Ed Wade’s Toupee has made it clear that he’s trying to move Hunter Pence in a trade.  Why would the Astros want to hold onto their best player?  He just gives his fans false hope.  False hope is worst than no hope.  See every movie John Singleton’s done since Boyz n the Hood for examples of what hope can do to you.  Awesome, the guy who did Boyz n the Hood is gonna remake Shaft.  No, not awesome.  Terrible.  Thanks a lot, false hope!  Speculation has Pence going to Atlanta, Philly or the Red Sox.  Speculation has me excited to own Pence.  Shoot, speculation sounds like salvation for Pence.  If Pence were a car, I’d put on him a bumper sticker, “Anywhere but Houston.”  His RBIs haven’t suffered as much as you might think considering where he is, but it can only get better.  And his runs, his lineup protection, potentially his ballpark.  I like it.  It’s a win-win-maybe win scenario.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Kosuke Fukudome – The Indians acquired the Japanese OF to help fill the void left by Korean OF Shin-Soo Choo.  Hopefully Fukudome doesn’t get hurt or else they may bring in a Taiwanese Little Leaguer.

Tyler Colvin – Was recalled.  Still plenty of time to reach the 40 homer prediction of Matthew Berry.  Go big or go home!

Drew Storen – Rumors are saying that the Nats weren’t willing to trade Drew Storen for Denard Span.  And they shouldn’t.  It’s not that important to save money on monogrammed bathrobes.

Ryan Zimmerman – 4-for-5.  It should be a day of celebration for Zimmerman’s owners so it’s too bad I’m about to point out he has 5 homers and 20 RBIs on the year.  As Mattingly would say as Morganna ran toward him, “What a bust.”  Speaking of which, in the 80’s we had casual female nudity in movies and random hot girls running on the baseball field. Then in the 90’s we got no nudity and no one running on the field.  Now, you get male nudity (don’t even start me about Friends With Benefits — why are you showing Justin Timberlake and not Mila Kunis?  Am I not the target audience? Actually, don’t answer that.) and drunk idiot guys running on the field.  Where did our country go wrong?  Can’t we get back to random naked girls in movies and goofy Loni Anderson-type girls running on the field?  Oh, and don’t look up recent photos of Loni Anderson on Google.  Her plastic surgery makes Lisa Rinna’s lips look real.

Wade Davis – 6 IP, 5 ER vs. the A’s and the conshellation prize.  All five runs were given up in the first inning then he settled down, but still the last time Tampa got hammered from Oakland this bad was when MC Hammer played last month at a Tampa farmers’ market.

Desmond Jennings – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs with his first homer and fourth steal in only six games while batting .500.  After the game, he declared himself the new King of Slam & Legses, only when he said legses it didn’t sound weird because he’s perfect.

Brandon Allen – 1-for-2 with his 3rd home run and his first steal.  My man’s playing with reckless a-Brandon!  That’s 3 homers in 26 at-bats.  That’s, a’la Larry David, prettaaaaaay prettaaaaaay good.

Jesus Guzman – 2-for-2 with his 4th homer and 2nd steal.  I’ve been wanting to get on board with this guy for over a week now, but he’s been sitting every third game and not hitting righties well, i.e., what most pitchers are.  If you can platoon him in deeper leagues, it’s worth a flyer.

Kyle Blanks – Now 2 for his first 20 with 11 Ks.  At this point, the only way he’s going to be productive is if someone figures out a way to harness his windmill swing for electricity.

Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-4 with his 8th home run.  Last time he hit a home run, it was at the tail end of a 14-for-31 streak.  This could be the start of another such run.  And, yeah, ‘another such’ sounds lame.  I’m aware.

J.J. Hardy – 3-for-5 with his 17th and 18th homers which is one homer behind Tulowitzki, who leads all major league shortstops.  Orioles fans are now saying Cal Ripken who?  Though they probably mean, “Are you talking about junior or senior?”

