Greetings! Let us not dally and get straight to the point. Not since Dennis Quaid’s pathetic attempt at portraying the legendary Doc Holiday have I ever witnessed a more disgraceful performance. My good men (and good women), this fraud has pulled the wool over our eyes for far too long. His supporters make me want to upchuck my kale smoothies while I wither to my knees, my body quivering with disgust. His 1.60 WHIP (before last night’s bed shizzing) makes me long for Marco Estrada. His 4.88 ERA makes me lust after Chase Whitley. Seriously, RuPaul has higher testicular fortitude. I’d much rather be tied to a razor blade studded lawn chair, naked, with my mouth duck taped and forced to watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop, one AND two, in a cage with starved hyenas along with 50 rattlesnakes than watch Strasburg pitch. Now he’s injured, and if my animal instincts are proven correct, a DL stint is on the horizon. Don’t be shocked if it’s a season ender, which may be a good thing in the long run, like having your family’s rabid dog drowned after blood-lusting after a river otter when you didn’t have the heart to gun it down yourself. [Jay’s Note: Wait, what?] Say one thing for Stephen Strasburg, he’s a disappointment. It’s over.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

 

Players who Disgraced

Addison Reed – I have more faith in Nicolas Cage and Christian Slater winning best actor/ best supporting actor in the same year than I do Reed finishing the year as the D-backs closer. Seriously dude, one save? The stench of his putrid 4.50 ERA and 2.16 WHIP is causing my eyes to water all the way in Seattle. Reed’s fantasy owners want his head…

The Red Sox pitching staff – Not going to get it done Bostonians. You’re not foolish enough to believe in them, are you? You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

Evan Longoria – Longo is the Adam Sandler of fantasy baseball. Much like Sandler’s lemmings still seeing his movies, even though they’re total dog sh*t, we continue to draft Longoria for what he we once thought he was: an emerging every-year triple crown and MVP threat. Sandler’s flicks are now going straight to Netflix and they may be regretting whatever deal they made with him. Maybe we can learn from this. Maybe, just maybe, we can draft Longoria after the 10th round, where he so deservingly belongs. The six RBI and uno homer just aren’t doing it for me kid. Evan Longoria, the puppy who lost his way…

 

Robinson Cano – Seattle’s prized free agent signing from 2014 is matching the aforementioned Longoria, homer for homer, RBI for RBI, in true peasant like form. Don’t fret, Mariner fans, we only have to deal with this… gulp… through the 2023 season. Laaaaaaaawd! $24 milly per year is a small price to pay for relevancy. Okay, so I’m a tad bitter… obviously Cano is going to heat up and end up as a top-3 two-bagger, but it still makes my nuts shrivel to see the Mariners struggle to win ball games, even with Cruz bringing down a Conan the Barbarian-like destruction upon opposing pitchers. I hate to believe in the obscenely racist stereotype, that many Dominican born players don’t heat up till the summer months, but in this particular case, I’m on my knees in front of blazing fire, praying for the Elder Gods to release me from this vehement pain and blessing Cano with a hot month (that was a long sentence. It can’t be grammatically correct…or can it? Witness!).

 

 

Players who Delighted

Jake Marisnick  At 6-4, 220, J-Mar seems to be created by the Elder Gods for our pleasure. The 24-year-old has come out the gate scorching, with a robust .350 average, 3 jacks and NINE steals. Marisnick should be owned in ALL formats until he cools down. I highly doubt he crushes more than 15 long dongs, but the speed is realer than real deal Holyfield, and Imma let you readers and haters know just how I feel. Continue to ride this horse like Seattle Slew until he goes back to the mud from which he rose. I’d like to think that never happens, but bad things occur when I think.

Jose Altuve – Oh, you let Altuve slide to the 3rd round of your fantasy draft, for you felt it beyond the stretch of imagination for him to repeat last season’s miraculous run? Shame on a Nuh! Who try to run game on a nuh! Beddict buck wild with the trigger! With a .348 average, 3 jacks, 19 RBI and 10 base thefts, this 5’6″ legend is well on his way to another top-5 overall season. Astros gear from his head to his neck. Pootie Tang with the hit game, show some respect.

Chris Archer I wish I could inform you I’m enjoying the dominance being shown by young hog Chris Archer, but he doesn’t reside on ONE of my 13 fantasy squadrons. Nope, unfortunately I was insanely high on him last year and he was straight up gutter trash for the 1st half of the season, though he finished with a respectable 3.33 ERA. Of course, I had already dropped him in every league before the turnaround, so I could care less how he finished. The man was dead to me. This season has been the exact opposite, with his 9.9 K’s per nine, keeping his fantasy owner’s panties wet and giving them hope they discovered a mid-to-late round gem.

