Greetings, eh! Auntie Victoria — second girl writer and possibly sole British-Canadian Razzballee (hit me up in the comments if you too spell “favorite” with a “u”) — here with your Saturday FanDuel advice at the end of a long, weird week. In a world <movie trailer voice> where so far there have been four rain-outs! a flu epidemic! James Shields! Miggy yet to get a hit!, is it even safe to say “stack all your Dodgers and Rockies bats today”? In case life as we know it really has turned on its head, let’s look at some Beyond-Coors options, shall we?

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

First, though, a caveat. I know that if you’re reading this, you’re probably a grizzled old DFS vet, like me <lights cigar with flame-thrower>, but it’s always worth repeating that I’m writing this ahead of time, so please double-check your lineups, the weather, injury reports, and status of the apocalypse, accordingly.

Second, a word about my strategy. You know the big hitters and hurlers to draft, and how much they cost. In addition to mentioning some favo(u)rites, I’ll be throwing ideas at you: cheap guys your DFS league competitors may have forgotten about, hopefully giving you an edge; the little hole-fillers (so to speak); ways to free up salary cap so you can afford the biggies.

Right. Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin.

Stacks and stacks of stacks: As mentioned, Colorado and LA are the obvious bats to stack today — and the weather report is calling for wind gusts out to right field at Coors; hello, home runs! But also have a look at Philly. The Nats are trotting Jeremy Guthrie out on the mound today. It’s actually his birthday, Fact Fans, so one might hope the Phillies would be kind, but I don’t think they’re going to be.

Slate: I’m looking at the 1:10 p.m. All-Day GPP, just to give you a little something of everything.

Here’s my lineup:

P: Chris Archer, $9,400

C: Victor Martinez, $2,800

1B: Kendrys Morales, $3,000

2B: Cesar Hernandez, $2,500

3B: Pablo Sandoval, $2,500

SS: Corey Seager, $4,400

OF: Scott Van Slyke, $2,600

OF: JaCoby Jones, $2,200

OF: Charlie Blackmon, $3,900

That leaves me with $1,700, in case I need to make tweaks later (I’m thinking Van Slyke, Hernandez and Jones are the most likely to not make it into the lineup).

Chris Archer, SP: $9,400: I’m with Streamonator, which ranks him just below Mad Bum. The Archer takes on the Jays at home today, and as much as I adore my Jays, all those right-handed bats shouldn’t give Archer too much trouble (other than, possibly, the switch-hittin’ Kendrys Morales — more on him below). I especially like this matchup given the Jays have historically struggled at the Trop. (As you may know, “Trop” in French means “too much”. This bilingual nation likes to refer to the Rays’ stadium as “Trop Crap”.) But if you find him too expensive for your taste, try…

Michael Wacha, SP: $6,600 – Mad Bum is probably your surest play today, at San Diego, but why pay $11,900 when you can spend half that and use the rest to stack bats? I’m crossing fingers that this isn’t your last-year’s PacMan Man: his fastball and curveball have allegedly looked good all spring.

Victor Martinez, C: $2,800 – Why on earth is V-Mart listed as catcher, anyway? Quick, just play him before FanDuel notices. But in case he isn’t in the lineup and/or you need to save even more money for your stacks, you could try…

Jarrod Saltalamacchia, C: $2,000 – Wait, wait, hear me out. Salty took the plate instead of Russell Nathan Coltrane Jeanson Martin on Friday night; they’re saying it was a “regular rest day” for Martin, but as Martin is basically Liriano’s personal catcher, I have to wonder whether the foul tip Martin took to the fingers last Wednesday night was a bigger deal than initially thought. If Salty does play again, all he needs to do is get you a hit and he’s served his dirt-cheap purpose. Also keep an ear out for the whereabouts of Luke Maile, whom the Jays just claimed off waivers. Curio(u)ser and curio(u)ser.