Mark Trumbo – 3-for-5 with 5 RBIs and only a single short of the cycle.  He’s nothing special on AVG/OBP but 19 HRs and 53 RBIs in the AL West (see Smoak, Moreland, and Barton) should keep Trumbo off any blacklists.

Erick Aybar – 3-for-4 with his 21st steal.  In the past two months, he’s hitting .255 with 7 steals.  Cust kayin’.

Billy Butler – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer or his third homer in as many games.  Butler’s cups really runneth over.

Homer Bailey – 4 IP, 9 ER.  It’s to the point where I wouldn’t own Bailey until he threw two months straight of quality starts.

Francisco Rodriguez – Since he waived his games-finished clause that would pay him $17.5 million, he hasn’t finished any games.  K-Rod backwards is dork.  Father-in-laws everywhere rejoice.

Lucas Duda – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and he’s going to make an appearance in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell as I throw it to Lucas.

Daniel Murphy – 1-for-3 with 3 runs and a steal as he stays blisteringly hot.  To point out the painful and obvious, he’s been better than Ryan Zimmerman.  Fantasy baseball, making prematurely bald men bald faster.

Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-4 with his 24th steal.  His hitting streak is now up to 26 games.  That makes sense in opposite world where I look like Paul Walker with a mustache and girls still like mustaches.

Mike Stanton – 1-for-3 as he hit his 24th homer.  Actually, that’s not entirely true.  He started to swing and the ball flinched 375 feet the other way.

Wilson Betemit – 1-for-3 with a home run.  Has now hit in every game he’s started since his trade to the Tigers, which is a really nice way to say he’s hitting around .270 over the last week.

Brad Penny – 3 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  The Tigers pitching box score sounds like a porn marquee — Penny, Furbush, Ruffin, Purcey and Coke.  All to star in Motor City Mamas.

  1. More says:

    I think the last 3 games are clear evidence that Joey Votto reads Razzball and was motivated by my whiny all caps rant. Two more home runs this week and we cool Joey.

  2. Benny says:

    Hey Grey – rank these three for rest of season and into next year for a dynasty league: Jonathan Sanchez, J. Nieman, E-Jax. Gracias!

  3. MrHappyTime says:

    Jon Jay, Travis Snider, or Dexter Fowler for the rest of the season?

  4. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:what do y’think about giving up Lind/Harang for Gio/Baker?….10 team 8×8 h2h keeper league.Lind is currently my 4th-5th OF.

  5. Jack the Ripper says:

    Brandon Allen or Josh Willingham from-here-on-out?

  6. Would Jason Bourgeois benefit most from Pence leaving? I’m desperate for steals and Rajai just got demoted to 4th outfielder/limbo.

  7. nick m. says:

    12-team H2H: Which side do you like better straight up – Youk, BJ Upton, Espinosa or Holliday, Beltre?

  8. Van Hagaar says:

    A guy in my league accepted my trade offer of my Heyward for his Hardy on tuesday morning… while waiting for Hardy to magically appear on my roster, he hit 4 homers, a double and 6 RBIs. Meanwhile, I am scratching to get ahead of my opponent this week who has steadily had 25 points on me in my H2H points league. Is there a glossary term for this? Really coulda used those friggin points!

  9. Wilsonian says:

    Better spot start for tomorrow:

    Colon v. Bal OR
    Cobb @ Sea?

    Just looking for good ERA/WHIP and possible wins.

  10. side says:

    As bench depth & to get starts when I a guy has a day off in a deep league, Alonso or Guzman?

  11. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:10 team 8×8 h2h keeper….Scherzer or Gio?

  12. Graveyard Duck says:

    Grey, you know how broadcasters are always talking about “torque,” as in, “look at how much torque Prince creates in his swing, wow!”

    Well, I think Billy “these ain’t no b.b.’s” Butler has finally discovered how to harness his moobs to create home run torque … or maybe it’s just Fenway.

