“It’s day 127 of the quarantine and all pitchers have already had Tommy John surgery. Now our first manager is going under the knife.”
“I was reaching for a toothpick and I heard something pop,” said Dusty Baker.
For those who have resorted to wiping their butts with baseball news for lack of toilet paper, Noah Syndergaard has a torn UCL and is kaput for 16-ish months. If only someone told you to avoid Noah Syndergaard, huh? What’s that, Voice In My Head? I told everyone to avoid Noah Syndergaard? Aw, jeez, I think you’re right. Voice In My Head, can I ever be as smart as you? Voice In My Head, “No. Shut up.” Wow, graciousness has left the chat. In my top 40 starters for 2020 fantasy baseball, I had a tier of guys to avoid, that tier had in it Noah Syndergaard, Luis Severino and Chris Sale. Gosh darn it, fellas, I might be as smart as the Voice In My Head. Can you even imagine it? This Syndergaard news is terrible. Dot dot dot. For all the people who wanted to draft him but got off easy because their drafts were delayed until MLB stops washing its hands of the season. Seriously, the only thing that sucks in all of my absolute genie-ness psychic ability is everyone not getting a chance to draft these pitchers before it’s too late. People tend to hate when people take victory laps over injuries, but I have on my Fitbit and I’m going for a jog! I’ve been saying to avoid Syndergaard for so long (two years), due to funky things going on in his peripherals. Maybe I didn’t know 100% he was injured, but I 100% knew something was wrong with him, and have been saying it. Not sure why people are thinking he tore his UCL just this week. This is the Mets and their doctors. Syndergaard was likely injured for the last two years. Okay, I’m out of shape from too much quarantining, so pulling the victory lap into the depot to freshen up with some hand sanitizer. On a side note, all of these guys going for Tommy John surgery might be signaling something else. No, not that they have no porch that needs repair like you during the Corona timeline. It means we might have more baseball this year than next year. If there’s a lockout to start the 2021 season, and baseball returns in June for the 2nd year in a row, how many starts do these guys miss? Not to answer, but to ruminate until our next full season in 2022. Anyway, here’s what else I saw for 2020 fantasy baseball:
Michael Wacha – With Syndergaard needing surgery, someone needs to benefit, and that person is Dr. James Andrews. “Can you repeat that?” Dr. James Andrews stands in a Ferrari dealership pointing at a new car while shouting through his face mask. Also, I guess, Wacha benefits since he will now be the Mets’ 5th starter. Moved him up in my top 100 starters for 2020 fantasy baseball and top 500 for 2020 fantasy baseball, but still far from a recommended buy.
Giancarlo Stanton – Says he’s ready to go when the season starts, barring any setbacks during his downtime. “Giancarlo, phone call for you?” “Here let me reach–Aw, my oblique.” I kid and I love him in waking and dreaming hours.
Nick Anderson – Rays’ beat writer said Anderson would get bulk of saves. Yeah, no foolsies. Tell us something we don’t know, like where was coronavirus when I was in my 20s and wasn’t invited to any parties and sat home being miserable? It could’ve saved me a lot of embarrassment!