As I’ve been saying for the last month, Neftali Feliz will be the closer and he doesn’t have syphilis.  Now stop experimenting on him!  Feliz shoots all the way back up to the top of the Donkeycorns and can/should/verb be the top closer in the game by the end of the season.  This also means Matt Harrison will be a starter.  And to that I say, “I enjoyed your work on Falcon Crest.”  Matt Harrison shall be now known as the Lone Ranger, as in he’ll be the lone Ranger that no one drafts.  Anyway, here’s some other fantasy baseball news:

Tommy Hunter – Suffered a groin strain.  I know too well about those!  Oh, wait, no I don’t.  *blushes*  Maybe they’ll put Neftali back in the rotation.  I’m kidding!  They’ll probably use Dave Bush.  Um, yikes.

Matt Dominguez – Out as the Marlins 3rd baseman so that leaves…. Drum roll, please.  Wes Helms, Greg Dobbs and Emilio Bonifacio.  Drum roller, “I can’t believe I’m drum rolling this crap.  I once drum rolled Fonzie setting a world record by jumping over 14 garbage cans on a motorcycle!”  My best guesstimate for playing time will be Wes Helms gets 300 ABs, Emilio gets 150 and Dobbs gets gobs of sunflower seeds stuck in his teeth.  It’s not a pretty blahtoon and should be avoided at all costs.

Chase Utley – Will start the season on the DL.  I imagine he will start May on the DL.  And June.  And July.  And… Well, you get the picture.  I wouldn’t draft Utley this year.  Not worth the ulcer.

Scott Rolen – Big injury wheel keeps on turning…Rolen, Rolen, Rolen hurt his fingers.  Rolen almost managed to get out of spring training without an injury.  He had to leave yesterday’s game after getting hit on the hand as he was unable to grip the bat.  Still TBD if this is serious but it didn’t seem like it was DL-worthy.  If it is, Juan Francisco likely makes the team and gets most of the starts.  (Please let Juan Francisco start for the Reds for our LABR team.  Reds-a-roni!)

Kevin Correia – Will be the Pirates Opening Day starter.  Correia?  Who is running Pittsburgh — Kim Jong-il?

Freddy Garcia – Will be the Yankees fifth starter.  We’ll see what Freddy Garcia shows up:  This one or this one.

Joe Nathan – As I said in Tuesday’s Closer Look, he’s been awful.  Wouldn’t be surprised if his job gets *pinkie to mouth* Cappsized, at least in the first few weeks.  Actually, here’s what I see happening.  Nathan gets torched and Capps saves a few games while Nathan works things out.  Then Nathan returns, gets torched again and, finally, the Twins send him to the Disgraceful List.

Lorenzo Cain – Melky Effin’ Cabrera is putting a hurt on Team Grey.  Looks like Cain is going to start the year in the minors.  And, even if he doesn’t, Melky’s locking up the center field job on the Royals.  Melky, I like your name, I do not like what you’re doing to Lorenzo Cain.  You’re on notice.

Cody Ross – The boo-boo on the moo-moo is going to have Ross shelved for 3 weeks.  Nate Schierholtz should see most of the time in right.  He’s pretty much waiver wire fodder in NL-Only leagues unless he’s hot.

Casey McGehee – Got hit by a pitch and was carted off the field.  X-rays showed he should be fine for the start of the season.  X-rays also found a misplaced remote control.

Justin DuchschererOrioles said he’d start the season on the DL.  Hate to be one for semantics, but I think they meant he’d spend the season on the DL.

Brent Morel – Will be the White Sox opening 3rd baseman, but he should be avoided in all leagues.  Though Morel does seem like a funghi!

Mike Minor – As reported here first after reading it elsewhere, Beachy will be the fifth starter.  Minor should change his name, aptronyms (Word of the day!) will get you every time.

Jair Jurrjens – Sticking with the newly established Braves starting rotation theme, Jar-Jar left yesterday’s game because of pain in his side.  Jar-Jar said, “Meesa tinks me side hurts me now.”  Braves are saying he’ll be fine for the start of the season.  Okay, but he’s injury prone and I think we see Minor and Beachy in the rotation before too long.

