RCL Update, Week 7: Someone Call Bruce Willis To Save Us From Closermageddon

May 13, 2014 | Fantasy Razzball League | 46 Comments

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This is a different kind of disaster my friends. And trust me, here in the metro area, we’ve suffered many disasters. Did you know about Snowmageddon in 2010? Sure, what we experienced during that time was what New England calls ‘any Friday night in February’, but we don’t live up in the northeast, do we? No, we’re more civilized and cultured and decided to live in a humid mid-atlantic swamp, with a cesspool of slime, filth, and trash. And that’s just K street. Don’t even get me started about the state of the Potomac river. As an added bonus, in 2011, there was the Earth quakepocolypse, where a 5.8 shaker did irreparable harm to my lawn chair. And I’ll tell you this, no one called in off-shore drillers, trained as astronauts, like they should have to save us. Well, that time is now. With Francisco Rodriguez leading the universe in saves AND father in-law abuse, the world truly is on the precipice of disaster. Global warming? Pfft, that ain’t nothin’ compared to the state of our fantasy teams. With 87% of the MLB DL-eligible, as stated here by your’s truly, we are now covering another harsh reality in this lede… the era of closers as we know it has ended. Thanks Obama! Rod Beck… hug me. Actually, don’t get near me. You smell like a week-old hot dog and the great depression…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Getting STATy With It: Expected (x)BABIP and the Guarantee Fairy

May 13, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 45 Comments

by: Dano

There are so many Tommy Boy quotes that I can manipulate to start this post, so you choose which one…

a) I can get a good look at Luck by sticking my head up BABIP’s a**, but I’d rather take xBABIP’s word for it.

b) I write fantasy baseball posts for the American working man, because that’s who I am and that’s who I care about.

c) You: “Prince Fielder, Hmmmm, he should get better.”

Me: “This guy is batting .231, which is actually backed up because of the gross groundball rate (11+% jump) and hitting into the shift with a sense of urgency, and all you can say is, Hmmmm, he should get better?”

d) The season is drivin’ along, la-de-da, woo. And you have Justin Morneau batting .338. And then you look at your team. Tires go EEEEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close.

Now let’s see what happens if you have Prince Fielder on your team… You’re drivin’ along, Tires go EEEEEEEE! I CAN’T STOP! “Oh my God, I’m burning alive! And this isn’t a fire sale! No! I can’t feel my legs!” Here comes the meat wagon. And the medic gets out and says, “Oh my God”. New guy’s around the corner puking his guts out…

…Whichever quote you go with, if you own Fielder then consider yourself the new guy puking his guts out. This post is the meat wagon.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – Cabrera MMA: Submission and KO of the Night

May 13, 2014 | DraftKings | 24 Comments

by: Schlurricane

This past weekend was full of knockout entertainment. There was some great baseball, NBA and Stanley Cup playoff action, a crying competition between NFL draftees and Mother’s everywhere and a UFC main event that actually exceeded expectations. I don’t condone fighting. In fact, I encourage it when it’s done legally and televised. If you feel the same make sure you see the Matt Brown v. Erick Silva battle that rightfully went viral this weekend. It’s on Fox Sports 1 or 2 or 47 on replay, whichever you have. It’s probably available on a website or two as well.

If you managed to watch 74 hours of sports television this weekend you had an impossible (man’s game) winning streak. And you should keep the streak going. So, on this very mundane Tuesday, you should spice it up with some money-grabbing Draftkings action. And when you do the Draftkings (what Mom calls it) kick some ass. Today’s formula is brought to you by cheap pitchers (aka Natural Light) and Cabrera MMA (Melky, Migs, Asdrubal). There’s nothing better than a spicy sausage with cheap beer so make sure you click this hot link so you can get your first Draftkings contest for free.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

T For Tommy, J-Fer John

May 13, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 843 Comments

by: Grey

I’m going to live tweet this post: Tweet: #pitchingissodeep, we can lose every third starter and still have enough pitchers to go around. Tweet: Pitching isso deep? What’s an isso? Tweet: Why do I care where you ate dinner? And why am I following you? Tweet: @SolangeKnowles I’d hold the elevator door for you. Tweet: Twitter bores me. I’m done with this. So, there you have it, our first live tweet post. I’m so hip; tweeting shizz like a baller! Why do I think ballers don’t use many semi-colons? Is there a less hip punctuation mark? Jose Fernandez has an elbow sprain, which is code for you’re fudged in the effhole if you own him. If you want, I’ll form a prayer rhombus with you, but I gotta be honest, since I don’t own him, my heart won’t be in the rhombus. I’ll be faking the rhombus. You’re better off with someone else. Until Andrew Heaney is ready (June), the Marlins are likely to fill their empty rotation spot with Brad Hand or Kevin Slowey. Too bad they can’t find room for both, then they can get The Pointer Sisters to sing, “I want a rotation with a Slowey, Hand.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Pitcher Profile: Gone Gone Chase-in Waterfalls

May 12, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings, Pitcher Profiles | 131 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

