Opening day is here!  But it’s really tomorrow!  But baseball happens today!  Where are my pants!  I’m so confused and happy all at the same time!  Yes, it’s me.  You might remember me from such posts as that one about that guy or that other one about that other guy.  I am kinda well known in that respect.  Now before you get all teary-eyed over this reunion, realize this won’t be my regularly spotted day.  Think of me as the manager of a Grand Opening and I’m here making sure all the merchandise is where it needs to be.  Also think of me as overweight with a heart condition and nearly suffering from a massive coronary, all while sweating profusely.  No clue why on that, I just wanted you to have a fun start to the year.  But speaking of start to the year, start Francisco Liriano.  I know, that call took me at least 15 seconds to make.  He’s the second most costly pitcher but he’s at home and the weather is chilly enough to help keep the ball in the park just in case Tommy Pham gets into one.  HA, see I crack myself up, too!  Look, it’s a three game slate, what were you expecting?  I won’t have a huge amount of knowledge to dump on you in this post other than you should sign up for the DFSBot and make your life easier for the rest of the DFS season if you’re gonna play along with us.  But with that, let’s make some bold calls.  Here’s my opening day that’s not really opening day takes for this beautiful but brief Sunday slate…

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Edinson Volquez, SP: $6,700 – Why would I go and do a silly thing like suggest the problem pee pee boy, Matt HarveyRoyals don’t strike out, friends, but the Mets do.  I doubt you get too much from Edinson but he’s my SP2 no matter what route I go today.

Hank Conger, C: $2,900 – The Conger knows…how to frame pitches.  TBD whether or not he knows how to hit a baseball but he’s still an infatuation for me and hits for plenty of power.  Just need one donger from the Conger for this pick to be magic.

Logan Morrison, 1B: $3,200 – There isn’t much sexy on opening day so we’re here suggesting a guy whose tweet game is better than his baseball game.  He’s also cheap enough that you can get in whomever you want elsewhere.

Jedd Gyorko, 2B/SS: $2,800 – When there’s only three games, you find yourself kind of eating your own head.  Gyorko has done will for his career vs lefties and…yeah, that’s pretty much every highlight of Jedd’s career.  Cost-wise, it won’t matte if Jedd’s dead cuz he left you with all this bountiful cash to go play with elsewhere.

David Freese, 3B: $3,100 – Revenge game?  It seems so long ago…nevertheless, I’m a fan of Mr. Freese to start the year before he goes and breaks himself.

Lorenzo Cain, OF: $4,300 – Cain is my bomb call of the day.  Cain matches heat with heat and Harvey is known for his gas…well and his urine at this point.

Randal Grichuk, OF: $3,300 – I know, I know, eating your own head…Grichuk vs lefties will be a thing you want this year and much like Cain, he returns it the way it was sent with similar velocity.

John Jaso, OF: $3,000 – Batting leadoff against righties most of the year, Jaso will be one of the safest cash game plays you’ve ever had since he walks and singles and…does nothing else.  Either way, LL Cool Jaso will be doing it and doing it and doing it well all year.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

Yay, domes and sunshine!  We got nothing to talk about here, folks, move along…

Doing Lines In Vegas

The mighty vegas people don’t like the odds of an offensive outburst today and I’m with them on it.  You wanna pay for Archer and Liriano and just undercut every bat for the day?  You have my blessing.

 
  1. J-FOH says:
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    I t feels like an eternity since you’ve posted. Thanks for the sunlight on a cloudy day

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      Just don’t start singing ‘you are my sunshine’

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Sky:

        Sunny, thank you for the sunshine bouquet.
        Sunny, thank you for the love you brought my way.
        You gave to me your all and all.
        Now I feel ten feet tall.

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          I’m picturing you dancing around in a pimp suit now

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Sky: There is a pimp jacket….no pants

            • Sky

              Sky says:
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              Yeah but stained tighty-whiteys doesn’t fit the ensemble

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Sky: Im commando

                • Sky

                  Sky says:
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                  I’m throwing up

  2. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    why is Matt adams in the game ,who is came out of the game

  3. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    pham,obli

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      Headline: ‘Things Are looking Oblique for Pham, Fam’

  4. Happy Opening Day Sky!

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Wake Up: WAKE!!! You too my man. Offseason slumber now time for some in season lumber. HOO

  5. Glenn Halpern says:
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    Hey whaddya think about this trade?

    Trade Cain and Cueto to get back Kluber and Ozuna.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Glenn Halpern: it’s a good trade if you need an ace but I prefer the Cain side

  6. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    LL Jaso with the trustafarian dreads.

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: he’s hiding some performance enhancing hugs under those

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Sky: Why does his “Cream and clear” smell like patchouli?

        • Sky

          Sky says:
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          HA, and why does his Deer Antler Spray say ‘vegan’ on it?!?

  7. Zach

    Zach says:
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    Great article man! Way to start of the Season on the right foot. And the right foot of Liriano…

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      It’s better than starting on the left foot of Daniel Day Lewis, this is true.

  8. Big Magoo

    Big Magoo says:
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    I thought you were referring to Juan Francisco for a second. He’d take your money straight to Golden Corral and you’d never see it again.

    • J-FOH

      J-FOH says:
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      @Big Magoo: mmmmmmmh buffets!

    • Sky

      Sky says:
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      Death match eating contest between Pablo Sandoval & Juan Francisco? Who lives? Easy, them because the rest of the world’s food is now gone.

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