Tommy Hanson is having his next start pushed back. Well, it’s not official yet according to the Braves. But they read Razzball, so we’ll just say it’s official now. Even if Hanson’s next start isn’t pushed back, it should be. On Saturday he looked like Rocky Dennis trying on a fitted ball cap. If you got nothing nice to say, say nothing. Athletes live by that adage. So when the media asked Hanson about his shoulder after the game on Saturday, he refused to talk about it. Earlier in the year, Hanson went to the DL with rotator cuff tendinitis. A’la Paul Hogan, “That’s not a red flag… THIS IS A RED FLAG!” My best guess is he’ll be on the Disgraceful List by this time tomorrow. What time am I writing this? Geez, a little in my business, no? Let’s just say it’s prior to dinner, but after my afternoon Cheetos break. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jason Kubel – 3-for-4 with his 9th homer. He now has three homers in the last six games. When I say hot, you say schmotato… Hot… Schmotato… Hot…Schmotato… Pot…Schmo– Gotcha!
Jesus Guzman – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and a steal. Has now hit in 9 out of his last 10 games. Jesus obviously feels right at home with the Friars.
Chase Headley – Out for 6 weeks with a fractured pinkie. His Inky, Blinky and Clyde are said to be resting comfortably.
Heath Bell – 1/3 IP, 3 ER and the blown save in Metco. If you’re upset about your treatment while a Met, that’s not exactly how you prove people wrong. Cust kayin’.
Jason Bay – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in three games, and he’s also 6 for his last 11 as he spices up the Mets’ lineup with a little of the old Bay.
Mike Minor – Hasn’t been all peaches and cream so far for Minor, but he could take Hanson’s place if he is indeed bumped. Hey, when a pitcher is struggling and bumped from a rotation, we should call that bumping uglies. Okay, carry on.
Alex Gonzalez – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer. He’s now hit in 9 of the last 10 games, which is a polite way of saying he’s hitting around .280 in the last ten games. Maybe Adam Dunn is the only one impressed by that.
Scott Baker – 6 IP, 5 ER. Sounds like he’s headed to the DL again. Too bad, so sad.
Jeremy Hellickson – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks. ERA now sits at 3.05 to go with a 1.14 WHIP. His Ks are a little low, but Hellickson’s having a, um, hell of a year. I could see the Rays being conservative with his innings towards the tail end of the year once they’re (un)officially eliminated.
Carlos Carrasco – To the DL for the 2nd time with right elbow inflammation. He still has a suspension to serve too, so that’s ‘bow biding.
Shin-Soo Choo – Hitless in his first rehab game. Sounds like he picked up right where he left off!
Gordon Beckham – 1-for-4 with his 9th homer. As he crossed home plate, he should’ve bit Matt Wieters’s arm off to punctuate how this homer was him rising from the dead.
Alex Rios – 2-for-4 with a steal. Speaking of zombies, he must’ve got a talking to from his agent last week about how much money he won’t earn if he continues to lollygag because he’s 7 for his last 13. Though I wouldn’t be exactly confident in trusting him again, i.e. if you pick up Rios, you may get all wet. Spanish pun point! Or puno!
John Danks – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks. Is it me or is it every time Danks or Gavin Floyd seem ownable, they write “I stink” in their own excrement on the walls of your fantasy team?
J.J. Hardy – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer. If you would’ve jumped out of DeLorean in April and told me one of my best pickups in multiple leagues would be J.J. Hardy, I would’ve called you a mental patient or said I had a bunch of teams not doing very well. The latter’s not exactly untrue, assuming I know my latter from my former.
Josh Johnson – Threw for 10 minutes yesterday. Sweet, now if he can get in one pitch every three seconds, he’s ready for big league action!
J.D. Martinez – Homered on Saturday and went deep again yesterday. And that’s about all the enthusiasm I can work up for an Astros hitter. I mean, their corner outfielders right now are J.D Martinez and J.B. Shuck. Where’s I.P. Freely?
Daniel Hudson – 3 IP, 4 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 K and 3 more unearned runs for the ticker shock. Still, against the Astros? Really?
Homer Bailey – 3 IP, 5 ER. Aren’t you glad you listened to me and didn’t pick him up? Oh, you didn’t listen. Well, I guess you’ll blame that on me too.
Jay Bruce – Homered yesterday. How does he go from 12 homers in May to next to nothing for two-plus months? Does he want to be maddeningly frustrating? Because that’s about as much fun as trying to say maddeningly.
Seth Smith – The Lisper’s Nightmare went deep twith.
Placido Polanco – Said he hopes to play through a sports hernia. That takes balls.
Bobby Jenks – Undergoing a colonoscopy. Ironically enough, Colon just got his Jenks tested. It required turning to his left and coughing.