So I forgot to throw it in last week, but I was thinking to myself, “what are some baseball ‘catch phrase’ calls I would make if I were a broadcaster?” If a batter chased a breaking ball, I would exclaim “and he’s gone gone chasin’ waterfalls!” Hmmmm, what would my home run call be… I need some ideas here! I know the Dodgers need a replacement play-by-play guy next season…

Then to the profile for today, and I wasn’t sure where I was going to go. Chris Archer seemed a good fit since he’s underperformed, but I did break him down once last year. Then in my “aha” moment of the weekend, I remember my gone gone chasin’ waterfalls bit and noticed Chase Anderson was set to make his MLB debut! It’s like the baseball gods are talking to me! Thanks for the title, Shoeless Joe. (If a pitcher you’d like to see for next week’s Profile pitches next Sunday, please remind me and throw in a comment on Sunday or tweet me @jbgilpin – I will take requests! But I do like to keep it to guys pitching on Sunday.)

With an injury-plagued first three years as a pro, Anderson seemed like a dooming last name for a starting pitcher (see, Brett). Chase finally got himself through a big chunk of work in 2012, pitching pretty well in 104 AA innings, then was limited to only 88 innings in 2013 and was awful in AAA. But just like Robert Downey Jr., he’s done with Anne Heche and ready for a comeback! (way to stay topical, JB…) Anderson started this season breezing through AA with a dazzling 39 innings to the tune of a 0.69 ERA, 0.72 WHIP, and 38 Ks. Sure he’s already 26, but the injuries have held him back and he finally got his MLB debut yesterday against the White Sox. I decided to check it out and break it down to see if anything’s there for spot-starting or a deeper league stache [sic]:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ambulance Chasers, Week 7: Plenty of Pain

May 12, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 53 Comments

by: SethDaSportsMan

As I do every week, I’ll be covering all the bumps and bruises in the would of fantasy baseball. It’d be nice if some of these guys could get their acts together, but hey, then I’d be out of a job.

There were a few notable injuries in the baseball world over the past week, mostly on the hitting side of the spectrum, and I’ll be focusing on those, as well as some other players who just can’t stay away from the trainer’s room in my latest edition of Ambulance Chasers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

While My SAGNOF Gentry Weeps

May 12, 2014 | Steals | 58 Comments

by: Mike

Coco Crisp‘s recent neck injury opens the door for Craig Gentry over the next few days. He’ll likely take over in center and bat at the bottom of the A’s lineup while Crisp practices turning his head in both directions. Hopefully he didn’t promise his bike to anyone who could fix him. You were supposed to sleep on a board, Coco! Gentry makes an interesting play for steals, and he appeared in this very column last week. In 2013, Gentry had 24 stolen bases in just 287 plate appearances, so he’s got some wheels. He’s already got six steals in limited playing time this year. On the schedule this week are the White Sox and the Indians. Both teams are tied for the 10th most steals allowed in the majors (25) so it’s not a bad match-up play. Crisp isn’t on the disabled list, he’s just day-to-day, so it could just be the White Sox series that Gentry gets all of the starts.

Take a peek at the new SB Rates vs. SP tool that Rudy has conjured up. Using all of last year’s data, it lets us know which pitchers to deploy our SAGNOF specialists against (based on their steals per innings pitched rates). I used it yesterday in DFS when I saw Eric Young was going to start against Cole Hamels, who’s pretty easy to run against. I swapped him into my lineup and it paid off with two steals from EY2 in the game. Here are some other SAGNOF picks for this week…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – Draft’s Over

May 12, 2014 | DraftKings | 16 Comments

by: BTXJ

For the most part, I fancy myself a Bo Jackson (pre-MNF injury disaster) of the fantasy game, but at times, I can have my Drew Henson moments. I know I’m not alone here, and this past weekend was tough for those of the same ilk to keep their baseball blinders in place. The NFL Draft certainly was a distraction, and the deep dives into BVP, splits, and all other mind-numbing stats turned into shallow dives at the crappy motel pool that usually result in paralysis. As a result, my bankroll hasn’t moved much in the last three days (especially in the preferred, upwards direction), but what can I say? I love watching grown men cry into their phones and am always in awe (for lack of better terms) of the real-life Count Chocula, Mel Kiper, and his obsession with hand and arm size. But alas, all picks are in, and it’s time to turn my full attention back to the pixie dust version of America’s pastime – and you should join me – especially on DraftKings.

