In the next few days, the Diamondbacks are bringing up their top pitching prospect, Jarrod Parker, to work relief.¬† He’s a starter though, so it’ll be “Parker poseur” for all you indie kids out there with dark-rimmed glasses, smoking American Spirits.¬† In 2009, Stephen wrote, “(His) elbow tightness, that caused him to be DL‚Äôd on August 5th leading to a visit to Dr. Freeze‚Äôs office, is either a bad thing or a precautionary visit.¬† Speaking of which, I’d like to send Grey to the doctor’s office with my fist in his face.”¬† Hmm… That last line totally snuck past me the first time.¬† So, as we all know, no one goes to Dr. Freeze for precautionary reasons.¬† Parker missed the entire 2010 season after Tommy John surgery.¬† That’s a long time to eat Jell-O.¬† Unless you can eat solids after Tommy John surgery.¬† I don’t know, I’m not a doctor.¬† This year Parker’s rebounded nicely.¬† His stats (7.71 K-rate, 3.79 ERA) don’t read like he’s all the way back, but the Diamondbacks are promoting him and will allow him to compete for a 2012 rotation spot.¬† I trust the Diamondbacks’ judgment more than other teams and would absolutely take a flyer on Parker in keeper/NL-Only leagues. ¬† Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dontrelle Willis – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER, 12 baserunners and the last person who still had faith in Willis’ comeback lost it — Todd Bridges.
Juan Francisco – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer.¬† I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.¬† Lean close to the monitor so the guy reading over your shoulder can’t hear.¬† Okay, not that close, you’re gonna ruin your eyes.¬† I’m gonna like Juan Francisco a lot next year if he comes away with a starting job.¬† I mean, a lot.¬† Hang a big blinking sign on him that says sleeper.¬† You know what I’m saying?¬† Yeah, you do.¬† Okay, now back away from the monitor, it’s getting weird.
Brandon Phillips – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and two homers.¬† I’m pretty surprised Phillips has been healthy and his power (14 HRs) and speed (10 SBs) are so down.¬† At 30 years old, he shouldn’t be falling off already.¬† Bring back steroids!
Brad Lincoln – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K.¬† Stupid Lincoln!¬† I’m glad you’ve fallen behind Kennedy and Washington in modern day popularity polls.
Neil Walker – 3-for-4.¬† When he hit 2 homers in the first week of the season, I had such high hopes for this schmohawk.¬† He’s now hit 10 homers in the last 22 weeks.¬† That’s less than a half homer per week.¬† A half of a homer is a double.¬† So less than that means he’s stopping between first and second?¬† So useless.¬† I hate you, Neil Walker.
Starlin Castro – 3-for-4, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer.¬† Can we say he was the one bright spot on the Cubs season?¬† Unless you count Big Z wearing a burlap sack muumuu and hailing a taxi to Crazy-ville.
Jeff Baker – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer.¬† It’s nice, but they don’t play him every day so it’s only worthwhile to note it in very deep leagues.
Brett Myers – 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Phils.¬† I didn’t trust him for this start, but on a more important note.¬† His beard looks like it was art directed by Tim Burton.¬† Or he looks like he’s in The Hart Foundation.
Roy Oswalt – 7 IP, 5 ER, 13 baserunners, 2 Ks.¬† Charlie Manuel, “I said bring your “A” game, not a game!¬† Now where’s my straw for chewing?”
Chase Utley – Scheduled his second concussion test.¬† Guess he forgot he already took one.
Brent Morel – Had his 2nd 2 homer game in the last week.¬† My what a fancy mushroom you are! If you’re desperate for power, I could see taking a flyer hoping that he’ll stay hot for another two weeks.
Rafael Furcal – 2-for-5, hitting .292 over the last week with 2 steals.¬† He says he needs to get on base to steal bases.¬† Props to his baserunning coach.¬† Teaching some heavy shizz over there in St. Louis.¬† Next lesson:¬† After You Hit The Ball, Run To First.¬† Break it up into two parts so you don’t lose anyone.
Josh Willingham – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and The Other White Meat now has 2 homers in his last 4 games.¬† When he hits them, he hits them in bunches like Mr. Chiquita Banana.
Andrew Bailey – Wasn’t able to go yesterday because of being hit on the head by a Kurt Suzuki line drive.¬† Bailey said, “I’d be on a stretcher if it wasn’t for those Oakley sunglasses.”¬† Charles Oakley said, “You’d be on a stretcher if you took my sunglasses.”
Miguel Olivo – 2-for-4 with his 18th homer.¬† Speaking of hitting them in bunches, Olivo does too and this was his 2nd homer in four days.
Jeff Niemann – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.¬† He gets the Sawx next which sounds like a sad trombone until you realize he has a 1.06 ERA vs. them in 17 innings this year.
Joel Peralta – Struck out three in a perfect inning for the save.¬† Stop circling your prey, save vultures, and swoop in.
Ryan Raburn – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer.¬† He’s been so yawnstipating this year it’s hard for me to build up much excitement for him, but this could be the start of a week run of hotness.
Erick Aybar – On Sunday, he went 4-for-5 and yesterday he hit a homer.¬† EA is in the game.
Josh Beckett – Set to return this weekend.¬† We’re left waiting for Beckett to see if he’ll return to lay an existential egg.
Coco Crisp – Will miss at least three more days.¬† Snap, crackle, crap.
Manny Ramirez – Was arrested after a domestic dispute.¬† Maybe he was mad because his wife took his last fertility pill.¬† “Now how is Manny gonna be womanny?!”