Greetings! It’s crunch time, boys and girls! Are you one of the good people frantically following the trade talks, hoping to find that closer or rookie call up to complete your championship squad? Or are you one of those mud pirates, who has stopped paying attention all together, ruining things for everyone else? I suppose you’re more than likely not reading this if that’s the case, but just in case you are, let me be speak for your leaguemates, and say ef you! In head-to-head leagues, it’s even more despicable, giving undeserving teams huge victories and besmirching the playoff standings. Stick to DFS, for this is a game of Kings, and why I usually insist on playing in high money leagues, where frauds are beheaded like a deserter of the Nights Watch. Kudos to you if you’re still around, fighting for your lives in the greatest game ever invented. You, my goodmen, are warriors and the Elder Gods will write poetry in you honor.

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

 

Player Who Delighted:

Melky Cabrera – Oh, it’s gettin real Melky in here. Yeeeea, real creamy like, and Bid Daddy Beddict likes his cream ya’ll. In hitting .414, with 2 jacks, and 11 RBI, The Melk Man is soaring in to save the White Sox’s season like a PED enhanced Griffin, and I’m riding him like Seattle Slew to the finish line. In what seems like a few short weeks ago, Cabrera was on my disgrace list for what was a pathetic first half to the season, but now, the White Sox are fighting for a playoff spot. With both Melky and Jose Abreu lighting it up, I’d say they have a pretty solid shot.

milk3

Noah Syndergaard – Is it Pert Plus or Vidal Sassoon? Seriously, Paul Allen would pay one billion dollars for that hair. This stallion made my man-thong so moist last night, I had to wash it three times. 8 innings of shutout baseball, with 9 Ks while only giving up 3 hits? That’s some Asgard shizz yo. The ERA is now sitting pretty at 2.70, and with the Mets making a playoff push, there’s simply no way they can afford to shut him down early. Glory be to the Elder Gods.

Domonic Brown – 10-for-his-last-20. Cust kayin!

Jimmy Nelson– With 3 consecutive quality starts and some solid K numbers, Jimmer is one you should seriously consider swooping for your championship stretch. The young gunner is only owned in a paltry 14.9% of leagues, so there’s a solid chance you could get him on your roster. I’m big on upside, but hey, look at Lindsay Lohan… she went from America’s sweetheart to America’s not-sweetheart. I’ll sacrifice a Llama to the Elders and pray Nelson doesn’t suffer the same fate. Say one thing for Lindsay Lohan, she’s a horrible actress and an even worse human being… or was that two things?

Carlos Gonzalez I’m not trying to blast anyone who recommended you dropping Cargo, because I live in a glass house… did I say that right? You know what, f*ck it, I AM blasting anyone who told you to sell low or straight up drop Cargo the Cunning. Did you truly believe in your black hearts that this freak of nature, one of the best players in baseball, would continue hitting like a hungover Brendan Ryan? Oh ho-ho, you sirs were incorrect, and that taste in the back of your throat is pure failure… Wait, nobody on Razzball told you to do that, did they? Oh well, they don’t read my posts anyway, so we’re all good there. Gonzalez is batting .571 over the last week, with 7 long dongs and 15 Ribbys. Put that in your hash oil pipe and smoke it… and then pass it to your boy! I’d buy my own, but I spent everything I had on a Canadian shipment of Cialis. Don’t want to be in a championship bout and come up limper than Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.

 

Play Who Disgraced: 

Yasmany Tomas  I wish I could give your reason why Tomas is currently on many of my fantasy teams, but at this point, there’s simply no excuse, especially now that he’s not playing every day. The big Cuban is coming weaker than the last Transfomers flick, and to be crystal clear, that is a massive insult and I don’t believe I even saw that one. Nor do I need to in order to know that it was a steaming pile of mastadon dung. Tomas is hitting a pathetic .208 over his last 24 at bats with 1 dong and 2 RBI, and that’s hitting behind Goldy, who’s touches more bases than Johnny Depp in the 80s. Not cool.

Carlos Carrasco  Everyone loves Carrasco’s upside but he has us all tonguing his backside, and that, my goodmen, is not what Big Daddy signed up for. In this day and age, a 4.26 is simply unacceptable. The unfortunate part about this, is that for every two duds Rasco throws, he follows it up with the sort of gem Terry Francona has wet dreams about, you know, until he’s fired this offseason. Maybe the young flamethrower finishes strong, but his history suggest you should prepare for a continued roller coaster ride. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

Starlin Castro Thiiiiiis is the story of a boy, who played like dirt and destroyed all Cubs fan’s joy. And though he looks so good in photographs, I absolutely hate him, when I employ…..him in my lineup (sorry, that was the best I could do as I’m on painkillers after rescuing 3 orphans from a Cougar attack on Mt. Rainier).

