The Summer Jeremiah Turned Pretty Enough To Buy

Every time I see J. Jackson in the Orioles’ lineup, I have to do one thing. Do you know what I do? This is like a Buzzfeed Quiz, How Well Do You Know Grey? If you guessed I see J. Jackson and start yelling like Joe Jackson, “You’ll never amount to anything!” at my life-sized Michael Jackson Captain EO cut-out. No, that’s wrong. If you guessed I see J. Jackson and immediately have to watch clips of Joshua Jackson on Dawson’s Creek. You’re warmer, but still wrong. I see J. Jackson, and I have to put on Steppin’ Out! Look and dry your eyes! triangle, triangle, keyboard, triangle! Into the light, into the light! You babe, steppin’ out! So, Jeremiah Jackson has a lot to live up to, clearly. You, babe, better be steppin’ out. I don’t think the Orioles know what they’re doing with their prospects. I say that to immediately squash any hesitation because they left Jackson in the minors for as long as they did — he’s been there since 2018! Granted, a lot of that time was in the Angels’ system, another team that is clueless, Cher. All through the minors, Jackson’s had power and speed, but has struggled with average. I don’t anticipate that to change, but he’s currently hot, hitting 2nd and playing every day. At some point, the average will bottom out, but by that point you can step out. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Kyle Higashioka – On this week’s podcast, you catch me in real-time tackling the last name Higashioka, and I add only five extra syllables, a beautiful feat, as Tarantino might say.

Kyle Manzardo – This is the all-Kyle Buy column, huh? Well, Kyle Farmer might be better than Kyle Tucker at this point, and Kyle Teel is hot and as valuable as Kyle Higashioka, and better than Kyle Karros. Sorry, Kyle Isbel, you’re an unrated Kyle, and no Kyle Schwarber? He’s over 50% rostered by a country Kyle.

Blaze Alexander – He’s been solid — great even — so don’t take this the wrong way, but him getting everyday at-bats for a team going nowhere and Jordan Lawlar only facing lefties is plenty absurd. I know Lawlar has struggled, but who cares if you’re the DBags? They’re playing for next year.

Michael Helman – With Evan Carter out, the Rangers made centerfield Helman’s domain, not to be confused with Coby Mayo. Helman is a schmotato, Quad-A player, who actually has been better in two weeks than Evan Carter has been in two years, but alas.

Zack Gelof – Likely should’ve went with Gelof for the lede, but you wanted Steppin’ Out jokes over ten forced Live Aid jokes.

Caleb Durbin – He’s got 2026 sleeper written all over him. He hit double digit homers as a rookie, and he has 40-steal speed with a 10-ish K%? Oh, yeah, get ready for the winter of Durbin.

Josh Jung – Here’s one guy I promise you won’t get a sleeper post from this offseason. I secretly hate Jung, and might hate the Rangers — their hitters at least. It’s just such a crappy hitters’ park. I can’t hate Evan Carter more, don’t really love Langford like others, despise Seager; used to like Adolis, but that ship’s sailed and can’t have a ship sailing without Semien. Say it with me now, but Jung has been hot.

Royce Lewis – I’ll admit to stretching the limits of eligibility for this post when a position is a little dry, i.e., there weren’t that many 3B to pick up this week, so I ignored Lewis and Jung were above 50% rostered. You’ll forgive me in that big heart if yours.

Drew Gilbert – If I were running a team, the first rule I would institute: You cannot bring up a prospect and only play him vs. lefties. Second rule is you really can’t do that with a lefty hitter. Not entirely sure of Gilbert’s playing time, because he’s a lefty, but he’s not playing vs. righties? He’s a 15/10/.260 hitter who was called up by the Giants, and he’s hit in limited time, but not sure of playing time.

Harrison Bader – Saw Bader’s season-long stats and thought he might’ve been more valuable this year than I remembered, but I was wrong. Or maybe I was initially right. Either way, he’s been hot recently, but not really season-long on the Player Rater.

Andrew Benintendi – You know you’re in September Baseball, when you see Benintendi in the Buy column, and you’re thinking, “Should I go with him over PCA?”

Mike Yastrzemski – Carl’s Jr. Jr. eating sliders and taking names, like a terrible fast-order cook. First, you take names, then you serve sliders! How hard is this?

Nolan Jones – He’s been hot recently, so take what I’m about to say with a grain of NaCl: Watching Jones hit is one of the least pleasurable experiences you can have watching baseball. He’s like a dropped infield fly, but as a hitter. I have no idea how he hit 20/20/.297 in 2023. That is one of the most improbable lines in retrospect.

Yanquiel Fernandez – See my rules in Drew Gilbert’s blurb, but add in the Rockies just have no rhyme or reason to any of their moves, and trying to figure out the Rockies is the way to madness.

Luis Morales – This is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to its local sandwich shop.

Luis Garcia – This is also a Streamonator call. “Do you have a number three? No, not the sandwich, the number button on your cash register.”

Abner Uribe – Should be rostered, clearly. Also, wanted to mention, in the last few weeks I stopped giving you middle relievers to grab. That was on purpose, because at this point you should be roster-maxxing your team and I don’t think you have room for middle relievers, who aren’t getting saves in September (and 2nd half of August).

Jake Woodford – Prefer Saalfrank, and not just because it’s a contraction of “Sup y’all, Frank,” but because he’s actually better. Who’s better matters nil, zilch, synonym, and the DBags seem to prefer Woodford.

JoJo Romero – We only have time for saves, so I don’t care either way, but, if this were April, I’d be pointing out how there’s better options than Romero in the Cards’ pen.

Cole Sands – He might be the new Twins closer, to which you might say, “So?” And I’ll say, “Buttons.” And you’ll say, “Juvenile.” And I’ll say, “Back that azz up.”

SELL

Dylan Cease – I’ve limited the Sells (drops) to hitters the last few weeks, because at this point it should be Streamonator or bust for everyone and you should know this, but I just wanted to single out Cease as he singled out my fantasy teams for destruction. Was hoping to conquer my frenemies when I drafted a Cease’r, but that turned out to be more like watching an Apple TV show with photosensitive light sequences.

Seiya Suzuki – There’s very few guys who have been as miserable as Seiya in the 2nd half. He had a 1st half to make up for it when you look at his season-long numbers, but, when I say all those numbers are 1st half, they are so hilariously exactly that. He’s become Kevin Newman in the 2nd half. Daniel Schneemann is motorboating his stats. If this were a keeper, I wouldn’t say see ya to Seiya for a Triscuit found under Cal Raleigh’s couch cushion, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and analyze some trades