Hey girls and boys….Did you miss me? I know I’ve been eeeextra naughty by not posting these past two weeks, but don’t worry, Sky already spanked me for it. It’s that time of year again: Valentines day…And mmmmmmm, is there anything on this earth more aphrodisiaciscal than fantasy baseball? Hard, smooth wood demolishing it’s target, over and over and over and over again. Balls smacking against that tight, sweet smelling, worn in pouch. Jockstraps…..errrr, let’s move on. I adore Valentines day!

I’ve received a bounty of extravagant V-day gifts over the years: a Burberry scarf from Grey, Daffodils from Sky, the Bill James collection from Rudy, Special K from J-FOH, gerbils from Richard Gere, a gasmask from Smokey, a microphone from Capozzi (or was that a butt plug?), a Padres onesie from Jay, some sweet Boston rap tunes from Lipshitz, every Nicolas Cage film ever made on laserdisc from Seth, shoot, even Jennifer gave me something once, but that’s just between her and I.

Each week, I will continue to give you some players at each position, I feel are underrated and some I know in the depths of my massive heart, will let us down more so than Emilio Estevez did with D3: The Mighty Ducks, and that my friends is tragic. I am Tehol Beddict, and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

 

Second Basemen who will Delight

Javier Baez – Would your rather take Pedroia or Kinsler early and Pray to the Elder Gods theat they stay healthy and don’t continue the career downswings they’re on? Or would you prefer a legend in the making? They talk about my boy, Javvvvy, as if he’s washed up like Christian Slater. Someone says that to my face, they may catch Beddict’s steel toed boot to the shin. Yes, Beddict is known to speak in the third person at times. Don’t hate him for it, for it makes him feel more important than he truly is. Are we talking about me? If so, that’s hella sad, yo. I apologize, Ralph Lipshitz sent me a cake in the mail with Bill Belichick giving a golden shower to a Seahawks helmet drawn in frosting, and I believe I’ve been poisoned. I’m assuming it’s poisoned anyway, for I seem to be having hallucinations of the Seahawks throwing the ball to Ricardo Lockette, the last WR on the roster they’d honestly consider throwing the ball to at the 1 yard line, instead of pounding the ball in from 2 feet out with the man they call “Beastmode”, a man with more testicular fortitude than the entire city of Boston. I’ve digested every drug known to man and never had hallucinations this insane. Kudos, Ralph, you got me. I owe you for that one big dog, and a Beddict always pays his debts. Back to what I was saying: Many baseball pundits are already down upon Baez after what was an atrocious season in both the minors and the pros. But guess what, ya’ll???? Homeslice just turned 22 years old. What the ef do I care that this stallion hit a buck seventy in the bigs last season? He hit a combined .282 with 37 dongs and 20 stolen bases between A+ and AA ball as a 20-year-old. Alex Rodriguez hit .232 with 5 bombs and in 49 games in 95, following it up with 36 jacks and 123 RBI. Yes, I’m comparing Baez to A-Rod. Yes, I’m a sucker for latin men. Yes, Domonic Brown is going to win the MVP this year….okay, now I’m getting carried away, but you get the point. Baez is the 13nth ranked 2B on ESPN right now, and swooping J.B anywhere near the bottom of your draft is akin to greasing up Suzanne Somers before she rides you like Seattle Slew and makes you kale smoothie afterward. Kudos if you accomplish either one.

suzanne-somers

Jedd Gyorko – Look at this lineup now, aaaahkay. Looks perkier than a new set a silicone butt cheeks, right? Seriously though, I’m considering moving back to San Diego just to witness this plethora of talent win 100 plus games…..that and the seemingly unlimited supply of insanely hot chicks, perfect weather, and California Burritos. FML, why did I move back to Seattle again? Ughhhhh. Anyway, Jeddidiah here, fell off like bad bag of dope in 2014 and made many of us look silly for drafting him absurdly high (not I, but I feel your pain). Gyorko now sits as ESPN’s #17 ranked two-bagger. Yes please, may I have seconds? With new editions, Matt Kemp, Justin Upton, and Will Myers now hitting in front of him, G-money is bound to explode in ways I haven’t thought possible since I downed three-dozen oysters and partied with the Brazilian “Miss BumBum” contestants.