Castro has been the epitome of gutter trash in 2015, batting .234, with a disgraceful FIVE home runs, and FOUR stolen bases while being caught THREE times. The kid started with a spark, but now he’s just garbage.

Justin Verlander – I know, I know, J.V. is coming off an 8 inning, 1 run gem, but guess what? Broski only had 3 Ks, and has dropped a handful of duds in his 7 starts thus far. Don’t fret, Tigers fans, for he’s only owed another $130 mill or so. There’s simply nothing more saddening than a former hog falling off like a bad bag of dope in what should be their prime, Kate Upton can’t really still be playing hide the salami with this man who defines mediocrity, can she? What, Alfedo Simon wasn’t available? I mean, this has been going on for years now, and much like other former aces, C.C. Sabathia and Tim Lincecum, it’s time to officially give up hope of Verlander ever regaining the form that made him one of the best in the business. But then again, he is filthy freaking rich, and serving lead to the hottest chick on earth.

Thank you for joining me for another edition of disgrace delight. As always, it was a pleasure and I hope to hear from you in the comment section. You’re all I have left in this crazy, mixed up world. If you’re following the Russell Wilson contract saga, as I am, I highly suggest you check out this genius cartoon below. Have a wonderful rest of the week.

 

 

Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Tehol143.

 
  1. MB says:
    (link)

    Should I trade Gardner for Cargo in dynasty? Have similar guys like revere, aoki, rios and eaton at OF.

    Thanks

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @MB: Yep. done dealy

  2. Elliot

    Elliot says:
    (link)

    The Great White Shark has seemingly cooled off after his terrific call-up. Do the Elder Gods still smile upon him?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Elliot: They surely do. sit back and wait for the explosion. #GreatWhite

  3. Marty Janetty_Was Set Up says:
    (link)

    Do you think Cargo will still be as potent if/when he gets traded away from Coors? Should I try and sell him now (own him in 3 leagues) for another OF? If so, who’d you target?

    I just traded John Axford in a h2h points league for Julio Tehrehan straight up. I have Robertson, AJ Ramos, Shawn Tolleson, and now Edward Mujica in my RP slots, needed starting pitching desperately…was that disgraceful or delightful? Feeling buyers remorse since I rode Axford so hard before he started sucking.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Marty Janetty_Was Set Up: I bet he rakes for rest of year so doubt you could get equal or better value but if someone is super high on him feel free to sniff around. id hold tho.

      i would have done same trade altho Teheran looks like dog piss recently. still a good value add. delightful without question. who’s on waivers for SPs?

      • Marty Janetty_Was Set Up says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict:

        Its pretty thin. 12 team h2h points league with 5SP slots and 3 P Utility Slots, 2 RP slots. 12 starts a week, unlimited moves in this league.

        Highest points scorers left are Marco Estrada and Jeremy Hellickson. After that it drops off into CC Sabathia/Chase Anderson territory. Its rare SON gives anyone left a $ amount higher than $5 which Ive relied on to rosterbait my way to first place.

        My SP staff is: Arrieta, Strasburg, Heston, Fiers, Iwakuma, Chavez, Hendricks, Nola, Matz, Joe Ross and Ian Kennedy…now Tehrehan.

        I’ll probably still look to SON for guiding light, but at least I have 1 more option I can hold instead of being at the mercy of the waiver positions. Thanks again brothah!

        • Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @Marty Janetty_Was Set Up: oh you good, big dog. i say you got this. I can tell you’re a legend in the game

        • Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @Marty Janetty_Was Set Up: Just realized ur name was Marty Janetty HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH. U, my goodman, are a legend

  4. Scott says:
    (link)

    Yasmany teams with Tomas? My condolences.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Scott: LMAO

  5. Malicious Phenom says:
    (link)

    Verlander fanned 10 today…cust kayin

      • Tehol Beddict says:
        (link)

        @Scott: truly

  6. David says:
    (link)

    C. Gomez or Pederson in a keeper league? Thanks

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @David: think it’s gotta be gomez, mayne

  7. bobbo says:
    (link)

    With it sounding like both Latos and Alex Wood are headed to LAD, which would you grab if you have an empty spot and they’re both available? That spot could also be used to pick up Dominic Brown but I don’t really have the need at OF. Also, any speculation on who saves in ATL if Jimmy J heads out of town?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @bobbo: Wood, without question the superior hog. Latos has been good recently tho.

