You drop the last guy on your team, pick up a potential prospect call-up, sit on the call-up for a few days so you don’t need to be the first one to your computer in case that player is called up. Then, late next week, if your pickup isn’t called up, you drop them, and grab a guy that is playing.
Whit Merrifield – He has five steals this week. With how tight steals are in all of my leagues, I find it hard to believe at least one person in every league can’t find room for Merrifield. I think you’re just too scared to react. I call you Wherrifield. You Wherrifield? Yeah, you Wherrifield. Get your head out of your indecision and react! I sound like your father.
Scott Kingery – Fun fact! During the holidays, his family goes around to neighbors, singing, “King, Kingery, King, Kingery, King, King, Kingereeeee…” The neighbors hate his family. As for fantasy, see what I said for Hoskins.
Amed Rosario – Maybe you have three spots to stash prospects, so grab Amed too, but, unless you have some inside info that the Mets suddenly grew a brain, don’t expect Rosario to get called up.
Orlando Arcia – Next week, I’m going to be releasing my top 100 for the 2nd half, and Arcia has a chance of making it. He feels like one of those guys that could have a Chris Owings-type 2nd half. Oh, and, yes, Chris Owings is good!
Marcus Semien – If you pick up Semien, you can tell your loved ones, and watch them look at you like you’re crazy. Don’t you want that?!
Manuel Margot – Sometimes when I don’t want to take out the garbage, I scream out this guy’s nickname, Ma-Ma! Also, when I’ve stubbed my toe, want to watch something on TV on a channel we don’t subscribe to, when I’m not completely happy with dinner…Now that I think about it, I call out this guy’s nickname a lot.
Raimel Tapia – Incredibly (not incredibly), I just gave you my Raimel Tapia fantasy. It was written while vomiting on the Mad Hatter’s Tea Cups.
Bud Norris – Seems locked into the closer role in Anaheim Is Not Really That Close To Los Angeles. Of course, with The Sciosciapath, who knows. True story, the bullpen coach for the Angels once summoned a pitcher to get up to throw by rotating his finger by his ear with the universal, “Scioscia is crazy” motion.
Sam Dyson – Melancon will get the job back once he’s healthy again, but I’d still own Dyson for the time being. I mean, what do you have to lose? *sees Dyson’s 1st half numbers* Okay, don’t need to answer.
Keone Kela – Not often I tell you to pick up players on the DL, but I’d stash Kela for the time being because he’ll be in the middle of things once he returns. Or as they say in Latin America, Kela’s in media res. Also, I think Bush will likely get some more save chances until the Rangers get Kela back or find a better option. Maybe Jose Leclerc’s the man, but he really doesn’t seem like the answer. Shoot, I’m not even sure he knows who Allen Iverson is.
Archie Bradley – Don’t get it twisted like Fernando Rodney’s hat, Bradley should just be owned because of how well he’s pitched all year, but now he might actually get saves because of how poorly Rodney has done.
Mike Clevinger – Prospector Ralph just gave you his Mike Clevinger fantasy with his top 100 pitchers. His stuff is nasty. Um, Mike’s stuff that is. Well, I guess Ralph too.
Andrew Moore – This is a strictly Stream-o-Nator call, like the call it makes to Campbell’s Soup to say, “Your soup fills me when nothing else will.” Stream-o-Nator is so sad!
Jerad Eickhoff – Final Stream-o-Nator call of the 1st half, as opposed to the 1st half of every Stream-o-Nator call which is, “Please, just talk to me.”
SELL
Edwin Encarnacion – Not sure if this is a sell high, sell low or just sell. Maybe that’s the problem. Edwin has 18 HRs as he hits around .265. Pretty much what I’d expect for the 2nd half too. Project him for, say, 16 HRs, .260. Not terrible, but I think his name value brings a lot more than his actual value. 16 HRs, .260? That sounds like Logan Morrison’s floor. Travis Shaw could hit 16 HRs and .260 and not even break a sweat or a sweet if he’s chewing on hard candies. Mike Moistasskiss hits 16 homers and .260 if he has a bad 2nd half. Corner men with 16-homer power in a half are in abundance like men in rompers with man buns. I wouldn’t sell Edwin to be in a reenactment on Forensic Files, but I would explore options.