Dee Gordon  Sabermetrics shows that the middle-aged, free agent to be was an upgrade over the cost controlled, young legend that is Dee Gordon. I’m sure the Marlins are happy with dumping yesterday’s garbage, Andrew Heaney, for this stallion. Gordo sports a ho-hum .433 BA with 12 stolen bags, making the sad sacks who drafted Billy Hamilton feel like the definition of a D-bag… wait, that’s probably not accurate… but still.

Joc Pederson – Meet me at Dodger Stadium, it’s going doooooown. Young Joc has the Dodgers brass seriously considering straight up releasing bums like Andre Ethier and Carl Crawford, as this 23-year-old savage is well on his way to a 25 homer season. Joc was Scarface, Crawford was Manolo. It hurt me when he had to kill him and his whole squad for dolo.

Beddict on Literature 

Red Rising Trilogy First off, shout out to one of my favorite commentators, Shawn of the Living, for putting me onto these incredible books written by the legend that is, Pierce Brown. It provides a genius take on social class while giving you fascinating action sequences and glorious one liners. I was hooked immediately, as Shawn said I would be, and burned through the first two books in under a couple weeks. Think The Hunger Games mixed with Star Wars. Yes, it’s truly that epic. Further proving my point, Red Rising has been picked up for a large budget movie production. My readers continually give me wonderful reading recommendations and for that I’m forever grateful. Truly, a must read.

 

Thank your for joining me on this journey of intellect that is Disgrace/Delight. It is my absolute pleasure to converse with you below in the comment section, so please, I beg of you, don’t be bashful. Don’t miss my upcoming fantasy football podcasts with my genius editor and fellow razzball writer, Jay Wrong, where we discuss the recent NFL draft, Game of Thrones and tons of other super cool shizz. Enjoy the rest of your week, my good men (and good women).

 

 

Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Tehol143.

 
  1. Zeus says:
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    Thanks I’ll give Red Rising a shot.

    As to Reed, Ziegler is the guy to speculate on. Marshall has been terrible.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zeus: Zeigler always comes in and serves admirably. One of my faves. He’s the guy

      • Zeus says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: what did you think of the let episode? They clearly dropped the hints to Jons parentage here. Good episode overall but the sand snake scene was shite. Terrible dialog and they looked like little girls. They’re kind of lame in the books too but they were better than this.

        • LT Murray IV

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Zeus: i enjoyed the episode for sure. hahahah yea the sand snakes were noticeably laughable. really bad. not really what i pictured in books ughhhhh.

          Yea i didn’t pick up on hints of parentage. and in books they never got to it. should I ask you tot tell me or no?

          • Zeus says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: if you don’t know don’t ask. But yeah good episode. Can’t wait til Sansa meets reek and realizes what she’s in for. Duh duh duh.

            Sand snakes in the book seemed hotter. Not that I wouldn’t bone 2 of them (sorry 4 girl readers). I was thinking differently for all of them

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Zeus: yea that whole season was just awful seemed major cheese. i forgot about it till you brought it up. good eye.

              Im gonna google it now on snows Mommy

  2. e says:
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    my matt kemp for jayson werth and matt harvey – h2h, avg and obp league.

    what side you like?

    • chucky says:
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      Harvey, and its not close

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @e: Harvey forshodo. Werth will turn it around a bit and Kemp doing nothing cray. Pull tha trigger homeslice

      • I traded Kemp for Harvey straight up and haven’t looked back. So there’s that.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Carns: double #Kudos

        • Zeus says:
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          @Carns: I don’t know about that. It depends on the league. Kemp looks to be back to Kemp of old. Stealing bases is the biggest signs. The dongs will come.

          • Yup, that’s why I don’t look back.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Carns: I always look back……FML its my burden to carry

  3. Carnac says:
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    Tehol my man, could you put in a request w/ J.B. to do a pitching profile of today’s Tyler Matzek start?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Carnac: probably not. We are not of kin

      • Carnac says:
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        The Bastard, J.B. Snow

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Carnac: exactly. He will have to earn his name. Hopefully not by flaying human flesh

  4. dizzystpizzy says:
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    Hey Tehol– proud to see two Astros delighting you this week. 2015 World Series here we come!

