Yankee pitchers haven’t been hit this hard since Ed Whitson ran into a Billy Martin drinking jag. You know, Yogi’s always the one quoted from the Yankee archives, but Billy had some good ones too. Here’s my favorite, “I’d like to mouth f*** that bottle of whiskey.” Before the Yankees game, CC Sabathia hit the DL with an abductor strain in his groin. Someone’s got clams! CC is supposed to be fine to go right after the All-Star break, as long as no one else tries to shuck his groin. Then, once the game got going, Andy Pettitte was hit in the ankle with a comebacker. Pettitte is supposed to be out for 6-8 weeks. At least he didn’t pull a Zumaya during his retirement and hurt himself playing Guitar Hero (or, more likely, Guitar Praise). The Yankees’ rotation now has plenty of room for anyone the Cubs, Astros, Padres or Brewers want to give trade them. I did the crossed out text thing, I’m a jerkoff! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Daniel Hudson – Torn UCL. The writing on the wall says, “For a good time call Dr. James Andrews. I will turn your joint inside out.”
Ike Davis – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs, his 10th homer and is now hitting .201. Hey, he’s finally taking sophomore classes!
David Wright – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs as he sits on .357 and 8 homers. Now doing around a 3 homer, 3 steal every month. Not bad… For Brandon Phillips! I’m kidding. No, I’m not.
Daniel Murphy – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his first two homers of the year. Leave it to an Irishman to double fist his deep shots.
David Murphy – 4-for-5, 5 RBIs, 3 runs and 2 HRs. I wish someone let us know it was Happy Murphday as he Sonovabenched us in one league.
Jon Niese – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners (1 walk), 6 Ks to lower his ERA to 3.55. And still only 36% owned. No respect! Maybe because he had a teammate pay for his nose job.
Kirk Nieuwenhuis – Mets scored 17 runs and Nieuwenhuis didn’t play. Holy sit!
Adam Dunn – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 24th homer. He now has 33 hits on the year that aren’t homers as he hits his weight (in 6th grade).
Kevin Youkilis – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs as the White Sox seem committed to hitting him 2nd in the lineup. Beats hitting 10th for the Red Sox.
Jeff Samardzija – 4 1/3 IP, 9 ER. That’s 27 ER in 23 June innings for Samardzjia as his season ERA has fattened up quicker than ex-coach Charlie Weis after he traded game-day tickets for unlimited Dairy Queen.
Ricky Romero – 3 IP, 8 ER, and his ERA is now up to 4.94. Now has 52 BBs to 70 Ks. Since Romero resembles LL Cool J, right now he’s starring on the UPN show, In the House, and about to release any song since 1995. He needs to get back to his roots or star in some wack-ass procedural with Chris O’Donnell. If every other Toronto SP wasn’t on the DL, Romero would probably be due for a trip on the Disgraceful List. On a side note, LL Cool J hasn’t released a good song in 17 years. It’s a wonder that Stuart Scott has managed to get through a SportsCenter.
Kevin Millwood – Left start with a groin strain. I think because of the recent success of Dickey, a lot more pitchers are straining to be groins.
Jarrod Parker – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks to lower his ERA to 2.57. The Colonel is managing to do OK in OAK.
Jason Hammel – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER. Too many chefs may spoil the broth, but too few Hamels spoil your fantasy team.
Chipper Jones – Hit his 6th HR of the year and 460th of his illustrious career. When healthy (2/3 of the time), he’s now just fantasy replacement level for HR/AVG but he’s still above average in OBP. That’s something to be Larry about.
Andre Ethier – To the DL with a strained oblique. The good news is more playing time for Abreu. That’s only good news for Bobby Abreu and the outfield walls. The Dodgers outfield next game will likely have less homers on the year than Michael Bourn. Their entire lineup yesterday had 15 homers. The whole team is hitting like it’s in Endy Chavez Ravine.
Luke Scott – Will be activated today. From the TMI Files, I had Scott as an Add with Lind as a Drop, but I didn’t pull the trigger. While naked at one in the morning.
Ryan Braun – Didn’t start yesterday because of a bruised elbow from a hit by pitch. He said, “I can’t bend my arm.” That never stopped fellow ‘roiders like Canseco and McGwire.
Brandon Phillips – Left yesterday’s game after taking a forearm to head. Who were the Reds going against? Iron Mike Sharpe?
Homer Bailey – 4 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K as he took on the slumping Brewers without Braun in the lineup. Homer Bailey: Slump Buster. As Mark Grace once said, “A slump buster is if a team’s in a slump, or if you personally are in a slump, you gotta find the fattest, gnarliest, grossest chick and you just gotta lay the wood to her. And when you do that, you’re just gonna have instant success. And it could also be called jumping on a grenade for the team.” Mark Grace’s views aren’t necessarily shared by Razzball. They’re not necessarily not shared either.