Brett Lawrie – Hey it always works out for Oakland, right? Deep analytics there. We all remember when Lawrie took the league by storm in what seems like 25 LONG years ago. He can’t be that old, let me do a bit of research. Hold on a sec……Ohhhhh, it was only 3 seasons past when I drafted bruh in the 5th round of my dynasty league. I thought Lawrie to be chosen specifically by the Elder Gods to dominate the game of baseball with the kind of power and speed that could rival even the great Jose Canseco. Now, I’d drink tow liters of Canseco’s ass sweat if it meant I could take back that Lawrie pick, but such is life and even with that being said, I like Law-dawg to bounce back this season and provide late round value, top-15 at his position, surely.

Rickie Weeks – Just kidding.

 

Second Basemen who will Disgrace

Dustin Pedroia – Why would I draft Pedroia in the 6th or 7th round when I can just swoop one of the younger, sexier bros I mentioned earlier, 4-5 rounds later? Hmmmm, let me think…A 5’4″ white dude who’s now past 30, and had the worst season of his career in round 6, or Baez, the second coming of Pay-Rod in round 10-11? That’s like taking down Rosie O’Donnell, just cause you believed her to be a sure thing, instead of putting in the work of  serenading/charming Geena Davis for three hours with Prince Karaoke, before she allows you underneath her chinchilla bedspread. Don’t always take the sure thing, because sometimes the sure thing isn’t such a sure thing. Just ask Rosie’s ex-wife. Is this making any sense? [Jay’s Note: Never.]

Ian Kinsler – A 32-year-old I have marked down for a .260 BA, 15 homers, and 15 steals with a HIGH injury risk is the 53rd overall ranked player at ESPN. Cool story, bro. You’ve got to be realistic about these things. Detroit’s lineup is becoming as ancient and cavernous as Mark McGwire’s backne scars, and I for one, don’t plan on being a part of it. Choose wisely my friends, and make many a sacrifice to the Elder Gods, for they will show you the way as they have for I.

Brian Dozier – Anytime during his monstrous first half of the season,  Dozier could have stored all his urine in glass jars and sold it to the Vatican as holy water to baptize all of Europe’s future royals. Buuuuut, as we all know, after the all-star break,  BD crashed harder than Lark Voorhies after 20 years of not having work finally got her down. That was harsh and I’d feel terrible if she actually read that. Lark, if you’re reading this, I just want to let you know that even though what you’ve done to your face is incomprehensible, I’d definitely, without a single doubt, still hit it. Much love, bae. Much love. Back to Dozier for a second;  I’m nowhere near entirely sold on bruh, so I’ll let others take that gamble. Kudos to him if he hits 25-plus again.

Thank you for joining me for another edition of Disgrace/Delight. As always, it’s the highlight of my week and I look forward to your questions and commentary below. You have hate in your heart? Let it out below. You want me to pleasure your significant other while you spank it? Even better. Just leave your email below. Let’s catch up next week to discuss short stops.

 

Want more Beddict? Follow him on Twitter at @Beddict143.

 
  1. Glenn says:
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    Outstanding….and still on the subject of 2nd base, very curious for your take on Mr.Wong.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Glenn: ahhhhh, yes, Mr. Wong. Very nice young player and should be better than Pedroia, right now. 12 bombs and 20 steals last year at 23 years old. Pedroia going the opposite way. Id rather have Wong later than those old heads early. I suppose Wong could end up as a top 3 2 bagger buuuuuut I’m not there quite yet. thanks for reading, G-Money

    • The Lurve Guru says:
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      @Glenn: He really likes Wong, from what I hear.

      • LT Murray IV

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @The Lurve Guru: Nothing like some good solid Wong

  2. Matt says:
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    Would you take Gyorko ahead of N. Walker or H. Kendrick?

