by: Grey
This post is called giving flowers. I am at the headquarters for 1-800-Flowers, answering questions like, “Why didn’t I just call them?” and “What do you mean you don’t know our number?” and “If you’re allergic, that’s even more of a reason not to be here, isn’t it?” Questions like that! But you know what, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
A haltingly groggy voice, “I’m so proud of my son, Hunter,” says Joe…..Greene! C’mon! What Joe did you think I was going to say? “Hunter really knows how to avoid the crack,” Joe stammers, “Of the bat.” Joe Greene again! C’mon! Yesterday, Hunter Greene went 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Yesterday, Brandon Pfaadt went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.74. Singing a’la the Fat Boys, “The Pfaadt Boy is back! And you know he can never be wack!” [sees Pfaadt’s game log] Okay, so he can be wack. “The Pfaadt Boy is back! And you know he can […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?How’s everyone doing without baseball every day? I’m doing great! I walked into a Jersey Mike’s and told them a story about a Mike I knew from Jersey who owed me money, and told them I wouldn’t be paying for my sub. They can take it out of the money Mike owes me. The police, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
This is the weirdest 1st half of baseball in memory from a fantasy standpoint that’s not obviously weird. That’s how weird it is! There’s no offense, but also: There’s kinda no great pitchers. Sure, there’s guys like Seth Lugo (you knew I’d be writing that in March), but there’s no, like Pedros or Big Units […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Holding hands to eyes, sun blinds me, I turn back and call into the house, “Ma, how long is this break without baseball? Ma?” I realize now that I’m not emerging from my mom’s house. I’m emerging from a bunker. I had been in there longer than I imagined. I pick up a newspaper to […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Cool Colt Keith aka Dr. Octagon aka Dr Doom aka Hey That’s Colt Keith Not Colt 45, Stop Trying To Crack Open His Head And Drink Him, Billy Dee aka White Elvis aka Poppa Large aka Dicky Long Docking aka Guy who is top 100 on the 30-day Player Rater aka Guy who has 2B […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Pirates showing the brilliance of their organization with how they handled Paul Skenes (7 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 1 walk, 11 Ks, ERA at 1.90). He needed to stay down in the minors for a month this year to learn how to field bunts. Without that knowledge, he would not be striking out 11 […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?The world’s hottest team, the Pittsburgh Pirates, line everyone up with a bat and give them orders. “We have to be aggressive! We need to move forward on the bases just like in real life! Practice it with me now! Move forward!” And they all went off a plank. Rarely do I like to do […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
“B. Rey and Jack Suuuuuwin, and we’re here to…Hey, can you give us a little more bass? That’s better! Hey, we’re J. Suuuuuwin and B. Rey, and we’re here to say…Hey, this is going to be hit, right? Boom! Bit! Because all we do is get hits. Olestra gives us the shits! Us and Rowdy […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
You will struggle to find decent hitting offenses to avoid. I’m saying if you stop streaming against ‘good hitting teams,’ you will struggle to find them. Where are they, you might ask. They’re not in or around the lineup that is managed by Bud Black. His best hitter — easily! — Brenton Doyle is hitting […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Tarik Skubal (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.37) pitched like the ace he is. This is not shortchanging that (which is what I say when I’m about to shortchange someone), but the Reds’ lineup is hilariously awful. They have a .150 hitter hitting 5th, .183 hitter in the […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?