Ryan Ludwick – 2 hits, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and 2 homers. Weird, I always thought Ludwick was showing Quad-A’s.
Mike Moustakas – 1-for-3 with his 13th homer. After the game, Moustakas said he looks forward to facing Dice-K and his gyro ball.
Billy Butler – 2-for-4, and his 15th homer. Wil Meyers would’ve had a double homer on that one. What? Rizzo and Bauer are up, it’s time to hype someone else.
Robinson Cano – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his 18th homer, now batting .308. He’s having a solid year, no complaints on him. To recap my RCL saga that you’ll hear at least a few times more, ESPN draft software auto-picked Cano for me in the first round instead of what my pick would’ve been, Votto. You can argue Cano has been plenty valuable, but no first baseman sent me searching for one early in Hosmer. If I had Votto, I would’ve never drafted Hosmer. And if I drafted Votto, Rudy would’ve took A-Gon. I imagine my parallel universe self is enjoying a nice fantasy team with a whole different set of excuses.
Josh Collmenter – Will take Daniel Hudson’s rotation spot. If you like the hittability of Trevor Cahill, you’ll love Josh Collmenter. Worth picking up in NL-leagues.
Desmond Jennings – 3-for-4 with his 12th steal as he was lowered to the 7 hole, Considering Carlos Pena’s hitting 2nd and Keppinger’s batting third and Brooks Conrad (just because he’s playing 3rd; he doesn’t need to hit in Longoria’s spot) is hitting cleanup, I don’t know if it’s a punishment or a reward to hit 7th for Maddon.
Jordan Zimmermann – Rewarded owners who started him @COL with 7 IP with only 1 ER and a Win. Just try not to look at the 11 baserunners and 1 K.
Ryan Zimmerman – Another day, another homer. I’d sell to the highest bidder. Coors made Brandon Moss look like Barry Bonds ten days ago.
Torii Hunter – 3-for-5, slam and legs, 4 runs, 2 RBIs and Mike Trout did a dead-on impersonation of a younger Hunter robbing a homer. Luckily, Mike Trout doesn’t have a son.
Chase Utley – Went 3-for-5 and HR’d in his 1st AB of the season. Apologies for triggering any Opening Day flashbacks to Dustin Ackley owners.
Stephen Drew – Batting 2nd in his return going 1-for-4. Apologies for triggering any flashbacks to just about every day for Neil Walker owners.
Anibal Sanchez – A completely blah start (7 IP, 4 K, 3 ER, 9 baserunners) but he got the win over the Cardinals. Here’s the bonkers stat of the day (brought to you by Bonkers – the candy crazy people bought over Starburst): That was only Anibal’s 2nd win at home this year and his ERA is nearly 3 runs higher (5.20/2.21) at the Crayola Canyon vs. away. Call him Marlin Awayans.
Lucas Harrell – Shutout the Padres (6 K, 10 baserunners) as the Friars packed their home offense for the Houston road trip. Harrell’s now 7-6 but his K/BB is Astrocious (54 K / 35 BB in 97 IP). Start him in NL-only and Fantasy Razzball leagues.
Clayton Richard – 7 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners, 5 Ks but gets the tough-luck loss. This was a rare quality road start for Richard who has managed a 2.91 ERA / 1.12 WHIP at home so far this year with an almost stomachable 6ish K/9. Hodgepadre, thy name is Clayton.
Ian Desmond – Hit HR #12 in Colorado. Shine on!
Ryan Roberts – HR and 3 RBIs. Now has 3 HRs in June after 2 in May and 1 in April. Looks like someone’s on pace to set the record for December HRs.
Roy Oswalt – 6 IP, 6 K, 5 ER, 15 baserunners. WHIP-lash!
Tommy Hanson – Got win #9 with an okay start vs Arizona (6 1/3 IP, 5 Ks, 3 ER, 8 baserunners). His WHIP (> 1.30) and K/9 (7.7) don’t scream sustainability but that’s what they said about Hanson and look what they’ve accomplished post-MMMBop.
Tim Lincecum – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks in a day game, and as frequent commenter, Chillmodious, points out, “Have you checked his day/night splits? I have not, but would venture to say that his disastrous innings all occur after 4:20pm local time.”
Irish Pirate Power – HR’s by McCutchen, McKenry, and McGehee. I haven’t seen that many micks trot around the bases since the infamous New Jersey Fort Crawl of 1987. “Start at Fort McGuire for Jameson’s and brews, finish when your Fort Dix is limp from the booze!”