    Also Billy Hamilton owners are douche bags (Grey in that one league obviously being the exception)

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @dizzystpizzy: grey: Lord of Light drafted hamilton??? Must have been a bargain. Only the Gods know . Loving the Astros tho I suppose I should despise them for being mariners rival

  5. Jerms says:
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    Strasburg,Arrieta,Carasco,Salazar,Fiers,Shoemaker and Hutch have saddled me with a 5.12 team ERA and a 1.49 WHIP.
    I need a hot bath and a razor blade.
    Tehol–thanks for writing ur a funny f%#ck.

    • chucky says:
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      Try Hari Kari….its worked for me before….a number of times

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jerms: ughhhhhhhh. Yeesh, that ain’t right, bruh. They’ll bounce back. ……..maybe…..and thank you for your compliment. You now have the Elders on ur side

  6. Jerms says:
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    Rate these guys ROS–
    Mig Gonzalez
    Chase Anderson
    Fiers
    And in a vacuum ROS
    Beltran or Crisp?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jerms: Still going Fiers, Chase, Mig

      and Im sad to say Crisp over Beltran ughhhhh. he’s 35 but still puuuuuushin.

      tough call on those pitchers. id like to see a few more from chase as he might be most intriguing. but ill take fiers ks and he just balled out. ]
      thanks for checking in

  7. Mrs.Featherbottom says:
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    Nice write-up Tehol

  8. Clint says:
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    Which one would you drop out of the very back end of a 12 team roto rotation out of the following: Mad Max, Carrasco, Arrieta, Fiers, Liriano, Shoemaker, Paxton, Peavy, Hutchison, Eovaldi?

    • Clint says:
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      @Clint:
      And which 2B would you pick up out of Gennett, Solarte, LeMahieu, or Gyorko?

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Clint: lamahooooooo.o r gennett

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Clint: probably Peavy. Not much faith there. Fairly easy call but I’ve been wrong before…..

  9. Spammer Jay says:
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    I’m DONE with Stras effing burg. He should never be ranked the top tier with there max, price and felix.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Spammer Jay: never again, jay bone. Never again. I’m officially done

  10. Left arm of god says:
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    Would you trade Adrian Gonzalez and starling marte for Clayton Kershaw in roto scoring 6 keeper league? Thanks in advance.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Left arm of god: probably depending on ur other keepers. Kershaw is top 5 dead or alive

      • Left arm of god says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: thanks for the advice my pitching staff consists of price,shields,greinke,sale,archer,keuchel,garza,lackey you don’t think that would be going to pitcher heavy one benefit is the league pays out per category so my pitching would be stacked.

        • LT Murray IV

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Left arm of god: thats a tad pitcher heavy hahaha. ud be so loaded. my gods! maybe hold or package those two for a supreme hitter

  11. Carnac says:
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    The Elder Gods are also pretty disappointed in Strasburg’s goatee.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Carnac: the ultimate #Disgrace

  12. Left arm of god says:
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    Would you trade Adrian Gonzalez and starling marte for Kershaw in a roto league 6 keepers if that makes a difference ? Thanks in advance.

    • Left arm of god says:
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      Sorry double posted

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Left arm of god: I got 4 hoes and an ounce

  13. Wish I was a Gold says:
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    Dude Red Rising is the bomb diggity!! I finished the the first two books in three days, and now stuck pining away for Book 3 until Jan ’16. The cliffhanger in Book 2 made me curse that 3 wasn’t already out. lol

    As for baseball, I was lucky enough to pick up Marisnick, but that’s about the only thing working out for me in a 10 team Al only Yahoo keeper league. I’m in 8th and a long ways from the top.

    My SP is just a shambles as I have a bunch of “sleepers” who seem to have slept through the first month of the season. Hutchinson, Paxton, Walker, Bauer, and Richards. I was able to pick up Salazar as he was dropped by someone at beginning of year, and Richards has been good since coming back. But I had four days of straight 10.00+ ERA and 2.00+ WHIP last week. Hoping things can turn around as I had stashed Rodon, and have Parker and Moore on DL.

    I wanted to play RP stream, but all the decent ones taken. This being an AL only league and teams being pretty good about picking up guys fast it’s hard.

    Do you think its worth creating a spot to hold Gausman? I have a spot that will open up after today’s game when I drop Collabello after his game. Picked him up for one game to cover 1b for me.

    • Shawn of the Livid says:
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      @Wish I was a Gold: I read the second book the day it came out, and knowing that the 3rd was so far away is driving me crazy!