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Matt: I like him more than Walker at this point. I really like Kendrick and should have mentioned him. Kendrick is one of those guys who on ESPN is ranked down with the Gyorko s and the Baez’s of the world. he should be great for the Dodgers and has a better shot of a more consistent season than Gyorko. Jedd just has more upside and if you cant tell, I have an unhealthy obsession with upside. ughhh. thanks for reading

  3. Peter says:
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    One more for the road please

    Keep 2 out of the 3

    Sale rd 6
    Blackmon rd 27
    Baez rd 25

    12 team roto

    please advise.
    I’m very curious after just reading this article

    • Catcher Fever says:
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      @Peter: 6th round Sale doesn’t need to be asked. It should be Blackmon vs Baez.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Peter: Wow, that’s insane. insanely difficult choice. Sale in the 6th round is actually a steal, as are both Blackmon and Baez. I read below that you only get to keep one. you have to keep Sale. hopefully you can redraft one or both of those guys. Im not a pitcher guy but he’s simply too good to leave on the table and would be first overall pick

  4. Peter says:
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    yeah that is what I thought. Pitchers just aren’t worth it.
    I was going with Blackmon but after reading this I would hate to throw away such upside at such a touch to find talent position.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Peter: I think he meant that Sale was such a lock that it’s not even a question. and a comp between the other two when you said to pick 2/3, but I’ve been wrong before

  5. Peter says:
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    also sorry I meant PICK 1 out of the 3
    not two!

  6. Patrick says:
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    To take Wong in the 10th of ESPN’s seems too high, no? he’s ranked around there and it disgusts me because I was hoping to steal him a little later.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Patrick: It wouldn’t shock me to see him go there. Check Grey’s rankings. more and more people across the globe start treating grey’s rankings as bible, which they should so people may sneak up on you. 10nth sounds realistic

  7. Bernard Gilkey says:
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    Ah, I see – a low number of homeruns is considered “bombs” while a high number of homeruns is considered “jacks”. I always thought it was dongs and jacks.

    Thanks for the lesson.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bernard Gilkey: I’m always here to help, BG

  8. Tone DEAF! says:
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    Need 1 last keeper in a 12 team pts league.

    Brantley in the 18th round
    Soler 26th
    Springer 23rd
    Fernandez 21st
    Harvey 23rd

    Keep forever, they get more expensive by 5 rounds each additional yr kept.

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Tone DEAF!: oooooh, aren’t these some nice prospects! Harvey is tempting because he’ll be back sooner than Fernandez. Im a sucker for bats tho and Springer might do it for me. what’s your pitching staff look like

      • Tone DEAF! says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: the problem is we only keep 5… I’m keeping Goldy in the 1st, F-Her in the 2nd, Rizzo 8th, Harper 9th.

        Tough decision.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Tone DEAF!: that’s pretty filthy squad tho, big dog. I guess that gives u one pitcher. I’d consider Harvey. Otherwise u need to obviously hit pitchers quick in the draft

          • Tone DEAF! says:
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            @Tehol Beddict:
            Thanks, ya I know. It’s between springer and Brantley for the last spot… I’m torn, like Natalie Imbruglia.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Julio White: @Tone DEAF!: daaaaamn, it’s like u almost have to take Brantley but I’m tempted to say springer

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Tone DEAF!: I’m really not helping here, am I? LOL

              • Tone DEAF! says:
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                @Tehol Beddict: I think Springer is the only one I can get back.. So I’ll go with Mike-B and look to grab Springer in an early round if he’s there. Thanks for all the input!

                • Tehol Beddict says:
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                  @Tone DEAF!: you got it man. always here as a sounding board

    • kingforaday151 says:
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      @Tone DEAF!: I’d take the ‘could be 40/40 kid’. Throw out Fernandez and Harvey IMO, they haven’t pitched again yet. And springer brings more upside than Soler or Brantley at those spots.

      • LT Murray IV

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @kingforaday151: You’re now ” King for a week” #Kudos

  9. pashalicious says:
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    So, i have the opportunity to keep 2 of baez, chris carter or gregory polanco… feeling lost and confused, looking for guidance. Please show me the light. what would be your rationale behind your decision?

    • LT Murray IV

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @pashalicious: thats like asking me if I’d rather stick Pam Anderson, Yasmin Bleeth, or Anna Nicole Smith, all in their primes of course. I’m a sucker for the young guys tho and Carter’s average is always terrible. probably some regression coming in the hr and rbi totals but even if not I’d go with the other guys. Of course you could keep two and and draft Baez or Polanco with first pick or with Carter. u get my drift. its a tough call but i’d go with the kids

  10. Smokey

    Smokey says:
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    How are you enjoying the gas mask?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Smokey: I don’t even know where I am right now

  11. Jake the snake says:
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    Hey tehol! Im getting back into the swing of things for fantasy baseball!

