This isn’t about what Amed Rosario can do when he’s promoted. I mean, that will be in here, but we’re getting to the point in the season where Super Twos are super-done with the minors. So, what the flying Mr. Met middle finger is a Super Two? I love baseball, but we need to move past the language that sounds like it needs to be explained by an attorney. I don’t know football, but do they have situations where players can’t play until a certain date due to salary arbitration and is that date different for every player? Of course not, football fans can barely figure out offsides — Grey’s dragging people! Novel concept: baseball says all rookies can come up on June 1st and that’s it! Nothing else! Lose Super Two! Super Two sounds like a toddler that is big for his or her size or a large turd, which may be one in the same depending on your POV. As for Amed Rosario, Prospector Ralph just gave you his Amed Rosario fantasy. To pull some quotes from there, “Crabs, haters, and countrymen…on a limb here…is the peculiar case of Amed Rosario.” What is he smoking? Hmm, maybe it was my pulling of quotes. In summation, he’s hitting .350 with five homers and 11 steals through 51 games in Triple-A, and he’s more than ready to play every day for the Mets, so promote him and stop being a super pooper too! Ouch. I need a nap after that one. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Alex Avila – I mentioned this the other day, but it bears repeating, or bares if naturists are reading or bears bares, if nude bears are reading. Avila has been more valuable than Gary Sanchez and Lucroy.
Russell Martin – I’m giving you two catchers to choose from, because I’m a glutton for punishment, or Gluten for Punishment, which is my gluten restaurant for gluten-free people.
Lucas Duda – Not to make this all about what Duda’s done recently, but he’s the top 1st baseman over the last week for fantasy value. If Duda doesn’t tickle your tailbone, you need to reevaluate priorities or eat more corn.
Ryon Healy – Why in the holy hellos are you not fudging picking up Healy? Wait, it gets better…
Logan Morrison – Really? You’re not owning LoMo Schmotato? What? Don’t you like Peruvian-sounding food? On our Player Rater, Morrison is ranked above Trea Turner, George Springer, Yu Darvish, Anthony Rizzo and deGrom, to name a few.
Devon Travis – I’ve been a fan of Travis for a while, but this is about what he’s doing recently, and that’s all that and a bag of blue corn chips? Cougs, why do we have Smurf corn chips?
Whit Merrifield – Doesn’t he sound like a folk singer that would cover The 59th Street Bridge Song? “Hello lamp post, whatcha knowing? I’ve come to watch your flowers growing…” “Shut the hell up, Merrifield.” That’s American Gold Medalist, Drew Butera.
Chad Pinder – What’s the BFD on Pinder? Here’s the long and short of it:
Yoan Moncada – Won’t be long until Moncada gets a featured Buy like Rosario, because he too will be promoted in the landmark case of sooner vs. later.
Tim Beckham – I’ve given you a Tim Beckham fantasy in the past, and you’d be able to click that and it would teleport you to that post if I linked it, but I didn’t because I was super lazy. Like Super Two, but lazy.
Tim Anderson – The replacements this week are sure focused on Tim. Must be a Swingin Party.
Steven Souza – He likely should’ve gotten the Buy lede this week, but, Alison, my Amed is true.
Domingo Santana – Was surprised to see Domingo available in so many leagues. Don’t you people love Domingo Funday? Hmm, doesn’t have same ring to it in Spanglish.
David Dahl – As Cat Stevens aka “Call Me Now, ‘Muslim 70’s Singer Guy,'” would sing if he were David Dahl singing to Parra, Reynolds and Desmond, “Now that I’ve lost everything to you…” I believe Cat Stevens aka “Call Me Now, ‘Muslim 70’s Singer Guy'” aka David Dahl’s point is Dahl is due back soon but he may not have a starting job.
Tommy Pham – Fun fact! When Tommy meets up with the rest of his family, they all greet each other, “Whaddup, Pham!?” Less fun fact, Pham looks like he might’ve secured a starting job in St. Louis with the demotion of Grichuk. Old news, but at least it’s not contrived news. That’s the saying, right?
Eric Young Jr. – “…and that’s the story of how Eric Young Jr. got playing time,” Eric Young Sr. closes the storybook and tucks in his son. “But, daddy, I don’t have to be as good as Mike Trout, right?” “Just do what you can, kid,” then shouting out of the room, “Erica, your son is talking crazy again.”
Kevin Kiermaier – My schmotato has a first half of his last name and it’s K-I-E-R. My schmotato has a 2nd half of his last name and it’s M-A-I-E-R. I wish I were a Kevin Kiermaier wiener. Whoa, that went to a weird place real fast.
Brandon Maurer – I fully expect the Padres to go right back to Brad Hand as soon as we all settle back on Maurer. Padres: We Have Nothing Of Interest For Our Fans, But We Can At Least Make Fantasy Baseballers (<–Grey’s Mom’s Term!) Talk About Us. Wow, the Padres gave a shoutout to my moms in their team slogan.
Tyler Chatwood – He sounds like someone the Hitter-Tron would like — “Nah, that’s Metalwood,” says Hitter-Tron. — but he’s a Stream-o-Nator call for tomorrow.
Tyler Anderson – Another Stream-o-Nator call. Two Tylers without Coors, makes me want to Tyler one on! C’mon, high five me! No? Okay.
SELL
Miguel Cabrera – NOOOOOO!!! The dreaded sell low. Ouch. That’s much worse than the sell high. At least with the sell high, you got something out of it. Right? Hmm, all I hear is Sheryl Crow singing “Are you strong enough to be my man?” I might need to put my iTunes on shuffle, but, since we’re here, Miggy, are you strong enough to be my man? Lie to me, but please don’t tease. (This is the manliest post I’ve ever written.) Hey, I make up the rules as I go, Miggy, just try and love me if you can. All right, I seriously need to fast forward the iTunes. One second. Suddenly blasting, “My friend the Communist holds meetings in his office!” That is not better! Listen (to no more Crow), Miggy’s numbers might be all right, but there’s some concerning stuff: Ks are the highest since his rookie year and his HR/FB is actually not low considering he only has five homers. Of course, my biggest concern is this feels like one of his injury-plagued lost seasons. In some leagues, you could trade Miggy and just grab Logan Morrison. I know, that sounds like heresy, but I’m here saying it, see? I wouldn’t trade Miggy for a signed 8×10 of Sheryl Crow (okay, maybe I would), but I would explore options.