      • LT Murray IV

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Shawn of the Livid: always seems to happen to me. currently waiting on multiple series to come back

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Wish I was a Gold:

      Ughhhh, yea i love reading a series thats already complete. To be a gold is my new fantasy hahahahahah. yea pretty big freaking cliffhanger. damn, how they gonna do us like that?
      Paxton has picked it up and I’m giving walker a couple more chances but really disappointing for sure.

      Bauer has been good as has Richards. yea gausman sounds like it worth it in that league with all those relievers going. works for me.

  14. Shawn of the Livid says:
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    Thanks for the shout out Tehol! I switch between “ShawnoftheLivid” and “ShawnoftheLiving”. Not sure why. But thanks all the same!

    What a great series, lets hope the movie do the books justice. The special effects, environments, and battles would be so epic on the big screen!

    Any hoo, completely agree on Longo. Only have him on one team but you’re spot one with your 10th round evaluation.

    Who would you prefer going forward, Pax or Fiers??

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Shawn of the Livid: I mean, wow, those are legendary books. reading the other one you recommended now. yea, they’re going to have to spend a TON of money to do that shizz justice for sure. like go all. i don’t see how they couldn’t if they going to commit.

      I prefer paxton. just don’t trust Fiers whatsoever. Paxton is very solid

      • Shawn of the Livid says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Seriously, a hollywood adaptation of this series would require Avatar type money.

        And OHHHH, to be a GOLD with a harem of pinks!

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Shawn of the Livid: I’m thinking I’d be a pixie gold without question

  15. SallyCips says:
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    Cruz be like, “I WANT TO HEAR THE LAMENT OF THEIR WOMEN!”

    While Cano is more, “Chill, Papi, chill.”

    “LAMENTRRRRRGHH!!!”

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @SallyCips: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! funny because it’s true

      • SallyCips says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: and nice job, bro. Entertaining and informative as hell.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @SallyCips: thank you. i could probably be more informative hahahaha. maybe next week

  16. The Great Knoche says:
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    Can you berate Longoria everyday please?

    • “As with most Ughs, the worst case scenario for Longoria isn’t bad — a 30 homer, 90 RBI, .265 season, if he stays healthy. Best case scenario, he wins the MVP and has the huge year he’s been hinting at for years.”

      That was Grey last year, ranking Longo 11th overall for 2014. I respect the hell out of Grey’s rankings and his advice has landed me some amazing players over the years. He is almost always ahead of the in-season curve and has an extremely acute sense of when it’s time to move away from players in the short run and in the broader, yearly perspective. That’s why his undying devotion to Longoria for the better part of a decade always confused me. It wasn’t Grey. It was like he was hijacked. Go an read what he wrote again, especially that last sentence. You just want to cry and hug him and tell him, “No ,Grey, it’s over. It’s over.” Then when the shock wears off his face and he finally breaks down, you cry even harder and tell him how sorry you are. His Longoria love was unhealthy, and that’s saying a lot for a guy who wishes he could write haikus in Giancarlo Stanton’s lap.

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Carns: hahaha, yea i was in same boat. i was always a Longo lover and its been hard to let go. he did just go yard hahaha.

        Grey gave me countless gems before I started writing here or writing period and will forever be and Elder God. nobody can be perfect but Longo is certainly a disappointment

        • It gets us all. I was the same way with Lawrie. Goes from a loaded lineup in an absolute launching pad of a home park (not to mention Fenway, Camden Yards, & Yankee Stadium in his division) to a seemingly-at-the-time crap lineup with a cavernous home park and two others in the division, and all I’m thinking at draft day is ‘fundamentals, brah, that’s what they teach over there, Billy Bean, fundamentals, post-hype, let’s do this’.

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Carns: god damn Brett Lawrie. i took that dude like 4th round of a dynasty league after he tore it up his rookie season. an absolute tragedy

  17. JoeJ says:
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    Whats the deal with Rendon? Now a oblique injury and those can linger. How much longer to wait on him before a sell way below market value? League has 2 2B/SS slots and 2 1B/3B and I have Dee Gordon and a scrub at 2B/SS with Arenado and Encarnacion at 1B/3B

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @JoeJ: just talked about this on podcast i posted a little ways up. At this point you have to hold unless someone else believe and gives you something close to fair value. its an obviously annoying situation but he should be back in next few weeks id guess

  18. Jayson Werth worthless? His shoulder soreness is reportedly normal post-surgery related issues. Soreness could continue to occur intermittently, but it shouldn’t keep him out of the lineup for long stretches of time. Wat?! Did he come back too early? Logan Morrison, Josh Reddick, Jake Marisnick over Werrth or hold? Leaning Marisnick or Reddick.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @madden_curser: he’s always good for a couple incredible hot streaks but Marisnick isn’t a bad call at all. he seems to be cooling down before our very eyes tho. Also like Reddick a lot this year. id be fine with you dropping for either. werth simply isn’t worth holding right now with options like that out there