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu is going to start the year on the DL because he has stomach issues stemming from a slow digestive tract.  His body treats all food like maraschino cherries and gum.  Food for Franklin Gutierrez is like last season for the Mariners.  Difficult to digest.

  1. NewBVick says:

    I was hoping to buy low on Feliz from people who thought he was going to disappoint as a starter. Oh well…

  2. chata says:

    rangers might give kirkman a shot .

  3. BigRedLatrine says:

    Looks like the Yankees are going to sign Millwood to a minor-league deal. I wonder if he will sneak into the rotation if Freggars stumbles.

  4. Steve says:

    Think i’m right in saying that this is not the first time that Melky has caused trouble between you and Rudy…

  5. The Gig says:

    For what it’s Wuertz or Werth, it could have been a drum Rolen for the Fla 3rd base shituation…….great stuff as always Grey (or whoever you are).

  6. Mr2Bits says:

    Grey : Love the confirmed news on Minor. Now you can emoticon on everyones face who decided to doubt the stache. Guess they will have to go back to playing Warcraft in their moms basement and leave basebeall to the big kids.

  7. Child Please says:

    12-team Roto 5×5 (QS instead of Wins) 4-player keeper league, 200 GS limit

    Grey, I have an open roster spot and can’t decide between a bat (Valencia, Chris Johnson, Juan Uribe (2B, SS, 3B), Brandon Allen, Eric Young Jr., Bartlett), a SP (Pelfrey), or a RP (Balfour). Who would you pick up?

    C- Jorge Posada
    1B- Miguel Cabrera
    2B- Neil Walker
    3B- A-rod
    SS- Elvis Andrus
    MI- Reid Brignac
    CI- Carlos Pena
    OFx5- Jason Heyward, Cruz, Rios, Granderson, Manny Ramirez
    UTIL- Justin Smoak
    BEN-David Murphy

    SP- CC Sabathia, Yovani Gallardo, Anderson, Hellickson, Shields, James McDonald
    RP- Kimbrel, Franklin, Francisco, Rodney, Fuentes, Farnsworth

  8. Mr2Bits says:

    Grey : What round would you target Utley in a 10 team keepers league that is 6×6. Fresh league so I’m looking for late round value and was thinking if Utley falls to the 10th or so, I should grab and stash.

  9. Clyde Prompto says:

    Howdy, Grey. I was planning on snagging Cain in my AL Only draft, how much does this hurt him? I mean Melky/Francouer/Gordon isn’t exactly Murderer’s Row. Also, I caught some of ESPN’s Fantasy Baseball Special last night and Karabell told me to not take Fielder/Howard/Teixera because I could just wait and get Gaby Sanchez or Adam LaRoche. I told my girlfriend how dumb that was but she didn’t seem to get my frustration, so now I vent to Razznation.

  10. SwaggerJackers says:

    @Grey: Nice Cuckoo’s Nest image reference.

  11. Sal says:

    Don’t slander Mike Minor or his lawyer, Sue Yu, will be contacting you.

  12. 24hourjack says:

    Grey….10 team 8X8 H2H keeper league,and Im pretty content w/ my team right now,however,we drafted early and Im having a hard time refraining from tinkering while I wait for opening day.Anyway….

    should I be satisfied going into the season w/ these SP’s?….

    D. Hudson

    Im still pretty deep at OF:Braun,Crawford,BJ Upton,Swisher,Lind,Raburn,Snider

    so,would you force the issue and try to deal for another no.2 type SP?….

  13. Eddy says:

    Grab Madson fellas, Lidge is going to start the year on the DL.

  14. Eddy says:


    Who would you pick up if both were available, Madson or Romo?

  15. Eric C. says:

    Need helping picking 5 of these keepers:

    -Desmond Jennings
    -Dominic Brown

    I’m more concerned about competing this year, so I’m thinking of not holding to Jennings or Brown.