I am just a small cog in the machine that is Razzball, so keep it here for plenty of great DFS content all season, and check out the recently unveiled DFSBot to gain an extra edge on the competition; it still has that new ~~car~~ bot smell. Mmmmm … bot.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Shaw Shanks Cody Ascension

May 12, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 956 Comments

by: Grey

I mustache you a question, when you drafted, were you Axfording a hard time from your closer? Then you got it. John Axford finally was removed from the closer role. Francona said, “I’ve seen crap before, but Assford demonstrated a whole new level of excrement.” Or something to that effect. I’m not one for details. Axford was replaced by the committee of author Bryan Shaw, Nick at Nite star Cody Allen and The RZE. That’s also the order I’d pick them up. There’s prolly no reason to mess with The RZE, especially after he was treated like Jodie Foster in The Accused yesterday. Speaking of The RZE, Method Man and Raekwon forgot one way to torture their opponents when they talk about rusty screwdrivers and whatnot. “I’ll hack your fantasy team and pick up John Axford and leave him in your active lineup and let him keep feeding you terrible stats, and feeding you, and feeding you and feeding you.” Now, that’s gangster. There’s a good chance Axford never sees another save this year. Collective wisdom says Cody Allen will be the closer, but collective wisdom also said Obama was going to make a difference. Yesterday, the Indians set up the game so Shaw would be the closer, whereas Allen’s one save came when Axford was garbage and Shaw had already been used. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jam It or Cram It: Buy Mom a Big Bouquet of SAGNOF!

May 11, 2014 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 145 Comments

by: The Guru

Happy Mother’s Day to all the folks out there today with mothers. No, not you pod people! And stop doing that Invasion of the Body Snatchers screech, I haven’t slept in days. Every Mother’s Day, I like to turn my bloodshot eyes toward the mother of all Razzballin’ terms – SAGNOF! Is there a question we scribes get asked more about than where to find the steals and the saves? Maybe, but I ignore all backup catcher queries. Sorry, it’s something they teach up at the fantasy baseball college. When it comes to finding the elusive SAGNOF!, we’re going to have to wade into the deep end of the waiver waters. “Son, you just had a Hot Pocket, you gotta wait 30 minutes!” Thanks, Mom, but I’m a big boy now, and my fake baseball life is infinitely more important than my real life, since I basically punted saves on all my RCL teams and I’ve been drowning ever since. Let’s fire up the Jammer Crammer© machine and see if there’s anything left for us SAGNOF! starved Razzaholics to salvage. Since it is Mother’s Day, I’ll let my mom give her opinion on each player. What greater gift can a son give his mother than an opportunity to say something on Razzball? Damn, I’m cheap. Keep in mind your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru’s mother calls fantasy baseball “Stratty-Matics.” Hey, she’s close, give her credit. It’s time for the SAGNOF! edition of Jam it or Cram it.

If you’re looking for some bonus jams and crams, check out Razzball Radio where Nick and your well turbaned Guru talk jams of the week, Manchurian Candidate, and we’re all left wondering why it’s so hard for the Guru to sit still. Out of Ritalin, thanks Obamacare!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jack’s Hit of the Week: Definitely, Maybin

May 11, 2014 | Creeper of the Week | 59 Comments

by: J-FOH

Cameron Maybin has been one of the most frustrating and intriguing players to watch over the last eight years. After flying through Detroit’s system just under two years, he made his first appearance in 2007 with lackluster results. Following that 2007 season, he was the centerpiece, along with Andrew Miller, in the Miguel Cabrera deal between the Marlins and the Tigers. He opened the 2008 season with the Marlins AA team and put together his best season to date, when in 459 AB’s, he gave us a line of 73/13/49/21/.277. He followed that with a September call up where he stole 4 bags and scored 9 runs in 32 PA’s. I remember being disappointed in 2009, when after that great call-up, he was set to start the year in AAA and we all had to wait to add him when he got the call. At the time I didn’t know SAGNOF yet, but I was playing it. Always searching for the cheap SB’s or anyone playing against Chris Young when he was on the Padres. For those that forgot, in 2006 and 2007, Chris Young gave up 41 and 44 SB’s respectively, which averaged out to about one every four innings. YIKES! Sorry, back to Maybin. After that, it was just one long roller coaster of solid minor league performance followed by MLB disappointment until a trade that put him in a San Diego uniform, with a chance to start over.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings – Kershaw Is The Mother Of All Pitchers

May 11, 2014 | DraftKings | 18 Comments

by: Mike

Before we go any further, pick up the phone and wish your mother a happy Mother’s Day. In honor of the woman who taught me not to play in traffic, pet strange dogs, or stick Legos up my nose, I’m playing it super safe today with my A-1 starter and drafting Clayton Kershaw ($13,000) in cash games. He’s a whopping $30 value on the Stream-0-Nator and I would be really surprised if he doesn’t post at least 25 points today. Then again, it doesn’t take much to surprise me anymore. I’m boring y’all! The biggest drawback to Kershaw today is what that hefty price tag does to the rest of your lineup, so it will be key to draft a solid number two starter and we’ll have to scrape together some pocket change for a couple hitters today.

Signing up for DraftKings is easy and if you use that link, you’ll get a free ticket for a contest with your first-time deposit. The winner of that contest gets entry into our $500k Showcase with a $100k top prize. Also, if you haven’t tried the DFSBot yet, check it out. It gives you an idea of who the best values are based on their projections versus their actual DK salaries for the day. This comes in really handy on a day like today when we splurge on pitching and need to find some cheaper bats. If you’d like to see how your lineup fares against the Guru and I, join our free 5-team contest. As always, double check the starting lineups and the weather before the day’s games begin. Here are today’s DraftKings picks for 5/11/2014…

Please, blog, may I have some more?