  13. t-tocs says:

    in a keeper league with no restrictions on keepers (ie $/rounds/etc) which side would you rather have assuming

    longoria/rasmus/josh johnson for stanton/liriano/aramis ramirez

  14. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    @all commenters:can I get some feedback on this trade?

    10 team 8×8 h2h keeper(K’s AND K/9)….

    I give up Lind/Harang and get back Scherzer/Baker

    I need SP and I have Braun,Crawford,Gordon,Morse,Bossman for OF if I give up Lind.

  15. Chinaski says:

    Hey Grey,

    Trumbo, Maybin or V.Wells? This Wells guy simply sucks. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for way too long.


  16. Steve L says:


    What do you think of the following trade: Brandon Phillips & Craig Kimbrel for Prince Fielder?

    My current closers are: Kimbrel, Hanrahan, Marmol, Guerra, & Soria. My current second basemen are: Phillips & Prado.

  17. shoopdawhoop says:

    (12team/mixed, 5of/ci/1uitl/5x5roto)
    sanchez (SD) or Duda

    drop R.Davis for Bourgeois, or wait for pence to be traded, then do it?

    Ike Davis droppable, IYO? I don’t have DL spot for him (G.Sizemore/Buccholz)

  18. Wilsonian says:

    I’m wondering about some deep league prospects. What are some names of guys that may have an impact later in the year?

    I know of Lawrie, but he’s the only one I can think of. Any others?

  19. papasmurf says:

    LOL at the Betemeit blurb. It’s very true. It’s like the guy shuts down after he hits a soft single to RF. “There’s my quota. My work’s done here today, boss.”

    I have Stanton, Bruce, Jennings, and BJ Upton. Since Jennings can’t play LF and there’s only one UTIL spot, I have to bench one of them. And I benched Stanton the last two days… smart… although I didn’t mean to do this yesterday. I just forgot to check my lineup. Oops. That’s what happens when the team is near the bottom.

    Here’s praying that Upton plays CF in TB for one more game so that Jennings qualifies at LF after today. Man if Upton gets traded before the game today I would be pissed. I am not sure if what Jennings is doing is making TB look smart or stupid. Depends on your perspective I suppose.

  20. OaktownSteve says:

    Dick Harden finished a little early. The guys responsible for mopping really cocked up the job though.

    Jennings is good by the way. Really good.

  21. schlitzy says:

    Potatoes to chips who would you rather have in a keeper – Pence or Stanton?

  22. Kungfumaster says:

    Grey: Will you make this trade Carpenter for Butler?

  23. Dirtysteve says:

    We call the male nudity trend “dudity”

  24. Wilsonian says:

    I’ve been offered Stubbs for Jennings. It’s an 8 Team H2H Keeper and I can’t keep Jennings, but I’m still considering turning it down. Jennings has been a monster lately.

  25. Rodger-Dodger says:

    @schlitzy: Think I’d still take Stanton

    @Grey & All: Who’s running Garza up against the Cards in StL today? I’m feeling brave myself. Help-me out if you think I’m wrong.

  26. MattTruss

    MattTruss223 says:

    @papasmurf – Given they’re in 3rd and have been messing around with the likes of Fuld and a guy named after a pasta sauce, I’m going with stupid.

    Also stupid – Yahoo for not at least giving Jennings some outfield position. WTF! Can’t you just slap him with a LF or CF for his call-up based on what he played most in the minors? Dumb.

  27. theguarantee says:

    @Van Hagaar – Not sure there is a glossary term but I liken that to waiting for the coffee to brew.

    Same thing happened to me, ironically enough when I accepted an offer for Heyward. He immediately responded homering in back-to-back games but has gone back to blandWard since.

  28. LL Randell says:

    I don’t know if adding Duda is a good idea – his name backwards is A Dud.

