It’s trade deadline season already? It feels like the season just started. Well, sometimes one’s feels are the correct feels, and sometimes one’s feels are the type of feels that have you on a first date snorting through tears that your daddy never hugged you. Today, I’m having the right feels. This feels weird. The season just started and teams are buyers and sellers. This is all so nuts. We will never see another season like this in our lifetime (barring a strike, then we might see this in 18 months). Never again will the league sit out for Covid. Even if there’s an outbreak next year with no vaccine, teams will just go into bubble mode in March. This past year happened because people didn’t know what they didn’t know. The ‘what we know now stuff’ is the Mariners sent Taijuan Walker to the Buffalo Bleu Jays. A better team is a greater than symbol, but ballpark A doesn’t equal ballpark B. This isn’t a great move for Walker to Buffalo’s Wild Winds, but there’s only about six starts left for pitchers, so Streamonator. I do think Taijuan Walker has become a fascinating name for 2021. His 8.3 K/9, 2.7 BB/9 are back up to where he was pre-Tommy John (surgery, not underwear), and back then he was a 3.50-ish ERA pitcher. That was in an easier league, but also a bad park. He becomes a free agent this offseason, so we’ll see where he is pitching next year, but I’m way more interested in him now vs. later. Yum, those candies were good! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Walker Buehler – Hit the IL with a blister. Things are not so dynamite for Walker as Buehler will be truant for a couple starts thanks to a blister he got walking up Rich Hill. Seriously, tho, Buehler has a blister like I have a cherry-red Lamborghini. I don’t even have cherry-red cherries. We’re not officially at the trade deadline, and the Dodgers have already wrapped up a playoff spot. There’s no way they’re going to push Walker, tennis balls on his heels or not. Oh, and grab Tony Gonsolin; he’s starting on Sunday. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because he’s here now. Also, to see that Buy column right now, join our Patreon. It’s free, plus five dollars. You also get a weekly podcast I do with Donkey Teeth and comedian, Billy Hurley.
Clayton Kershaw – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.80. On a similar note to Buehler, don’t be surprised if Kershaw mysteriously needs a 10-day IL stint in September.
A.J. Pollock – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. He calls the Rawlings baseball, a Cowlings. Why? You’ll have to ask Arenthal James Pollock.
Gavin Lux – 0-for-3 as he played the 2nd game of the doubleheader. Yes! It was all worth it! An oh for three! Woohoo! Okay, so it wasn’t the greatest of outcomes, and he was sent back to the taxi squad, but we know the Dodgers are at least aware of him, so he should be back soon.
Matt Manning – Shutdown for the season with a forearm strain. That sucks. Was thinking he could’ve been better than Mize this year. Now, I’m not sure he ever catches him. This year really stuck it to the Manning.
Brett Phillips – Traded to the Rays for Lucius Fox. Wow, this Brett Phillips must be good to get traded for Lucius Fox right after a Batman movie trailer drops. Narrator: Brett Phillips was not in fact good.
Sam Haggerty – 3-for-6, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th steal in, like, one game. Okay, no, but it has been in one week. Haggerty will be in this afternoon’s Buy co9lumn, but you don’t have to wait for that if you need steals.
Shed Long Jr. – 2-for-6, 1 run, 2 RBIs and a slam (2) and legs (4) on both sides of the DH. ‘Member when he was a preseason favorite of everyone’s to break out. Turned out that Shed took them out to himself.
Jose Marmolejos – 3-for-7, 6 RBIs and two homers (2, 3), hitting .167. If I were him, I’d just go with one name, Marmolejose. Marmolejose replaced the injured Evan White, and might see some time-olejos.
Dinelson Lamet – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.35. If he could’ve just held back from throwing one meatball to Marmaduke Marmolejos, mamma mia, you mamaluke! I really needed Lamet to pitch a gem. Put down everything you’re doing, and think with me for a moment. Why can’t I have unadulterated wonderful? Am I living an O. Henry story where I received handsomeness but was refused luck? Give me the answers!
Craig Stammen – 0 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 7.90. The good news if you own him is: he was called on for the save. The bad news is: how long do you have?
Garrett Richards – 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.17. I started Lamet, Stammen and Richards in one league. Couldn’t the Padres’ games be postponed?
Manny Machado – 4-for-7, 4 runs, 5 RBIs and three homers (9, 10, 11). We should’ve seen this year coming from Machado. He’s always great for 60 games a year. We’ve trimmed the 102 games of fat!
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 2-for-7, 2 runs and his 13th homer. FTJ! Fun the Jewels! Was on Craig Mish’s TV show yesterday (think it airs today), and he asked me if FTJ was a top 3 player in 2021, and I hesitated, but he is kinda, isn’t he?
Wil Myers – 1-for-6, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. I’m heading back to February to draft only Padres hitters. Anyone need anything? Don’t say flour, I can’t carry that shizz.
Nick Castellanos – 4-for-7, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer. The Greek God of Hard Contact hit that one like the pillow after a souvlaki plate.
Jesse Winker – 5-for-7, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and 7th and 8th homer, hitting .333. For the 1st game of the DH, he was moved up to the three-hole spot, and I shouldn’t have to say moved up. That should be his regular hole. Hey, who called a hole, a Winker?!
Sonny Gray – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.94. My boy Sonny Gray takes after his old man (except for the “does nothing whatsoever athletic” part)!
Keone Kela – Hit the IL with Colin Moran. That’s not to say Kela’s suffering from “Colin Moran.” Actually, I own Moran and he is insufferable.
Ke’Bryan Hayes – With Moran out, the Pirates passed over Hayes to bring up Will Craig. The Pirates need to have the league intervene and take over that franchise. The Pirates are actively trying to lose. It’s pathetic. As for Will Craig, he looks like he could hit for some pop and maybe a .220 average if he gets lucky.
Cody Ponce – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 2.00. Cardinals must’ve been so confused they were facing a Ponce, they forgot to. Looking at Cody’s minor league numbers, I’d say his good start is a dead cat Ponce.
Johan Oviedo – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.60. I streamed him because: Pirates. It could’ve been better, it could’ve been worse.
Andrew Miller – Hit the IL with shoulder fatigue. Every pitcher is coming down with this, huh? It shouldn’t come as a surprise, 2020: Everyone Is Fatigued.
Yadier Molina – 2-for-6 and his 1st homer. Gotta love that Yadier has decided to play every inning of every game this year. Call him Covid Ripken Jr.
Kwang-Hyun Kim – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.08. …the NL Cy Young is…Kim! *TV shuts off* “The BBWAA awards are gonna be without me.” That’s Eminem.
Jose Iglesias – Was activated from the IL, but the Orioles/Rays game was postponed with countless others, including the Mets. Speaking of which, Rob Manfred’s days as a national embarassment is back to zero. Mets’ GM, Brodie Jenner Winkle was heard saying on a hot mic that Rob Manfred wanted the Mets to go out to the field, then back in the clubhouse, then come out an hour later, and Brodie was like that stunt is nuts. Then later Brodie backtracked and said it was owner, Wilpon who suggested it, and not Manfred. Right, sure, and Jose Iglesias is a .400 hitter. You got it. The Mets are about to be sold in four days, so Brodie weighed his options and protected Manfred, since he’ll be around longer than Wilpon. Also, Manfred has completely lost control of the league. A strong commissioner would’ve just said all teams will be off Thursday, and return for Jackie Robinson Day on Friday. Everyone together. Instead, you have some teams sitting, some playing, it’s a giant muddled message. By the way, MLB: Where Hot Mics Come Home To Roost.