Kendrys Morales, 1B: $3,000 – Hittertron doesn’t love him for Saturday, but I think he’s underpriced given the way he’s been hitting and running over the last week, and historically he’s smacked Archer around a tad. But if anything related to hitting and the Trop fills you with horror (see also: Saltalamacchia above), look at…

Eric Thames, 1B: $2,500 – This could make for a nice, cheap lefty-righty matchup in a hitter-friendly park; Hittertron has the faith and so do I.

Cesar Hernandez, 2B: $2,500 – He’s been doing a little somethin’ somethin’ most days so far, and if he plays tomorrow, I like him against Jeremy Guthrie. Who is apparently still pitching for a team. Also try…

Pretty much anyone else, 2B: $2,000 to $3,700 – I feel lukewarm generally about 2B options today (even in Colorado!), and that malaise seems to be reflected in the FanDuel prices. I’m going to run Hernandez in one lineup and Rougned Odor ($3,300; Hittertron recommendation; doesn’t have great numbers against Kendall Graveman, but he’s heating up) in another, but you may as well pay up for Logan Forsythe at Coors ($3,500).

Pablo Sandoval, 3B: $2,500 – I’m going to say that The Panda sort of kind of seems to be starting to heat up a little (could I be any more tentative?), and he’s still available at a very nice price. I also think the Sox can’t afford to sit him, given the plague sweeping through their clubhouse. But I am so very tempted by…

Joey Gallo, 3B: $2,700 – Power all the way, from the Gallo(ws) to the Grave,man! Well, here’s hoping, anyway. Check the lineup to make sure he’s in, but I like Joey’s swing with Graveman’s sinkerball.

Marco Hernandez, SS: $2,100 – With Xander Bogaerts away on the bereavement list until Monday at the earliest, Marco Hernandez is slated to play shortstop. Sure, he hasn’t done a whole lot so far, but hope springs eternal: in this lineup, he’s bound to stumble into a run or RBI almost by accident. (Also keep an eye on the other flu-affected positions for Boston: Hanley and Mookie may be out another day, while Brock Holt is back in again — $2,500 and hitting leadoff last night, no less.) But if Marco is really too Polo-rizing for you, try…

Freddy Galvis, SS: $2,600 – He’s hit up a storm two nights out of four this week and today he’s facing poor Jeremy Guthrie.

Scott Van Slyke, OF: $2,600 – I know, I know, I said NON-Coors players, but I just wanted to remind you about van Slyke. If he makes it into the lineup, he’s a cheap play in a great park against an iffy Colorado pitcher.

JaCoby Jones, OF: $2,200 – Middle C is still shiny-brand new, but he has a nice matchup against Eduardo Rodriguez, whom Streamonator ranks third last for today in a hitter-friendly park.

Before I love and leave you: first-post hat-tip (literally) to splendid fellow Canadian, @Minor_Leaguer for my avatar, which came from his post on alternative headwear for the Blue Jays.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

(I’ve always wanted to know, when reading this section of DFS posts in the past: Are you more Jesus and Mary Chain or Garbage?) After a week of rain-induced postponements, for Saturday it seems to be mostly clear other than a possible sprinkling (and windy gusts) at Citi Field, but hopefully that will just mean a pause in the action for Miami and the Mets (anyone else have “Benny and the Jets” stuck in their head now? No? I’m old, right?). There is some wind around and about: as mentioned, home run-friendly winds at Coors; gusts in from right field at Guaranteed Rate Field could mean a lower chance of home runs for the Twins and White Sox off to the right. Possible gusts at Camden Yards, too, but left to right across the stadium, so help to neither Yank nor Oriole. As long as the Minute Maid Park roof stays open, Royals and Astros hitters might take advantage of a moderate breeze to center field, but pitchers might get lucky in Arlington with gusts from the right.

Doing Lines In Vegas

Apparently, Vegas is as floored by the Jeremy Guthrie pick as I am: at time of writing, there are no odds for Washington versus Philadelphia, so keep an eye on that. I’m also interested in the Braves-Pirates game. Pittsburgh’s the favorite to win (-141 to Atlanta’s +131; over/under: 8), but I want to see if RA Dickey can still pull something out of his magic bag of knuckleball tricks.