  19. Spammer Jay says:
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    Any idea who might replace Stras effng burg should he get shut down? AJ Cole perhaps?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Spammer Jay: id guess they’d put roark back in the rotation but I’ve been wrong before, Jay

  20. Mike

    Mike says:
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    Daniel Duffy should be forced to dry shave that god-awful beard after tonight’s disgraceful performance. Thanks for an entertaining post Tehol and thanks for nothing Sir Duffy!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mike: You’re welcome, big Mike!!! you’re truly a razzball legend and I’m honored. #GetDuffed

  21. slimbo says:
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    Hey

    Would you drop fowler for hechavarria for lind?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @slimbo: hey there yourself. sure why not.

      • slimbo says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Thx boss

        When do you think they will add hector olivera to yahoo? Got 1st waiver in my keeper and I want him bad….will there be a claim I have to bid? Forget how this works

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @slimbo: I always forget that rule on yahoo but I believe you’ll have to to bid when he arrives. Almost positive but I’ve been wrong before

  22. Bobby says:
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    Would you trade Marte and Alex Wood for Gerrit Cole and Cody Allen? Do you think Cole is worth this much more than Wood in a keeper league?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bobby: yessir, I sure do. kudos

  23. Ante GALIC says:
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    Tehol!

    What’s up, man! Fantastic write-up.

    Not much to say, not really much out there to grab except maybe a white bird in a blizzard.

    What’s your top 5 movie list in the last 4-5 years?

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ante GALIC: Ante!! What’s up bud? I’m on a boat so I will give this question the attention it desires when I return to the Beddict estate.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ante GALIC: Last 4-5 years is tough man. I’m going to have dig deep on this one…..I was going to say the Departed but that was somehow almost 9 years ago. ughhh. let me keep thinking. ill be back

  24. Todd says:
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    Tehol!

    What do you think of this trade in a 12-team points league?

    Cole for Samardzija and Joc

    Thanks, brother.
    Todd.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Todd: T locsta! Love the trade. #TripleKudos

      • Todd says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Sweet! Can you explain why you like it? I’m giving up a stud SP. Is Samardzija close enough to Cole to make it a good trade?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Todd: I believe so. I’ve always been a big smadge fan and I’m sure you’ve noticed Joc seems like a star in the making. Cole for the most part has been really good other than that last start but not sure he’s elite elite quite yet and smadge isn’t that far behind in my humble opinion

          • Todd says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: Right on. As a Dodgers fan, I like the idea of having Kershaw, Puig, and Joc on my team for the next decade.

            Thanks, dude.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Todd: makes it even more special. Kind of like our relationship….pause

  25. Frank White says:
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    Sup Tehol.. My man, long time no talk. Any new mixtapes you like?? I got baseball questions but right now I’m in a spot where I’ll need help in a few days. Anyway, I like the Snoop reference!! Hit me back

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank White: sup cuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!!!!!I’ll be here for u when u return. Right now I’m on that Young Buck 10 Bullets sh!t goes harder than blue whale D u heard me

  26. Dan says:
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    Nicely done Tehol. I’m sure Cano will step his game up yo, he is notr yet finished. Also ill have to be sure to check out this red rising trilogy, after I finish up The Crippled God.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dan: OOOOOOOOHWEEEEEEEE the Crippled God is straight fire. although Im still not quite sure I fully understand the end ahha. i need to read again at some point. glad you like it.

      Cano will be fine. I know. it just stings like a yeast infection

      • Daniel says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Nice! I thought dust of dreams was really dope, so I’m glad to hear Crippled god follows in its footsteps. Also what do you think of Jake Odorizzi? I know Regression is coming, but I”m thinking he’ll stay pretty damn good for the most part…A player I should hang onto instead of trading away right?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Daniel: yea, he’s a real solid player. I like him a great deal.

          yea hold there unless someone gives u something crazy for him which they wont. unless you play in a league with his cousin

  27. Jim says:
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    Tehol
    Would you drop Happ, Harang, or Chavez for Jadon Hammel?
    Is it close, trying to decide how much , if any, to bid for him…

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jim: maybe Happ, who I don’t have a lot of faith in but should remain solid at home. I prefer Hammel in NL . no clue in your league what decent bid would be, Jimmer. 5? 10?

Comments are closed.