  16. El Famous Burrito says:

    I was at the Braves game yesterday. Jar-Jar wasn’t helped off the field or anything. He didn’t run around with his hands up yelling “Meesa gonna die!”, he just didn’t come back out for the next inning. I didn’t even know there was anything wrong until today.

    What’s that mean? Not much, but I did get a sunburn to bring you that info, so…yeah.

  17. 14 Team NL Only, $275 Budget I joined as an expansion team.

    In the expansion draft I took:
    Wright- 46
    Drew- 23
    Soto- 20

    Claim Draft I took:

    Did I waste too much money taking Wright?

  18. Cain Fan says:

    Hey Razzers – I am doing my first H2H league this weekend. It’s a 6×6 (normal 5×5 plus Hits for offense, Holds for pitching – terrible I know). I was thinking of punting SP since they have even less value. I figured if I grab 10 bats then stock up on RP and MR I should be able to dominate. Thoughts?

  19. Pops says:

    Wht can we expect from Derek Holland now that he has won a spot in the rotation?

  20. timSTi says:

    @Grey: 10 team 7 keepers: Fielder, Longoria, Kemp, JUpton, Jeter, Kershaw, & Hamels. I have the 4th & 9th picks in the first round and my usual 4th/17th thereafter. Looking for opinion’s on who to aim for. Here’s the top20 available.

    Pence, Krispie, Reynolds, Beltre, Gallardo, M.Young, Ethier, BJUpton, Victorino, Weeks, Feliz, Soria, Bell, Wilson, Alvarez, ArRamirez, Gardener, Tabata, Rasmus, & Bruce.

    What’re the top 3 I should aim for based on my keepers. 5 Of & 2 Ut + regular positions. Thanks!

  21. ichirosan says:

    20-man H2H league… who should I pick up? Chris Narveson or Brandon Beachy?

  22. Arrec Bardwin says:

    Feliz/Brett Anderson or The Adverb/Colby Rasmus in a 16 team h2h points league.

    K’s are a -1 point value which gives me a bit a pause on Rasmus. Also dealing Feliz would leave me with 1.5 closers (valverde, kimbrel). The Adverb is the 2nd best sp in the scoring system, though, as CG and Shutouts are big points.

    OF/UTIL I currently have on the roster are Fowler/Manny/Swisher/Konerko/Kila/Coghlan.


  23. OaktownSteve

    OaktownSteve says:

    @Rudy: Surprised to see you guys go Starlin Castro there. Next SS didn’t come off the board for 4 rounds after that though so I guess maybe you hit a tier. I support the F Hernandez pick in an innings cap league for sure. AROD 8th overall. Lot of people buying his spring and the fact that he’s got somebody to feed him popcorn. Interesting draft. Looking forward to your write up.

  24. mymrbig says:

    I’m actually a big Correia fan, so don’t knock him! Technically, I’m a big Correia fan in my 16-team NL-only league where each team needs 5 SP. His younger brother died in early May in a hiking accident (he fell off a cliff, I’m not joking) and if you remove Correia’s 5 starts after his brothers death (combined 25 IP, 6.1 K/9, 5.0 BB/9) then his season looks much better (rest of season 120 IP, 7.4 K/9, 3.7 BB/9). Of course, its sad that he’s an opening day SP for a real MLB team, but I like him in deep leagues.

  25. tHe sHiT says:

    @Grey: Just drafted for my big money league. 14 team h2h. I punted closers. If you remember last year, having closers wasnt really a benefit for me as the pitching cats are IP, W, L, CG, Shutouts, SV, ER, HR, BB, K, ERA, WIN %, Blown Saves. Heres my team:
    C Matt Wieters
    1B Prince Fielder
    2B Aaron Hill
    3B David Wright
    SS Elvis Andrus
    OF Justin Upton
    OF Jason Heyward
    OF Travis Snider
    UTIL Ryan Raburn
    BN Marlon Byrd
    SP Tommy Hanson
    SP Dan Haren
    SP Shaun Marcum
    SP Gio Gonzalez
    SP Edinson Volquez
    SP Jorge De La Rosa
    SP Ian Kennedy

  26. Pooch says:

    Who’s a better Save vulture pick up to start the season? Madson, Contreras, Sergio Romo, or Jon Rauch?