  29. Eddy says:

    Ken Rosathal mentions Storen/Span talks at a critical level.

  30. Hello

    Duda or Boesch moving forward (this league counts OBP and XBH)?


  31. Long Bawls says:

    Considering that he’s pitching like the only major leaguer from Sardinia, I’m wondering whether it’s dumb to give L’illy a cup of coffee tonight.

  32. yankees2011 says:

    Hey Grey,
    Just received an informal trade offer of his Teixera for my Hamels. My offense has been sputtering immensely, despite the presence guys like Fielder, Kinsler, Reynolds, Dread Pirate, Pence and Morse. I have no one to fill the void that would be left with Hamels exiting. I think I say no, despite Tex’s normal big second half, but I figured I would ask.

    Thanks much Grey!

  33. the bat rastard says:

    Actually the A’s crushed the Rays the day before, trust me I have James Shields 10+ ERA to prove it. Cust sayin.

  34. LadyScorpio says:

    Love, love, LOVE the daily notes…especially today’s!! LOL! Ryan Zimmerman’s been on my squad all season…yeah, he’s BEYOND a bust this year!

    Nothing’s wrong with our country, Grey. The film industry has finally realized that more WOMEN attend romantic comedies than men. What better incentive to get females to go to the theater than to feature a fully naked man in a movie!! Once word gets out that Timberlake’s showing the goods, girls will FLOCK to the cinema just to get a peek. Mila Kunis is lovely, but she doesn’t have a male following close to Timberlake’s female following.

    Personally speaking, I think Justin’s busted, but lots of ladies would disagree. Money has made Mick Jagger appealling for decades! From a woman’s perspective though, male nudity is a MUCH appreciated cinematic feature. In fact, it’s LONG overdue. Just my 2 cents as 1-of-3 female Razzball readers.

  35. TheNewGuy says:

    God im loving the ride so far Jennings, noone thought you’d find it this easy. He’s become one of the Rays best hitters already! Damn Andrew Friedman…

    My DJ man-love has got me already thinking how long to keep him for at the end of the season. Either be 2 years at 9 bucks or 3 years at 13, which do you prefer?

  36. zeke says:

    @Grey. Loved the 80’s movie rant. Way too much dude-ity in movies today. I don’t understand why they will do a remake of Conan the Barbarian and not Porky’s. I think we all wonder if Kim Cattrall’s bush is “grey” now.

  37. Jason says:

    Dynasty points league — move Belt, Hardy, Morrow, Heath Bell, and John Lamb for the Adverb and Alexei Ramirez? Chapman would replace Bell, btw. It’s a big package (heh), but Lee could put up big playoff points.

  38. hola grey –

    Thoughts on a 6×6 (OPS) replacement of J. Tabata, who has been ruled out indefinitely and likely droppable in my 14 team league now.

    Looking for best all around stats – with a lean towards runs, steals, avg.

    Will Venable
    Andres Torres
    Zack Cozart – DL’d, but may return next week

    EL Burro

  39. Brew Crew says:

    Which side, Cruz & Sandoval or Victorino & Longo??

  40. BadAzzMofo says:

    This website is awesome, look forward to it daily……thanks man

    Now that I have buttered you up…. I just traded Big Panda for Morrow & Beachy…Im dominating my 10 team 5*5 league, put Bautista at 3rd Lind at CI..was looking for some K’s and pitchers that could have a solid 2nd half…what do you think?

  41. potus says:

    Rank please:

    LuCroy, Avila, Salty

    Have a good weekend!


  42. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:

    Higher Learning is one of the few movies that I’ve walked out on at the theater… might be the only one, actually.

    Why the spoiler on the fact that you’ll be throwing it to Lucas? Now the Razzball community’s slow clap will seem completely contrived.

  43. BadAzzMofo says:

    Is there a maximum # of questions you can ask in a day?

    Ive got Molina and Soto, looking to drop one… who should I send packing?

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