      Vizcaino should close. he a beast he a dog.

  8. Pounce says:
    (link)

    In a vacuum, would u trade J UPTON and Jungmann for Kluber?
    This is being offered to me, I just feel like Kluber is not doing that well, and too many potential points being lost. Thoughts?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Pounce: all depends on what ur strengths are. like it better if Upton gets traded

      • Pounce says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: i have stacked hitting (Arenado, Frazier, Donaldson Trout, Franco, Upton, P Tucker, A Jones) but only one confirmed ace SP Scherzer.
        Rest of my pitching is like Corbin, T Ross, J Garcia, Jungmann, A Wood

        Can that pitching survive in a 12 team keeper? Clinched playoffs

        • Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @Pounce: nah, id make the deal. #Kudos playa

  9. Scott says:
    (link)

    Carlos Gomez traded to the Mets. All is lost.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Scott: they saying trade not happening now

      • Scott says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict: Yes! Though now Duda is hitting. 3 dongs tonight!

        • Bread N Mustard says:
          (link)

          @Scott: After Salderson saw Duda hit three dongs he called off the trade at the last minute as Flores gushed tears on the field.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @Scott: on my Gods damned bench!

            • Tehol Beddict says:
              (link)

              @Scott: arent’ they, tho?

  10. Manny says:
    (link)

    Trade question:

    Rendon and ellsbury for

    Odor and Irvin Santana.

    Who has upside?! Thank you !

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Manny: got to stick with the Ellsbury side. odor is hot but shouldn’t last forever. Santan ballin tho.

      Ellsbury best player left. Rendon could get hot. id stay there

      • Manny says:
        (link)

        @Tehol Beddict:

        Thanks man! I appreciate it.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
          (link)

          @Manny: All day, Manny

  11. mike says:
    (link)

    Closers are axford, Holland, and ziegler. Drop dyson to add vizcaino. Net saves/saves. Or drop dyson to add souza who is projected $30 on hittertron Friday,sat,Sunday,monday,Tuesday.

    Or wait for maybe hoover to become closer in cinncy. Only have 1 add left this week

    12 team h2h

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @mike: ooooh, Mikey this is a good one, my Goodman. I’m not 100 percent on Vizcaino quite yet but both moves look good. its more about what will help you long term. if you need another outfielder BADLY Souza route but Vizcaino could be nasty closer but we dont know for sure yet. maybe souza and then hopefully closer sitch in altlanta not decided for a little bit

  12. Bye Felicia says:
    (link)

    Here’s a DISGRACE & a Delight ????????????
    So the Los Angeles Doggers are paying:
    Hector Oliveria
    Matt Kemp
    Dan Haren
    D Gordon
    Brandon League
    Brian Wilson
    $80 million NOT to play for them!

    The Tampa Bay Rays had a payroll of $76 million dollars at the start of this season. LOLOLOL!!!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Bye Felicia: LAAAAAAAAAAWD, dats nuts, my G

  13. ShawnOfTheLivid says:
    (link)

    On one of my more competitive leagues I have:

    Trumbo
    Puig
    Pederson (whos last 30 + days could easily land him on your list)
    Yasmani
    Carrassco

    KILLING ME!! At least I dropped Desmond right before he started hitting. I hat baseball sometimes! Can’t make a trade, nothing on waivers. Somehow I’m still in first, but at this rate I’m not going to make the playoffs!!!!!!

    C’mon, big turn around boys!

    Nice write up btw!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @ShawnOfTheLivid: thank you, ser Shawn.

      yea Pederson will be on next week’s list as he nosediving heavy. Carassco should finish strong……maybe.

      i think u gonna be ok. u must have some hogs if you’ve been in first all year

  14. Scott says:
    (link)

    Good call on Nelson, boss. Kind of nervous starting him against the Cubs, who seem to be heating up, and got a little Ticker Shock, but turns out the little bears got all their runs off relief. Unfortunately, C-Mart. nuff said.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
      (link)

      @Scott: yea, i ran out Nelson in DFS and killed it. C-mart was on my other team and my Gods, what a BUM! that was terrible and embarrassing

Comments are closed.