They tore down the Lebron ‘Witness’ billboards in Cleveland.  If only they waited a year, they could’ve changed them to Kipnis.  And pasted it in Kipnis’s face.  And, um, covered up Lebron’s body, replaced the basketball with a baseball….okay, scratch all that.  Who’s to even say this Kipnis kid is great enough for a billboard and a one-way ticket to Miami in 2019?  Let’s see what we know about Jason Kipnis.  In Triple-A this year, he had 12 homers, 12 steals in 89 games, a near .900 OPS and his last name sounds like something you’d find at the Passover Seder.  Almost every fantasy baseballer (<–my Mom’s term!) loved Chisenhall more than Kipnis.  I did too.  So far in the majors, the Chisen in the Hall has 2 homers, hitting .235.  That’s big to the whoop.  I only point this out because Kipnis is no sure thing.  He’s young, i.e. raw, i.e. except after C.  The one advantage he has to Chisenhall is he has more speed.  Bats can get lost in the travel from Triple-A, but you ain’t losing your speed, assuming we’re not talking about mules.  Because Kipnis has good position eligibility, he’s worth a flyer across most mixed leagues that use a middle infidel for the upside.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Orlando Hudson – Ran into a fence and needed to be helped off the field.  Orlando Hudson was like vintage Michael Jackson.  Off the Wall!

Cameron Maybin – 4-for-4, 2 steals and batting third for the Friars.  Now has 7 steals in the last 6 games.  It’s like he’s driving a DeLorean with Ron LeFlore in the go-go 80’s when everyone was on coke.  None of this Red Bull crap!  At this point, you have to own Maybin across all leagues until he cools off.  Also, I’d say he’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell but he’s here now.  No more Maybin for you!

Will Venable – 2-for-5 with his 18th steal.  Now has a homer and 3 steals in the last three games.  As a commenter was kind enough to point out the other day, Venable is a beast in road games.

Kyle BlanksAnthony Rizzo was sent back down and the pushing-three-hundred-pounds Blanks was recalled.  Now all three Padre fans can go to the park and be like, “Why is there a Nate Colbert statue on first base?  Oh, that’s Kyle Blanks!”  Randy Jones BBQ stand in right field better up their meat order.  That’s not a solar eclipse, that’s Kyle Blanks letting out his afro.  Hey, Orlando, Kyle Blanks doesn’t run into walls.  He runs through them.  Blanks, “Who likes Kool-Aid?”  Okay, I’m a big fan of Blanks.  If you need power, he’s about as good as they come.  He was averaging around one home run every fifth game in the minor leagues this year and can do close to the same in the majors, even in Petco.  His average may not sniff .250, so it’s an all or nothing proposition.  Kinda like the difference between being in front or behind him at a buffet.

Javier Vazquez – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the 1927 Padres.  Vazquez takes your trust and defecates on it.

Emilio Bonifacio – Has now hit in 20 straight games and has 19 steals.  That’s nothing.  His brother Charlie just snorted 5 lines and had sex with 2 hookers.

Carlos Gonzalez – Left the game with pain in his wrist.  His fantasy owners should be pist.  That’s injury problems for an Orlando and two CarGo’s in two days.  I would not feel good about my luggage if I was on a Disney Cruise right now.  Sounds like Carlos Gonzalez is headed to the DL.

Dexter Fowler – 1-for-4 with his 5th steal.  Job just became more secure with the recurrence of CarGo’s wrist issue.  Hopefully Dexter proves to be more than a serial average killer.

Tommy Hanson – 6 IP, 6 ER for the conshellation prize, which was more than Jhoulys Chacin could say with his 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners (7 walks) and 4 Ks.  Now the 2nd straight poor start for both starters.  Hanson gets the somehow-in-first-even-though-they-don’t-have-a-1st-baseman Pirates next and Chacin gets the Dodgers in Maybe We Should Sell The Naming Rights To Dodgers Stadium, How Does Dreamworks Stadium Sound?  Two decent matchups, though Chacin faces Kershaw.

Ichiro Suzuki – 3-for-4 to up his average to .265.  Is .265 the new .320?  Adam Dunn and Dan Uggla raise their hand.  Anyone else?  I think there should be a new rule that anyone who doesn’t hit over .310, 50 HRs or steal 60 bases can’t have their first name on the back of their jersey.  I suppose, to Ich his own.