  27. OaktownSteve

    OaktownSteve says:

    @Rudy: I don’t totally disagree with you. Seems like not a Grey player though. One of the things I think people don’t factor into their thinking is the opposite of players that help you are players that hurt you. There’s a lot of dead weight at SS with some multi-category killers, especially average killers. 10 home runs is just enough. You get a few more runs and rbi’s out of a guy that hit .290 than a guy that hits .250 of course. And he’ll run.

  28. papasmurf says:

    For once, no injury news on one of my players. Nice!

    So far this year, there’s been ankle, back, quad, even hit in the head.

  29. ABell says:

    will Capps fall into the donkeycorns or brain freeze category when your twins scenario turns into reality?

  30. OaktownSteve

    OaktownSteve says:

    @Rudy: So no Marlon Byrd?

  31. who would you want on your team in 20 team dynasty league

    Zach Britton OR Jake Arrieta OR Andrew Cashner – I own Cashner not really sure what is up with him with the cubs future plans

    who was rated better prospect – Britton or Arrieta

  32. K says:

    In a 14-team Roto league, would you spend a late pick on a Harper or Trout if you could keep 5 indefinitely at the round they were originally drafted?

  33. Jeremy Guthrie – The number one starter for the Birds are the Word – If there was any upside and I am not sure there is will be lost in all of his matchups against the other teams number 1 starter

  34. Stephen says:

    @Mr. Baseball: I agree with Grey, but to pick one, I like Britton of Arrieta.

  35. K says:

    @Grey – I agree, I’d lean towards Harper also, but does it make sense to essentially waste a roster spot for a year when I can only keep 5? If I do, though, and he becomes a keeper, I can perpetually keep him and he only costs a Rd 25 pick.

  36. Rabbit says:

    So Grey, was that an oblique reference (not to be confused with an oblique injury) to the infamous Tuskagee experiment in your intro? I appreciate the somewhat obscure cultural allusion. Tomorrow I expect you to connect Bartolo Colon and the Traingle Shirtwaist factory fire.

  37. Carl says:

    Grey, I’m looking to waste a bench spot on a bat until the season starts,
    which of these guys would you take in a 12 team OBP league (I’m lightest on steals/R’s):


  38. BenB says:

    Grey, what pitchers have comparable value to heyward? i’m thinking of dealing him and sliding raburn into that OF spot, so it wouldn’t be too huge a downgrade. i need starters and closers, any suggestions appreciated. 6×6 league with OPS and k/bb. thanks

  39. GTS says:

    10 team H2H 6×5 auction league.

    I have 2B/SS/MI slots to fill and my draft is soon. What do you recommend of the following players available: Kinsler, Phillips, huge drop off -> Hill, Zobrist, Roberts…

    I can spend ~$20-$25 on either Kinsler or Phillips or punt 2B. Suggestions?


  40. Wake Up says:

    Nothing like starting of your morn…well, so I slept in…with a happy Tuskegee reference.

  41. Wake Up says:

    re:Madson beware his closing ability. He likes to cuddle, he’s just not that good at it.

  42. need a sp says:

    Which 3 would get the pick for a 10 team mix
    Edwin jackson
    Wade davis
    Jonathan niese
    Bud norris
    Brandon beachy
    James mcdonald

  43. Wilsonian says:

    Not to frighten those Latos owners out there, but he was scratched from his next start due to a sore shoulder. No clue on severity, could be something small and just wanting to not push him…just thought you folks should know.

  44. elwood blues says:

    @wilsonian – Latos sore shoulder.. not shocked by this.

    Great, now it’s going to be impossible to trade him for anyone decent.. I have been trying for weeks to get rid of him in my keeper league, but didn’t like the offers.

  45. Howbone says:

    Thoughts on this standard 12 team 5 by 5 auction league team.

