Paul Konerko went 5-for-5 yesterday with his 31st homer. Paul Konerko is also winning your league for you. You had your back up against the wall. You took Hanley in the first round, Halladay in the 2nd and then you hit the 20th round and you were like, “Hmm… I totally screwed myself by not taking a 1st baseman. Do I take that guy on the Marlins with a girl’s name or should I take Konerko?” When you took Konerko, you figured you would need to trade for someone. Whoa, what’s this? Konerko’s hitting? “Hey, baby, you’re eating dinner by yourself tonight. Paul Konerko due up sixth this inning, according to Fantasycast. Now please don’t come into my man cave.” When you go to the White Sox Fantasy Camp in seven years, you can tell him how he won your league for you while ruining your marriage. These late round fliers in drafts are always so maddening. If I would’ve just took Konerko instead of Stupid-Face Headley. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mark Buehrle – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. His season ERA is down to 3.87 and 12 wins is pretty good, but that’s now 8 Ks in 28 IP for August. Is there a less aptly-surnamed player in the game? Seems like Mark Crafty or Mark Wiley would be better names.
Alexei Ramirez – 3-for-5 with his 14th homer. Has hit in all but 2 of his last 25 games. Was a bit wonky last year, but this year’s been a solid bounce back, outside of April, of course.
Pedro Feliz – Traded to the Cards for Carpenter. Holy effin– It’s David Carpenter, Grey. Ah, thanks, random italicized voice, how can I ever repay you? Pay it forward. Now Feliz and La Russa can start an afterhours club, The Happy Drunk. Women and squirrels get in for free. I wouldn’t pick up Feliz with your team.
Nyjer Morgan – 2-for-5 with his 30th steal as he returned from the DL. He should be owned in every league or, I should say, I wish I were in a league where he was available. I also wish I had a Ferrari with a graham cracker steering wheel that I could nibble on at red lights, so we obviously can’t get everything we want.
Brian Matusz – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. Has had 3 solid starts in his last four, but the non-solid (loose? runny?) start was a mess. I’d tread carefully.
Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-4 and hitting .500 over the last week. Who knew? I did, and now you should too.
Jerry Blevins – The Beav picked up his first career save. Don’t get excited, Wuertz needed a day off and Bailey is on the way back. Maybe it’s because his first name is Jerry, but I read his name and hear Jerry Lewis’s voice (Hey there nice lady…Blevins!)
Carlos Zambrano – 6 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 1 K. Big Z’s recent string of starts look good on the surface, but he’s walked 12 guys to 9 Ks. Belch.
Vicente Padilla – To the DL with a bulging disk in his neck. He has an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Frankenstein.
Ted Lilly – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks. Let’s see….Lilly was bad in the NL Central this year and amazing for the Dodgers. Randy Wolf was amazing last year for the Dodgers and has been awful in the NL Central. I think we know where Aaron Harang will be pitching next year.
Dustin Pedroia – Missed yesterday’s game with a sore foot because he keeps chewing through his cone.
Travis Wood – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks. Another great start for the Reds rookie. The Reds front office figured out the secret to keeping Dusty from killing all the young arms – develop so many of them that he isn’t able to focus on one. Like Ronnie in a flock of South Beach grenades.
Ramon Hernandez – 2-for-5 with a homer. His playing time has been all over the map, but he’s hitting .333 in the last week and near that for the month.
Bud Norris – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks. I have much love for the 112 Ks in 106 2/3 IP. I wanna like Bud Norris so much, and I can see really liking him going into 2011, but his 1.43 WHIP is a little scary. Would definitely give him a whirl in H2H leagues under the right circumstances.
Brandon Lyon – If there was any doubt, Lyon got the save yesterday. He’s your closer, kids (and non-kids).
J.J. Putz – Out with inflammation in his knee. Putz… Inflammation… Shiver. Saves will go to Jenks, who pitched for the first time in a week yesterday, or Thornton, probably in that order, but there’s no guarantees with Ozzie.
Josh Beckett – 6 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. There’s not enough time left to be waiting for Beckett. I’d lose him in most redraft leagues and just play matchups with that spot.
Will Rhymes – 2-for-4, should see fairly regular time and has lots of speed. Not worth a look outside of AL-Only leagues, but there ya go, ho. Whoa! Rhymes.
Jonathan Sanchez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. Sonavabench!
Pablo Sandoval – 1-for-4 with his third homer in the last week. Now has 9 homers on the year, or 4 1/2 homers per moob. Not a great Moob to Home Run ratio (M:HR).
Austin Kearns – 2-for-4 with 2 RBIs. I’d say he’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but that’s a lie. He won’t be. He’s here. Now. Batting over .400 in the last week and is in a great place for RBIs. I could see him being benched if A-Rod needs time at DH, but if you have room to juggle some bench bats, I’d grab Kearns.
Phil Hughes – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks and his 15th win. If I had a tenderoni that had anywhere near that many wins, I think I’d love him for the rest of my life.
Lance Berkman – If you don’t have DL room, you don’t hold Berkman. The days of shooting up are gone and 34-years-old is old. <– sounds like Belle & Sebastian lyrics.