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu stole two bases yesterday, but his average is .183.   After having stomach issues earlier in the year, he hasn’t been a regular on the field or on the pot.

Miguel Olivo – 1-for-4 with his 13th homer.  I don’t want to belabor this for fear of an aneurysm, but Olivo never hits one home run and disappears.  He hits four home runs in twelve games then disappears.  I provide the information, what you do with it is your choice.

Jake Westbrook – 8 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Westbrook had everything going against him.  He was an unemployed single parent that could barely take care of his kids.  Then he got a job at a law office and single-handedly brought down a California power company.  Wait, those aren’t my notes, that’s the back cover of the Erin Brockovich DVD.  Westbrook isn’t someone I’d pick up with your team.

Ricky Romero – 7 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks.  RR Cool Jay (see resemblance to the rapper (or is it just actor nowadays?)) has been hit hard in his last few starts (13 ER in 16 2/3 IP), but with the Ks he keeps doing it and doing it and doing it well.

C.J. Wilson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Has that weird Dempster thing going for him.  Mediocre reliever reinvents himself as a great starter.  Somebody make Kevin Gregg a starter!

Jered Weaver – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Season ERA is now 1.81.  According to Elias, only five pitchers in modern baseball have had a sub-2 ERA after 20 starts.  Elias also said, “Our batting average with women who like baseball and math is under the Mendoza line.”

Grady Sizemore – To the DL with a bad knee and a sports hernia.  That’s what happens when you try to do a hilarious ‘knee to the balls’ blooper all by yourself.

  1. Johnny Five says:

    Would you trade D. Hudson for M. Reynolds if you needed power? Guys like Karsten, Vazquez, J. McDonald and Nicasio on the wire.

  2. Bigballswalt says:

    You’re Kyle Blanks assessment made crack up.

  3. Bigballswalt says:

    throw a + me to my above statement please.

  4. Shin-Soo Choo Choo says:

    10 team h2h with limited moves.

    Which of these MI/eligibility whores for rest of season? Need power and avg more than speed, and SS more than 2B.

    Drop Wigginton or Nishioka for Kipnis, Aviles, Barmes or hold?

    Also, drop Bernadina or Pagan for Blanks, Fowler, Dom Brown or hold?

    Thanks in advance.

  5. El Gato says:

    Trade advice in 5×5 12 team non-keeper league –

    Pence/Brandon Phillips vs. Holliday/Ackley

    Which side say you? Thanks Grey.

  6. Giant JJ says:

    Would you give Panda for Daniel Hudson? 20 team

  7. Goose

    Goose says:

    Curious, in a longterm dynasty league will I want to keep Kendrick or Kipnis at 2B? Only ask because owners get so hyped about newly promoted players.

  8. Tony says:

    javy vazquez worked out real well in both my leagues……..

  9. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:I own Elvis and Rollins in a 10 team h2h keeper,so Im working hard to move Rollins while he’s hot.Im looking for SP mostly,but the offers Im getting seem real weak to me.Maybe I am overvaluing(even if that is a word,Im sure I spelled it wrong) Rollins since he is one of only 5-6 productive SS’s right now.Im just not sure….

    for example,would you give up Rollins for CJ Wilson?

  10. Lob Ball says:

    Avila just became available in my 2 C roto league. Should I drop Ianetta or Olivo to grab him? Thanks.

  11. stynyr says:

    Bench Luebke against the Phillies tonight?

  12. Wilsonian says:

    I’ve got Lester coming off the DL shortly, who do you drop out of this group:

    SP: Gio
    SP: Kennedy
    SP: Morrow
    RP: Kimbrel
    RP: Walden
    P: Venters
    P: Izzy
    BN: Vazquez
    BN: Kuroda
    BN: Lewis
    BN: Mujica

    If Vazquez isn’t the drop, do you drop him for McDonald, Paulino, Bailey, Duensing, Nicasio?

  13. SwaggerJackers says:

    It’s probably worth noting that RR Cool J looked fine until he left with the bases loaded and some schmohawk gave up the grand slam.

  14. SwaggerJackers says:

    Any idea when Pedro Alvarez makes it back to the majors? I’m considering dropping him for Blanks.

  15. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:10 team h2h 8×8(K/9,QS,XBH,OBP),would you trade Gordon for Bumgarner?I need nother reliable SP,and already have Braun,Crawford,Lind,Morse,Bossman at OF besides Gordon….thnks.

