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There are days once in a while when it seems like a good pitcher is nowhere to be found. Days like this may be more frequent as a fan of the Minnesota Twins than as a frequent DraftKings player, but nonetheless, these days do exist. Today is one of those days for DraftKings players. Quite simply, the few decent pitchers on this slate leave a lot to be desired in their matchup, so the best decision is to avoid the top few, pick a few bottom-feeders, and stock up on good bats. One bottom-feeder that I’m guessing eats all the food in the sea, not just at the bottom, is Bartolo Colon, and in a matchup against the wave-the-white-flag Yankees, he is worth a spot in your lineup. Plus, a headline like Counting on King Bart is bound to double the readership for today, since I’m guessing most of your frequent Google searches involve King Bart.  You can either admire his ability to throw two seamers that run back to the outside corner, or you can admire his belly. Totally your call; luckily, his appearances will not lose you points on DraftKings (Maybe they should gain points?).

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond?  Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 8th to wet your DK whistle.  Just remember to sign up through us before you do.  Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to ourDFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Tyrell Jenkins, SP: $4,700 – This guy has some nasty stuff, and at this price, he just needs to strike some guys out to return solid value.

Evan Gattis, C: $3,900 – Evan Gattis, he of the janitor ID card as his Twitter picture, wears no batting gloves and drops bombs. If nothing else, putting him in your lineup against a southpaw is just plain fun.

Freddie Freeman, 1B: $4,900 – Somebody has to support Tyrell!

Jose Altuve, 2B: $4,800 – We have about one-eighth of Evan Gattis here; good thing he’s more than one-eighth as good.

Manny Machado, 3B: $4,400 – Manny Machado and Jose Altuve together still don’t equal Evan Gattis, but we are getting there.

Xander Bogaerts, SS $5,000 – Really surprised that there hasn’t been a commercial where Xander is starting a new X-Men group and Papi tries to join as Papi-rine.

Mike Trout, OF: $5,100 – Welcome to the squad best player in baseball!

Jay Bruce, OF: $5,400 – The new Met can do his best to support Bartolo Colon, although I’m guessing only Evan Gattis could support Bart by himself.

Joc Pederson, OF: $5,000 – Coors Field plus Joc Power equals Joc-Bombs.

I’m Only Happy When it Rains

It’s supposed to be rainy in the A.T.L. Don’t count too much on their two superstars, Tyrell and Freddie. Keep an eye on the weatherman down there. Here’s hoping the weather is peachy!

Doing Lines in Vegas

Every game in this slate has over/under’s of either 8.5 or 9. Just follow your gut, and follow Evan Gattis and Bart if you want to hide, because you’ll definitely be hidden.

That’s all for today… Just make sure you get Bart in your lineup so he doesn’t eat us all!