    C – Brian McCann
    1b – Adrian Gonzalez
    2b – Ian Kinsler
    3b – A-Rod
    SS – Stephen Drew
    CI – Adam Laroche
    MI – Rafael Furcal
    OF – Nelson Cruz
    OF – Adam Lind
    OF – Andres Torres
    OF – Chris Coghlan
    Util – Peter Bourjos
    Util – Sean Rodriguez
    Bench – Grady Sizemore
    Bench – Eric Young Jr.
    Bench – Seth Smith

    P – Francisco Liriano
    P – Brett Anderson
    P – Clay Bucholz
    P – Tim Hudson
    P – Jose Valverde
    P – Francisco Rodriguez
    P – Matt Capps
    P – Ryan Madson
    P – Chacin
    Bench – Edinson Volquez
    Bench – Edwin Jackson
    Bench – Tim Stauffer

    I know I have a few too many starting pitchers but I got each of those bench guys for a buck.

  46. Nuke LaLoosh says:

    Which of the following is the best pick for a .460+ OBP and 20+ HR? Other offensive productivity (esp. AVG/R/RBI) would be my tiebreaker:

    Hideki Matsui

    Matt LaPorta

    Jim Thome

    Jack Cust

    Justin Smoak

    J.D. Drew

    Seth Smith

    Josh Willingham

    On another topic, which of the following has the best chance to step into the closer role and record, say, 15+ saves? HLD would be my tiebreaker:

    Koji Uehara

    Jose Contreras

    Jason Motte

    Evan Meek

  47. Nuke LaLoosh says:

    Oof. Just read the Tuskegee comments. Feeling small for even caring about fantasy baseball now. People are monsters.

  48. Nuke LaLoosh says:

    SORRY – I meant a .360 OBP when listing my hitters above.

  49. longbeachyo says:

    How do you feel about Kemp for McCutchen and J. Chacin???

  50. Eng says:

    Vulturing for saves is tiring, but I always find myself in the same position especially after having to draft DL CL Lidge. Even if I had a solid closers, I’d add terrible ones just so others could not (for better or worse). My ERA and WHIP are gonna be sore from being pulled down by my good starters and up by my bullpen.

    Is Beachy a better add than Niemann? Rookie pitchers scare me but, as a number 5, I guess upside is the name of the game.

    Also, I’m hoping I can drop Dotel if Rauch proves solid as Octavio really is trash.

  51. Buddo Chezuski says:

    @K: Agree with Grey that it would be tough to use a spot on someone like Harper, especially with only 5 keepers. But I will say that you can make an absolute killing if you hit it big with a rookie on one of those picks and no round inflation. My league has a 1 round bump each year and I still have Longoria locked up for very cheap from 3 years ago.

  52. need a sp says:

    Which 3 would get the pick. I am in a 10 team mix

    Edwin jackson
    Wade davis
    Jonathan niese
    Bud norris
    Brandon beachy
    James mcdonald

    Everyones input would be great

  53. Benny says:

    Hey Grey- what’s your gut feeling on Brandon Belt being in the opening day lineup? Does the injury to Ross move Huff to the OF and pave the way for Belt to start right away?

  54. Nuke LaDouche says:

    Hey Grey,

    Would you drop Niese to grab Madson or Contreras? I have Kershaw, Haren, Marcum, Volquez, Chacin, D. Hudson, and Kennedy already. My closers are pretty solid too but I figure I have more than enough starting pitching.

  55. zzzzzz says:

    thoughts on my draft?

    OF-J-Up, Holliday, Werth, Krispie
    U-Tabata, Snider

    SP-Lincecum, Oswalt, Latos, Marcum, Scherzer, Lilly, Chacin, Beachy…

    oh 10 team h2h mixed

  56. OaktownSteve

    OaktownSteve says:

    Latos…jeez. I can think of about three top pitchers I trust: The King, Halladay, Verlander. I can think of something negative/cautionary to say about every other top 50 pitcher on the board.

  57. You son of a bitxh Grey. You make 95% of the fantasy writers look bad.

    “Food for Franklin Gutierrez is like last season for the Mariners. Difficult to digest.”

    Classic. All your side-steps are seem effortless, like you have all these useless facts/anecdotes/pop culture references easily available at the front of your brain.

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