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Please see our player page for Jesse Scholtens to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Can’t believe Corbin Burnes (8 IP, 0 ER, zero hits, two walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.47) didn’t go out there and try to finish the no-hitter vs. the Yankees. This is somehow George Kirby’s fault. Let’s hear what Mark Mulder has to say. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then bless your ears that they’re in no way polluted by the Hot Takes. Skip ahead to the first blurb if you want to remain that way. On Friday, Kirby said something like he wish he was pulled before the 7th inning because he was gassed. Then old players like Jered Weaver and Mark Mulder jumped on that saying it was the pussification of starting pitchers (told you that you wished you didn’t know). It takes the world’s quickest Google searches to see Weaver used to ask to be pulled from the game in the 7th, and Mulder was so overused in his playing days that he was out of baseball in handful of years, so maybe he should’ve managed his innings better. Old players just completely gaslit by themselves. Hate to see it. Kirby made one mistake: Telling people how he felt. He was gassed, he should’ve been pulled before allowing the home run in the 7th. It makes no sense to baby starters for their entire careers, as they are now, then force them to throw beyond their ability. Kirby should’ve been out of the game, because that’s what starting pitching is now, and how they’re trained. It’s not Kirby’s doing, it’s all starters now. What does this have to do with Burnes? Nothing really, except back in the day they prolly would’ve let him finish the no-hitter. Besides, you know Corbin Burnes is a top five starter, so what’s to say? Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s no point in me pointing out that I wrote a Justin Steele sleeper this preseason. It’s so long ago now! So much has been written since then! Has anything, perchance, been written that was that illuminating that the Pulitzer committee, all 12 people in Switzerland, all drafted Justin Steele in their fantasy leagues? Does it matter that people, who have been stopped on the highway doing 120 MPH, have been allowed to leave after showing the police officer my Justin Steele sleeper? Does it matter that my Justin Steele sleeper has made advancements in medicine to cure the hiccups? No! None of this matters! What matters is I wrote that gee-dee post, snitches! Yesterday, he went 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 2 walks, 12 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.55. But that doesn’t even matter! The hiccups are now gone! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rubbing balloons on my head to get a lot of static on them, then sticking them to my ceiling. Hiring a deejay to play Shakira songs and getting cupcakes prepared, because…? You know why! It’s time for a Star Mitzvah! Zack Gelof went 4-for-5 with two homers (7, 8). That’s in only 25 games! Could Zack Gelof be having his Star Mitzvah? He is Jewish, so there’s a case to made that he’s already had his chair lifted above his uncle’s head, while said uncle was wheezing and out of breath. *looking at Zack Gelof’s stats before writing out the check for $18 for his Star Mitzvah* Oh, hold up. Wow, his numbers are awful. Is that Z-Contact% the worst in the majors if he qualified? A 65% contact rate?! Wait, why is anyone throwing him strikes? Because they don’t know to not throw him strikes, is my guess. Plus, they’re pitching around Gelof for what reason? It’s the A’s. So, Zack Gelof looks like he has good speed and power, but he might struggle to hit .200 once things normalize. Oh, crap, and I already sent invites for Gelof’s star mitzvah. Awkward! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hol’ hol’ hol’ up! Jays manager’s name is John Schneider, and they just happened to find a replacement for the three-hole in their lineup named, Davis Schneider? This seems suspect! What’s also got me sniffing the waiver wire saying, “That’s fishy,” what did they put in Schneider? He’s the first player in MLB history with two homers and nine hits in his first three games. Reranking in my head for 2024 fantasy, “Acuña, Davis Schneider, Ohtani.” Davis Schneider not number one overall? No, okay? Not yet! Maybe after this week! So, Davis Schneider did all that bombing out of Fenway, and, in Triple-A, he went 21/9/.275 with a 21.9% strikeout rate. I get it, he was a bit old for the level, but, at 24, it wasn’t like he was Joey Meneses. Not to mentionese, did we forget last year with Meneses? Sometimes guys come up, and hit for two months until pitchers figure them out next year. Schneider has no prospect pedigree, but I’d grab him in any league until he stopped hitting, or until we find out he’s John Schneider’s kid, and, as we learned in Little League, he’s only hitting third because of daddy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?