    Great write up & I enjoyed your posts from last season

    I agree with you on Pedroia im a Red Sox fan & I drafted him last season I can tell he’s in a decline or maybe it was just season but either way I’ll look else where at 2b for this season

    What are your thoughts on anthony rendon? He’s listed as 2b/3b according to ESPN , next what about Marlins new 2b dee gordon would you draft him or wait & add him off waivers?

    Thanks man!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jake the snake: hey buddy! Good to have you back . I love Rendon as 2nd basemen. Probably is, he probably gonna very high since he’s 3rd ranked 2b which could be accurate. I’d probably grab a Kendrick, Baez, or gyorko late. Gordon interesting and I’m bigger fan than most. Could get a few rounds later than Rendon so he’s intriguing

  12. Julio White says:
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    are you going to spring training with tha rest of the razz writers?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Julio White: I wasn’t invited

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Julio White: the same reason you comment on my posts. They despise me

          • Julio White says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: do u blame them?

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Julio White: of course not

              • Julio White says:
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                @Tehol Beddict: wonder how much longer u keep this job. #disgrace

                • Tehol Beddict says:
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                  @Julio White: if you only knew the truth, Julio, if you only knew.

                  • Crapshoot Kershaw says:
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                    @Tehol Beddict: what will Kid Cough Syrup have to do if/when that happens?

                    • Tehol Beddict says:
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                      @Crapshoot Kershaw: thats a great question. probably join ISIS

  13. colonel Angus says:
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    That Rickie Weeks jab made me lol

  14. larrya says:
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    Would you rather have kinsler or kipnis this year?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @larrya: still Kinsler. Definitely. mos def

  15. Todd says:
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    On the subject of 2B: Grey had a post about Cano not being the greatest anymore. I get that, but he’s still pretty good, right? I should keep him in my 12-team points league instead of guys like Ellsbury, Bruce, Harvey, and Teheran, right?

    (My other keepers are Miguel Cabrera, Kershaw, Felix, Puig, and Arenado.)

    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Todd: yes, he’s still the number 1 2B for me and a no doubt keeper. def over those players you mentioned tho I do like Ellsbury. got to go Cano

      • Todd says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Okay, cool. Thanks!

  16. William Bobby says:
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    I like Baez for dynasty and large keeper leagues, but those K’s man… scary shizz.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @William Bobby: isn’t it? Maybe he’s the next Mark Reynolds………..

      • Raj says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        I was thinking Jose Hernandez.

  17. GreatWhiteNorth says:
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    Great, now I can never have a kale smoothie again, or before. But I feel the same way about Susanne Summers as I do about Ben Zobrist, sort of. Either way I need a bucket of cold water. I may have a tough time deciding if Joan Baez and Soberist are both available on the back end. A utility knife you can fall back on, more Mr. Roper than Mr. Furley, Ben Zobrist has been my fantasy wingman for a few year running.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @GreatWhiteNorth: maybe the comment of the year. check that, its only February so definitely the comment of the year. #Kudos.

      I like Zobrist this season…..I don’t know what else to say. I’m still mesmerized by the legendary comment

  18. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    ok my problem is i have him and springer in a keeper league but it counts k,s and baez would cost me 20 to keep,in this format 12 team 300 buck auction what do u think he is worth,i usually loose in k,s anyway,great post,everyone at razzball rocks

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @AL KOHOLIC: shoooot I might keep him at that but I’d need to look at what he’s going for on average. U never know what someone will pay. I paid dearly for him LAST year but u may as well keep. I’m a big believer

  19. Stephen says:
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    What do you expect out of Darvish this year? I really thought he was going to put up better numbers than Kershaw last year. Ugh! Now, I would put Strasburg over Yu. Your thoughts?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Stephen: wow, tough one. Yuuuu is probably my favorite pitcher in baseball but that elbow is beginning to worry me, dog. I thought Strasburg was going to dominate last year and win the Cy Young and I drafted him as such. Obviously I was disappointed tho he obviously still had nice season. ill lean strausy right now but this is his last chance. this just may be who he is. I thought he’d be the best pitcher in baseball by now. now is the time

      • Stephen says:
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        Thanks, Tehol! I appreciate your insight. I learn a lot from your blogs, buddy.

Comments are closed.