  16. Max says:

    I never understood why Chisenhall was so hyped and Kipnis not. Since the end of 2010 season, I have had Kipnis as a better fantasy player than Chisenhall, a player with fewer weaknesses and a player who could be more successful in the beginning of his career. Actually, in most of leagues I’d rather have Kipnis instead of the overrated Ackley.

  17. Nice Estevez family reference… though I’m not sure if most kids nowadays know they’re related. Damn kids!

    Maybin also stole a HR from LoMo (and, more importantly, my fantasy tally). That’s so… annoying.

    My Haren/Luebke for Halladay went through. I’d recently acquired Haren, and only owned him long enough to enjoy a loss and his complete meltdown. So Doc owners should consider my owning him as a warning that his heat exhaustion thing will turn out to be carpal tunnel or something else that has him struggle through the rest of the season. FMFBBL (<– sounds great if you say it in a defeated sigh, "FIM-fibble").

  18. Project badass says:

    6×6 (OBP, QS) keeper league

    Would you drop Aaron Hill for Kipnis or Altuve?

  19. Project badass says:

    Also, how would you rank Kipnis, Altuve, and Cozart??

  20. K76154 says:

    Start Cory Luebke @Phi tomorrow?

  21. dingbat says:

    Man, that Disney luggage line was a real groaner — nice to see the cheesy puns mixed in with the usual gold.

  22. BallBoy says:

    Can only keep 1 for the rest of the season. Logan Morrison, Cameron Maybin, Eric Thames. 14 team league H2H. Need the help in all the categories. What do you think?


  23. Hola grey-

    14 team, mixed, non-keeper — 6×6 (ops). Who do you like for ROS between these guys?

    * position does not matter, looking for all around stats

    Jason Bay
    Andres Torres
    Dexter Fowler
    Will Venable
    Vlad Guerrero


  24. Josh says:

    I’m surprised theres no mention of Wright today who should be playing. I know you don’t like him (or mets) but I figured it’d be nice to have a joke or two about him before he’s out for the rest of the season…

  25. Josh says:

    Also, Blanks is supposed to be behind some Jesus Guzman on the depth chart? But apparently he’s a shortstop (according to ESPN)… should a guy that plays first but is SS eligible be owned? Looks like he’s been hot in the week or two he’s been up.

  26. STRAWberry says:

    @ Grey: Nice Ralphie shout out yesterday.

    Thoughts on Hanley changing positions next year? What would be his likely landing spot. Thanks.

  27. Steve Stevenson says:

    All I’m trying to do is reach my weekly IP limit in a H2H league while avoiding a loss or WHIP blowup–all other cats are settled one way or another. I’ll probably hit the limit with just my relievers, but there’s no guarantee of that, so I’m looking to start Marcum or Cain today. They’re pitching against each other in SF–which do you go with (or do you start both)?

  28. Lance Berkman says:

    I didn’t do anything yesterday, but I’m sure you would’ve failed to mention it anyway. I can’t believe you mentioned franklyn Gutierrez, but not any of my monster shots. Do I just need to hit more homeruns on Monday/Thursdays? What if I steal a base? Dropkick the Philly fanatic?

  29. Fletch says:

    @Grey: Cruz/Marcum for Lester?

  30. trick dad says:

    kershaw or morse & shields?

  31. Chris says:

    Starting Colby Lewis vs TOR at home tonight? His home splits are not good, probably because he gives up so many homers….and TOR is certainly a lineup that’ll hit em out.

  32. sfgiants25 says:

    Hey Grey who should I start:
    Soto or Avila @ catcher?

    Chinsenhall, Soriano, or Ackley @ utility?

    btw your comments on Kershaw are hilarious he’s the man

  33. Who wins: Pedroia and Luebke for Kinsler and Ogando. 10 team, H2H keeper.

  34. Bourjos says:

    Grey, in a deep keeper league, which side of the fence?

    Teixeira/Fowler or Stanton/Smoak.

    K’s are a category, positions not an issue.

    (Many thanks)

  35. Long Bawls says:

    My Kemp/Mike Adams (plus Bonifacio thrown in as a decoy) for his CC/A-Ram?

  36. DHill Dragons says:

    Grey, good problem to have. I have 3 viable plays at 2B today but only have room for 2 of the 3 in my lineup. Who do you play?

