Last summer, something felt wrong for Edinson Volquez. He said it was his arm. Dusty gave him two after-dinner mints and said they were “reconstructive surgery,” then threw him for 160 pitches. Unfortunately, the mints didn’t take. Dusty blamed Edinson’s inability to believe. Neverthehoo! (I’m trying to get neverthehoo to stick, go with it.) Edinson went for Tommy John surgery, or as they call it in the Tommy John household, “my surgery.” Usual recovery time is longer than his current 11 month timetable, but all signs point to him returning in the next few weeks. I’d grab him in every league. Yes, even yours. His sell value is already starting to climb. If he returns with a gem, his value will go through the roof. So even if you don’t need a starter, someone in your league will. Coming back, I expect Volquez will give a great K-rate and not a terrific WHIP. Think 75 innings, 4.00 ERA, 1.32 WHIP and 85 Ks. My name is Edinson Volquez and I approve of this message. Hey, Dusty, can I have another mint? No! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Erik Bedard – Bedard’s history of injury is so well-documented that even if he returns and throws aces, he can still drop an injury deuce at any moment.
Jorge de la Rosa – dlR, Edinson, Bedard, Beckett… In that order I’d pick them up. Not to repeat, but to explain. Beckett’s in the AL East and can’t get his shizz together, saying he might not be back until the end of July. Bedard’s terrific when healthy. That ‘when’ needs to be airlifted out of bed. Edinson’s progressing well, but this was serious surgery. dlR’s progressing well from a less serious injury. However, I do think Edinson and dlR are pretty much a toss-up. Volquez will have more trade value if good news continues to come out. Any questions? What about Jar-Jar? Why I oughta!
Tommy Hunter – This is Tommy Hunter after he learned you wanted to pick him up. Or is that Billy Butler? It’s hard for me to recommend him highly because I wouldn’t pick him up outside of H2H or AL-Only leagues, but he’s pitching well and he gets the Astros next. Yes, please.
Gavin Floyd – It took two stank months, but this is the Floyd I pictured when I targeted him in drafts. In his last four starts, 29 innings, 3 earned runs. Float on, Gavin!
Sam Demel – Heilman is the first pickup, Qualls is the second pickup and the Diamondbacks are a cellar-dwelling team. So deep SAGNOF, but SAGNOF neverthehoo!
Jarret Hoffpauir – Doesn’t he sound like a total douche? When you and your girl were on a break, who did she sleep with? Jarret Hoffpauir! That douche! He dotted her eyes! Hoffpauir’s playing every day (for now) and has 2nd base eligibility in ESPN and about to get 3rd base in Yahoo. Hoffpauir’s a pretty stale prospect, having festered in the minors for a bit too long, but he has solid plate discipline (9 homers and only 15 Ks in 259 ABs at Triple-A). Because of his eligibility, I’d take a chance on him in deep leagues.
Dayan Vicedo – Until Ozzie tweets Vicedo into his everyday lineup, I’m not as excited about him. In deep enough leagues, you do what you do.
Chris Johnson – To run through these guys like I did with the injured starters; I’d grab them Hoffpauir, Vicedo and Johnson, in that order. Hoffpauir’s playing for the 1927 Blue Jays and playing every day, according to Gaston. Viciedo is not playing every day, but has decent upside. Chris Johnson plays for the Astros. Belch.
Justin Smoak – I sorta gave up on Smoak’s BABIP ever turning itself around… Actually, at first base, I couldn’t afford to wait in a league or two, but it seems like he did finally turn it around.
Gaby Sanchez – He’s having a much better season than Lance Berkman. Yo Gaby Gaby!
Brennan Boesch – On June 23rd, ESPN told you to grab Boesch. On May 21st, I told you to grab him. You’re welcome.
Tyler Colvin – Mentioned him in last week’s Buy/Sell. And here he is again. You’d think Steve Stone were writing these.
David DeJesus – DeJesus could be the definition of yawnstipating if Polanco didn’t own that distinction. You, son, are too yawnstipating to even be the definition of yawnstipating! Day-um! BTW, A man in Wichita, Kansas asked for Selig to visit his hometown and confirm the likeness of DeJesus on a piece of toast.
A.J. Burnett – He got a red card and was benched indefinitely in the league where I have him (look at me forcing in soccer and not making any sense!), but I’m in a deep league. Most of youse can flat-out drop him. Sure, his xFIP is a full run lower than his ERA, but it’s still hovering around 5 and his Ks are way too far down. I’d let Burnett wiggle his nose on someone else’s team.
Buster Posey – Well, you had about a week to sell him for value like I suggested. Now I don’t think you get anything for him in one year leagues. Nine out of ten fantasy baseball ‘perts agree, rookie value is less than their hype.
Billy Butler – Garrett Jones has been better than Butler, according to the ESPN Player Rater. So has Swisher, Glaus, Loney, Huff, Prado and Konerko. I hate to be a, uh, hater, but Mr. Grapefruit is way overvalued. For some reason, people are indifferent with the Royals as a whole, but love their prospects. You know what Butler is? A good average, 20 homer hitter. Loney looks at that and says, “Yeah, so?” You look at Butler and you think well-rounded, but for fantasy he is not. He gets few Runs and RBIs due to his team and he has Warning Track Fly power. Otherwise known as WTF! (Disregard the preceding if you play in a league with a Moob category.)