Sonny Gray – aka “The Oxymoronic Forecast” – stormed through Texas with a 3-hit shutout (6 K’s) that netted him his 4th win and an ERA/WHIP of 1.76/1.14. Not bad for a 16-year old if you ask me. Is he getting a little lucky? Yes he is, question I just asked myself. But he certainly looks like (at least) a top 25 SP right now and has the benefit of a nice home park. Makes me wish I had him on one of my eleventy teams (why don’t you like him Steamer?)
Anyway, the original oxymoronic Grey asked me to pinch-hit as he was going to a ‘one-man show’ tonight. Hoping that isn’t code for renting a hotel room by himself and running up adult movie charges on the Razzball corporate card.
Yu Darvish – 3 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 4 Ks, 8 baserunners. His pitch count spiraled out of control from going deep into counts with A’s hitters like a Japanese businessman who plays on his company baseball team and has questionable control.
Adam Eaton – 2 for 4 with 2 RBIs and a CS. So he was Eaton good and in the neighborhood of a SB. I think his SB over/under is now 20 but he should put up enough AVG/R/HR/RBI to make him a worthwhile OF even in shallow leagues.
Chris Getz – Called up to replace Ryan Goins who failed to hit his weight (.150) in pounds. To be fair, he thought he just needed to hit his metric weight since he played in Canada. Getz is only useful for stolen bases but I think he’s worth grabbing in 15+ team leagues in case he steals a bunch in the first week. When the Goins Getz tough, the tough Getz Cheeseburger.
Bryce Harper – The Nationals announced Harper will need surgery on a torn ligament in his thumb and he’s out until July. Nate McLouth should see the bulk of playing time and look like an enticing pickup only when compared to Denard Span.
Troy Tulowitzki – Had a Coors-like day (3-for-3, 2 2B, HR, 2 R, 3 RBI) in Arizona as he’s racing up our Player Rater while tiptoeing through the graveyard of thumb and oblique injuries. At this point, I’d take 60 games of Troy Tulowitzki over 560 of Brad Miller.
Huston Street – Got his 10th save of the year. Repeat the Tulo blurb, replace with Street. You can keep Brad Miller in there though.
Justin Masterson – Congrats Justin, you finally earned a decision after 5-straight no-decisions. Yes it was a loss (7.1 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks) but at least you were decisive. Small victories. So small they do not show up on the stat sheet. Next time, just try to give up less earned runs.
Tyler Skaggs – 7 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks and was a Carlos Santana 3-run HR from showing the Indians who’s the Boz. His WHIP is now down to 1.03. I think there is a play on words with a Boz Skaggs song but I do not know any and I am not about to start now.
Ryan Braun – Will remain out for the next couple of days as he waits for his strained oblique to unstrain. Same thing happened to me at the supermarket when I whopped the lady behind me in the face with a baguette. Am I the only person who likes to windmill their baguette before putting it on the conveyor belt to stretch properly before picking up the heavy items? The Brewers should FedEx the 15-day DL paperwork to MLB and, in the chance that Braun heals, just throw the delivery guy under the bus. Or, better yet, just blame the FedEx guy but keep him away from buses. Even inside them is wrong. Have you ever been in a Milwaukee bus? They smell like a bad combo of stale beer, bratwurst, and Penny Marshall’s schlamazel.
Madison Bumgarner – Got WHIPped (11 baserunners in 5 IP) at home against the Padres. He now has an ugly 1.72 WHIP on the year. No reason to panic given his track record, 9.89 K/9, and inflated .390 BABIP but it is totally appropriate to curse as long as you are not around kids. Unless they are Madison Bumgarner’s kids. Or Brad Miller’s.
Michael Morse – 3-for-4 with 2 RBIs. Now sporting a .300/14/6/19 line. Types of code that work better in the Bay Area than Seattle: 1) Mobile operating system, 2) Internet Browser, 3) Morse.
Michael Wacha – 6.1 IP, 9 Ks against the Braun-less Brewers. Gave up 3 ERs to the Segura-less Brewers. He now has an insane 44 Ks in 36 IP. Forget that Beastie Boys song, I see Wacha rapping like an 80’s sports star in a team video, “My name is Michael, don’t call me Mikey, I watcha strikeout, my owners likey”.
Wilin Rosario – Missed a 2nd straight game with a sore left hand. The MRI came back positive that he has a left hand but inconclusive whether there is anything wrong with it. He may not be ready and able but at least he’s Wilin.
Joe Smith – Got his first save as the newly appointed Angels closer. To commemorate it, 327 boring-ass parents named their child after him in the 3 hours following the game.
Brandon Hicks – Another day, another HR (#4). Evidently, as long as you’re a Giant IF named Brandon who is not surnamed Crawford, you are a HR machine in 2014. Can we start calling the Giants 3B Pablandon Brandoval?