    Kelly Johnson vs. Aaron Cook (COL) – Getting hot – lefties killing Cook
    Dustin Ackley @ Lackey (BOS) – Has shown flashes – lefties hitting Lackey well
    Chase Utley vs. Cory Luebke (SD) – Is coming on – Luebke tough on lefties

  37. Brew Crew says:

    Need steals, considering grabbing Bourgeois…Who’s the drop?? Allen, Belt or Moose??

  38. bostonguy says:

    Grey- with the news of Grady hitting the DL what are your thoughts on speedster Ezequiel Carrera manning CF? I’m in a deep AL only roto league and think with playing time this guy could be a FA steal.

  39. I-Man says:

    Grey – 10 team roto. His Neftali/Arenciba for my Weiters is a no-brainer, even if I already have Street, Valverde, Bailey, & Farnsworth, right? I need K’s and better ratios.

    Also, lost S Drew and trying to get Hanley from a pretty obstinate owner who claims he wants a top tier player back. I have an OF glut and offered him McCutcheon straight up, he didn’t bite. He needs pitching but I’m also in need of ratio help so can’t afford to give up too much. Which of these OF and Pitchers would you recommend I package to try to get Hanley?

    OF – Kemp (not giving him up), Dread Pirate, Pence, Stanton, A Jones, A Gordon
    SP – Hamels, Haren, D Hudson, Kuroda, Beachy, MadBum, Scherzer, Luebke

    Thank you sir, can’t wait for buy/sell…hopefully we don’t get a blackout in NYC before then.

  40. bostonguy says:

    # 38 Bourjos, I’d go the Stanton side for sure. 40 HR power potential at age 21 is unreal. Plus, Tex’s avg has been regressing over the past 2 seasons.

  41. ChiliDavisConCarne says:

    Who would you prefer R.O.S.:
    Brandon Phillips or Kelly Johnson?
    10 Team H2H League, having trouble winning HR/RBI/R, usually winning SB/OBP.
    Rest of roster is
    OF-Melky (Choo if he ever comes back)

  42. A-Gon With the Wind says:

    Hey Grey,

    Would you rather have Domonic Brown or Kipnis, rest of season? I’ve got Kinsler already at 2nd, so Kipnis would be OF or spot 2nd starter.

  43. Wilsonian says:

    Is it time to cut Rasmus in a 12 team redraft?

  44. aj says:

    who if any would you drop?
    Frank Francisco, Joel Hanrahan, Mark Melancon, Javy Guerra, David Hernandez, Antonio Bastardo

  45. aj says:

    Danks or Chris Narveson

  46. L-Boogie says:

    Danks or Norris ROS?

    Either one fair trade bait for a Rajai Davis?

    Thanks dude.

  47. herschel says:

    @Grey: for runs/avg/sbs (in that order) who do you like better between ezequiel and bourgeois in weekly roto leagues?


  48. Big Magoo

    Big Magoo says:

    @Grey: In a league where I’m good on RBIs but need to gain in a few other cats (runs and HRs, in that order), ideally without sacrificing steals, which option do you like best?

    1) deal Pence + Chacin for Grandy
    2) deal Pence for Crawford
    3) hold Pence

    I already own Braun, Bautista (via trade), and A-Gon and the other top 15 or so bats are unavailable. Thoughts?

  49. herschel says:

    @Grey: also, who two do you like better next week for era/whip?

    nicasio (@ la, @ sd)
    leake (vs nym, vs sf)
    moseley (vs ari, vs col)
    narveson (vs chc, vs hou)


  50. EK says:

    Pls rank for the weekend:

    Stauffer @ PHI
    Lilly vs WAS
    Gio @ NYY
    Wolf @ SF
    Hensley vs NYM


  51. L-Boogie says:

    Marcum or Danks ROS?

    Thanks dude.

  52. Salty Balty says:

    What do you think of this trade:

    My Quentin and Zimmerman for his Freese and Haren.

    My lineup after the trade:

    C – Soto
    1B – C. Pena
    2B – Cano
    3B – Peralta
    SS – Tulo
    CF – Granderson
    OF – Braun
    OF – J-Up
    Util – A. Jones
    Util – ?
    BN – Freese, M. Reynolds, D. Murphy, Thames (Would pick up after the trade)

    SPs – Verlander, Haren, Scherzer, Gallardo, Chacin, Luebke, Harang

    I’m a like nervous about Haren’s traditional second half slide, but I love my staff with the trade.

    Thanks. Anyone with any thoughts please comment.

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